Chapter 22

A very sheepish John hailed a taxi from outside the police station shortly after six o'clock, having been released on police bail pending the results of his blood test. His head throbbed and his stomach churned, although more through anxiety than anything to do with his digestion. His trademark seven o'clock shadow, dishevelled hair and sleep-worn clothing presented the world with a man at the polar opposite of perfection. His phone, so recently returned to him, showed several missed calls from both sons and a text from Lawrence.

'Hi pops thought you were going to meet Will and Roxy should have been there you missed a treat wait til we see you drunken behaviour lol'

John struggled at the best of times to decipher his younger son's messages. His addled brain and Lawrence's lack of punctuation was a bad combination. Did Lawrence know about his behaviour? No, not possible. Was it? Meet them where? Then the penny dropped and John slapped his forehead hard. He had promised to meet William and Roxy at the airport then drive them to the rail station; a brief opportunity to do something towards re-building a relationship with his elder son.

'Oh shit. Oh bollocks.'

'Hey mate. Don't like to turn a fare down but carry on like that, I'll put you out at the next junction and you'll be walking to your destination.'

'Sorry, sorry. Just had some bad news. So sorry.'

'Sorry Lawrence. Something came up then phone problems. Typical pops eh.' The phone died just as the text was sent. John was pleased for the breathing space that this offered. He knew he would need to come up with a better excuse before he contacted the less forgiving of his boys.

He didn't feel able to collect his car from where it had been left the night before. He suspected that he might not have much use for it in the coming months if the case against him was proven. Truth be told, he was not sure that he was yet legal to drive so there was little doubt in his mind on the likely result of the blood test. He asked the driver to drop him off at the end of his road, then decided not to go straight home. He lived opposite a lane leading to a park, empty at such a time of day, so found a bench and sat alone as the early morning sun started to peep through the trees. There he remained for a couple of hours, ruminating on his life. 'How are the mighty fallen,' John thought to himself. He had achieved so much and had thrown away the majority. He ticked off the losses, lifting up one finger at a time as he thought them through. Respect of his community and, to some extent, the literary world. The love of a very good, beautiful woman, his rock and life. Financial stability. A glorious house. Two inspiring sons. The list was a depressing reminder of the depth of his disgrace. He had always liked a drink but the irresponsibility of drink driving was never part of his lifestyle. Most of all, he realised, he had lost all self-respect.

The park began to fill with children and families, rubbing salt into open wounds. He stood cautiously, every bone protesting at the movement after being sedentary for so long. As he fumbled the key into the lock of his flat, John cursed his ineptitude. He entered the dingy hallway, thinking of Caroline and how happy she looked since she left him. His dreams of returning to their previous life together were pipe dreams, he knew now. They had been happy, but never in that blissful, carefree way that he sensed from his observation of the two women. He needed to take control of his life and, if Caroline could start again and be happy, then why couldn't he? She had been at rock-bottom too when he had done the dirty on her with Judith. How selfish and cruel had that been of him? Whether she had been with Kate or taken up with another man made no difference, he needed to stop blaming her for being happy again. Wandering from room to room he took note of the environment, as if for the first time: peeling wallpaper, the damp creping along each window frame, an overflowing laundry basket, the sink full of unwashed dishes and empty beer cans. He made a dash for his bathroom, reaching the toilet just in time as the bile exploded from his mouth.

Back at Conway Drive the women were packing away the results of an early morning trip to Marks and Spencer's food hall. Several things in life can be relied upon and Lawrence's appetite was one of them. Despite her frequent teasing of her son, Caroline enjoyed cooking for such an appreciative recipient and she hummed to herself as she worked. Having made short work of the task Kate and Caroline settled down at the breakfast bar with a pot of coffee and Krispy Krème donuts.

It was the day after Kate's visit to the clinic and the women agreed to carry on as normal until they knew for sure that Kate was pregnant but that was easier said than done. Caroline noticed Kate's happy mood and, however ridiculous the premise, she swore she could see the early flushes of pregnancy in her face. Kate too was sure that she felt different, although she couldn't explain how as it wasn't like before; could it be because she was trying for a baby with her wife who she loved more than anything, as opposed to a husband who she wasn't sure of anymore. Both women looked at one another and smiled broadly.

'I was hoping that we would manage to eat these before you-know-who appeared!' chuckled Kate as a knock came to the front door and a familiar voice echoed through the letterbox and down the hallway.

'Hi Ma. Guess who's back?!'

Caroline shrugged then kissed Kate chastely on the forehead as she put her Glazed Raspberry donut back in the box, then skipped down the hallway to greet her son. The bronzed teenager stood grinning on the doorstep. Caroline was sure that he had grown in the short time he had been away, taller and broader in stature and more confident in appearance. They both waved at Angus as his parents' car pulled out of the driveway, then the youngster flew indoors.

'Gosh, I need a wee. I won't be long, mum.' He grinned as he headed quickly towards the downstairs cloakroom.

Caroline looked at the abandoned suitcase which was sitting forlornly on the front step, smiled and dragged it into the house. How pleased she was to know that he had been made to do his laundry while he had been away! She returned to the kitchen to wrap herself around Kate for a revitalizing cuddle. How hard it was to be away from her wife for even a brief period of time. It was like a battery recharging inside her, energising and enabling. The long and the short of it was that she could not imagine how she had lived for 46 years without the love of this woman.

'Special doesn't even begin to cover it,' whispered Kate from somewhere near her shoulder blade.

As they broke apart Caroline noticed that Kate's donut had also been returned to the box.

'One is not going to be enough for the lad and lemon meringue ones are his favourite!'

'A mind reader too in so many ways. Yes, you are right on both counts. I would tell you that I love you but that sounds so bland and feeble. How can we have…'

They were interrupted by Lawrence, bounding into the kitchen brandishing a bottle of Limoncello.

'Souvenir from Italy, for both of you. Yes, I know you are not drinking at the moment but put it in the freezer and keep it for that special occasion. It's just magic. Don't look at me like that, mum. I just had a small taste one evening, with loco parentis approval! I feel sure that's the term you used when you spoke to Angus' mum and dad. Oh Krispy Krème donuts! That's one thing I have missed. Thanks, mum. Lemon Meringue, my favourite!' Picking up the box with one hand and taking his mobile phone out of his pocket with the other, he was gone.

'Girlfriend to phone, I assume!' Caroline laughed as she made the most of the opportunity to pull Kate into another hug.

After supper Lawrence, Kate and Caroline sat looking at the photos and videos of his time away. There was no doubt that a good time had been had by all.

'What I can't understand,' Kate commented, pointing to a photo of Lawrence and his girlfriend, 'was what happened to Sophie? That's who you said that you were dating her and the next thing is that I'm looking at photos of you and Sarah Brookes, from my form, sunning yourselves by an Italian pool.'

Lawrence's grin spread from ear to ear. 'Same person, different name. Didn't I tell you? I didn't want you to know who I was dating so I made up a name. There wasn't a Sophie in the senior school so that's what I called Sarah, to put you off the scent!'

His mum smacked playfully at his cheek. 'That's far too corrupt for my liking!'

'You think that I'm corrupt. You should have seen what I saw at the airport! Have you spoken to Gillian since she got back from honeymoon?'

'Gillian? No, why? What's she got to do with anything?'

'There we were queueing to get through immigration when William and I heard a familiar voice. Well, shouting really. The queue in front of us was really quite long, you know how it snakes around to make you walk across the immigration hall a dozen times before you get to the desks? We were still near the back and the steps coming down so we walked back and up the steps to get a better view. There was Gillian in full flow, arguing with someone in uniform. Something about how she didn't think she should wait longer than those who didn't have an EU passport, demanding to see the head of the plebs on the desk! It was so funny. Robbie stood nearby. It looked like he was trying to pretend she wasn't with him. William reckoned that Gillian was drunk. She was slurring her words. Anyway, she got her wish.'

'What do you mean, she got her wish.'

'To see the head of the team. The last we saw was that she was marched off between two large security guards, shouting that she was married to a policeman and that they couldn't do what they were doing. She knew her rights. You know, that kind of thing!'

The women exchanged glances. Kate knew that despite how amusing the story, Caroline would be upset for her step-sister. After a short while they sensed that Lawrence was having withdrawal symptoms from contact with Sarah and it was not long before he proposed leaving the ladies to their own company, purporting to catch up with some television on the Sky planner.

'Ring Gillian or your mum, Caroline. I know that you'll be worried about her. I know our life isn't plain sailing but, heaven's above, I don't know how people cope with their roller-coaster lives. Oh, sorry for the mix of metaphors but I teach French not English! I'm going to make you a coffee. I sense you are going to need it.'

Caroline moved her mobile from palm to palm, debating her options. Should she phone her mum or Gillian? They had promised to meet up for a family meal when Alan arrived back from the narrow boat trip so that seemed as good an excuse as any to ring the farm.

'Here goes.' She tried Celia's mobile first. Switched off. 'Oh mother what's the point of a mobile if you never have it on!' Next the farm landline, which rang and rang for some time before a breathless Raff answered.

'Oh hello Raff. It's Caroline. Is my mum there, or yours?'

'Mum's out in the barn somewhere. Celia's watching a Postman Pat DVD with Calamity. She's teething so isn't going to bed very well at the moment so we're just going with the flow for peace and quiet. I've just got out of the shower. I'll give the phone to your mum. Hang on a sec.'

'Hello, Caroline, what's up? I only saw you yesterday.'

'Anyone would think I never called you. I don't need an excuse to do so, do I? Anyway, I have a reason, not an excuse. I thought I'd ring to see if you have managed to sort out a date with Alan, Gillian, Robbie and the rest of the family about meeting for a meal.'

'Yes and no, is the short answer.'

'Well, that's not a lot of good, what's the long one?'

'Alan spoke to Gillian when she got back yesterday and we're still waiting for an answer. Robbie's presence has been a rarity since they got back from holiday so God alone knows what's gone on there. Talk about a honeymoon period.'

'That's worrying. Haven't you seen Robbie, then?'

'He dropped Gillian off when they got back from the airport, then drove off almost straight away. Something about being called in to cover in an emergency. He appeared again this morning, got into the bed as Gillian got out. Talk about Box and Cox.'

'Well, is he back now?'

'No. He got up mid-afternoon and headed out again. Hardly said two words to either of us, and we're pretty sure he didn't see Gillian before he drove off. She's hardly been any more communicative. Alan's getting worried. Raff's been out on the farm with Gillian most of the day so I'm hoping he's been able to prise out of her what's happening, to put his Grandad's mind at rest. Alan was just about to sit down with him when you phoned.'

'I'll leave you to it then, mum. It seems you've got your hands full. Say hello to Gillian. Bye. Bye, bye.'