I do not own Total Drama, all rights reserved to the respective owners.
I don't know if my dad ever came home that weekend. I didn't care. And if he did, he hadn't bothered to take the time and check in on me.
The alarm eventually stopped it's beeping, but after how many minutes I had no idea. It didn't matter anyhow. School wasn't until another day. I could stay in bed all Sunday if I wanted to, hide under the covers and block out the world for another 24 hours.
But I did get up, if only to drink water, and kill the ache pulsating in my head, and turn on some music as I got back into bed. The music helped. The harsh rhythm and screaming vocals made it easier to get the frustration out and mask the sound of tears that came with.
I let myself dwell on the previous night, get it all out of my system before Monday morning. Because no matter what, I was going. I didn't care if I had to face him, or her. I was not going to let one bad breakup - or whatever it was - ruin the other parts of my life. I was strong, I knew that, but I also had a heart. So I cried and screamed and clung to my pillow, but as the hours ticked by and the sun started to climb higher in the sky, I dried my tears, got out of bed and took a shower.
The water was hot, probably too hot, the streams falling from the showerhead painting my skin red, steam clouding the bathroom. It was a welcomed contrast to the cold and snow I knew waited for me outside.
I pulled a sweatshirt over my head, letting the soft fabric soothe some of the irritation off of my shoulders, and bundled up with a hat, even though I knew it was probably still too warm to wear wool.
I tried to go on as if nothing had happened; paid attention in class, helped DJ with the latest chapter in math, chatting with Bridgette by the lockers, passing notes in Mrs. Jacqueline's class, even agreeing to join her and Geoff when they decided to get lunch off school grounds. But it didn't matter how many questions I answered correctly in class or how much I laughed with Bridgette about her brother's stupidity; something had happened, something I wasn't used to, something I didn't know how to handle.
Duncan didn't come to school for a few days after the party and his absence made me both relax and tense up all at the same time. I knew that once he came back I was either going to have to sneak around and avoid him - and in extension the rest of our group of friends - or face him, look him dead in the eyes and pretend to feel nothing but the shallow annoyance I once used to harbor for him.
I saw him Thursday afternoon, chuckling and high-fiving with Geoff near his locker as if nothing had happened. It made me wonder what was so 'awesome' to be talking about in that manner; new supplies? Bridgette? Heather? And as if summoned by my thoughts, the raven haired cheerleader appeared from around the corner, a smirk on her lips as she let her arm snake around Duncan's waist.
He didn't shrug her off.
I turned around, all but running down the hallway, taking the long route from Biology class down to my locker; everything to not have to pass the two of them.
Friday morning he was nowhere to be seen and I breathed a sigh of relief. I only had to endure a few more hours, if lucky without any more unexpected appearances. But, of course, that wasn't the case. Not only did his name frequent the conversations of Heather's minions, the two of them stood leaning against his motorcycle at lunch, his arm slung across her shoulders and a cigarette in the other hand.
"You think she's his mystery chick?" Geoff had wondered, a mix of annoyance and shock overcoming his features, and if it wasn't for his - and DJ's - company, I would've held my head up high and walked away from the scene instantly.
"Nah", DJ quickly dismissed, almost confidently. "You really think they would've kept them hooking up again quiet?"
"No, you're right, dude", Geoff said, stuffing his hands in his pockets as we continued to walk over the school yard, toward the library were Bridgette was waiting. "Man, why's he holding out on us like this?" And even though his question came from the annoyance of not knowing a secret, it echoed through my mind with a different meaning. Why did Duncan still keep us a secret? Before Halloween we kept quiet for the thrill, the excitement of knowing something so special, so intimate, that no one else knew; and maybe, partly, from my side, about hiding from the judgment I knew we were going to face once our relationship became public knowledge.
But now?
We were broken.
The library was mostly empty, everyone was either in the cafeteria or somewhere else getting lunch - except from a handful of students making out behind the backmost shelves.
"Okay, so that's it", Geoff announced, clasping his hands together behind his head as he leaned back in the chair, "I am officially done with this terms French. This needs celebrating."
"Baby, you think everything needs celebrating", Bridgette giggled, looking at her boyfriend over the top of her laptop and shaking her head softly.
"What can I say?" he shrugged, "Life's a party."
"I'm game", DJ said.
"Even though it sounds like fun", I said, rolling my eyes cheekily at my ever-so energetic friend sitting across from me, "I'm still not done with my courses." I could see Bridgette glancing at me subtly from the corner of my eye, because even though she knew I had work to do, she worried. And I couldn't blame her. I would've been worried sick too if our roles were reversed.
"Holla at me if you change your mind", Geoff offered, smiling. I couldn't deny that the distraction sounded tempting, but I had my own way to avoid the intrusive thoughts and feelings; the same way I had since childhood; work.
Students breathed a collective sigh of relief as the final minute of the day had ticked by, cheering in between themselves in excitement for the weekend, chattering away about their plans for the upcoming holidays. Christmas was only a couple of weeks away, the temperature outside plummeting into the negatives in an attempt to make up for the warm fall, and the snow trying it's hardest to cover any and every surface.
I sighed silently to myself; it was over, two days by myself to collect my thoughts before I had to be strong again. Well, almost over.
"I saw you by the parking lot earlier", Heather said, slamming the door to my locker shut, cocking her head to the side demeaningly.
"You might not know this, Heather, but the library is on the other side of that parking lot", I answered as I turned to face her, pissed that she just had to ruin this for me too.
"Cute", she snorted, holding my gaze, her arms crossing over her chest, "I told you he'd be trouble, didn't I?"
"Well now he's your trouble." I pushed past her, wanting nothing more than to leave the conversation behind me, leave her behind me. But the next word out of her mouth stopped me dead in my tracks.
"Jealous?"
"You know what?" I whirled around and closed the distance between us in an instance, the anger that had been building up inside of me finally exploding as I spat out "Fuck off, Heather." They were words I had wanted to say for so long, words that felt so good saying, but alas they were words that did not change a thing. I saw students out of the corner of my eye that stopped to look at the ommotion, some too scared - or maybe just unbothered - to stay and watch, their eyes flicking back at us as they scurried away.
"Ooh, didn't know the pristine little valedictorian had such a foul mouth", she giggled, flipping her dark hair back over her shoulder. I hated that fake ass giggle.
"You don't know anything about me."
"I know more than you think." She leaned in closer, her breath chilling my skin as she spoke. I stood my ground, crossing my arms over my chest defiantly, meeting her eyes with mine.
"Court?" DJ's voice broke through, pushing to the front of the small audience we had gathered.
"Look", Heather smirked without breaking eye contact, "your bodyguard is here to take you home, before you do anything you'll regret."
"Leave it alone, Court", DJ said, his hand wrapping around my arm both protectively and in an attempt to lead me away.
"Yes, Court", she said, emphasizing the nickname derogatorily, waving her perfectly manicured hand absently, "walk away." I didn't see the green mohawk protrude the crowd, not until I growled a 'fine' and let DJ pull me toward the exit. Blue met brown as my gaze landed on him; confusion and melancholy breaking through his façade. The anger still simmered in my stomach. How dare he be sad? What did he think was going to happen?
This was all his fault.
"You can let go of me now", I muttered as the doors to the school closed behind us, the cool wind feeling harsh as it blew against my skin.
"Sorry", DJ said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. We walked in silence for a moment, both trying to process what had just happened. "I'm taking you home", he stated caringly and just as I opened my mouth to protest he cut me off saying it was non negotiable.
His car was warm, despite the winter weather sweeping through the town, and it felt like a welcoming embrace.
"You wanna talk about it?" DJ asked as he drove out of the parking lot, the soft music playing from the radio filling the silence.
"No", I answered and crossed my arms over my chest, sinking lower into the seat, "I mean"- a sigh-"she's just a bitch." I could see his subtle flinch at the harsh word. I couldn't even imagine him saying something of that manner, he wasn't one to scream and throw around insults; especially to women. But then again, I had only just recently allowed them into my own vocabulary. He didn't say anything after that, no follow-up questions he knew I wouldn't answer, no unnecessary positive statements about it getting better. Only a slow nod in acknowledgement.
It wasn't until DJ parked outside my house that he spoke up. "You sure you wanna stay home this weekend?" It felt good; someone caring; asking. I nodded and kept my eyes set on the snow covered road through the windshield, making no effort - despite the silent confirmation of being okay - to get out. "You know, it's okay to not wanna be by yourself."
My throat felt dry and aching as I opened my mouth to speak. I hadn't noticed the tears slowly rolling down my cheeks until I caught a glance of my reflection in the side mirrors. My eyes puffy and red. I looked defeated. I had let her win. I had let him win.
I shook my head and cleared my throat, pushing myself upright in the seat. "It's just-" I dried the tears away with the white shirt sleeve poking out of my jacket. A deep breath. Pull yourself together. "I'll call Bridg", I offered, a meek smile of reassurance on my lips that didn't quite reach my eyes. "But thank you."
DJ hesitated for a second but not before long his arms were wrapped around me, the caring hug giving me the strength I needed to step out of the car and face the world again. I thanked him again, for the ride, for being there for me, and he called a quick 'bye' before I disappeared into my house.
"Hello, Courtney", I heard my dad's voice call out as the front door slammed shut behind me, making me flinch; I hadn't counted on him being home, he usually wasn't at this time.
"Hi, Daddy", I called back, putting on a smile as I slipped into the livingroom. He was poking around in the fireplace, ripping pieces of birch bark off of the firewood to throw into it. "You cold?"
He nodded, not lifting his eyes away from the orange flames struggling to keep alive as it engulfed another strip of bark. "The cold hit the office hard, the heaters were unprepared."
"Do you want help with that?" I asked, crossing the room to squat down next to him, as the fire snuffed itself out, smoke curling in the air above the scorched wood.
He stood up with a sigh, brushing his hands on the legs of his pants, traces of soot staining the fabric. "No, it's fine. I'll be in my study."
I watched him leave, his footsteps echoing through the empty house, and pressed my lips together tightly. Not even five minutes had it taken for him to retreat from the room.
I flopped down onto the floor with a sigh, crossing my legs in front of me and picked up the firewood he had abandoned, ripping long strips of birch bark absentmindedly. It didn't matter if he was home or not, I would see him just as little anyway. He was either locked away at the office, too far to get to, or in his study, where he was 'not ever to be interrupted.' At least my mom asked me about my day; even if she didn't listen all the time, or most of the time, but at least she was present enough to pretend to care.
The flames slowly gained power as they licked at the strips I pushed into it, lighting a paper on fire to get it going. And as I watched as the colours change and the fire grow my mind drifted away to setting suns and a canopy of green, a rough wooden bench underneath me and a pierced face above me.
I had just gotten out of the shower as the phone rang. My hair wrapped in a towel and a pair of old sweatpants covering my legs. The music in the background was faint, but I heard enough of it to know it wasn't hers.
"Tell me everything!" Bridgette demanded as soon as I had answered.
"What are you talking about?" I asked and plopped down on my bed cross-legged.
"You, Heather, the fight. It's all I've heard about over the last hour."
"How-? I mean- you weren't even at school." My eyebrows drew together in confusion
"I wasn't, but just about everyone else, and you and I both know Geoff can't ignore the rumours and gossip." I could hear an offended 'hey' call out to her in the background. It was silent for a second before he muttered 'fine' and Bridgette turned her attention back to our conversation. "So", she prompted, "tell me everything."
"It's nothing", I said, trying to sweep the whole thing under the rug. But knowing Bridgette, she would roll the rug up and toss it through the window, leaving no place to hide.
"Cursing Heather out is not nothing."
"I know", I sighed, letting my head fall into my hand. I could hear she was waiting for me to explain, letting me take my own time as she sat silent and waited patiently. "I told DJ I was going to call you", I chuckled humorlessly.
"DJ knows?" Bridgette asked, her surprise loud and obvious.
"Yes, I mean, he was there", I said with a shrug. "I haven't told him about, well… any of that, you know? He just… showed up, gave me a ride home."
"Uh huh", she murmured, waiting for me to go on. I could picture her wide expectant eyes, her hands waving and rolling as she wanted me to continue.
I fell down on my back with a sigh, dragging a hand through my hair. "I snapped." It was a silent confession, a reluctant one. It had not been a moment I was proud of. "Seeing Duncan with her… I just", I trailed off, not knowing how to even end the sentence.
"I get it", Bridgette spoke softly through the phone. "Why don't you come over tomorrow?"
"I don't know", I said, the words lingering in my mouth with uncertainty.
"He won't be there", she answered bluntly, knowing the bigger part of my reluctance.
"How do you know that?"
"He's… well… Geoff said he'd be busy", Bridgette stuttered apologetically. We both knew what 'busy' meant.
"I don't feel like celebrating", I said after a long silence.
"Okay, so we won't", she answered, "You can bring your flashcards and notes and I'll help you study."
"No you won't!" Geoff yelled in the background. I didn't know if he was talking to me or Bridgette, but whoever it was directed to, it made a genuine laugh escape my throat. Ruffling could be heard through the phone and an angrily whispering conversation, before the phone was snatched from Bridgette's hand. "Court", Geoff said with as seriousness I couldn't tell was fake or not, "Tomorrow. My place. We'll smoke up, watch a movie or two and then you can drag Bridgette to whatever it is girls do. I don't know, we have swings in the backyard? You wanna swing? Anyway. No homework. Only fun. 'Kay?" he rambled, not once stopping to take a breath.
I shook my head, a smile on my lips. He was such a goofus, but god be damned if it didn't cheer me up. "I'm not going to swing with your girlfriend."
"That means you coming?"
"I guess", I said, throwing my free hand in the air in submission and sat up in the bed again, leaning my back against the wall.
"Awesome", he exclaimed before more ruffling was heard, a long silence following.
"Bridg?"
"Oh", she snapped back to reality, picking up the phone I assumed had been dropped somewhere next to them, "I'm here, Court."
"Uhm, yeah", I said awkwardly as she giggled into the phone, sounds of wet lips sneaking through louder than I had ever wished to hear, "I'm going to let you guys finish that."
"Bye", Bridgette murmured, her breathing heavy, and I shuddered as I tossed the phone away from me.
I looked over at the backpack leaning against my desk, notebooks and literature sticking out through it. The only actual work I had was a book report due in a little less than a month. It wasn't nearly enough to keep me occupied for the weekend. Maybe some company would do me good after all.
With a quick text to DJ, telling him I talked to Bridgette and needed a ride for the following day, I threw an oversized shirt over my head and fluffed up the pillows in my bed with the latest Netflix show of interest playing on my computer.