A/N: Hey guys and gals! I'm back, super busy with midterm week but here it is! Enjoy! :)
It was getting late and Elsa was getting tired. That being said, she was starting to feel prepared for her first couple of upcoming finals as she studied away with Anna by her side. She wasn't one-hundred percent focused, but her understanding of the material was waxing as her mind bobbed between Anna and school.
Silly, I'm not going anywhere still echoed in Elsa's head, a relatively fresh memory from just a few hours prior. It left tingling everywhere it touched within the girl's body, putting her heart on the spot and filling her stomach with the delightful sensation of thousands of butterflies frolicking about.
Despite everything, all the stress, turmoil, and self-loathing Elsa had gone through, that one comment made her feel, at that moment, like her life was perfect. She felt like she had what she wanted, she had Anna, the shining star of her day, the pep to her step, the buzz to her bee. And she knew, she knew that Anna wasn't leaving, ever.
A loving smile stretched the width of Elsa's face as her heart simmered happily in syrupy love. She looked at her stunningly gorgeous sister- who was currently chewing the eraser end of a pencil in impressive focus. Her brows were brought together, eyes unwavering on her notes, and the deformed and probably slobbery pencil clacking slightly as it was gnawed on. That was the only noise that sifted through Elsa's silent contemplation.
Elated, she felt like she had to whisper "I love you," because the emotion was getting so powerful and demanding within her heart that she needed to let some of it out.
Elsa watched as Anna's ear perked up and the corners of her mouth turned upwards. The now grinning redhead looked at her elder, even halting her snacking on her pencil to reply "I love you too, Blondie."
The statement and nickname farther made Elsa giddy inside and out, because she knew those words and that name were hers and hers alone. Her perquisite, her connection with Anna. She smiled and mumbled "you know, I was thinking about you while using the goggles today."
There was a flicker of light from behind the younger sibling's eyes. "Oh yeah," she said with mock skepticism, "what about me?"
Elsa felt put on the spot, not by Anna, but by her own actions. She wasn't prepared for that question, and she needed an answer. But she didn't want to lie. But I can't really tell her the truth, can I? "That you," Elsa started, pausing to give herself ample time to think about her next phrase. She blushed deeply and failed to make eye contact as she admitted "that I was earning our ball as I walked." God her ears felt like red hot peppers.
"So you're looking forward to our dance?" Elsa turned even more red at the playful question.
She decided to tell the truth again, but flip the focus off of herself. It was like rocks piling on top of her, she had to move them, to turn the tables. "Yes, aren't you?"
Scarlet siphoned into freckled cheeks. "Of course I am."
Elsa's heart leaped out of her chest. She had to resist a powerful, peremptory urge to lean in and plant a maladroit kiss on her sisters perfect, smooth, and soft lips. Maybe she could settle for kissing Anna on the cheek.
With that notion, no other thought even had time to wiggle into her mind, Elsa just leaned in and puckered her lips, subconsciously licking them quickly. She only realized what she was doing when she felt the slightly cool sensation of skin in her lips, which were flaring in excitement. She definitely landed her mark: a freckled cheek, and it felt like kissing a battery, the shocking tingle flying through her lips down to her very heart. The impulse made her heart spasm.
It was new, it was electrifying, and Elsa would have been proud of herself if she had any room to feel much else. Anna was always the one to initiate kisses, never Elsa.
She let the smack of her lips tense a silence between them as she pulled away after a couple seconds. She held her breath in the delicate air, waiting for a response. That was a sisterly kiss on the cheek right? Did I linger too long? Oh no, I gave myself away, I- I should have controlled myself better!
"Hey," Anna said, her voice stern enough to grab the attention of a gaggle of delinquents. Elsa's heart dropped, she started to panic. That is, until Anna continued talking. "That's my job!"
Elsa had to regain her balance hastily to recover from her mental stumble. She blankly processed her sister's tone and the playful look on her face, trimmed with her scarlet cheeks. "W-well that hardly seems fair," she managed to choke out of her previously clogged throat.
When Anna raised an eyebrow, the elder continued her mock complaint. "You get to kiss me but I don't get to kiss you." Her heart skipped several beats as she said that, it sounded like so much more than it was to her. Elsa felt a familiar and entirely pleasant burning under her ribcage.
"Life's unfair," Anna quipped, quickly leaning in to give her older sister a peck on the cheek, resting her hand on Elsa's thigh as she did so. The simple action fired through Elsa's body like a gunshot, exciting her senses and arousing her nether regions. "Get used to it."
Despite all of the desires, sensations, and feelings tangling themselves throughout her body, Elsa genuinely giggled at her sister's remark. She was opening her mouth to make what was hopefully a witty remark when the distinct creak of the front door swinging open cut her off. It struck cold fear into Elsa's heart, contrasting the warmth it had been enjoying thus far that evening.
She looked, because she couldn't just not do that. It was involuntary, the way she craned her neck to peer at her father, who was now closing the door and turning towards his daughters. In the split second that followed, which felt like much longer, Elsa watched as the air around her became stark and unmalleable. She looked at her sister.
Anna's teal eyes were narrowed slightly, burrowing a hole into their father like an angry, caged animal. She looked dangerous, which is one thing that Elsa never thought her sweet, loving little sister could do. The silent threat Anna was clearly sending her father oozed off of her like a poison, polluting the distilled air.
She suddenly turned and grabbed Elsa's hand, before anyone had a chance to talk. Her face seamlessly transitioned from its former animosity to a mix of concern, love, and worry. At least, Elsa was pretty sure that's what she saw, it happened so fast. "Come on, Elsa, let's go to bed."
Elsa didn't fight it, she allowed herself to be guided by the hand to the safety of upstairs before their father could say a word. She didn't, after all, really want to deal with him right then, because she wasn't prepared. Plus, it was getting late, and snuggling up next to her Anna sounded like just what she needed at that moment.
On their way out, Elsa noticed that her sister shot their dad one last look, as if silently commanding him to keep his mouth shut. The really surprising part, to Elsa, was that he listened.
Anna was late. She was usually home from class nearly an hour earlier than this, and Elsa, despite herself, was getting antsy. She had gotten no text or call from Anna. Her imagination, which so often provided her with lovely imagery, was working itself over in the worst way. She tried, she tried not to imagine Anna meeting with Hans to talk, even though Anna hadn't brought such a thing up.
She could just be stuck in traffic, or talking to a professor or something. What if she's talking to Rapunzel? Elsa's eyes widened and heart pounded. That seemed the most likely, and it actually made her physically uncomfortable. On the other side of her mind was the little voice telling her that it'd be great if Anna was talking to Rapunzel, because that'd be one more loose end all wrapped up, one more thing that Elsa didn't have to wonder about. One more mystery solved.
Elsa closed her eyes and massaged her temples, reigning in her emotions and calming herself before anything got overwhelming. Eventually, it worked. Her breaths became less rushed and more regular, her heart ebbed, and her eyelids were no longer clamping shut like clams. It's okay, she reminded herself.
She was just managing to get to her studies when the door finally opened. "Anna," she exclaimed, standing sharply from the couch without actually checking who was at the door.
"Elsa," came the younger sister's reply. Elsa grinned, but before she could say anything, Anna continued speaking. "We need to talk!"
That feeling of dread that Elsa got when she just realized that she had done something wrong, or something was about to go horribly awry swept over her like a storm. "I- what- we do?"
Anna nodded and walked over to the couch. It took a moment for Elsa to follow, as her legs weren't working and her knees felt like they'd drop her at a moment's notice. "After class I went to the park to think."
Elsa didn't want this conversation to happen, whatever it was going to be about. It scared her. Her first reflex was to try to back out of it, but she reprimanded herself. Stop. It's Anna, let her say what she has to. Unable to talk, the elder just remained silent, sat down, and nodded to her doom.
"I've been thinking a lot about something I did- something that I shouldn't have done."
Although there wasn't actually a pause in her sister's sentence, Elsa's mind worked fast and the miniscule stretch of time between words was enough for her to imagine several worst-case scenarios.
"And I feel really bad." When teal eyes remorsefully peered at Elsa, it shifted her frame of reference a little bit. She became more concerned with why Anna was feeling the way she was and less concerned with the possible depressing realities.
"It's okay, A-Anna," she began softly, gently resting her arm around her sister's shoulders.
"You don't even know what I'm talking about!" The younger girl barked rather sharply. Elsa was taken aback, physically withdrawing from her sister and sporting hurt feelings. Anna hasn't lashed out at me since Hans.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," rushed Anna, snatching Elsa's hands and pulling her back like she was something valuable being dragged out to sea in the undertow. "I didn't mean to snap at you, I just- I'm sorry."
At this point, feeling flat out confused, Elsa urgently asked "Anna, w-what's wrong?"
Again, she was met with the direct gaze of tumultuous eyes. "Remember the anniversary of- er, on the twenty-fifth, when you wanted t-to v-visit m-mom?"
Elsa swallowed a lump in her throat, it ached. Her eyes were boiling alive, beginning to water and simmer. She could see the same response happening in Anna as she broached the subject of their mother. She responded by solemnly nodding and slumping into her sister.
Anna caught Elsa by wrapping her arms around her., and pressing her teary eyes into Elsa's shoulder momentarily. "What I did that day," she started in just a whisper., "wh-when y-you just wanted to try to see her, when y-you needed help, needed m-me, I- I..."
Elsa almost gagged at how harrowing the memory was.
"I just opened the door and yelled at you!"
That moment was crystal clear in the elder's memory. It still felt like a knife freshly sliding into her heart from behind, but she had forgiven Anna. It wasn't her sister that day, it was the girl that Hans was moulding to give up on Elsa. "Anna, I-"
"I exposed you to your worst fears and abandoned you when you really needed me!" Anna's voice was raised and shrill with the sting of evident regret breaking it apart. She paused, during which time Elsa desperately tried to find what words to say, but came up short. Quieter now but in no less pain, Anna said "I know you've already forgiven me for that, but I- I don't deserve it, b-but I'm so sorry, Elsa, I d-didn't mean anything I did that d-day."
Elsa's heart shattered, the raw, sensitive pieces clambering in her chest for life, but inciting grievous pain upon the rest of her body. "I- I know you didn't," she breathed, "I've already forgiven y-you."
This seemed to strike a chord with Anna, but she gushed some more, confiding in her elder. "I w-was just so- so confused about everything! I thought that y-you- that Hans was the good guy! I w-was wound up and- and I shouldn't have done that to you."
Elsa pursed her lips. She really had forgiven her sister already. "It's okay, Anna, I- I know it was a mistake, that- that Hans was manipulating you." She looked the younger girl purposefully in the eyes. "And that's why I forgive you."
Anna shuddered. "I've just been thinking a lot about it and- and I think I really just needed to hear that you say that."
Despite everything swirling around her, all the things that tried to make such an act impossible, Elsa smiled candidly at her sister. "I don't blame you for opening the door in front of me or being short with me."
This appeared to remove an invisible weight from Anna's shoulders as her body relaxed more. "Thank you."
Elsa hugged her tightly. "Of course, silly. You're my beautiful Freckles."
Anna purred and the elder wondered, as they sat, if that was why her sister had been having bouts of dejectedness. If it was, then that all was out of the way, then they could both focus their attention on their dance night. Elsa felt a swell of anticipation in her heart. That had to be why Anna had been upset over the passed few days, right? Nothing else made sense. Elsa was almost giddy. Now there was nothing to ruin their ball, no bogies to destroy their night together. Our practically date night.
That night, with Anna in her arms, Elsa fell asleep a little bit easier, because she was no longer worried about her sister's mood. She placidly relaxed. She could feel Anna's definitely bra-less breasts pressed into her side through their nightgowns, doing a little more than tickling her womanhood as she slowly encroached upon sleep.
Empty. Elsa groggily turned over and rubbed her eyes. Her bed was empty. It felt weird, confusing. Anna was there last she remembered. She rapidly blinked to allow her eyes to adjust slowly to her surroundings, the comparatively cold draft whistling around her where Anna's body normally lay. For a tired, blurry second she wondered if she slept in and Anna was in class. That theory fell apart when she realized how dark it still was in her room.
She reached over to check what time it was, but heard a shrill voice from far off in the house. "Well why didn't you pay for a REAL psychiatrist!?"
Elsa froze in her spot, like the world would vanish if she stayed still long enough. Even in her groggy, still half asleep state she was able to surmise who was talking to who. And that woke her up quite readily. The tidings of a panic attack quaked through her bones, etching on her grasp of sanity.
"A real psychologist?" The reply was heated, both of them were clearly already worked up and fed up. Elsa winced at the sound of her father's voice. With her mind still booting, she hadn't quite put two and two together to figure out exactly what they were talking about. She did, however, feel like she needed to go support Anna, but she was scared.
"Yeah, a real one," came the frustrated retort. Elsa gulped. Even if Anna didn't need her, she should still be there for her, right? Yes, I have to go down, I want to go down. And in spite of her reservations, her pounding heart and nervous breaths, she started walking towards the door, feeling a little cold and exposed in her nightgown.
"There are no real ones!"
There wasn't even a pause before Anna volleyed. "What do you mean by that!?"
Elsa found herself walking slowly for two reasons: first, so she wouldn't make noise and would be able to hear the argument better; second, to stall her intrusion on it.
Their father sounded almost offended by the question, like it was hard for him to dignify it with an answer. "I mean they're all fakes, quacks, thieves, they don't work!"
Anna didn't yell in response this time, her voice was quieter but still as scalding as steam rushing out of an engine. "How do you know that?"
"I just do!" Elsa was at the top of the stairs now, she had to pause to catch her breath. The hallway was swaying back and forth, spinning and trying to trip her. The light at the bottom of the stairs flooded in like water. She clutched her beating heart. Anna.
"How!?" The volume had increased, Elsa began her descent, swallowing the dry taste in her mouth.
"It doesn't matter!"
"Yes it DOES! How do you KNOW!?" Elsa flinched at the drastic increase in decibels.
"I just DO!"
Anna shouted, but in an odd, suppressed way, like she was reigning in the wild stallion of her anger, trying not to let it rear too loudly. "HOW!?"
"BECAUSE I SAW ONE AFTER MY WIFE'S DEATH!" This stopped Elsa dead in her tracks, her legs binding like marble statues to the ground. The air of eerie silence that befell the house after was telling. She felt the emotional punch that their dad's sentence implied, so she knew Anna was suffering through it, too. It implicated that Elsa and Anna weren't his daughters, at least not in his mind. It was telling, displaying how he viewed their family dynamic, that it was his wife that died and these two girls were now his burden to live with. A swab of cotton stuck to Elsa's throat, making her gag as tears burned into the bottoms of her eyes.
Anna was affected, too. So Elsa made herself move, she was about to turn the corner, about to step out when her sister's voice moped quietly through the silent, dark house like the whimper of a beaten animal. "Just because a psychiatrist couldn't help you doesn't mean they wouldn't have been able to help Elsa."
Once more the platinum blonde's progress came to an abrupt halt. She'd missed it. In her tired, scared, stressed state, she had completely missed that they were talking about her. Elsa wasted a few precious seconds mulling over the situation, and came to the conclusion that the important part was that Anna was standing up for her again.
So Elsa stepped out as her father rebutted. "Are you kidding? Have you seen her? She's weak, she's beyond help!" He only noticed her as he finished his attack. A flash of surprise followed by grief echoed through his eyes and Elsa felt like she was a child caught peeking by Santa Claus, aside from the stab in the heart she felt. In that flash of time, she was able to put everything together.
Dad saw a shrink after mom died. But that didn't work, did it? He'd been always gone, always at the office since then, to keep himself busy and not thinking, Elsa presumed. But that's the problem, wasn't it? No matter what you do, you'll have time to think. Her father only ever thought of the accident when he saw his own daughters. And he didn't even want to waste the money on a professional to help his own eldest daughter, because he couldn't get past a tragedy.
And Elsa had tried so hard, in her own way, to make their relationship okay again. She had tried to be nice, tried to talk to him, but it was all for not. She came to a devastating realization as she looked into his cold eyes that night. He hated her. Because she never moved on, just like him. She was a failure to her father as much as he was a failure to himself.
Elsa let out a quick, dry, squeak of agony as her heart broke into pieces. It left her so empty inside. She didn't even feel the tears covering her cheeks, or hear her sniffles and sobs. How could someone she trusted so much, someone who she loved just... give up like that!? How could he hate his own daughter?
But not the other. No, he had tried to repair his relationship with Anna in the recent months, Elsa had seen the subtle signs. Because Anna had moved on. Anna wasn't crippled by the mention of their mother, she was strong, and her father needed that.
Elsa didn't even realize that she was on her knees, not until warm hands grabbed her and stood her back up, and a supportive body held her tight. The dampness from her younger sister's crying eyes felt cold on Elsa's shoulder. In a low whisper that was a downright painful sounding mixture of sorrow, anger, and determination, Anna said "she's stronger than you know, stronger than you."
"You watch it, young lady."
"What are you gonna do? Throw us out? Throw out your daughters?"
"No, I'll throw her out." Elsa couldn't see, but she could feel that her dad was gesturing towards her.
Anna called his bluff. "No you won't," she threatened, "because if she goes, I go."
This struck a contemplative silence in the man. Elsa dared a peak at him and in just that short time could tell how furious he was at the comment, yet unwilling to take the risk of challenging Anna farther. He grumbled to himself, allowing the fumes of anger to dispel slightly before finally deciding on what his counter would be. "Fine," he remarked, and it was fascinating to Elsa how, inadvertently or not, Anna had their father right underneath her nail.
"Now," Anna said, but in a tone so soft and tender that it startled her elder. "Let's go, Elsa."
Taking just a moment to sniffle and take one last look at her father, the older sibling nodded through the shattered remains of her heart and let herself be guided away. She would have walked of her own volition, but her legs were still stiff as stone and as weak as wet noodles. But Anna had her. Anna was there.
As they entered Elsa's room once more, Anna said something. "I'm sorry, I just- when I think about what he's done I just get so angry, I- I had to know." The burden of regret was heavily evident upon her tone.
Elsa sniffled and sat down with her sister's arms still around her like a protective mother bird's wings. "N-no, it's okay," she said, still a little in shock from her discovery that evening, "I'm g-glad you did." She looked at Anna.
Furrowed brows peered back. "Wait really? But why?"
The younger sibling was almost certainly confused because she had just seen Elsa's feelings devastated by a sick travesty as a direct result of her actions. In Anna's mind, it was her fault that her sister felt this way. "B-because now I know w-why h-he hates me and that he'll n-never be a real f-father to me again." Her voice was broken and riddled with tears. It felt like she'd just lost her dad, the man that used to give her so much when she was so little. In a sense, she had.
Her only true family left was Anna, who was silently contemplating what she had just heard. She didn't contest because she saw it all, too. She bit her lip while watery sympathy swirled with empathy glistened in her eyes like glass. "I'll always be right here for you, no matter what, Elsa." She whispered with conviction, squeezing her elder tight.
That's what Elsa needed. That was the painkiller to her open wound, the water that washed the salt from her torn flesh. She shuddered and slumped on to her one pillar of support. "And I'll be here for you." She didn't even need to say anything else, for everything unspoken between them was told in their intimate and warm interaction.
Anna understood the silence and returned the silent bid of love by letting her head rest loosely on top of Elsa's. They eventually climbed into bed with the help of one another. They remained tightly in each other's embrace, as if their physical connection would cauterize the mental lashes they sustained that night.
It didn't feel like Friday morning to Elsa. She was up extra early. The sun was still slumbering, the air was still crisp and cool, and the room was darkened with the thick presence that comes just a little while before dawn.
She lay still and just thought, focusing on Anna's presence, on how their bodies were tangled together like a knot of string. It was hard to sleep last night, though, what with everything that happened between the sisters and their dad.
That's what Elsa was thinking about. It left her emotionally stunted, it seemed. She felt like her insides had been drained of all feeling like a sink drained of water: siphoned and dry, unwillingly barren. She was left somewhat forlorn but mostly bereft. It was a strange, surreal feeling, kind of like she was in a dream, like nothing was real.
But it was real- it is real, she reminded herself as she analyzed the surrealist painting she was laying in. After a shady night's sleep, she was able to mull over her thoughts a little bit more coherently. Nothing had really changed, at least nothing immediately pertinent, except one thing. She now knew it was a waste to pursue a remedy for her relationship with her father. It was terminally ill.
Elsa presumed that she should be crying, but she just felt... empty. Nothing was right in her, everything was off-kilter and out of tune. The hollow inside of her was leaving her mind on a strange but comforting autopilot, so she organized her day.
Soon Anna will get up and have breakfast with me, then go to class. That was normal, so it didn't make a dent in Elsa's emotions. Then I'll be alone to study all day. Again, not out of the ordinary. And tonight we'll- She thought for a moment, trying to remember if they had plans. Her eyes widened as she recalled all her excitement for their dance night. She hadn't forgotten, but it had take a little for her mind to start up after the bombshell her father dropped on her the previous night. Tonight we'll be getting ready for our ball tomorrow.
Most likely separately. After all, Elsa didn't want to spoil the surprise of what she'd wear for Anna. She was sure Anna would feel the same. Wait, she realized with a minor spike of panic, what am I gonna wear!?
And thus her day began. Paying attention to the imminent ball allowed her to push her harrowing pain from the previous night away for a later time. It gave her something to focus on, and as long as she was focused on Anna, Elsa couldn't fall too far.
After all, Anna was the most important thing in her life.
A/N: Leave your thoughts below, I love to read them! Thank you for reading!