"I can't. I just can't continue. We've been at this for four hours Damon. I'm tired and I'm done. It's too much and I still don't know what I want to do."
In front of me was a table completely covered in anything pregnancy related. I was sat on the couch in the living room, facing my laptop with tabs open on all the abortion and adoption facilities within a 50 mile radius of Mystic Falls. The table was littered with leaflets and paper with phone numbers and emails to different doctors and consultants from all around Atlanta. We had been discussing all aspects of all 3 of my options, weighing the pros and cons of each.
"Okay. Let's take a break. Do you want me to order takeout?"
Damon began piling the papers into 4 columns; abortion, adoption, keeping the baby and symptoms of pregnancy.
I fell back and covered my face with my hands, letting out an annoyed groan. My hands dropped to my sides and I sat up to push the table out.
"No, I think I'm just gonna go upstairs and run myself a bath."
As soon as I stood up, Damon lunged in front of me and held up his hands to stop me from moving anywhere. I stared at him with a confused look.
"Damon, what are you doing?"
"You have not eaten anything since-"
He looked at the clock on the wall then down at his watch.
"Nine forty five this morning"
I didn't move and continued to stare at him with the same look.
"Yeah so? That was only four hours ago. Im good for at least another two hours baby. Plenty of time for me to have a bath and order something later on."
He let out a long, deep sigh before running a hand through his hair.
"Yep, you know what, I'm just paranoid. Go have a bath and I will order you dinner in an hour and a half."
"Damon. I will eat when I'm hungry and I will drink when I'm thirsty. I don't need you running around after me. I'm perfectly capable of doing things myself."
He smiled at me, shook his head and chuckled.
"You're right. But tell me if you need anything, okay? Anything."
I reached over to close my laptop and began walking up the stairs before shouting back over my shoulder.
"A Lamborghini would be great!"
I watched him laugh at my response before clearing away the stack of papers as I continued up the stairs. After I made sure he was out of eyesight, quickly I ran to his bedroom before closing the door, running the bath to prevent him from eavesdropping and sitting down on the closed toilet seat. I opened my laptop again and clicked on my emails.
I hesitated before typing in the search bar.
"God, I cant believe I'm doing this."
I mumbled to myself before the results for 'Clara Benson' came up on the screen. I briefly read her reply out loud.
"Dear Elena - thanks for getting in touch - I send my deepest condolences for what you have been through - I have no doubt Damon is trying his absolute best to support you - I will always be willing to help - when would you like to arrange our next meet up."
I nodded along to Clara's reply with much appreciation. I eagerly clicked on the reply button and hovered my fingers above the keypad, unsure of what to say. I finally settled on a message and read it aloud once I finished typing it.
"Dear Clara, thank you for replying so quickly to my email. I have a lot of worries and concerns regarding the recent events that have dramatically changed my life and I would love to meet up for a chat to voice my concerns.
As for Damon, I have kept these emails from him for a number of reasons, none of which I deem them to be anything more than excuses but it's for his own benefit. I want to be able to do things without him worrying about me all the time. I won't lie, it's nice to have someone looking out for me but I have to draw a line and I'm drawing it here.
Because of how tight Damon's protection is at the moment, I think it will be best to continue our conversations over email, but if you can suggest a way for me to meet you in person without Damon finding out then I will be more than happy to try it. Don't worry, I won't be keeping these emails secret for long, just long enough for me to clear my head a little bit.
Thanks again, Elena Gilbert."
Just as I snap my head up to check on my bath, I see a dark figure leaning against the doorway to the bathroom, arms crossed casually. I quickly stand up, my laptop falling to the ground at I cover my mouth with my hands, trying to stifle the petrified gasp that unintentionally escapes my mouth. In the blink of an eye, Damon rushes over to catch my laptop and the shadowy figure disappears. The realisation hits me that it was Damon and I fall back down on the seat, trying to catch my breath.
"Your email skills are improving, so I hear."
I rub my temples and pray that a black hole opens up in the middle of the bathroom floor and saves me from the humiliation that Damon read the email.
"Damon please, please, please don't be mad. It was only the one email."
He places the laptop on the counter next to the sink and crouches down in front of me.
"Clara has forwarded every email you have sent her to me. I've read all of them since the very first you decided to send."
"Oh my god you knew? Why didn't you tell me? Ugh, Damon I'm so so sorry."
"It's fine, I'm not mad. But before you start apologising for not telling me, there's something that I have been keeping from you. I will warn, it will freak you the fuck out and you will panic. A lot. Oh, and as for my protection, I'm very aware about how tight it is at the moment and I have a very good reason for that."
I gave him a skeptical look and nodded slowly.
"Now, I don't know how or when exactly, but Tyler Lockwood has found out that you are pregnant with his baby. He has been sending you threatening letter through the mail, but I've hidden them for your protection. You can tell me that I had no right hiding them from you but I also can't give them to you because I burned them. I did read them however and I know what he said. I can tell you that though, if you want."
I felt my jaw drop to the floor when he mentioned his name.
"He knew? How the fuck did he find out? How did he know I was here? When did he even come close enough to the house to find out?"
Damon tried to answer as many questions as he could.
"I don't know how or when he found out, but I have a theory that maybe he was actually here the night when you woke up panicking. You thought that someone was on you and touching you. Right before I ran in, I swore that I saw someone jump out the window but I was too focused on calming you and by the time you stopped crying, I had forgot about it. I guess that's when he found out. The letters started right around then, too. Elena I'm so so sorry."
I felt the hot tears crawl down my cheeks and my mouth stayed open.
"But... why... why did it take you... another, week to hear anything?"
He took my hands in his own but I quickly pulled them away and stood up to leave.
"Because-"
He began to speak and I stopped to listen.
"Because, with him being a supernatural father, he has a much stronger relationship with the baby than any human father. He most likely sensed another being with whom he shared genetics with. Although I share no genetics with the baby, my heightened senses enabled me to confirm your pregnancy before any side effects made it obvious."
I suddenly remembered the letters.
"What did they say? The letters, what did he write?"
I turned around to face him. I could tell he was physically and mentally drained.
"What do you think? He was trying to corrupt you into making a decision about how to handle the situation."
I wiped tears from my eyes.
"What decision does he want me to make?"
He looked straight into my eyes for a full 15 seconds before answering.
"He wants you to abort the baby. And if you haven't by January 10th then he is threatening to terminate the pregnancy himself."
I could see the pain in his eyes just from saying those words. Panic and fear rose inside of me.
"Wait. January 10th? That's like 3 weeks away Damon. Fuck, that's why it took you so long so determine how long I had. You were lining up Tyler's deadline to mine, weren't you?"
Damon was reluctant to answer so he stood and stared at me, begging me with his eyes not to make him continue. I knew the answer,
"I was so set on putting this baby up for adoption, so a devoted family could give him all the love he deserves."
Suddenly, my eyes went wide at a harrowing thought that entered my mind.
"Holy fuck Damon. Oh god, no no no no no no."
I grabbed my hair and continued swearing under my breath.
"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my fucking god."
A concerned look plastered his face and he rushed over to find out what was bothering me.
"Elena, talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking."
He held my upper arms and my hands fell out of my hair to hang limply.
"He's a wolf. I'm a human. This baby is going to be half wolf half human. I cannot put this baby up for adoption, it will tear apart his family. Literally."
His response left me speechless.
"Then we will raise him as our own."
My head jolted up and I stared at him dumbfounded.
"Elena think about it it, it's impossible for us conceive. This might be our only chance to have a family of our own."
I found it hard to believe that he actually thought this. I couldn't form a coherent sentence and my mind went completely blank. I thought about everything, from the possibility of us raising the baby to aborting it and ending any and all chances of our own family. I eventually settled on a response in between.
"But it wouldn't even be our family. It would be me raising my baby with the help of my boyfriend. Pretending that we are one happy family would just be too hard for me."
The sadness that overcame his heart filled me with regret.
"Baby, you know that I would love nothing more than to have a baby and start a family with you. But wouldn't it bother you that the baby isn't yours and I had no choice in the matter when it came to conceiving him? Would you honestly be able to love him like you would if he was your own baby?"
He took an exasperated sigh and pushed his hands through his hair before placing them on his hips.
"No. Knowing what happened to you, seeing it play out in my mind every time I looked at it, I could never give it the love it deserved."
I walked up to him, wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him long and hard. Resting my head in the crook of his neck, I spoke.
"Then it's settled. I will get an abortion and terminate the pregnancy. Making any possibility of us having a family void. I'm not even giving him a chance."
He rested his chin on my head and hugged my neck.
"Tyler never gave you a chance."
He kissed my head and squeezed me tighter.
"You are doing this for you, not anybody else. Especially not him. This baby would have a long life of neglect and spend its whole life wondering why his birth parents didn't want him. You're saving this baby a life of pain and sadness."
"Then why do I feel so bad?"
I lifted my head to look up at him, desperate for an answer.
"Because, you are Elena Gilbert. You put everyone before yourself."
We stayed intertwined in each other's hold before he pulled away.
"I am going to go downstairs and call some places nearby that do abortion services. I want you to enjoy your bath."
"Yes. You should do that. Definitely."
"Is that okay?"
"Of course. And while you're doing that, I will call up the pizza takeout place."
"Sounds like a plan."