This update is quite short because this is all I could write out during breakfast. Hope it's enough to earn that kipper! LOL!

The blaring klaxon in the beginning was inspired by an actual fire drill that occurred early this morning. Such a fun way to start a Saturday!

Thanks so much for your reviews, everyone. You really know how to cheer up an overworked research student!

Chapter Seven

The Wildfire slid through the tumultuous vortex with barely a shudder.

"Impressive handling," Kochanski said, and she would have said more but a sudden blaring klaxon drowned her out.

"That's the proximity alarm!" Ace shouted over the din, switching the noise off as his fingers raced over the controls. "Something's coming through after us. I can't quite— Wait, wait, this is wrong…"

"What's wrong?" Kochanski demanded. The former navigation officer stared at the blinking lights and dials on the control panel, but while the basic set-up was familiar, the multidimensional readouts were beyond her. "What's happening?"

"We're off course," Ace snapped. "Autopilot's engaged. What the smeg does she think she's doing?"

A soft crackle of static, and the Wildfire's sultry voice spoke, "It's for your own good, Arnie."

"My good?" Ace demanded, anger cracking his calm, competent façade. "But, this is mutiny! Usurping control, altering our course! What about Kris?"

"You want to dispense with the mask, don't you?" the Wildfire responded. "To step out of Ace's long shadow?"

"Wait, what are you saying?" Kochanski said. "I thought he was Ace."

"He is Arnold Rimmer," the computer said, the name causing the hero an involuntary flinch. "Lately Second Technician aboard the JMC Transport Vessel Starbug. And unless he accepts that he will never be more than a second-rate actor trapped in a part he can play, but never truly make his own. Your words, Arnie. Don't say I never listen."

Kochanski turned on Ace. "What is this?" she demanded. "Is she saying that you...you... You're the Rimmer Lister missed? The anal retentive with the shoe trees and labeled underpants? But...but, then, who was it rescued my Dave's disk from that fire? Was he the man you replaced?"

"Wonderful," Rimmer said. "I come up with a daring plan, I risk my life and sanity with that blasted Polymorph, and Saint Ace still gets the credit."

Kochanski blinked, surprised at the change in his voice and manner.

"I didn't mean-"

"Yes you did, so shut-up," Rimmer said. "Where are you taking us, Computer? Can you tell me at least that much?"

"See for yourself," the Wildfire said as the sleek ship slid out of the vortex and into normal space.

Starbug followed a moment later, out of control and rocking, shuddering and spinning so erratically the Wildfire had to take quick evasive action to avoid being smashed into parts.

"What-are they in on this too?" Rimmer exclaimed. "Is this all some scheme you lot have been hatching behind my back? Let's take the piss out of that idiot Rimmer? The moron who tried to be Ace?" He slammed his fist on the console. "I trusted you, Computer. You were the only thing in this cruel multiverse I ever did trust. I can't believe you would betray me like this!"

"It's not like that, Arnie," the Wildfire said. "Your friends care about you. They want to help."

"Help with what? My complete and utter humiliation? Well, mission accomplished!"

"Use your eyes and look past those stupid flared nostrils of yours," the Wildfire snapped. "You have a mission to accomplish, Arnie, and your friends have come to support you. Not to mock or belittle your efforts. They want you to succeed."

"Succeed at what?" Kochanski asked. "Where are we?"

"Ask Arnie," the Wildfire said, and turned the ship away from the slowly stabilizing Starbug to face-

"Io," Rimmer gasped, staring in awe at the crusty, pock-marked Galilean moon. Space craft of all shapes and sizes swarmed around the volcanic satellite in neatly demarcated spacelanes, and Jupiter's hulking sphere loomed just beyond, its stormy red glow reflected in the greenish domes that sprawled across the moon's surface.

The comm system crackled and Lister's gerbil face appeared on the screen, grinning from ear to ear.

"Hey, looks like we made it!" he crowed. "Welcome home, Ace!"

To Be Continued...