Chapter 60

"I'm sorry," Clara whispered into the phone, her heart sinking as she listened to the news. It couldn't have come at a worse time, but that was life, wasn't it? It found you when you were already down and gave you another good kicking. "I'll be right there."

"That's really not necessary, Clara. We know you have your life and your job in Scotland now. It's not like you're still living with us," Mr Maitland said, sounding sincere, but Clara didn't want to hear it. She just needed an excuse, any excuse to go away for a while, put some distance between herself and everything that had happened. Spending some time in London with people who were as good as family sounded ideal to her right now, even though the circumstances were anything but happy. She just needed to take her mind off Danny, O'Neill, Bonnie, and maybe even John.

"You're family," Clara reassured him. "I'll pack my bags straight away."

A knock on her front door interrupted the phone call and she looked up. For a moment, she was afraid that it might be the police. By now, John would have told them everything and maybe they had come to arrest her because of the part she had played in everything.

"I have to go," she said to Mr Maitland. "But I'll come to London as soon as I can. I promise."

Clara opened the door once as she had hung up, but to her surprise, she didn't see an entire squad of policemen. There was only John. The expression on his face was enough to let her know that an arrest wouldn't be happening today, yet he still seemed angry and Clara assumed it would remain that way for a long time. She couldn't blame him for that.

"I came to inform you that Ciaran O'Neill's body was found this morning," John said coldly. The warmth and affection she had come associate with his voice were gone and she doubted that they would ever return. "We think it was either suicide or an accident, but a suicide is more likely. We have proof that he killed your boyfriend and reason to believe that he also killed Bonnie. He probably realised that there was no way off this island without getting caught and jumped off a cliff."

Clara frowned at him, not understanding why he was telling her this and why he was being so formal about it. She was there when it happened and apparently, he had lied for her and covered their tracks. Why keep up the pretence when she already knew the truth?

"John, why are you telling me this?" Clara wanted to know and she felt a wave of nausea run through her. His thoroughly rehearsed story sounded almost like he was saying goodbye, like he never planned to speak to her again.

"Because you used me!" The sudden anger and sharpness of his voice took her surprise and it made her flinch. "That's what you were trying to do and I'm the idiot who fell for it hook, line, and sinker! Congratulations! You got exactly what you wanted! O'Neill is dead."

"It wasn't like that-" Clara tried to defend herself but was cut off by John.

"Yes, it was! You used me and my feelings for you to get your revenge!" he yelled at her in response. "You played the damsel in distress, you took advantage of how I felt and you made me believe that there was something between us when all you wanted me to do was to kill the person who murdered your boyfriend! I would have helped you, Clara! There was no need to trick me into thinking we had a connection!"

"That is not what happened!" she shouted back at him, crossing her arms in front of her chest in a defensive gesture. John was well within his rights to be furious with her, but he couldn't be more wrong about what he was saying. "You have every right to be angry and to hate me. I lied to you, I betrayed you, yes, that's true, but I never used you! My feelings for you are real and if I could go back and undo the damage I've done, I would, but I can't. I have to live with that now, but don't you dare accuse me of lying about my feelings!"

John merely glared at her in response, so Clara decided to continue. If she wanted just a glimmer of a chance with John, she had to say it now.

"You're the first person I've fallen in love with since Danny and that means a lot to me, so don't you dare say that it wasn't real, don't you dare insult me in that way!"

He took her by surprise as he suddenly started to laugh. "Fine, okay, we love each other," he spat, scoffing. "But how can I believe a single word that comes out of your mouth now? Don't get me wrong, I'd love to. I'd love to just forget about everything that happened and be with you, but how can I? You lied to me, and I lied for you. How can we do this?!"

The despair was audible in his voice and Clara felt the exact same thing. She just didn't know. She wanted to know, she wanted to have the perfect solution, but it was evading her.

"I don't know," she admitted with a sigh. "I'd love to do the same, but I'm not ready. After everything that happened, I'm not ready to start something and I just need to get my head straight. I need time."

John exhaled sharply, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and Clara could sense that they were done shouting at each other for now. The events of last night hadn't changed anything for her. She still wanted to be with him, she still loved him and even though he was furious at her, Clara knew that John still had feelings for her too, but everything else was wrong. Wrong time. Wrong place. Wrong circumstance. Maybe time apart to cool down was exactly what they both needed. All she needed to know was whether there was any point in hoping.

She swallowed. "Do you think you could forgive me at some point?" Clara asked carefully.

He raised his head and looked at her for a long moment while Clara was hoping for a yes, but John merely shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know," he replied sincerely. "Maybe. Maybe not. I need time, too."

"I'm going back to London," Clara announced, not knowing what else to say. She was going away, giving them time. John's eyes widened at the news and he looked more shocked than she had anticipated. "Just for a while. A family I used to live with, they need my help. The kids' mother just died."

"Oh," John uttered, obviously taken by surprise by her announcement. He had talked about needing time and being angry, but it seemed as if he didn't like the option of her leaving either. "Um, well, how long will you be gone for?"

"A couple of weeks, maybe," she replied. "They let me stay with them during university. I owe them."

John nodded and Clara was ready to change her mind and stay when she noticed the look on his face. It broke her heart to see him like that after everything that had happened and she realised just how disappointed John was despite what they had both just said. He had done so much for her and now she was about to take off and leave. Even though it was the right thing to do, she still felt guilty.

"I appreciate everything you did for me," Clara said, meaning every word. While she was talking, she could feel the tears as they made their way to the outside. "But above all, I appreciate your friendship. You understood me better than anyone and I'm grateful for that. And you made me realise that it's possible to move on when I didn't think I ever could."

He nodded again and Clara was afraid he would just leave without saying anything to her, but eventually, he opened his mouth. "When you get back, we'll talk, but right now, I'm just a little too angry."

Clara swallowed her tears and waved at him. John had already taken a step back, ready to leave, but suddenly, he bent forward and planted a quick kiss on her cheek before he turned around and started to walk away. She would see him again, Clara was sure of that even though she had no idea what their reunion would bring. The nightmare was over, Clara knew that now that O'Neill was dead, but she didn't feel any better. Revenge hadn't changed a thing, but it had caused her to lose the one thing she had truly loved about her life here in Scotland and she vowed that as soon as she felt ready to, she would fight as hard as she could to get it back. If the recent months had proved anything, then it was that Clara Oswald always got what she wanted – even if it took time.

The End

Thank you so, so, so much for all your lovely comments and special thanks to all of you who bought my book! It was your ongoing support of all my fics that made this happen and I am so grateful for every single comment and every single message I've received not just for this fic but all the previous ones and the ones yet to come :)

I hope you're all having a marvellous Christmas Day! But don't worry if this chapter left your wishes unfulfilled because John and Clara will return in a sequel called "A Ruthless Game" which I will post after my fairytale AU :)