A/N: I'm sorry. Both for the wait and for this chapter. Y'all knew the angst was coming.
I do not own Total Drama, all rights reserved to the respective owners.
Bridgette had been confused at first, saying "why not officially date if you both like each other?", but nodded along as I - finally - let everything spill. I told her about how it first happened, about the newfound thrill I felt whenever I got on his motorcycle, about Jonas's interruption - she had a good laugh at that one - and about Heather's threats and attempts at humiliation. I pressed the issue of the latter, telling her to please not tell anyone, not even Geoff, and Bridgette mimicked zipping up her lips and throwing away the key.
I knew it was just a matter of time, however, until she slipped up and accidently let her boyfriend in on the secret; and when Geoff knew something it didn't take long for it to travel around the school. Though I hoped I would've found a way to deal with Heather by then.
"Hey, babe", Geoff said as Bridgette threw away the imaginary key; the gesture of the latter earning a confused and suspicious look from DJ. Geoff draped an arm around her shoulders as she kissed him hello. "Where's your book?" He asked and pointed to her empty hands.
Bridgette opened her mouth to answer, her eyes darting anywhere but Geoff.
"In her bag", I shrugged, effectively saving her from answering. She smiled at me and mouthed a 'thank you' before relaxing into Geoff's side.
Geoff may've loved gossip and rumours, but he was also gullible; withholding the truth from him didn't take much effort. DJ on the other hand narrowed his eyes at me and I felt myself squirm under his gaze. Maybe it was easy, but lying to our friends felt wrong and the guilt slowly but surely engulfed me.
"Math class starts soon", Bridgette said as she glanced on the clock ticking loudly on the wall above the lockers, "we should get going." She turned to give Geoff another kiss before opening her locker to get the necessary materials.
"I'll catch up with you later, nature calls."
"I'll hold a seat for you", DJ chimed in and clapped me on the back before following Bridgette in through the classroom door.
"You ditching?" Geoff asked Duncan, who had taken to lean against the lockers, bending a foot against the wall to try and look extra passive.
"Don't know yet", he shrugged, "what are we doing?"
"Napoleon", Geoff answered, before unsurely adding, "I think."
"Dude was short and power hungry, got exiled two times. What more is there to know?"
"He actually wasn't short", I said, cutting in on the conversation with a 'know-it-all' tone, hoping to bore Geoff enough to leave us alone, "the french and british measurements clash but still shared the same names, so the british army spread around how short he was when really he was not. And he also surrounded himself with really tall guards."
"Still got exiled", Duncan shrugged and I scoffed as I slapped his chest with the back of my hand.
"That's what you got from that? Not that the history we learn is wrong and corrupted?"
"Cool", Geoff whistled awkwardly, ineffectively hiding his disinterest and discomfort, "I'm gonna go check out this corruption while you two work this out."
"Good job", Duncan nodded, with a smirk on his face, as we both watched Geoff disappear up the stairs. "How about I corrupt you some more?" His voice was low and deep, husky, and he caged me against the lockers with his hands on each side of my shoulders.
"As if you have any influence over me", I moaned and bit down on my lower lip as his mouth descended onto my neck.
"Oh, but I think I do", Duncan snickered against my skin, his hot breath teasing the tender spots above my collarbone, and traced the goosebumps forming on my arm with loose fingers.
"Just shut up and kiss me", I said, grabbing the front of his shirt to pull him against my lips.
"So", Bridgette leaned towards me as I stuffed my books back into my locker.
"What?" I chuckled and shook my head. Her voice melodically flowing through the air, telling me she was up to something, that she wanted something.
"How is it?" She dropped her voice to a whisper and I couldn't help but to roll my eyes, "You know… you two."
"Bridg-" I shut the locker and turned to her -" is this really what you want to talk about?"
"Yes", she nodded, without skipping a beat. Bridgette had never been big on girl talk, so her sudden interest threw me off. But as I thought back to Geoff's sad attempts to woo her, I realised romance was the one topic she never shied away from.
"You'll start to see him differently."
"Oh my god", she yelped, raising her eyebrows in surprise, her eyes growing big, "is he that good?"
The statement made me visibly cringe and I shook my head as I answered. "See this is why I don't want to talk about it."
"Talk about what?" Geoff said, rounding me with a light pat on the shoulder before bending down to press a kiss to his girlfriend's forehead, draping his arm around her shoulders.
"Oh, erm", my eyes flickered between both of them, Bridgette still sporting a mischievous, almost proud, grin, "homework."
"Since when do you not wanna talk about homework?" Geoff laughed.
"Courtney don't wanna talk homework?" Duncan questioned as he too rounded me the way Geoff had, joining in on the conversation.
"Okay can people stop interrupting our conversation?" I crossed my arms as I shifted my weight, jutting my hip out in slight annoyance.
"And what are you smiling about?" Duncan continued, as if I hadn't spoken, shifting his gaze to look at Bridgette with his head cocked to the side.
"Nothing", she answered with unconvincing innocence plastered on to her voice.
"Well", Geoff interrupted, "time to go. I'll drive you home, babe."
"Okay", Bridgette nodded before waving goodbye to Duncan and I. I watched as the couple descended down the corridor before finally disappearing out the door.
"She knows doesn't she?" Duncan asked as he leaned closer to me, one of his hands coming up to rest against the lockers, effectively caging me against them.
"I don't know what you're talking about", I tried, darting my eyes away from his, my arms still crossed over my chest.
"You know you can't lie to me", he smirked, his free hand cupping my chin, turning my head back until my gaze met his, "I know you like the back of my hand."
I held his gaze steadily and it wasn't until he bit his lower lip, the action betraying his otherwise cool demeanour, that I sighed in defeat, "Fine."
"See", Duncan said, his eyes glinting with deviance and lust that made shivers run up my back and my lips curl in a smirk of their own, "you can't lie to me."
We stood like that for a moment, his hand beside my head and his eyes wandering between my lips and my eyes while I was rocking back and forth on the soles of my feet and rolling my lower lip between my teeth.
"Take me home", I finally said, breaking the silence, and Duncan's eyes lit up from the proposition that hid itself under the request.
We stumbled into the foyer, hands gripping at each other while our lips and tongues ferociously danced in a way that made us both moan. The motorcycle unceremoniously parked lazily on the edge between the driveway and the lawn, it had no doubt fallen over onto the grass already, and my bag tossed somewhere on the floor.
I pushed Duncan's jacket off of his shoulders, the heavy leather dropping to the floor with a thud, his keys scrambling from the pocket down on the floor. I dragged on the sleeves of my jacket, effectively pulling my arms out before cupping his face in my hands as we continued to kiss. We somehow maneuvered up the stairs and into my room without breaking contact, finally falling down on the bed, causing it to squeak in protest.
Duncan kissed down my neck, my hands still cupping the sides of his face as I moaned in delight, his tongue licking along my jaw, nipping at my skin with his teeth. His mouth traveled lower, dipping his nose in under the fabric of my tank top as he peppered kisses on the exposed skin near the top's edge.
"Just take it off", I whined breathlessly, wanting nothing else in that moment than to feel his skin against mine.
Duncan chuckled, the sound vibrating through my chest as his lips kissed over my heart. I let my hands wander into his hair as his own caressed the sides of my body, slowly - excruciatingly slowly - dipping his fingers under my top. My breath hitched as he kissed down hard on my collarbone, sucking the skin into his mouth, leaving behind a blotch of purple, and his hands grabbed ahold of my top, bunching the fabric up, wrinkling it, as he dragged it over my head.
Before the shirt had even hit the floor he had pulled his own off and a smirk played on his lips as I bit down on my lower lip in anticipation before I pulled him down atop me once more, wrapping my legs around him, just wanting to be closer. His growing arousal pressed against me and a deep moan escaped his lips as I bucked my hips teasingly.
Duncan's fingers were eager as they wandered down my body, caressing my waist before hooking his thumbs down the waistband of my jeans, and his breath hitched as I kept bucking my hips against his.
"Fuck", he murmured, his lips pressing hot kisses against the crock of my neck. My hands roamed through his hair and my nails scraped against his skull as I let the whimpers and moans fall from my mouth as they pleased.
One of his hands dove lower once the buttons on my pants had been undone and his fingers could slip between my folds, dipping the tip of his digit inside and massaging circles into the tender flesh with his thumb.
"Mm", I moaned, my eyes squeezing shut as I arched my back against the mattress.
"Say it", Duncan said as his kisses wandered lower and lower down my body.
"Say what?" I chuckled, the sound halting in my throat as his thumb pressed down on my clit.
"Be my bad girl", he purred and slipped his fingers in further, pressing up against that sweet spot inside, causing butterflies to flutter crazily in my stomach and goosebumps to form along the back of my neck.
"Fuck, Duncan." My hands fisted the sheets and my back arched as he continued to poke and prod.
"That's what I want to hear", he smirked before yanking the jeans away from my body, playing with the fabric of my underwear as I whined for him to continue. He sat up then - and I took the opportunity to undress the last of my clothes -, unbuckling his belt and joining me in the nakedness, kicking the pants and underwear off of him before grabbing me by the thighs and pulling me flush to him.
"God you're stupid", I said and shook my head, planting my feet firmly on the bed, bucking my hips against his again.
"Stupid but handsome", Duncan chuckled, his eyes half lidded as he pressed back against me, his erection slipping between my lips in a way that made me gasp and grab ahold of his arms.
"And cocky too."
"You know you love my cock."
"Oh god", I laughed and covered my face with one hand, and even though I couldn't see him I could still hear - and feel - the bellowing laugh of his joining mine, filling the room with lightheartedness.
As our laughs slowly died out Duncan laid a cool hand on mine, prying it away from my face, interlocking his fingers with mine, before pressing a kiss to my lips and I threw my free arm around his neck to pull him in closer.
He eased himself into me, squeezing my hand once before building up a comfortable rhythm. I met his hips with mine in every thrust, urging him to go deeper and faster as we both swallowed the other's gasps, our moans muffled by the kisses. He held my hand tight and I clung to him as the warmth in my stomach started to build, my legs shaking as I tried to hold on just a tiny bit longer. But as Duncan moved his lips away from mine and focused his kisses to my neck and let his free hand grip and massage my breasts the best he could, I unraveled underneath him, calling his name in bliss. It didn't take long for Duncan to join me in the ecstasy and the hot breath he exhaled onto my neck made me shudder.
"Fuck", he breathed, his head on my chest as we both tried to catch our breaths.
"Yeah", I nodded, a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth, "now get off."
"I already did", Duncan laughed, but rolled off of me nonetheless, snaking an arm around the back of my neck to act as a pillow as I snuggled against him.
"You're stupid", I repeated, playfully smacked his chest and shaking my head. We laid in silence for I don't even know how long, the beating of my heart slowing to its regular rhythm and my breaths calming down.
"Go with me", Duncan said suddenly, his hand painting lazy figures on my upper arm, "to the party."
"What?" I asked and sat up in the bed, clasping the covers to my chest, "You're crazy."
"Crazy for you", he grinned and I rolled my eyes before swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. I heard him shuffle behind me before he pressed a soft kiss to my shoulder.
"I already agreed to go", I shook my head, looking over my shoulder at him; he was on his side, supporting himself on one of his elbows.
"Not with me", he countered back, his fingers tracing my arm up and down.
"What's the difference?" We both knew what the difference was; a couple with their friends, or a couple of friends.
"That I get to show you off", he murmured against my skin as he pressed another kiss to it. I gathered the rest of the covers, sweeping myself in it as I stood up from the bed.
"You know we can't." He didn't bother with covering himself up, another grin slipped onto his lips as he caught my eyes wander over his body.
"Honey, fuck everyone, okay? Fuck everyone that isn't us."
"What good would that do?" I snorted and turned away to gather my discarded clothes from the floor. Duncan groaned and brought his palm to his forehead. I tossed him his clothes, making a point of covering his face with a shirt so I could quickly let go off the covers and pull on my underwear.
"Just go with me", he said again and sat up in the bed, letting the clothes I had thrown on him land on the mattress.
"No, now stop asking."
"Why not?" Because we aren't supposed to want to, I answered in my head. He wasn't supposed to want to take me and I wasn't supposed to want to say yes. This whole thing had started as a way to relieve stress and have some fun. I wasn't supposed to find myself thinking of him when I was too stressed to even remember basic math and have my heart feel like it would pop out of my chest any second every time my eyes lock with his. And I wasn't supposed to want nothing else than to join him on the bed again and throw my arms around his neck and tell him yes.
"Why can't you just let it go?" I answered instead; my voice sounding harsh and annoyed and I barely recognized it. I didn't want to fight with him, we hadn't fought in so long - petty spats and teasing, of course, but not once in the past few weeks had we been properly angry at each other -, yet I couldn't stop the words from falling from my mouth.
"Why do you refuse to be seen with me?" He pulled the shirt over his head with strangely harsh movements, almost like he was punching the air as he put his arms through the holes.
"I do not", I snorted and crossed my arms. "We talk in school and eat lunch together, we study in the library together and hang out after classes."
"Yeah, we", he sighed and got up from the bed, pulling the jeans up as he did so, "we as in you and I and Geoff, Bridgette and DJ." He spoke fast and loud and deserted the quest of buckling his pants in frustration. His hands were trembling - from anger or something else I didn't know - and the tiny buttons were hard enough to button and unbutton with steady hands.
"It's not my fault our friends also wants to eat and study", I countered and threw my arms in the air.
"You invite them", he yelled back and took a step closer to me. He dipped his head and looked me straight in the eyes.
"Oh, so I'm not allowed to care about others?" I stared back at him and narrowed my eyes.
"That's not what I said", he sighed, smacking a hand to his forehead again, "why don't you ever listen?"
"Why can't you just take no for an answer?" I asked, jabbing a finger in his chest as I spoke.
"Because I know you", he lowered his voice, though the anger and hurt still filtered through, "you say no to anything and everything that doesn't fit in with your dad's lifestyle no matter how much you secretly want it."
"You don't know anything about me or my life." I could feel my eyes start to water and turned my gaze away from his promptly. The father card was a low blow, and he knew that. He knew it hurt every time he was late for dinner or decided to go to another poker night instead of my concerts or Will's hockey games.
"I know you wanted to play the saxophone instead of the violin but got told it was an instrument for old jazz-dudes, I know you don't feel comfortable in skirts yet like dresses, I know you talk in your sleep, I know you don't want to get a driver's license because you enjoy the bus and make up stories in your head about all the other passengers and I know you like me."
The silence was deafening and I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that if I tried hard enough I would wake up before any of this had happened; before the hours had flied away on that fateful Friday afternoon and before I had let myself feel anything but content for him.
My voice was hoarse when I finally spoke, my throat dried up from the yelling. "I don't like you." I didn't open my eyes to look at him, I knew the words hurt and I knew that if I saw his face I would break. It's better this way, I told myself, curling my fists tight, letting him go now before we're in any deeper. We'd implode anyway. We're too different.
We stood in silence for another minute before I felt Duncan turn around and leave, his quick movements causing cool air to hit my face. He opened the door and stalked down the stairs with determined footsteps.
I didn't open my eyes even when I heard the front door open and close. I didn't move even when I heard his motorcycle start and drive off. And I didn't call him even though my fingers typed up his number on my phone and I stared at it for what could've been minutes, hours or even days.