A/N: If you haven't heard the song 'Biting Down" from Lorde, I suggest you go listen to it.

Cherry beta'd for me! :*

SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine.

Chapter 5: Biting Down

EPOV

After all that talk about Bella's most intimate pains, we take a break from the heaviness that surrounds us. We don't talk about it anymore, but instead, focus on what we want to do once this is all over.

"We need a goal or something to look forward to once this ends. What do you want to do when this is over?" I ask, because I'm getting a bit depressed. We can't forget our reality, but we can leave it for a few minutes at least.

"Oh, um, well … I hadn't really thought that far ahead. I'm just taking it one step at a time and crossing that bridge when I get to it."

"Yeah, I suppose that's reasonable." I take a second to think. "Is there anything you want to do, ever?"

Bella scrunches her face in thought, finally saying, "I'd like to own a book store, or maybe become a painter or something. I don't really know. I haven't actually thought about my wants for so long, and the only thing I knew I wanted was to leave Sam. Once I did, I would figure it out later. Once he was no longer in my life, pinning me down, it wouldn't matter. I could at least be happy." She smiles a little at the end.

"Well, you'll get there. And if you let me, I'll help," I say, needing to reassure her that she's not alone in this. She smiles and thanks me, saying she'd very much like that.

"And what about you? What do you want to do?" she asks, pulling her knees up and clasping her hands around them, turning the attention off of her.

"Well, I went to college for architecture, but I don't have a job yet. Who knows? Maybe something lower ke would be better." I chuckle a little at how I'm second-guessing my chosen career.

"Well, whatever you decide, I'll help too, if I can."

We find other shows or movies to watch for the rest of the night, but we conk out at about ten. It goes pretty much the same as before: Bella has nightmares and I hold her until she goes to sleep again. We're awake by seven the next morning. Deciding that it's best to stay here until we have to leave, I go down to the lobby and fix us up to stay for the rest of the week. Thankfully, they're not booking up fast, so it's not a problem.

I return to the room after making a stop to look at what they have for breakfast, and hear the shower running. I know I probably shouldn't go in, so I wait for Bella to finish. When the water turns off, I knock softly and ask about breakfast. She wants a golden toasted bagel with plain cream cheese and regular coffee with creamer.

As I make my way down, I notice the hotel has a little gift shop. I take a look around and find a book titled Timeless Voices. I flip through and it's a book of poems. I don't know if Bella likes poetry, and some might call me buying this a romantic gesture, but that's not my reason. I figure she'd like to read something, not just stare at a TV screen. Plus, she did say something about wanting to own a bookstore, so she must love books. I get back to the room with our food and her new reading material, hoping she'll like it.

"Breakfast is served!" I say, setting all the food and drinks down on the desk.

"Looks good. What's that under your arm?" she asks, pointing to the book. Shit, I hope holding it there hasn't made it smell, since I haven't yet showered.

"Oh, um …" I take it and show her. "I saw it in the gift shop and thought maybe you'd like something to read," I say nervously. I wasn't this nervous when I bought it, but now, standing in front of her, I am.

"You … bought me a book?" I can't tell if she's shocked or sad.

I clear my throat a little. "Yeah. Do you not like it? I mean, I think we can exchange it or something—"

"No!" She looks up from it with wide eyes, cutting me off. "No, I … I like it. I just didn't get many gifts before, so it's a bit surprising when there's no reason, is all." At the sight of my questioning look, she goes on. "I was never really the material girl and I didn't want typical 'girl stuff'. Books or gift cards to Amazon were what I really wanted. I had no use for other stuff. Flowers look nice, but they eventually wither and die. Anyway, Sam stopped the gifts after the wedding, except for our one-year anniversary. That was flowers and dinner out. After that night, though, there was nothing." She shrugs like it's no big deal.

I shake my head, angry again at that asshole and his stupid anger issues, and sad for Bella having to receive his wrath and not being appreciated the way she should be.

"Well, get used to it. As long as you know me, you'll get gifts." I promise, and I think she blushes a little. She says thank you for the book and food, grabs her bagel and drink, and goes to sit back on her bed. Once everything is the way she wants it, she digs in and I do the same after I turn the TV on to MTV. It's some music video countdown thing and Lorde is on, talking about a song I've never heard of.

"I never really talk about it, but what I meant by 'biting down' was small moments of intensity that help you understand something greater, whether that be intense pain or shock or even being super cold or something. Sometimes those things, whether or not they're pleasant, can really tell you something about yourself or what you're feeling." She continues to explain a little more, but my focus is on Bella. She's really watching the TV and slowly chewing. Something Lorde said really caught her attention. Then, the song starts to play.

"Skip a hit, don't make a sound.

It feels better biting down.

Breathed so deep I thought I'd drown.

It feels better biting down.

Listen to the beats resound.

It feels better biting down."

Bella is glued to the TV, and I have to admit that I am too. The song has this sad or dark … some kind of sound to it. Once the song is over, I hear Bella's sniffles. I put my food down, get off my bed, and go over to hers. Once I've moved her food to the side table, I sit next to her. I wrap my arms around her and pull her close, and she starts crying harder. I try to calm her down, because it must physically hurt her, but my efforts don't work. I don't know what else to do, so I just hold her and tell her to let it all out.

I even tear up a little, for her pain and for mine. While her pain is both physical and emotional, mine is emotional only. She has injuries from the one who was supposed to love and protect her, and her emotional pain stems from all of that. Mine pain comes from the loss of my father—the last person in my family—when we were finally getting back on good terms.

And while I may have my own pain and troubles, Bella's pain is worse.

*GOA*

BPOV

This song and its meaning hit me hard. There were times when I knew that crying out or pleading wouldn't matter to Sam. Sometimes, I would just grit my teeth and take it. Each slap, kick, or hit would hurt, but what is a five-foot-three, one-hundred-and-ten-pound girl to do when her attacker is six-foot-four, built like an ox, and she doesn't know how to fight him off? The whooshing in my ears felt like being under water and unable to breathe. Even now, in Edward's arms and clinging to him, I cry hard because of what Sam has caused. The crying hurts my ribs and head so much that I cry more.

I'm in a vicious circle of pain and I don't know how to get out of it.

Edward's words start to get through my breakdown and I begin to calm down. My grip on his shirt doesn't loosen, however. He's the one thing that I can't afford to lose. I hate that I need him as much as I do, but I'm so grateful for him that I can't truly hate it. Edward has become more of a rock than Sam ever has. "I'm sorry that I had a breakdown," I whisper once I'm finally calm.

"There is no need to be sorry, Bella. I've been told that a good cry is healthy for a person. You're not weak for it—far from it, actually. You're strong, probably the strongest person I know. You left an abuser and an abusive marriage in order to live, and you've had three miscarriages because of him and survived them all." He lets me go and helps me sit up so he can look at me. "We're given this life because we're strong enough to live it. I believe that your past doesn't define you, but rather the lessons you learned along the way and how you apply them do."

I smile slightly and feel like crying again. "Y'know, you're making it really hard not to like you." I don't mean to say it, it just slips out. He smiles and chuckles a bit, shaking his head a little.

"I have been told I'm a likable guy before." His smile fades and he looks serious again. "Are you better?"

I nod and say yes, but I'm tried and would like to sleep. He goes to get up, but I stop him. "Please, stay?" I sleep better when he's next to me. He agrees and lies down on his back. I lie next to him, my front to his side and my head on his shoulder. The arm I'm on wraps around and holds me. He makes a great pillow and I'm asleep before I know it.

I feel like I just went to sleep when Edward extracting himself from my grip wakes me. Somehow, during my sleep, my outer arm and leg decided that they needed to hug him. It's weird, because I was never the cuddle type since Sam wasn't. I mumble out a sorry and lie back down.

"It's okay, but we should probably stay awake now. We slept for a couple hours and I really need the restroom and a shower." We?

I yawn. "Okay." Maybe I'll start reading the book he got me. I sit up as he digs through his bag and gets what he needs before heading to the bathroom closing the door.

Despite my pain, I'm starting to feel better. Of course I still look like I got hit by a car, but it doesn't seem to hurt as bad. I pick up the book from the night stand and flip through. The content on the pages is shorter than I thought it would be, and I take the time to read a random page. It's a poem, so I'm going to assume that they all are. I flip back to the beginning. The words on the first page of the book are ominous and mysterious. "So dark, so deep, the secrets that you keep …"

I read a couple more, during the time in which I hear the shower start, but the fourth one, simply titled "Love Is," is as beautiful as it is sad.

Love is kind,

But love I cannot find.

It is found in the most unlikely places,

In the most unlikely faces.

Love has no substitute.

It has no institute.

Love is unclosed case

That I just can't replace.

Love has its own mind,

It's one of a kind.

Love is unconditional,

So unexplainable.

Love is…

I thought I was one of lucky few who found their other half, their love, at an early age. I know now that I believed a lie. It was a mask that he wore to mislead me, and everyone we knew. I remember a quote I saw somewhere: "Sometimes it's not the people who change. It's the mask that falls off." And that's exactly what happened. I fear that will happen with Edward if he stays in my life, but it helps that he looks nothing like Sam.

Shaking my head to clear those thoughts, I decide not to think too much about Edward or Sam, so I continue to read. That doesn't work out as well as I hoped it would, since all I can do is read and listen. I hear the water turn off and know he'll be coming out soon. Looking down, I start a new page. I don't look up when I hear the bathroom door open. I'm still a little embarrassed about my cuddling during our nap. Plus, even though I can't see him, the knowledge that I'm ten feet away from an attractive, wet, naked man, who was and is not my husband, lingers.

"You okay?" I hear him ask. I look up at him and see his brow wrinkled with worry.

"Huh? Oh! Yeah, I'm fine. Why?" Shit.

"Your face is flushed." Double shit.

"Oh. No, I'm okay. I'm reading and I just got a little warm for a second, is all." I'm a horrible liar and I think he can see right through it.

He smirks a little. "Read something a little more risqué than you were expecting?"

That works. I smile a little and shake my head, looking back down at the book. That question does make me wonder if there's something intimate in here. Out of my peripheral, I see him get done with whatever he's doing, and then make his way over to the other side of my bed and get on. He's really close to me and he smells fresh.

"Can I read, too?" I give a sideways glance and sigh.

"Sure, why not?" We make ourselves a little more comfortable and start on the next page, one I haven't read yet. As we're reading, I get done before him once and I remember Lorde's last words before her song played.

"Sometimes something will come along and it's almost like you made it up because it's that perfect. Those little serendipitous moments."

Even in the midst of our problems, this, right now, is one of those moments. And I want more of them.

A/N: Okay, a longer note here, but it's needed.

Before I get into the quotes/poems, how would you feel about hearing from Sam? Let me know in your review!

I saw that quote by Lorde about the meaning of it somewhere and it made me want to use it more.

That 'Love Is' poem was originally a little longer and I actually wrote it in the summer of 2005. I submitted it in the fall of that year to The International Library of Poetry. 'Timeless Voices' is a real book of poetry, Copyright of 2006. My copy has my submission on the first page, as does everyone else who got one has their submission as the first page. Fran had helped me a while ago to make it better and more fitting for this story.

The other "poem" mentioned, as far as I know, is not part of the book. In the first posting of this chapter, someone had said it was Les Miserable. I have not seen the movie, and I actually just found it in an app that holds quotes. *shrugs* Apps tend to be my source for chapter inspiration, lol ;P

The only entry I used from the poetry book was mine. I didn't feel comfortable with using/mentioning anyone else's, even if I would have stated who wrote it.