Chapter 7
Caroline was slouched on the settee, just as she did all those months back but this time instead of lamenting how she'd 'blown it' with Kate, she was holding hands with the said same woman and thinking how she'd 'made it' and couldn't be happier.
She snuggled closer into the mixed race woman, her bride, and rested her head on the strong broad shoulders. She was remembering their vows and how they'd promised they'd have no secrets, no lies, or hide their feelings from one another.
However there was one thing that weighed heavily on the blonde woman's mind, the nature of the death of Gillian's husband. If she didn't tell Kate what she knew, the guilt would eat away at her and the deceit, as she saw it, would eventually be exposed in the worst way possible. On the other hand, if she did tell Kate, they could both be implicated as accomplices or perverting the course of justice, or some such crime and face ruin themselves.
This was the only thing that stopped Caroline feeling as happy and free as she should. 'Damn it!' she thought. Not even falling out with her mother and Lawrence or the possibility of never talking to either of them again bothered her as much as this. As much as she loved Gillian, she could easily kill her, ('excuse the pun' she thought), for putting her in this position.
She looked up at Kate, thought of how much she loved her and how torn she was in terms of what to do. Dark eyes opened and stared lovingly, but with concern, at blue eyes.
"Hey. I love you." Kate broke the silence and planted a loving kiss on Caroline's fringe. "What's on your mind? You look troubled." She'd noticed a hint of angst in the eyes of the woman she adored.
That loving look and Kate's perception of her mood pulled at Caroline's heart strings. She closed her eyes and kissed the shoulder she was leaning on.
"What's up Doc?" Kate asked again in her best Bugs Bunny voice, this time trying to inject a bit of humour into the situation.
Caroline buried her head even further into the shoulder she now sought refuge in. She felt that if she looked up she'd confess everything and things between her, Gillian and Kate would never be the same again.
"Kate I love you, more than I can ever express. You know that don't you?" It was more of a plea than a question and this prompted the taller woman to sit up straight, tilt Caroline's chin and make her sit up too.
"Of course I do and you know that I love you too, right? What's going on Caroline? You've got me concerned."
The older woman stood up. There was no way she could do this whilst sitting still, or without a drink. She stooped down and poured herself a small brandy from the almost empty bottle on the coffee table.
"Do you want one?" she asked nervously.
"Come on Caroline, just tell me what's going on? What has you so jittery and nervous? And, no, I don't want a drink thank..."
"Kate I've got something to tell you," the headmistress interrupted. "It's been hanging over me like a noose; I've wanted to tell you for ages but I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I don't want to keep anything from you but I'm scared that this will change things between all of us forever, the guilt is killing me and ..."
"...and what Caroline?" a frowning Gillian asked. Neither woman had noticed that she was standing at the bottom of the stairs listening to their conversation. She'd come down for a glass of water to ease her already throbbing head.
Kate turned to her step sister-in-law and, even though she didn't know the woman that well, saw a look of annoyance on her face. She also noticed that Gillian was wringing the sleeve of her pyjama top tightly round and round into a tight knot and her hooded eyes were homed in on Caroline. A sinister feeling came over her and she sensed her heart rate increasing. The tension between the other two women was palpable and almost sinister.
"Go on Caroline," the agitated brunette encouraged. "Spill. What are you going to say that will change things between us?"
Caroline looked at Gillian, stunned. Here was her step-sister, a woman she loved and feared in equal measure. A woman whose moods and demons had the capacity to make her feel intimidated, in a way that nobody else managed, and almost scared at times.
Kate moved over to her wife. "If we have a baby. Caroline and I were talking about having a baby and how it would shake things up even more with Celia and Lawrence when they are only just beginning to settle down."
Astute as ever, Kate felt the change in the atmosphere; her natural instinct and sense of loyalty to her wife had prompted her response. She was relieved that her words had lightened the atmosphere. She felt a need to continue and take charge of the situation, sensing rightly that Caroline's articulate manner had deserted her.
"Caroline was saying how she thought Celia might react to being grandmother to a mixed race child, born via donor insemination, with two mums." Kate chuckled. "We'd test every prejudiced nerve in her body and then some!"
Smiling at Caroline, she reached out and held her hand, squeezing it and rubbing her thumb across the back of the blonde's knuckles. Caroline reciprocated the action and as Kate chanced a look at Gillian she was reassured to see that the brunette's face broke out into a smile as her shoulders began to rock with laughter.
"Bloody hell, girls. You do know how to stir up shit, don't you?"
It was clear that Gillian was really quite inebriated. In fact, much more that she should have been based on the alcohol they had shared during the day. They had matched one another, glass by glass and although the Harrogate ladies were by no means sober, they were able to stand and walk straight, which was more than could be said for Gillian who appeared to have used up all her remaining balance in negotiating the journey down the stairs. She collapsed into a rather undignified heap on the settee and threw back her head and laughed some more.
"I was hoping that I might get a break from having me dad and Celia here if you repaired the rift so they'd be inclined to spend some time at your granny flat! Now you are telling me that marriage was not the only action you two have in mind to complete Celia's education into a rounded, bigot-free individual! Jesus, Caroline! Have a heart. I'll be stuck with them forever. It's not doing wonders for my sex life; that I can tell you!"
With that utterance she seemed to have used up the last of her ability to be coherent and although she continued to talk, neither Caroline nor Kate could understand more than one word in three.
Kate took the opportunity to whisper into Caroline's ear. "I am not sure what is going on here, Sweetpea, but it's hardly a guess that the secret you are keeping has quite a lot to do with the person in front of us."
Caroline simply nodded in response.
"Right. I am going to carry on taking charge here. Give me a hand. We'll get her back to her bed. I assume you can show me the way?" Kate was half-pulling Gillian off the settee before she finished the last sentence. "Come on, Caroline. Grab her other side."
With a great deal of huffing, puffing and effort Gillian was back in her bed within a short while. While neither made any comment, Caroline and Kate both noticed the open, half empty bottle of brandy on the bedside cabinet. This was the reason for Gillian's greater degree of drunkenness, no doubt. Having made sure that Gillian was settled and safe, they made their way back downstairs and quietly closed the door at the bottom of the staircase.
"I think explanations might be in order, Kate, but do you mind if we leave them until we're back home?"
Kate pulled Caroline into a hug and kissed her gently. "Ok, I'm going to trust you as much as I love you on this; my instincts tell me it's for the best. If you've kept whatever it is from me for so long, I'm assuming its one hell of a big deal and maybe it's best if one of us isn't held to ransom by it."
Kate knew her words would comfort Caroline and so said them quite freely but she had no loyalty to Gillian and made a mental note to herself to have a conversation one day with the woman who was sleeping upstairs. As her mind wandered off and she envisaged when and where she'd ever get Gillian on her own, she felt a familiar warm hand snake its way up her back and stroke the nape of her neck.
"Fancy a quick one on the settee?" Caroline asked. Her hands continued the stroking and she could see they were having the desired effect. Her long fingers massaged Kate's neck and she deliberately but gently rang her long nails over the soft brown skin.
"If I knew you could do quick or quiet I might oblige, my love, but you can't do either," Kate responded with a smile.
"That's because you're so good and I find you so tantalising, or bang tidy. Isn't that what people say these days?"
With this Kate burst out laughing. "Bang tidy? How do you know what that means, Caroline; what have you been watching or who have you been talking to? Do you even know what it means?"
"Yes I do, thank you very much! It means you're a sexy lady; 'fuckworthy' would summarise it, I believe." Blue eyes looked lustfully at brown eyes and winked.
"Now that's the type of talk that will get you a quick one, noisy or not." Brown eyes glistened in reply to the sexy wink and with that Kate pulled Caroline down on top of her, and the blonde responded by kissing her deeply and longingly.
Half an hour of 'squeezing, licking, rough but playful fondling and fingers probing one another' later both women agreed that they'd finish what they started when they got home. They didn't want to run the risk of a drunk or partly sober Gillian stumbling in on them, so they wrapped themselves in up a worn but still thick throw and snuggled down to sleep on an equally worn but comfortable settee.
Before giving her wife one final kiss goodnight Caroline couldn't resist having the last word. "The long and the short of it, my sweet, is that I'm not as behind the times or past it as you and half the school think. I do like to keep myself up to date with urban slang, and as you now know, I can do quick and I can do quiet."
Kate smiled to herself and thought how she'd never tire of this woman and how she loved her more each day. She made a second mental note to herself to put Caroline's claim to the test one day when they've got 5 minutes to spare before leaving the house.
.