Chapter 8
Breakfast time at the farm house was a rushed affair, and the Harrogate ladies saw very little of Gillian as she dashed out to Otley's livestock sale. None of the women mentioned the night time conversation. The newly-weds suspected that from her point of view it was because she had no recollection of the event and, for them, there was the wish to avoid it.
Caroline and Kate also had a need to hurry as they had not intended spending the night away from home and they were without a change of clothes or toiletries. Also, Lawrence was expected back by mid-morning and food shopping was still required. As the women said their goodbyes Celia and Alan confirmed that they intended to return to 46 Conway Drive the following afternoon, as Celia was anxious to spend some time in what she still considered to be her real home.
On the drive they discussed when and how they might tell others of their hopes to have a baby together. While they did not wish to be deceitful, they also did not wish to cause ripples where it was not necessary. Therefore, they agreed that nothing would be said until after the first clinic appointment when they would know whether there might be a chance for their wishes to be turned into plans.
"Whenever we tell my mum, I will need you to be there with me, Kate. I know we were not entirely serious when we were talking to Gillian last night, but as they say 'there's many a true word spoken in jest' and it WILL test my mother beyond the endurance of her new found acceptance of us."
Caroline smiled as she spoke but there was no doubt that for her, as well as Celia, further changes of mentality would be needed before all aspects of the future could be approached without some trepidation.
As they entered the house, Caroline reminisced about what it was like raising her boys here. They were some of the happiest days of her life. John was a good dad; well in those days he was, and she put it down to him being a being a kid himself. He took the boys out swimming or to the park every weekend and read to them every night. Fair enough he never changed a nappy and was rarely seen at bath time but he loved his boys and they loved him.
'When did it all go wrong?' Caroline often thought and over the years she had sussed that it was once the boys no longer hero-worshipped their dad and began questioning and challenging his opinions. She also thought about when it all started to go wrong between her and Lawrence and came to the same conclusion.
The women unpacked the shopping, and made themselves a light lunch of smoked salmon and scrambled eggs. Lawrence had rung to say he would be home later than expected as they intended to stop off somewhere for lunch. Caroline knew full well, though, that he'd still be hungry and have his head in the fridge within seconds of arriving back home so they decided to have a heavier meal when he finally arrived back.
"I'll cook dinner later." Kate finally spoke. "I want you fully relaxed and rested. I've got plans for you tonight," she winked.
"Kate, you are insatiable!" The blonde rolled her eyes and tutted but her smile betrayed her true feelings of longing and anticipation.
She rounded the breakfast bar and hugged her beautiful wife. "I'm always relaxed and rested when I'm with you." With that they kissed passionately, as if they were lovers who had been separated for some time.
"Right! Enough, Mrs!" It was Caroline who broke off the kiss and held Kate at arms-length. "This isn't doing either of us any good and I know what you're like."
"Au contraire, this is doing me the world of good," and with that the mixed race woman pulled the blonde back into her arms and began kissing her again. This time with more force and intent.
Once again Caroline pulled away. "Come on Kate, stop it!" she said reluctantly in between kisses. "We said we'd have a look at the whys and wherefores of the Manchester Fertility Clinic and I did say I had some reading to do for work."
"Yes we did and yes you did," Kate replied. "I suppose I should leave you alone to work; we can look at the clinic later, maybe after dinner."
Caroline smiled, then kissed her wife's full lips gently. "Thank you, darling. I'll be in the study for a couple of hours. Call me if you need me."
Kate licked her lips and spoke sultrily. "I need you now, don't go!"
"Not for that! You hussy! Leave me be." Caroline replied huskily as she strode off, giving a quick glance over her shoulder as she shut the study door behind her.
Now that she was on her own, Kate retrieved her lap top from its bag, turned it on and tapped 'Eddie Greenwood' into the search engine. She remembered Caroline telling her snippets about her trailer trash step-sister, who drank and swore like a trooper; how she slept with anyone in trousers with a pulse and the way she had been abused by her late husband Eddie.
As the various news stories populated the pages, Kate saw headline after headline describing Eddie's horrific accident and how his poor wife discovered his body trapped in some farming machinery.
There was something about Gillian that she couldn't put her finger on. Yes, she was witty, free and good company but there was another side to her. Kate had seen a glimpse of this with the way the atmosphere changed when she had interrupted their conversation yesterday; there was definitely something amiss with Gillian. Kate didn't like it because of the way it made Caroline feel scared and threatened and because it was something that could potentially come between them both.
After reading the various stories about the farmer's death, Kate sat back and thought about what Caroline had said about Gillian's treatment at the hands of her abusive husband. She recalled the stories Caroline had told her about Gillian's apparent lack of morals when it came to relationships with men.
"Huh!" Kate couldn't help but voice her distaste. "Relationships my foot, no one's off bounds as far as that woman's concerned." Kate's mouth twisted as she continued to think, 'local engaged men, brother-in-laws on either side; some would say the woman is nothing but a slut.'
She gasped at her own hard-nosed opinion of her step sister-in-law. Kate being Kate always looked for the kindness and humanity in people, even if their behaviour left a lot to be desired. She scolded herself for thinking of Gillian in the way that she did; it was not as if she meted out the kind of cold disrespectful ignorance that Celia had.
'No,' she thought, 'Gillian deserved better but what the hell was it that had Caroline spooked.' She looked at the laptop and read again how the young farmer had died; his head caught in a log-splitter, his wife Gillian discovering the body. Kate stared at the screen almost in a trance. Gillian discovered the body! What if Gillian killed him herself? What if the big secret is that she saw her husband trapped and let him die? What if this is what she told Caroline and that's the secret? What if that's what Caroline wanted to tell her but couldn't? It would certainly make sense. If it came out that Caroline knew, she'd could be charged with being an accessory after the fact.
"No! No way, that can't be it!" she spoke out loud yet again. While letting her imagination run wild she'd been watching a bee that had flown in through the lounge window. Her brown eyes focused on the insect as it tried in vain to find a way out, its buzz getting louder and louder as it grew more frustrated.
"Just like me aren't you? Well come on then, let's get you out."
She walked over and opened the window a bit further, the bee let out one last grateful buzz as it sped out of the window through which it had entered.
The dark eyed woman slunk back in the oversized chair and tried to imagine Gillian watching her husband die. Try as she might she just couldn't. She laughed at herself for thinking such a thing. She knew Caroline and that was definitely not something the headmistress would accept.
She thought again about Gillian's proclivity for 'taken men' and as her eyes closed against her will, she concluded that the secret between Gillian and Caroline was that Eddie had found out that his poor suffering wife was having an affair with his brother Robbie, and, even though he was a violent thug, he took his own life rather than confront his brother.
She felt better towards her step sister-in-law and could see why she now got involved with men who were unavailable. Kate made a note to bring the subject up with Caroline later on that evening rather than interrupt her while she was working. As her mind began to ease, she relaxed and thought of her beautiful wife and how she was missing her, even though she was only down the hall. Before long Kate had dozed off, her face wearing a gentle smile as she dreamt of being back in her own bed with the woman she loved.
Caroline had mixed feelings as she tore herself away from Kate and settled into the study with her cup of coffee. She revelled in being near her wife. She knew with certainty that she would never tire of thinking of her in those terms and being thought of as such in return. She had decided from day one of her marriage to John that she would not be identified by that relationship. She was a woman who chose instead to be acknowledged by her role in life, her own uniqueness of spirit and character; determined not to be owned or shaped by him. This had stemmed from her full awareness that she had allowed her mother to dominate her behaviour and, consequently, her future. Although she had not started to pull away from Celia's control until very recently, she had succeeded in never being identified as 'the wife of that famous author.' With Kate it was so different. This was truly a partnership of love and acceptance of their position and importance in each other's lives.
But, despite that, she was pleased to have some time to herself. Her face betrayed her feelings so easily that she needed the opportunity to think about Gillian's secret without Kate's enquiring glances and she hoped that she would have time to do just that once she had caught up with some research. Caroline opened the latest Times Educational Supplement. There was an interesting article on the pros and cons of streaming that she wanted to evaluate before the next Governors' meeting. She read the first paragraph several times before she sat back in her chair, threw her highlighter pen onto the desk and looked to the ceiling for inspiration. Finding none, she closed her eyes and breathed deeply, before opening them again to stare straight ahead.
"Not working for either of us stuck in here. You should have my predicament though, Buzz. God knows I could do with some inspiration right now. You must be a miracle worker because I have no idea how you got in here through closed windows and door so, please tell me, how do I get out of my particular quandary?"
Caroline spoke aloud in exasperation to a bee which was equally frustrated as it attempted to find a way back to the garden. Caroline took pity and opened the window, releasing the insect from its misery. The head teacher's dilemma was not so easily solved. She noticed a loose thread hanging from the seam of her sleeve and twirled it subconsciously around her finger, this way and that, clockwise and anti-clockwise, for some minutes. As her fingers moved in rhythm her thoughts began to clarify.
As she saw it, there were various options. She could tell Kate the full revelation about Eddie's death but she was very reluctant to do so despite her dislike of keeping a secret from her gorgeous bride. Her apprehension was not because it would be a betrayal of Gillian's trust in her. Kate was her priority and the long and the short of it was that she cared not if her step-sister was upset or short-changed.
Caroline's concern was solely because she herself had felt the burden of Gillian's crime for some time and could not see what benefit it would be to embroil Kate in the sorry saga. She knew without any doubt that she should have gone to the police as soon as she heard Gillian's tale. To share the revelation with Kate would make both of them liable, in law. What good would that do, especially if they were successful in having a baby? If she kept the secret to herself she could always deny that she knew anything about Eddie's death, if ever questioned. She had been as 'as drunk as a skunk' that night after all, and Gillian had been even worse for wear.
Her second option was to be partially honest with Kate. Gillian's abuse at Eddie's hand had been real enough. That too had been told to Caroline in confidence. She could share that with Kate in rather more graphic detail than she had done before. The benefit of this option was that it would help to explain why Caroline had sometimes accepted brashness and ridicule from Gillian that she would not take from anyone else.
Lastly she thought that she could say nothing more about Eddie's death and his violence to his wife. Rather she could tell Kate about the abortion Gillian had when she was a teenager. 'That might work,' she thought to herself. Kate would take Caroline's reticence in sharing the secret as being a concern about how Kate might then view Gillian's actions, considering her grief at her miscarriages and the longing to have a baby.
So the minutes turned into hours and Caroline's pile of work had reduced not one jot. Yet she considered the time in the study well spent as her thoughts were now clear. Caroline tidied up her desk and quickly checked her work email account before she picked up her empty mug and left the study. She found Kate curled up on the corduroy chair, head on her laptop, fast asleep and she stopped in her tracks. She thought briefly of the evening she had returned from school after watching the students' production of 'King Lear' and found Kate sleeping. A chaste kiss that evening had resulted in Kate's emergency admission to hospital and as Caroline briefly cast her mind back to that day, she realised that she so lucky to have been given another chance, in more ways than one.
Caroline fully expected Kate to wake as she moved the laptop but, no, Kate snoozed on.
"I will start our baby research, my sweet," Caroline whispered, more to herself than to her wife. She settled into a chair and re-started the computer. Caroline gasped audibly as the cursor opened Google. There was the cause of her angst. 'Eddie Greenwood suspicious death' were the words which stared back at her as she became conscious of Kate's glance from across the room.