This story comes in two parts, one is for Pridecember and the other is what happened afterwards. I know Scandalshipping was prohibited during Pridecember but Seth wouldn't leave me alone in this. At first I wanted to screw the rules but it got so long that I decided to split it in half. So I post this as Snow and cut away the part with Seth and post the whole story under the title Snow and Sun as a standalone. You're welcome to read and hopefully enjoy both :)
Snow
The snow had been falling relentlessly for hours now. He didn't know how long he'd been standing here at the window and watched the white flakes cover the world outside in a pristine and sterile blanket.
He was inside, in this huge room and yet he could feel the cold as if the snow was falling right on his body, as if it was covering him, burying him under it. He could feel the frost cracking in his bones but he couldn't move away either. It was mesmerizing and he felt as if he was glued to the spot. Somewhere in the distance he thought he saw the flicker of a light but otherwise the night was dark. The snow was only illuminated the dim light that fell through the window. His shadow was on the glass as well but it was somewhat blurred and his breath left frost patterns on the window, so beautiful and pure. The exact opposite of him.
He felt alone and forgotten, like he had been in his puzzle until Yugi had solved it.
Just as cold and dark and forgotten.
And lonely.
He reached his hand out and traced the snowflakes with his finger, as if he could predict their fall. But it was a wild, unclear dance, uncoordinated and confusing. The only thing they had all in common was that they ultimately reached a place to lie down, to rest in the company of thousand other flakes until at one day they'd melt and be forgotten again.
"No matter how long you look at it the snow will fall in the same way to earth."
Kaiba's voice behind him jerked him out of his thoughts and when he turned he spotted his rival sitting on the sofa, his back to him and cards in his hand as if he was sorting through them for his next duel.
Atem frowned. He couldn't remember that Kaiba had been here and didn't hear him come in either. But he was here and Atem felt both, happy and relieved about it. He couldn't care less about the when and how whenhe could feel the warmth he emitted from where he was sitting in this large room and he was drawn to him. Fairly he'd always been drawn to him in a way but this time was different. This was another kind of appeal, a deeper sort of affection and it made him nervous.
"Just come here already." Kaiba groaned and beckoned him closer without turning around.
To say Atem was a little surprised was an understatement but he was sitting next to Kaiba's side in a heartbeat. Again he didn't wonder how and when he came here, it was only important that he was closer to him now. The other's warmth was even more present now and Atem's heaved a long and deep sigh when he felt the coldness in his bones cracking. It was like Kaiba was thawing him.
They sit like that, in companionable silence for so long that Atem forgets the time completely. He enjoyed having Kaiba so close and for once not throwing wits or attacks at each other. It was and felt so different and new and he wanted more of that.
"For your next duel?" He asked after a while and gestured to the pile of cards on the table that Kaiba had looked through before.
Kaiba nodded. "Our battle isn't over yet."
Something about these words let Atem pause and he felt something in the back of his head, a soft tugging but he pushed it down and concentrated all his mind on Kaiba and forced his next words out. "We could always… do something else, you know? Something that doesn't involve our cards, just… us."
Again Kaiba surprised Atem by actually putting his cards down and slowly setting them all back on the table. Then he turned his body to look Atem straight in the eye. "You'd want that?"
"I wouldn't have suggested it if I didn't."
"Point taken."
Atem chuckled. This was weird, talking to Kaiba like that, being so close to him and him being content with that. He had been sure if he so much as breathed that he valued Kaiba as more than just his rival, the other would brick himself in again. But Kaiba still sat in this close proximity to him still focused his blue eyes on Atem's and the warmth from his body had completely lulled the pharaoh by now.
Their knees were grazing each other, their shoulders too and Atem knew if he'd lean over just an inch, just a little more he could really touch him, he could actually...
"Usually you don't need so long to make your next move." Kaiba interrupted his thoughts and moved again, even closer still. "Or do you pass and let me?"
Atem's heart beats hard and heavy against his rips and he could feel the warmth creeping up in his cheeks. He waited for Kaiba to tease him and he could feel him getting irritated but Atem was too nervous, too surprised by Kaiba's sudden change in behavior. His rival probably enjoyed to see him like that too. Quite a dilemma he got himself into.
A few times he opened and closed his mouth without saying anything and slowly but surely he became annoyed and irritated with himself. The moment would be over if he waited any longer. He didn't understand what was happening at all and there was more than one thing off with this but he couldn't let this go by without acting on it. Not when he had thought about it for so long.
With a low grunt he closed the gap between them and pressed his lips against Kaiba's, already anticipating that he would be pushed away instantly.
Instead Kaiba pulled him closer, pulled him onto his lap and pressed him close to his body as they shared a soft kiss, almost chaste and shy, like a first try, a humble request for more while waiting for affirmation. Their tongues met in a sensual way and Atem's hands wandered to Kaiba's neck and held him in place while his thumbs stroke his cheeks lazily as if to reassure himself that he, that this was real.
He blamed his chilled hands for the lack of feeling under his fingertips.
And then just as sudden as he had responded Kaiba let go of him and Atem needed a moment to open his eyes again to look at his rival again.
"You're not honest with me." Atem blinked and moved back a little while Kaiba crossed his arms over his chest and stared expectantly at him. "Tell me what's going on. Tell me the truth."
So this was his punishment for not telling him, huh. Fair enough, he had to admit. He should have told him from the beginning, even if Kaiba wouldn't believe him at least he would have been honest with him then. This thought triggered something in him. He didn't know what it was, what it was that started to light up in his inside. But he wanted to continue where they just stopped so badly, to go even further that he ignored it and opened his mouth again, willing the words to come over his lips properly this time.
"I uhm… It's nice to sit here like this, with you by my side." Kaiba nodded once, uncrossed his arms and traced his hands up his arms sensationally as if to urge him on. "To feel you breathing, your warmth, your smell… I like it."
Kaiba leaned closer to him again, his breath tickling Atem's skin with every word. "Is that so, Yugi?"
"Not… Yugi." Why did Kaiba still call him that? Didn't he know his name? Hadn't he told him? He was one of his friends he should know his name, right? He had to tell him, why hadn't he already? "My name is Atem."
"Atem…" Kaiba repeated and Atem shivered although he wasn't cold anymore, he was rather hot really.
He nodded and then pulled Kaiba into another kiss, this one harsher, more passionate than the first one. A soft moan escaped Atem as Kaiba shoved his tongue into his mouth and his hands made their way down his back to rest at his hips. He was so hot suddenly he could barely take it and he broke away abruptly but reluctantly.
"Kaiba…" He was shaking a little when he cupped Kaiba's face in his hands and put their foreheads together. "I want to spend more time, like this. With you."
Kaiba's eyes grew wide for a second before they took on an expression that Atem couldn't decipher. If anything he looked… sad and Atem felt this pull at his mind again, stronger this time and he realized he didn't have much time left. When Kaiba suddenly leaned back, Atem felt trapped under his gaze, he was unable to look away, unable to move and unable to hold onto him any longer.
„Why?" He asked, his voice suddenly distant and harsh, his blue eyes so close to Atem's pierce through him like an icicle and he has difficulties in finding his voice.
"I… don't know why. I can't explain it. I just know that it is like that. It is what I want." He pressed the words over his lips as fast as he could because he felt like it was about time he said it, as if they could be the last words he'd say to him.
He could feel his consciousness slipping further and further away with every passing second. He tried to grip at it desperately, tried to hold himself together, to stay in Kaiba's lap but he knew it was futile. And then Kaiba spoke again the world around him shattered to pieces.
"Why didn't you tell me this when you were alive?"
He stared for just a second and this one second was enough for Kaiba to dissipate right before his eyes. He reached out to him, frantically trying to stop that from happening again, not again but his hands slipped through Kaiba's head and shoulder without any resistance and then he wass gone and Atem fell into blackness.
He gasps and opens his eyes with a snap to the blinding brightness of the sunlight that floods his royal chamber. It's so hot here, in contrast to his dream and he longs to go back there, to the cool winter day and snuggle against Kaiba once more.
But it's not possible.
He's not with Kaiba, or Yugi or anyone of his friends anymore.
He left through the door without looking back, without really telling them goodbye. He didn't get to see Kaiba again.
He's made his decision and he has so live with it now. There was no going back.
He's dead.
And he had that dream again.
By now he should be used to it, to the feelings it brings him and the overwhelming doubts. But he was far from that. He was losing himself in this dream more and more.
And he found himself wishing it would be real.
Just once.
That he could sit next to Kaiba like that just once and not duel, just talk and… well spend time with him.
And maybe kiss him too.
Not just once, again and again and again until he was out of breath and couldn't think about doing anything else.
Yeah, that would be something.
Something that would indeed never happen.
Why didn't you tell me this when you were alive? Kaiba's last words still reverberate through him, accusing, infuriated and hurt in their sound but Atem would never know if Kaiba could really sound like that or if it was just a part of his imagination.
But regardless of how much he might have wanted to say anything even remotely close to what he said in his dream… "I couldn't, could I?" He murmurs as if to reassure himself and a shiver runs down his spine, making him feel just as cold as in his dream. Except this time, Kaiba isn't there to warm him up.