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Chapter 17
Loki had no idea how to respond to Deidre's questions or her tears. Why had he left her? He knew why, but now, standing here with her sobbing against his chest, he felt he may have been mistaken. He hated seeing her in such a state. It not only unnerved him, it stirred up emotions that he thought he had squashed long ago.
'How did I run into her again?' he thought. Out of everyone in the city, the odds of finding her again by chance was incredibly low. Unless…..
'Fate?' he questioned silently. He had never really put much stock in fate before. He always thought you decide your own fate. But he couldn't deny that this was an enormous coincidence to find her again.
"Deidre," he spoke finally. She looked up at him, her mascara running down her cheeks. He looked around the alleyway. "Come with me and I'll answer your questions."
She stood up straight and wiped at the tears on her face. "Go with you where?" she asked, sounding absolutely exhausted. "Will you run away again?"
He shook his head. "No," he promised. He took a deep breath and reached out to place his hand gingerly on her back to lead her out of the alleyway. "This way," he said as they walked.
Deidre couldn't help the shiver that went down her spine when he touched her back. She lowered her head to hide the blush on her cheeks. 'What is wrong with me?' she thought to herself.
They walked in silence for what seemed like forever before they came upon a very shady looking motel. Cars drove in and out of the parking lot. Women in shockingly little clothes leaned against the walls. Men were sitting around smoking.
Deidre frowned and hesitated a moment. "What are we doing here?" she asked, uncertain.
Loki took a deep breath. "It's...It's been my home since I left," he said, the shame was obvious in his voice. He took out a battered key and opened a room on the first floor. He ignored the catcalls and propositions and led her inside and shut and locked the door.
Never in all his years had he lowered himself to stepping foot in an establishment such as this place. It made his skin crawl every time he looked at it, but it was all he could afford.
Deidre looked around the room. A queen bed with thread-bare blankets sat against the closest wall, which was a horrible green color. Next to the bed was a barred window with an incredibly loud AC unit beneath it. Across from the bed was a beat-up dresser and an incredibly old box television set that was missing several buttons from the front. A stove and small refrigerator stood next to the dresser. A recess in the wall was apparently the closet space. And across from that was a door leading into the bathroom. From where she stood she could see that the bathroom mirror was cracked.
She looked at Loki in shock. "This is where you've been staying this whole time?" she asked. "This place is…."
"Deplorable," he finished for her. "Yes, I know." He sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. "My funds are low as of late."
She frowned. "Who's fault is that?" she responded, feeling anger rise in her chest once again. "I didn't ask you to leave!"
They sat in an awkward silence for several minutes. Finally she spoke again. "So why did you run away? You said you would tell me."
Loki sighed and nodded. "I did," he said. Suddenly he felt embarrassed. He felt silly for his reasoning to leave her.
'Just say it quickly,' he told himself silently. 'Get it over with.'
He took a breath and looked at his hands, folded in his lap. "I left because the archer was right," he said quietly.
Deidre frowned in confusion. "Archer?" she repeated. Then it dawned on her. "You mean the Avenger, Hawkeye? What about him?"
He couldn't look at her. He just continued. "He said that nothing had changed with me. I would always be the villain I was back then."
"But we've been over this already," she said. "You aren't the same guy anymore."
"I had convinced myself of that as well," he responded. "But no matter what you or I believe, no one else believes it. I will always be the villain. It's simply the way it is. I will never be able to redeem myself. I've tried, and I've tried, but apparently my efforts aren't good enough."
He looked up at Deidre, who was still standing by the door. "You saw how the archer spoke towards me. He doesn't believe I will ever reform. He says it is only a matter of time before I do something terrible again. So why even try to prove everyone wrong?"
Deidre sat next to him on the bed. "Hey," she said softly, taking hold of his arm gently. "You can't listen to what anyone else says. You know what's true and what's not. You know you had changed."
He looked at her and gave a small smile. It warmed him to hear her encouragement. He put a hand over hers. He frowned then. "He also said that I would bring you down with me when I finally fall. That's why I left," he admitted. "It isn't fair to you to ruin your life because of me."
"I promise you," she responded sincerely. "You haven't ruined my life. And I know you're not going to." She laughed a bit then. "Before I met you, my life was pretty boring."
He was able to smile at that. "You're telling me that falling into bogs in the name of science is boring?" he teased.
She hit his arm playfully in return. "Hey!" she laughed. "That was one time!" She leaned back on the bed, resting on her elbows. "Ok, so maybe it wasn't boring, but how many people can say they know a god? And even more cool, I have a god living in my house! Not many people can say that."
Loki frowned then, looking at the wall. "I'm not a god," he said. "Not anymore."
She looked at his back turned towards her. She could hear the sadness in his voice. She knew it destroyed him when he was banished to Earth and stripped of his powers. Sure, he'd adjusted pretty well, but she knew he hurt. She couldn't blame him. It would kill her too to have everyone she knew to turn their backs on her.
"Hey," Deidre said. He didn't respond so she sat up and took hold of his arm. "Hey," she said more insistently. He turned and looked at her quietly. "You are still a god," she said, looking him in the eye. "At least to me you are."
He looked back at her and a hint of a smile graced his lips. Her words honestly had made him feel a bit better about everything. He realized that he was relieved that she didn't think less of him for running off and doing the things he did while he was gone.
'She truly cares about me,' he thought. A warm feeling filled his chest. He knew he cared for her too. He had always known.
She had let him go and was leaning back on her elbows again. "Deidre," he said to her.
She looked up at him. "Hm?"
He didn't respond. Before he could lose his nerve he leaned down and kissed her. Almost instantly she was kissing him back. As their kiss deepened, he curled his fingers in her hair. She let herself fall back fully onto the bed, her hand running up his arm to his shoulder, pulling him closer. Time seemed to stand still as her lips explored his. He ran his lips down her neck and kissed her shoulder. He smiled when he heard her inhale sharply and let out a small, pleased, sound. She tangled her fingers in his black hair and lost herself in the moment. His name slipped breathlessly from her lips against his ear.
Hearing the way she said his name, almost pleading, sparked a hunger in him. It caused him to shudder slightly as he ran his hands down her body to slide under her dress, up her leg slowly.
As much as she hated to, Deidre put her hand on his, stopping him. She looked at him, her cheeks flushed. "Let's go home," she said, breathless. He nodded in agreement and got up.
The drive home was quick. They went inside.
Once the door was shut Loki picked up Deidre and pushed her into the entry way wall, crushing his lips hungrily against hers. A glass figurine jarred off a shelf on the wall and smashed to the floor.
"Whoops," Loki said breathlessly against her neck, in a way that told that he didn't care in the slightest.
She looked down at the broken glass. "That was my-" she started to say indignantly, but he cut her off with his mouth over hers. The thought of the figurine left her mind as she kissed him back just as hungrily.
With her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, Loki carried her, giggling against his shoulder, into his bedroom.
He light-heartedly tossed her onto his bed and shut the door firmly behind him.
End of Chapter 17