Hello! Yes, I know it has been a long time since you all have heard from me! And yes, I am currently working on an update to Savage, it's just this last semester and life have been kicking my ass pretty good for the last little while, but I'm finally back to doing what I love! I hope you all enjoy your little holiday gift, and I hope you all have a safe and magical holiday!
-Legion
Aryan promised herself this was the last fight for the night. Not because the cut on her right brow was dripping blood into her eye, or because she had already popped her shoulder back into its socket twice, and not because she was pretty sure three of the fingers on her right hand were broken. By her last count, she almost had enough, and winning this fight would put her over the top of the amount she needed. And she would win. This jackass was big and new to the game and had yet to stop laughing at Aryan's small frame to consider why she might belong at the top of the board. Aryan didn't plan on giving him the time. Rushing forward, the man attempted to put his arms up to block her attack towards his face, but she nailed him in the chest with her left hand. A quick jab to his jaw with her right dazed him just enough for her to jump away, shaking the pain from her fingers away. The man shook his head and put his arms back up to block. They never learn, do they?
Except, when Aryan rushed him the second time, he caught her as she went for his head, nailing her in the chest with his knee. Aryan fell backwards, gasping for air. Well, she would be adding a bruised sternum to the list of things Lloyd could not find out about. At least that was easy to hide. She pushed herself off the dirt floor, rolling her neck so her tense shoulders audibly popped. "Couldn't make this easy for me, could you?" She asked no one in particular. She put her fists back up, pushing down the urge to wipe the floor with his smug ass, "Let's get this over with."
•••
There was a new guy at the cash booth today, not that it was strange, most cash booth workers would try to skim some off the top at some point or another. This guy looked relatively young, must be some new runaway or a college student down on his luck. He was very careful to count the money out in front of her, and Aryan noticed the bruise that peaked out from behind his hairline. "4,980…5,000" he exclaimed, setting the stack of cash in front of her. Aryan placed the stack in her bag, but not before extracting the last 20 he has placed on the top and putting it back on the counter. The guy smiled, "Thanks, miss! Have a Merry Christmas!" Aryan gave him a tight-lipped smile before making her way towards the stairs of the dingy basement. She grabbed the sprinter-covered ball that sat atop the banister, bracing herself for the pain of thousands of pieces of wood worming their way through her wraps and into her skin as she used the banister to hoist herself up the stairs. Something made her stop before she could, however. Pulling her bag around her body, she reached for the wad of cash, working five 100s out of the top. She rezipped her bag and folded the bills. She stepped off the stairs.
The man she had fought last had a hearty laugh, and he joked with the other contestants as he was patched up by the best excuse for a doctor this place had. She had learned after the match was won his name was Harold (an unfortunate name), and he had recently lost his job at a firm of some kind, Aryan had not really listened to the type. She walked up to him, and when his eyes finally fell on her figure, the large smile he had been wearing wavered, though only slightly. After all, the fight was for sport, the emotion wasn't real. Despite that, Aryan still felt a twinge of guilt at seeing the bruise along the bottom of his jaw. Aryan held her hand out, the bills she had extracted from her bounty out towards him. Howard looked at her hand, then back up at her face with confusion. "Here," Aryan said, her voice coming out crasser than she had meant. Howard shook his head.
"Nah. I couldn't take that from ya, kid. They're your winnings," Aryan shook her head.
"I heard you talking with some of the fighters before the match. I know you lost your job, and you came here to get money for your daughter's Christmas gift." Howard pushed her outstretched hand back towards her.
"You need that money for your Christmas," Aryan gave him a smile. She knew it looked sad, she did not much try to hide that anymore.
"It's just me and my little brother. I have more than enough to give him a good Christmas," she pushed her arm back out, "I want your daughter to get that bike that she's finally old enough to ride, so someone else can have a good Christmas." Howard held her gaze for a moment before reaching out, allowing Aryan to place the sum into his large hand. He nodded at her, and she smiled back.
"Hey!" Aryan turned towards another fighter, a skinny guy she had fought a few times before, "I thought you had a big family? That boyfriend of yours used to come in here all the time to try to drag you back out." Aryan felt something drop into her chest, but she managed to shake her head.
"Not anymore." Aryan turned on her heel and headed towards the exit, trying to shake the somber feeling that fell over her like a big, gray cloak.
•••
"Do you need any help, dear?" Aryan hated to admit it, but the woman's voice caught her off guard. She straightened up, scratching at the glue she had used to seal the cut on her brow bone. She made a vague gesture towards the case.
"Um, this is my first time doing this…I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing." Aryan chucked, "I guess it shows?" The woman looked to be in her late 60s, and she smiled at Aryan, before reaching over and patting her forearm. She bent over with some effort, but eventually peered into the glass case at the hams it held.
"How many are you feeding, dear?" The woman asked her. Though she appeared frail, her eyes were cat-like, and they darted between each piece of meat with the precision of a hungry animal. Aryan glanced over her shoulder.
"Um, around six?" She said, and the woman smiled at the uncertainty in her voice. She tapped on the glass, and the worker behind the counter came to her aid. The woman pointed towards a ham in the back.
"This young woman will be taking that ham in the back," she straightened herself back up with a grunt, "if you could be so kind to wrap it up for her." The woman turned back towards Aryan, and she found her mouth forming into a grateful smile.
"Thank you." The old woman reached her wrinkled hand out towards Aryan, and she took it with as much gentleness as she could muster. The woman reached up and patted Aryan's cheek with her other hand.
"I lost my husband of 42 years two years ago," she offered a tight-lipped smile, "the holidays are always the worst. That hole feels especially empty." Aryan scrunched up her face, tipping her head.
"Wait…how did you…?" The woman made a dismissive gesture with her free hand.
"You have that look in your eyes, dear. Like you've lost something, and you don't know where to look, and now…now all you're doing is wandering." Aryan nodded with a stiffness to her neck as the man behind the counter called her number. The woman smiled and patted her cheek one last time before she hobbled back down the aisle. Aryan watched her as she turned to corner, setting the ham down carefully in her cart.
•••
Aryan was proud of herself for once. All the gifts were wrapped and safely hidden away in her closet, and now, all that was left was to decorate and make dinner. She had insisted the Garmadons come aboard the Bounty for Christmas this year, and she had spent a good chunk of her week cleaning the clutter from every room. She knew the Garmadons were worried about her, up here all by herself with no one to keep her company, so she needed this dinner…just to prove she was okay. Was she okay? Not a question for right now. All that matters is that she was okay tomorrow evening. Aryan made the trek down into the ship's cargo hold, to retrieve the holiday decorations. The boxes of lights and ornaments were easy to bring up, though she admits she wrestled with the large Christmas tree bag a bit. She was panting and puffing as she dragged the large bag into the living room, letting out a sigh of satisfaction.
"What the hell are you doing?" Aryan turned, her hands open in a questioning pose.
"Putting up the tree?" Aryan gestured wildly towards her brother, "What are you doing?"
"Watching you about to kill yourself by falling off the ladder," Cole used that condescending voice Aryan hated. Aryan shook her head, before stepping off onto the ground. She moved her hand towards the tree.
"Be my guest," she said.
"Great," Aryan turned her head towards Kai, "now you can help me put the Christmas lights up, since you insisted on them."
"They set the mood!" Aryan defended, "When you sit in the dark with just the tree on, people tell you you're 'depressed' and 'have a problem.'"
"Ha, you're depressed and have a problem." Jay laughed as he attempted to untangle garland from one of the ornament boxes. Aryan rolled her eyes.
"Well, if you all are gonna be stupid, then I'm gonna go help Zane with dinner."
"Oh, please be careful! It's my turn to clean up and I'd rather not have to disinfect everything," Kai called after her. Though she was annoyed, Aryan couldn't help but smile.
Aryan carefully set the top piece of the tree on the rod, fluffing it so it blended in with the rest of the tree. She stepped off the stool and stepped back, taking in the tree in its entirety. It was a lot easier to put up with only one person. Aryan opened the nearest box and pulled out a string of multicolored plastic lights. She balled the lights up in her fist, dragging the stool over towards the wall. Though they only had the lights up for a couple of weeks, the nails were already in the wall. She wrapped the end of the lights over the nail closest to the corner.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Aryan opened the door to the kitchen with more force than she meant to. She pointed at the bottle in Kai's hand, "Where did you get that? I threw all the alcohol in the house away…I…I took your debit card." Kai took another swig from the brown bottle and set it down.
"Went to the bank…told them my debit card was stolen…gave me a new one," he said it so nonchalantly. Aryan had to resist the urge to walk over and break that damn bottle over his head. She didn't need this, not now. She marched over to him, setting the groceries down hard against the wooden floor. She held her hand out right in front of his face.
"Give it to me." Her tone was dangerously low. It was too close to Christmas for this, and she was tired of playing his game, "Give it to me, now." Kai slapped her hand away and turned his body, so she would have to walk around to muscle the bottle out of his hand. Aryan drew her hand back into her chest. Her breathing was getting faster by the second, "Is this really what you want? Is…is this really how you want the kid to see you?" Kai laughed, though the jumps in his giggles were slurred together.
"Ohh, like you're such a great influence," each of his words had unnecessary emphasis on them.
"Better than a drunk," Aryan retorted. At this, Kai seemed to become more aware of the situation. He slammed the bottle down on the counter, causing a loud clank to echo through the kitchen. He stood up, grabbing onto the edge of the counter to steady himself.
"You're the reason no one else is here right now," he hissed into her face, his breath smelling of alcohol, "you're the reason Cole and Nya and Jay all left. Every time he needs one of them to train him, he has to ask one of us and we don't know how to help him." Kai sat back down, grabbing the neck of the bottle to examine what was left of the contents, "You're the reason Zane's gone too."
Aryan slammed her hands down on the counter, causing Kai to jump. She leaned into her hands and craned her neck, so they were at eye level. "So here's how this is gonna go," she spoke with a slow method in an attempt not to bear her teeth like a dog, "you're gonna hand me that bottle, you're gonna hand me that card, and we'll go sit on the couch and forget this happened," Aryan paused. "Or, you're gonna take that bottle, you're gonna go pack your bag, and find someplace else to spend the night." Kai looked at her with shock, almost as if he thought her words were a drunk hallucination.
"You're kicking me out?" He asked. Aryan smiled.
"Well, as you so gently put it, I'm already four for four, babe." She could feel her eyes baring into his, though his pupils weren't focusing well, "Might as well make it five for five."
Aryan wrapped the lights around the last nail, dragging her hand along the green cord attached at the end, plugging in the lights as she reached the wall. She smiled as the living room was bathed in a multicolored glow as the lights came on. She glanced over in the corner of the room she had started in. With the tree undecorated and not plugged in, it looked relatively bare and sad in that corner. It looked…
"Depressed," she spoke out loud, only loud enough for her to hear. Aryan stared at the bare tree for a few more moments before bending down to pick up the box of ornaments. They had taken her the longest to find, as they had been located on the tallest shelf. She didn't remember who had put them away the year before. They might have not even gotten them out the year before. Pulling the flaps aside, Aryan reached in and removed the first ornament, a plastic, clear bulb with a swirl of black and orange paint on the inside. Cole had snorted half the paint up into his throat before he finally figured out how to get the colors to blow up on the sides.
"Okay," Aryan sat down at the table across from Cole, setting a black mobile phone down in the center before interlocking her hands on the table in front of her, "I'm gonna be cool and calm." She took a deep breath, her eyes meeting her brother's. The animal in her did not miss the look of panic, the human being in her tried to ignore it. She nodded towards the phone, "What is this?" Cole held her gaze, before clearing his throat.
"Um…it's a phone?" He responded with ignorance. Aryan gave a fake laugh, pushing a piece of hair out of her face. She glanced up at the ceiling, keeping her smile on her face. The corners of her vision were turning red again.
"I mean what's on the phone," Aryan said through her teeth. Cole shook his head, pushing the phone towards her before crossing his arms.
"I wouldn't know. It's not mine." He reached in his back pocket, showing her his smartphone, "Mine's here." Aryan bounced in her chair.
"Ooo, you don't?" Her voice was now mimicking that of a teacher who was scolding a lying child. She grabbed for the phone, sliding it open, "Then allow me to enlighten you." With as little reaction as she could muster from the dead depths of her soul, Aryan began to read. "'Hey, babe, can't wait to see you tonight. Jay's out so we can finally have time without worry he might walk in.'" Aryan held up her finger, thumbing through the messages, "Oh, here's a good one. 'I can't wait to hold you in my arms again. I can't believe what Jay has been taking for granted.'" Aryan continued to thumb through the messages, letting her eyes skim as she could feel the tension in the room rising, "There's a lot more like that, and they get raunchy in places," she snapped the phone shut, her eyes falling back to Cole. He shook his head again, but this time, his eyes didn't leave Aryan's.
"I've never…"
"And it's funny," Aryan started, cutting him off, "you said that this phone wasn't yours, yet I found it tucked away under your mattress."
"Aryan, it's…"
"And before you try to tell me its an old phone, you got a text alert," Aryan shrugged, "that's how I knew it was there…under the mattress." Cole opened his mouth again, but quickly shut it. Ah, like any good rabbit, he knew he was caught. Guess we're done being cordial about it now. Aryan wrapped her hands around the edge of the table and shoved it in his direction. Cole let out a grunt of pain as Aryan stood up from her seat and lunged at him, grabbing him by the upper arm and dragging him out of the kitchen and down the hall, knocking his chair over as she went. Usually, her brother's strength dwarfed her own, but today, she was running on pure anger and adrenaline.
"Well, you know, no need to pack your bags, most of your stuff is trashed anyway," Aryan didn't look back, even as Cole tripped as she led him backward, "I'd say I was sorry, but, no shock, I'm not in much of an apologetic mood." Nya and Kai, who were sitting in the living room, turned to face the commotion of Aryan dragging her brother through.
"What the hell is going on?" Kai demanded, standing up to act on the defense.
"Aryan! You don't understand!" Cole shouted. Aryan stopped, practically tossing Cole against the nearest chair.
"Then justify it," she bent down, bringing her eyes to Cole's level, "look me in the eyes and justify it to me."
"Justify what?" Nya asked, the panic in her voice evident, "Cole, what's going on?" Aryan spun to face Nya. She could feel the crazy in her eyes.
"Oh, great! I'm so glad you're here!" Aryan pointed back down the hall, "You can go pack your bags too, we can just do this all in one go. Probably better, since the idea in my head involved a lot of hair pulling, and uh," Aryan reached into her pocket, pulling out the cell phone and snapping it back open for reference, "…not the fun kind my darling brother suggested on page 30." Kai's eyes darted between Cole and Nya, then back to Aryan. All it took was a second of eye contact for it to click inside his head.
"You're the asshole that's been banging my sister?" Kai roared. His anger was quickly fading, however, as he stumbled back, running his hands through the hair he spent so long getting right in the mornings. "Oh my FSM…Oh my FSM…" he glanced up at all of them, "what about…what about…"
"What about Jay?" Aryan finished for him, the darkness in her mind seeping into her voice. Cole looked over at Nya. Resigned at the fact their secret was out, she looked at her feet. Cole took her hand and pulled her over towards him, letting her sit down on the couch beside him. They smiled at each other, Aryan had to fight the urge to kill them both right then and there, the first time in a while she had found herself choking on her desire.
"What about us, Aryan?" Nya asked, eyes still trained on Cole. "Don't we deserve to be happy?"
"We do so much to ensure the happiness of others in this world," Cole continued, "shouldn't we be allowed the same?" He met Aryan's eyes. "Zane gave up his life to make sure you were happy." A thousand things ran through Aryan's mind at once, the focus of which fell on slapping the shit out of her ignorant brother for trying to use Zane against Aryan…for trying to justify…
Aryan shook her head. "No." She said, "You don't…because you don't understand." She squeezed her eyes shut, "You missed the point of Zane's sacrifice…everyone deserves to be happy…" Aryan opened her eyes, feeling the red build behind them again, "but not at the cost of someone else." The air in the room began to pop, she knew the others could feel it too. She didn't much care. "You…you," she repeated, the malice in her voice growing, "you…you caused one of the happiest people in the entirety of Ninjago to…to do something absolutely despicable! Every single person close to him, me, his parents, Kai, Lloyd, they will never look at him the same way again! They will never understand and why should they!" Kai had moved to stand next to Aryan now, his gaze as cold as hers. Aryan glanced back at the couple in front of her, and she was proud they showed fear.
"You sit there and justify your happiness at the cost of the life of another," Aryan continued, "no good person in the world has ever done that…no true hero has ever done that." The energy curled around her fingertips and snaked up to her elbow, Aryan raised her hand, "Now, are you going to leave? Or am I gonna have to make you?"
Aryan's eyes were no longer trained on the swirls and curls of the homemade ornament. Rather, they fell on the large burn mark she had made in the living room wall all those months ago. She had not wanted that fight, and she was ashamed to say she savored every blow she got in, like a revenge no one had asked her to take. Aryan dropped the ornament back into the box and closed the flaps. She could do that later. Standing up, she moved on to the box she had positioned near the fireplace. She was a little shakier than she remembered, but she pulled open the flaps, careful to root through until she found what she was looking for. She held the green and silver stockings up to the wall, deciding on which of the eight exposed hooks she was going to position them on. On second thought, she reached back into the box and removed the white stocking as well. She ran her thumb over the stitched lettering on the tops of each that the boys insisted they do for each other. Because of this, her name was crooked and uneven, like a child had done it. There was probably more of Jay's blood than the thread that made up her name woven within the padded fabric.
The door banged open and Aryan looked up from her most recent patch job on Lloyd's gi. She and Lloyd were the only two who really responded to calls anymore. Jay stalked into the Bounty's kitchen, gritting his teeth, "And just who do you think you are?"
Aryan glanced around the kitchen, confirming there was no one else in the kitchen and Jay really was talking to her. "Um, hi Jay? Long time, no see." Jay slammed his palm down on the table, cutting her train of thought short.
"Cut the bullshit, Aryan! What did you think was gonna happen when you forced the two of them out of here!" Jay spoke so fast, Aryan had an issue catching every word he said. She shook her head.
"Jay, what are you talking about?" She asked.
"I can fight my own battles, you know!" He shouted. With those words, Aryan finally caught up. She squeezed her eyes shut and set the gi down.
"Well, what was I supposed to do, Jay?" Aryan raised her hands and quickly dropped them again, "Maybe it wasn't the best idea, but I couldn't just let them get away with it."
"So, you practically pushed them into each other's arms?" Jay started pacing around the room, "So they could go and buy that little cabin in the woods and do anything they wanted? Was that really better than keeping them here, where you could watch them?" He pointed a finger in Aryan's face, "You could have stopped them!"
"You and I are both way too smart to think that, Jay," Aryan responded, holding his angry gaze. "If they want to act like children, they need to know that there's a punishment for acting out." Jay ran his hand across his mouth, scrunching his face in anger.
"Don't contact me again," he turned on his heel and headed towards the door. Aryan felt her heartbeat in her ears.
"Wait, what?" She asked. Jay turned towards her as he opened the door, his tone condescending.
"If you wanna act like a child, you need to know there's a punishment for acting out," with that, Jay left, slamming the door on his way out. Aryan stared at the door for longer than she meant.
"Well, that was awkward," Aryan spun towards Kai, who was leaning against the inner doorframe, "what was that about?" Aryan slowly turned back towards the door.
"Nothing…he just needs to blow of some steam…he'll come back," Aryan picked Lloyd's gi back up and continued to patch. "Yeah, he'll be back," she whispered, only loud enough for her to hear.
Aryan put the three stockings on the middle nail, careful not to touch the lettering she had been pondering moments earlier. She admired her work, dragging the sleeve of her shirt across her face to wipe away any tears that might have slipped out. With renewed energy, she gathered up the box with ornaments and the remainder of the stockings, tossing them back down into the cargo hold with a deafening thud and the sound of glass breaking. It was better this way.
•••
"Wow, Aryan! I the Bounty looks wonderful!" Pixal commented as she wandered through the door Aryan held open for her. Smiling, Pixal leaned over and hugged Aryan, who gladly hugged back, "And you don't look half as bad as Misako made is seem." Pixal whispered in her ear. Aryan pulled away, hoping Pixal didn't notice her forced laughter.
"Well, the Garmadons and Wu are already ooh-ing and ahh-ing over dinner," Aryan raised her hand to her mouth as if she was telling a secret, "you would think they doubted my ability to actually cook food." Pixal laughed, a real laugh. It sounded nice.
"Yeah, well, not like your family has a good track record with that sort of thing!" Aryan's smile wavered a bit, she hoped Pixal didn't notice.
"I think we should join them," Aryan said, hoping it would change the subject. Pixal nodded, rubbing Aryan's back up and down. Aryan watched Pixal as she walked down the hall. The two of them didn't spend as much time together as they used to, Pixal was always busy with work, and to be fair, Aryan tried to keep herself busy with "work." Of course, Pixal being an android, Aryan couldn't read her mind, but she could never shake the feeling whenever they were around one another that there was something constantly on the tip of her tongue. Something she was a hair's length away from telling Aryan, something she stopped herself from saying. Aryan always assumed it was her imagination.
"Aryan!" Lloyd yelled from somewhere within the Bounty, pulling Aryan out of her thoughts, "I like what you did with the tree!" Aryan walked slowly through the dark halls until she emerged in the living room. Aryan glanced towards the corner, at the sugar cookie ornaments she had been up all night making in a variety of hand cut shapes. They weren't particularly clean, but anything to keep her from putting the others up. Anything to keep her from sleeping that night. Aryan subconsciously brushed her fingertip across the underneath of her eye, hoping the makeup didn't look too unnatural.
Lloyd wasn't looking at the tree anymore, rather, his attention had fallen on the stockings along the wall. Aryan glanced around the room. For the first time in a while, the two of them were alone, excluding times when they were out on duty. She went over and stood next to him, as much as it irked her, even he was taller than her now. He pointed towards the wall, "You put his stocking up." Aryan nodded.
"Yeah," she whispered, "it felt somehow…disrespectful not to." She looked over towards Lloyd, "You know…we haven't really had a chance to…talk…not really," she paused, "not since Kai left…not really since Cole and Nya left." Lloyd chuckled.
"You sure you really wanna ruin the Christmas mood with a serious discussion?" He asked.
"You and I know better than anyone that Christmas doesn't stop reality," Aryan stated, her eyes falling out of focus, "as much as I wish it would."
"I don't blame you, you know," Lloyd said, cutting her thoughts short, "not that there's anything to blame." He shook his head, his eyes still trained on the colorful stockings, "Everything fell apart faster than we could hold it together."
"That's the problem, you know," Aryan sighed, "I fell apart." She looked over at Lloyd, who brought his eyes to hers, "I didn't notice Jay needed help. I didn't notice what was going on between Cole and Nya. I gave Kai that first permission to drink again because I thought it was harmless," she ran her hand across her face, "I was off my game because…" She trailed off, feeling the back of her eyes prickle. Aryan laughed, "You would think I'd never done this before." Lloyd said nothing, he nodded in a slow rhythm that let her know his mind was somewhere else. Aryan meandered over towards the couch, collapsing onto it. Lloyd delicately followed.
"At the beginning of this whole thing, your uncle told me I needed to help the others understand what they were getting into," Aryan continued, "as the only one who had been in this situation before, he said they had to understand that walking away was an option. So, I told them the truth." She looked over at Lloyd, who was staring at her with an intensity, "I told them not all of this were making it out of this. I told them that they needed to understand that, by taking on this responsibility, they forfeit not only their time and identities but their lives as well." She shook her head, "They all stayed anyway. But I guess you can't really assume how it will affect everyone until it happens," she shrugged, "though, in hindsight, I should have known. It didn't go that well last time either."
"Aryan…" Lloyd started. Aryan turned to look at him before he wrapped his arms around her, crushing her into what can only be described as one of the best hugs Aryan had ever received. It reminded her of those nights that seemed so long ago, when Lloyd called her into his room in the middle of the night, for nightmares she wished she could quell. "When I was a bratty kid, you saw something in me none of the others could. Through all the abuse, all the training, all the snide comments, you stood by me at the detriment of yourself." He squeezed tighter, "My loyalty was with you then, it still is now, because the only person who has been where I've been, who understands who I am, was always you." Aryan ran her hand across her face before he pulled away, hoping her makeup wasn't too runny.
"That's a shitty sentiment," she stated, "loyalty shouldn't be based on that."
"No," Lloyd said, "it shouldn't."
"Hey," both Aryan and Lloyd spun in surprise towards the door, where Sensei Wu stood, looking sheepish, "Misako's casserole is finally done, and if you don't mind, we would like to start dinner soon." Aryan nodded.
"Yeah, we'll be there in a minute," Wu gave them a quick glance before disappearing down the hall. Aryan rose to her feet and Lloyd followed suit.
"When'd you get so grown up?" Aryan asked him as they made their way down the hall. Lloyd cocked his head in fake contemplation.
"Well, probably right around the time my friend tired to kill himself," Lloyd said. The nonchalant in his voice made Aryan stop, watching his back continue down the hall. She didn't like what her new normal had become. She reached over and pulled the adjacent bathroom door shut before its secrets could leak all over the hall carpet.
•••
Aryan didn't really smoke, not on a regular basis, at least. She had had found this pack of cigarettes beneath the floorboards in the bunk room, most likely Kai's, if she had to guess. In the cold weather, she liked lighting one and watching the smoke curl into the thin air. There was something cathartic about watching the stick burn and then chucking the butt as far as she could. Probably taking out her anger in effigy.
"It's a bit too cold for you to be out here in just that sweater," Garmadon approached, leaning his arms over the deck's railing as she had been doing, "and if that won't kill you," he plucked the cigarette out of Aryan's fingers and let it go, watching it fall to the ground, "these definitely will."
"Hey!" Aryan exclaimed, "I wanted to do that!" She put her head in her folded arms, "And don't worry about me, I happen to like the cold." They sat there, side by side in silence for a few glorious moments before Garmadon broke it again.
"What, you too good to play board games with three old people and your little brother?" He wondered, "Or are you worried your friend's gonna beat you because, let me tell you, she's been whipping our asses so far…"
"It's not that," Aryan said, cutting him off, "I just…I just need some time not in the house." The silence returned, and Aryan listened closely to the whistling wind. When she was younger, she used to pretend the wind carried secret messages from others to her when she was lonely. Lonely wasn't exactly the word she'd use to describe herself now, but the ideal still stood.
"Why?" Aryan didn't know what it was about Garmadon. Maybe it was the fact that he was Lloyd's father, but she had a feeling it had to do with an uncommunicated mutual understanding. Though Wu attempted in vain to say he had no preference among the ninja, he had never much liked Aryan. With Garmadon, however, he always took the time to offer her advice when it seemed she needed it. Aryan shook her head.
"It's like…everything in the house is tainted somehow," she spoke quietly, "those self help books your wife got me a couple months ago say that you're supposed to focus on the good, not the bad." She stared out at the dark landscape, "But every time I try to relive a memory from the past, it's like the knowledge of the future taints them." Garmadon listened intently, nodding along to let her know she had his attention, "Today, while I was cooking, I tried to live in the time of old Christmas dinners, where I would go into the kitchen to help and Zane would show me oregano or parsley or whatever else he was cooking with and tell me it was mistletoe in an attempt to get me to kiss him…" Aryan smiled, "All he really had to do was ask." Garmadon smiled too, no doubt thinking about a similar memory, or maybe, even trying to imagine hers, but her joy was short lived. The shadow came, as it had been coming, "But the entire time I lived in that little memory, I couldn't ignore the specter of that same girl sitting at the kitchen table in the only black thing she owned, avoiding a funeral because she couldn't bring herself to cry in front of other people." Aryan rubbed at her eye, smelling the tobacco on her fingers.
"You know," Garmadon started, causing Aryan to look in his direction, "I have so many memories like that. Overshadowed by what was to come," he glanced down at his hands, "at what I was to become." He looked back up towards the dark sky, devoid of stars, "Even my happiest memories, Lloyd's birth, my wedding day, even times when Wu and I were children, they all suffer from the knowledge that it's all eventually gonna go to shit." Garmadon nudged her with his shoulder, "And boy, does it."
"Did it ever get better?" Aryan wondered. Garmadon smiled with a hint of mischief.
"Yes, my dear, it does. But it takes a while," he gestured from one hand to the other, "the same way you created the poison, you have to get rid of it. Those memories, they're lost right now, covered over by a layer of haze," he put his hand on her shoulder, "you have to replace the negative now with the positive tomorrow." Aryan wanted to scream, but she decided to keep her mouth shut.
"The positive tomorrow?" She asked, "And how do you suppose I do that? Is there even such thing as that?" She glanced down towards the wooden railing, "Can I even fix it?"
"Well, there's your problem right there, Aryan," Garmadon said, "Two wrongs do not make a right." Aryan cocked her head to the side in irritation.
"Thank you, Mister Fortune Cookie, for the sage advice." She pushed herself away from the railing, heading back towards the door when Garmadon caught her arm, pulling her backwards.
"You know, as someone who is basically the inventor of screwing up, I find your problem to be a simple one," Garmadon shrugged, "the same problem I had when the darkest was first bleached out of me." He brought his eyes to hers, "Two wrongs do not make a right, but they are two wrongs, nonetheless. Even when Zane was alive, you apologized for every fight you ever had before he even had a chance to get a word in edgewise." Aryan turned away, his stare making her uncomfortable, and Garmadon moved to accommodate her change of gaze, "Aryan Brookestone, you were taught your whole life that you were the villain and apologizing for what you had obviously done wrong came as second nature." Garmadon shook his head, "But Aryan, that makes you resentful, because the truth of the matter is you are not always wrong."
"What are you saying?" Aryan asked, "That I shouldn't apologize? Because my moral compass may be newer than most people's, but it still knows I royalty fu…"
"Let them come to you," Garmadon said, cutting her off. "Let them come. The hardest thing about growing up is learning to take responsibility for what you know was wrong but choose to believe was the right thing to do." Garmadon let go of her arm, turning back towards the dark sky, "They need you, Aryan. It may take years, but they will come." Aryan turned with him, glancing up at the sky.
"There are not any stars tonight," she said, changing the subject.
"No," Garmadon responded, "there haven't been for a while."
•••
Lloyd had made the executive decision to stay with Aryan that night. She secretly enjoyed the fact she knew the kid loved that Aryan gave him independence and treasured the nights his overprotective parents could not argue with his decision to sleep in his old bed. They had watched a couple of Christmas movies, and now Lloyd was dozing on the couch. Aryan too, comfortable in the fact she was not alone and tired from her many sleepless nights had fallen asleep as well, until the rapid vibrations of her phone in pocket roused her from a dreamless sleep.
Yawning, she answered the phone as she stood up, making her way to the kitchen as not to wake Lloyd. "Hello?" She had not bothered to check the caller ID.
"Merry Christmas, Aryan!" Aryan had to pull the phone away from her ear a bit, as the loud shouting made her still groggy head thud. She pulled the phone back towards her ear.
"Thanks, Dad," she said with a laugh, "Merry Christmas to you too." Aryan held the phone between her shoulder and ear, moving the neglected dirty dishes towards the sink. Misako and Pixal had offered to help, but Aryan insisted. It was Christmas, after all.
"You are coming tomorrow, right?" Her father asked, his voice filled with worry.
"Of course," Aryan said, turning the warm water tap on and plugging the sink, better to let them soak a bit, "I'll be there as soon as I possibly can." Lou Brookestone let out a sigh of relief.
"Great, and do you have a rough estimate of when that will be? You know your father, always saving wrapping the gifts until the last minute!" Aryan squeezed her eyes shut, rubbing the bridge of her nose to rid herself of the headache she knew was coming on.
"Dad…you know the answer to that," she said, "it was a hard-enough discussion to have the first time." Her father made a noise in the back of his throat that carried through the phone. Aryan noticed a small pile of envelopes on the counter she hadn't noticed before. Lloyd must have run into the mailman on his way up.
"I know, but Aryan, I think if you two just talked to one another…" Aryan meandered over towards the pile, looking through the envelopes until one caught her eye.
"No, Dad." She let out a frustrated sigh, "It's just…it's not that simple."
"Why not?" Her father asked, "You two are siblings! You love one another! Here, I have your brother right here, if you two just talked…"
"Dad STOP!" Aryan had not really meant to yell. Her father immediately got quiet on the other line. Aryan picked the envelope up, looking at her name and address printed on the envelope. She turned it over and began to tear at the corner. "Look, Dad. I didn't mean to raise my voice. And…I know that you're having a hard time understanding this, but I think we just need…time." She pulled the card out from the white envelope, looking at the professionally made image. 'SEASONS GREETINGS FROM THE CAST OF TO FIND A HERO' it read in bold capital letters. "I think we're all a little…lost…right now, Dad." She flipped the card over. It boasted a large group picture, but the faces in the back seemed to all blur together. Aryan was much more focused on the figure standing in the front, smiling at the camera. She turned on her heel and began hurriedly walking back towards the living room.
"We all need some time to wander on our own," she continued into the phone. Lloyd stirred at the sound of her walking in, sitting up groggily and rubbing sleep from his eyes. Though it took some convincing, seven stockings now hung side by side on the wall near the Christmas tree, arranged by age like they always were. Aryan took the card and carefully tucked it, picture side out, into the blue stocking, stepping back to admire her handiwork. "But like most lost things, we'll find our way back eventually," Aryan smiled, the first genuine smile she'd had in forever, "I love you, Dad. Merry Christmas."
•••