(Chapter Seven)

A Picnic

At 2:45 on the day of the promised picnic, Faith was finishing sterilizing instruments and cleaning countertops. Carson was sitting at his desk pretending to be busy with paper work. He was watching Faith's every move, glancing back at the slow moving hands of the clock every few seconds. The minutes seemed to drag by; every second seemed like an eternity. Finally he could not stand it any longer.

"Faith," he said, trying not to sound too forward. She put down her cloth and turned her full attention to him. "Yes?"

"Would you mind if we leave a bit early?"

"Oh, yes!" she said eagerly. Carson looked puzzled. "I mean no – I wouldn't mind. I was hoping I wouldn't have to wait for that slow clock to tell us it was 3 o'clock. It seemed like time would never end!

"Good," Carson looked relieved "shall we go?"

"Yes!" she grabbed her light coat and Carson held the door open for her. "After you," he said in his most gentlemanly manor.

"Thank you," Faith responded shyly.

There was silence for a while, and then Carson broke it. "So, how was your day?" he asked to get the conversation flowing.

"It's been – stressful," she admitted.

"Stressful?" he asked a bit worried.

"Well, it's just – I thought the day would never end."

"I know exactly what you mean," Carson sounded relieved to have the truth out in the open.

As they approached the pond, Carson brought up a subject that had also been burdening him the past few days. "I've been thinking," he began. Faith nodded to acknowledge a start of a new conversation and Carson's attempt to make lighter, happier conversation.

"I haven't forgotten that you gave me the best birthday I could ever ask for."

She blushed and he continued. "Faith – I know it must have been hard for you to break of your engagement. I'm glad you decided to stay – even though I had not yet arrived in Hope Valley."

"It was hard at the time, but now I can honestly say I know I made the right choice. It must have been extremely hard for you to lose your own wife on the operating table," she concluded.

"Yes, it was very hard. But Amber is in a far better place now, and I . . . I blamed myself for the longest time."

"It was not your fault, Carson," Faith tried to cheer him up on this beautiful day.

"I know that now. Sofia – Rosemary's friend – made me realize that I could open my heart again, that I could love again."

"Yes, I know. She was a good friend to you," she said, feeling jealousy wash over her.

Carson nodded. "Yes – she was."

"Was she – more than a friend?" Faith asked, afraid of what his answer might be.

Carson shrugged. "I'm not sure," he said honestly.

"Is she ever coming back?" Faith felt another twinge of jealousy.

"I don't know," he answered, feeling regret for making this conversation so sad. His intention was to lead the conversation in a different direction, but he failed. He promised himself to try his best at the next opportunity.

Carson sighed.

"What was that for?" Faith asked, concern coming with her words.

He sighed again. "Oh, I don't know. Part of me wants her to return, but the other part . . . I don't know, Faith."

"It's alright, Carson."

He let out his breath again.

"Could we be friends too?" Faith asked shyly after a few minutes of silence

"Of course. We are already more than friends, Faith."

Faith thought that he meant 'more than friends' in a romantic sort of way, until Carson made it clear that that was not the case. "I mean – we are co-workers as well as good friends." Even as he spoke the words, he knew they were not true. He wanted to be more than friends in a different way. Why? he kept asking himself. Why did I lie? I should have told the truth. But does she want to be more than friends the way I do? His mind hurled questions this way and that until he felt dizzy. Please – help me to be truthful, God, he prayed.

"Oh . . . of course," she responded a bit hesitantly.

"Something more you wanted?" he felt himself wanting to spill out the truth, to tell her the whole story.

"Well . . . I don't know right now. Maybe – maybe someday," she faltered.

"Soon," he dared say. "Let's make it soon."

They ate their lunch together and Carson walked Faith home.