Chapter 15
Caroline was the first of the women to wake as the morning sun began to trickle through the bedroom window. Already wrapped around her wife she nestled her face into Kate's neck, drawing in her familiar scent, as she recalled the enjoyment of their evening out. Wonderful food with a wonderful woman. Life was more than good. But, ever the realist, she had not forgotten the return home and the chaos that awaited them.
Kate seemed to be in a deep sleep. Caroline had already determined that she did not want her wife to have to endure the clean-up operation. The long and the short of it was that the nightmare known as John was responsible; nothing to do with Kate. So with a gentle kiss she extracted her body from that of her beloved and within a few moments she was downstairs.
She decided to begin with the lounge and was very soon aware that there was more mess than she had noticed previously. A large stain, which she thought was probably beer, covered about a square foot of carpet as well as the games remotes. Although momentarily bewildered that even John could be so reckless, her bafflement was short-lived. She should – and did – know better. Even in a sober state John was never one to have respect for people or things. But, she asked herself, was it worth getting upset about? No, better by far to move on; once and for all to learn from experience and stick to her guns about allowing John to use and abuse the house to which he no longer had any rights.
As Caroline sat there lost in contemplation she was aware of hands on her shoulders. Expecting it to be Kate, she changed her scowl into a smile before turning around and looking upwards into the frowning face of Lawrence.
"Mum, I am so sorry. I was the one who suggested that you let him visit."
"That you did, Lawrence, but you are not responsible for your dad's actions. I was just checking the remote controls. I am not sure that they will have survived a bath in whatever it is."
Lawrence screeched.
"Oh crap! The irresponsible bast…"
"Lawrence. Please don't. What's done is done."
She held tightly onto her second born son as he sobbed, clutching the remotes close to his chest.
"It was a wasted evening, mum. He was good fun to start with as usual, cooking dinner and singing his heart out. But you know what he's like when he starts to drink. One glug of the wine in the spaghetti sauce, two larger ones for him. It went down his gullet like water down a drain. Then he got all…what's that word that you use when someone gets sentimental and miserable?"
Caroline chuckled, despite herself and the situation.
"You probably mean 'maudlin'. Oh, Lawrence, life's hard sometimes and maybe realising one's parents have feet of clay is one of the hardest lessons to learn. You've had a lot of that to deal with of late."
"It's fine, mum. Honest. Do you know, I have realised that…. "
Still hugging him, Caroline sensed that he was taking deep breaths.
"What? What have you realised?"
"You and Kate, mum. You're ok. It's ok. You're so happy. Life's better now. Dad is always up and down and when he was here, as much as I tried to blame you, he was the one who made this house miserable."
They stayed huddled on the floor for some time, communicating despite no words being spoken. Eventually Lawrence's rumbling tummy told a tale and they laughed in unison.
"Come on, my boy. Let's get some food in front of you before your hunger pains wake Kate! Then we'll start tackling the task at hand."
Within the half-hour Lawrence was fed and watered and they started to work together to clean the lounge and kitchen. The carpet responded well to being cleaned with washing-up liquid and white vinegar as Caroline recalled that it was not the first time she had needed to implement that particular treatment to clean up after her errant ex-husband. Against expectations the teenager found that he would not need to buy new remote controls and the frown slowly left his face. Caroline enjoyed their time together, feeling a real and positive step-change in their relationship. Things had been strained between them for such a long time she could not really remember the last time they managed to be in the same room without one or both of them expressing, either through words or actions, some exasperation with the other.
All of the worktops were now pristine, the dish-washer on and the kitchen floor mopped. Caroline threw the cloth into the sink as she stood back, with an arm draped around Lawrence's shoulders, as they surveyed their handiwork.
"Good job done. Thank you for your help Lawrence. You've been hiding your domesticity well. I wonder if you'd like to exercise it more often!"
"Nice try, mother. No can do. This was a one-off! Now, I'm off to ring Angus. I think we're going to go to the cinema this evening and with any luck he'll have arranged for Sophie and Emma to come along, See you later!"
With that Lawrence was gone and didn't respond to Caroline's "Who? What? Why don't I know about this?"
Caroline looked at her watch; it was almost half nine. She couldn't remember Kate ever sleeping in so late and felt that she would probably appreciate a cup of tea. The kettle was duly filled and she started to prepare a breakfast tray. As the blonde began to close the fridge door, balancing milk, butter and jam in her hands, she realised that she had been joined by her dishevelled, fragile looking wife who almost collapsed onto a stool before snuggling her head into her hands on the breakfast bar. A feeble voice came from underneath the dark brown hair.
"Please don't make any loud noises. I've got the mother and father of all hangovers."
Caroline walked silently over to her wife and gently placed her arm around her shoulders, indicating empathy through a light rubbing. She bent down to place a gossamer kiss on the top of her head. Slowly Kate raised her head and leaned into her wife's shoulder.
"Tea?" whispered the blonde.
"Yes please. Throat like a bear's armpit. Thirst like a camel."
The tea was poured and Kate sipped slowly and deliberately. A refill was soon forthcoming and met a similar fate, washing down the two Paracetamol which had appeared in front of her. The tea worked its magic; Kate then availed herself of the toast and jam prepared by her doting partner.
"That's it, no more champagne for you, Miss Lightweight!"
"No more alcohol, period." She held tightly to Caroline's hand and looked deliberately into her blue eyes. "Not primarily because of this hangover either but to prepare myself for pregnancy. If we are going to go ahead with the insemination at the start of the summer holidays that gives me a couple of months to get this body in better shape. No more alcohol. More regular trips to the gym. Daily Folic Acid. If I am going to get pregnant I owe it to our baby to be in as good a shape as possible in preparation."
"If you are not going to drink then I won't drink either."
"That's not necessary. I wouldn't ask you to do that."
"You're not asking but I'm determined. I could do with getting a little fitter too! That small glass of red with the evening meal is far too frequently joined by a further couple before bedtime. It will do me good to abstain – at least until we celebrate the birth of our baby."
With that they snuggled more tightly and the pact was sealed.
Lawrence's trip to the cinema was confirmed but he resisted all of Caroline's attempts to gather further information on the identity of Sophie and Emma apart from the fact that they lived near Angus. The fact that Lawrence dressed to go out in his brand-new beige Chinos, and cleaned his shoes, convinced her that his friend had succeeded in persuading the girls to join them to watch the film. A telephone call confirmed that Lawrence was invited to stay overnight at Angus' house. He did not seem over concerned that he would miss out on the proposed trip to the farm for lunch the following day. Caroline put this down to his continued embarrassment when in the company of those who knew that he had not attended the wedding but Kate joked with him that it might be because he planned to spend more time with the mysterious young ladies.
The following morning, after a lazy breakfast of Muesli and yoghourt, Kate and Caroline headed out to Halifax. With the radio playing softly they were chatting about their plans for the following week when two speeding police cars and an ambulance came up behind them, blue lights flashing and sirens blaring. Caroline was forced to slow down to let them pass more easily. As their conversation changed to speculation on the reason for the emergency, Kate was suddenly reminded of an unfinished conversation which began at the farm a few visits ago.
"You know, we never did finish what it was you started to tell me the night we stayed over at the farm. The night we had too much to drink and could not drive home, remember?"
Caroline had not forgotten and she had debated with herself many times before and since as to what she should do. How much should she tell Kate? On the night at the farm she had been determined to tell Kate everything but afterwards she wondered if Gillian's interruption had been judicious. The next day their conversation had again been disturbed; that time by Lawrence. But the fact that she had a secret from Kate had never sat comfortably with her. It seemed that it was a now or never situation.
"I do remember."
She glanced towards the passenger seat and smiled diffidently before reaching out and grasping her wife's hand. They drove on in silence for a short while but Caroline now knew the road very well and soon pointed to a road sign, which indicated that they were approaching a lay-by.
"Bear with me a while, Kate. We're in good time. Let me just pull over and we'll talk. It's something we should have done well before now."
She pulled the Jeep to the end of the parking area and turned the engine off. The car had warmed up and, with the spring sunshine filtering through broken clouds, they would manage without the heater for a while. Pushing the driver's seat back on its runners she momentarily looked around at the isolated area. This road had given Caroline some poignant memories in the relatively brief time since Celia had been reunited with Alan. The normally introspective blonde had been forced to confront a multitude of emotions about her own and others' relationships. She pointed to the opposite side of the road and wiggled her forefinger up and around the bend.
"About two miles up this road is where I nearly turned the Jeep over, driving back from the farm on the day of mum and Alan's engagement party. I probably told you. William had let the cat out of the bag about Judith coming to the house. It's a wonder I didn't …." Her voice tailed off as she became lost in her memories.
"Didn't what, Caroline?"
"You know. Meltdown."
Caroline shifted her body so that she could look full into Kate's face. Her gaze faltered for a while as she looked down at her lap. She pulled deep breaths into her lungs and steeled herself to go on.
"I have debated this for so long, Kate. I have not wanted to implicate you in something that I wish to God I wasn't involved in. That has not sat comfortably with me. It's time to offer you the chance to hear a secret but I first need to give you the option to decline that opportunity. I wasn't given that option. This is no small matter. You know that sometimes in life there are things that we wish we could forget? You won't be able to do so with this, I can assure you."
"That's quite a scary scenario you have presented there. But I have to say that I have some suspicions, as I think you probably know. This is a burden to you to know and I think the fact that you feel guilty at having a secret from me makes it a bigger one. So, a trouble shared and all that. Go ahead and tell me. I'm prepared."
So Caroline began the story. Initially it was relatively easy as she recounted the growing bond between herself and Gillian on the day when they booked the venue for her mum's wedding. The introduction to Cheryl and her annoying nature! The decision for Gillian to be the driver and take her Landy and the difference in the comfort compared to the Jeep. She laughed as she recounted the time in the bar when Gillian told her that the hotel staff thought that THEY were to be the couple getting married. At a time when Caroline and Gillian had both been at a low ebb because of their private lives the unlikely alliance had proved to be a perfect antidote to their woes and Caroline's face told of the pleasure that this had given her. The blonde continued her telling of the day. She had a prodigious memory and no detail was omitted: the lost phone, the return to the farm in the taxi, standing on the doorstep desperate to go to the toilet, the brandy in their coffees.
Caroline's expression and tone of voice became increasingly serious as she told of the way the alcohol has loosened their tongues and they revealed their innermost thoughts to each other. In a previous conversation Caroline had already told Kate some of this, but it seemed important to set the scene in its entirety. Caroline stopped talking as she moved on to the more sensitive areas of the conversation with Gillian, looking unblinkingly into Kate's dark brown eyes.
"It seems like I am in a different world now. With your help I've moved on but I am not sure that Gillian has, or ever will be able to. That's why this is such a big deal. Are you sure that you want to know the rest?"
Kate's nod and smile gave her the green light and the rest of the tale was told.