From Where I've Been
"All warfare is based on deception."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War
"What's his name?" Although never one to approach grown-ups, she's so drawn to the sweet blond baby that she forgets her usual shyness, forgets how much she loves playing with the other kids at the park, forgets how much Jackson's mommy scares her.
But Mrs. Teller doesn't look so mean while she's sitting on the park bench holding Jackson's little brother; she even smiles. "His name's Thomas." Her brown eyes lift from the baby to fix on Tara. "You're Frank and Grace's little girl, right?"
Nodding, Tara inches even closer - if she ever got brave enough, she could reach out and touch the baby's cute little toes. "How old is he?"
During Show & Tell at school, Jax had quickly told the class that he had a new baby brother before pulling a lizard out of his sweatshirt pocket. Although she'd clapped excitedly when his turn ended, it'd also made her sad. She's wanted a brother or sister or both for so long - someone to play with all the time, someone to crawl into bed with when nights got scary. But her mommy and daddy never brought home any babies for her.
"Thomas is six months old today." Mrs. Teller's smile grows even wider as she bounces him up and down on her lap. But that smile instantly switches to a scowl as she apparently spots something over Tara's head. "Can you do me a favor, sweetheart? I need you to watch him for a minute." She quickly buckles Thomas into his carrier before rushing off to break up a fight between Jackson and two other boys.
Climbing onto the bench next to the baby carrier, she peers inside and melts thoroughly at the sight of his toothless smile and bright blue eyes twinkling up at her. Unable to resist, she strokes his plump cheek then giggles when he grabs then squeezes her finger with his tiny fist.
"Hi Toms," she lisps (since losing both her front teeth, some words have been really hard to say). "I'm Tara."
She giggles again when he tries to shove both his fist and her finger into his mouth. "Jackson's lucky to have you for a brother."
As if he'd understood what she'd said, the baby beams another huge grin at her - answering with a rush of happy gurgles that (Tara's convinced) sound like he's trying to say her name. "We can play pretend though…" she whispers to him. "You can be my little brother, and I'll be your big sister…and it'll be our secret."
Her eyes flutter open as she's yanked into consciousness by the incessant chirping of what must've been a million of the loudest damn birds on the planet. Stretching her arms, she winces as the sore muscles in her back and shoulders cry out in protest. It's been a while since she's fallen asleep outside, but propped up against a cold stone slab was definitely a first.
She runs her fingers through her short hair as if trying to clear the remains of sleepy fog from her brain - even after all the years of working crazy hours and sporadic sleep, she's still a damn zombie in the morning. Unlike Jax, who could wake up at any ungodly hour, fully refreshed and ready to take on the world.
Jax…
The niggling aches in her muscles fade to nothing compared to the stabbing pain in her chest at the thought of him - the cheating bastard who'd sworn that he'd never hurt her. Shit, if she got paid for every time he's made and broken that promise, she'd have enough money to bribe Patterson to drop the charges against her.
Gritting her teeth, Tara shoves aside the memory of those excruciating moments in the DA's interrogation room…of the furious, yet pleading look on Jax's face as he screamed her name right before the elevator doors had mercifully slammed shut. She can't afford to let pain and rage cloud her judgment, not if she wants to fight for her freedom and protect Abel and Thomas from the MC life that ruined their father. No, like her nineteen-year-old self, she has to ignore emotion and sentiment and let her stoic, circumspect brain lead the way out of this poisonous town.
"Patterson's a political animal. She needs a big win to get out of the Sanwa DA's office and score that state supreme court appointment she's been angling for since Judge Taft announced his retirement." Rosen plucks a magazine from his desk, flipping through it until he settles on a page and hands it to Tara. "Prosecuting and convicting a criminal motorcycle gang for a tragic school shooting might just give her that boost. Unfortunately, Jax's only weakness is you - and she knows it.
And if anyone would know Jax's and SAMCRO's weaknesses, it would be their former lawyer. Rosen's known Jax since they were kids as his father had been the Club's first lawyer, hired by John Teller himself. A bigger payday as full-time counsel for a somewhat shady billionaire had lured him from the MC's payroll a couple of years ago, leaving Jax and his cronies in Lowen's capable hands. But even though Rosie had walked away from SAMCRO, he'd told her she could contact him any time. Something she hadn't felt the need to do, until now.
Outrage surges through her as she glances down at the photo of a smiling Patterson shaking hands with the Governor. Although she's not surprised that Patterson's quest to nail SAMCRO for the school shooting stems from more than getting justice for the victims, it infuriates her to know the woman would put Tara's little boys at risk just so that she can get a better job.
"So what do I do?" Tara drops the magazine before she rips it into shreds. "Mitch wants me to make the deal with her and testify against Jax and the Club...but I can't." Despite her rage over her husband's betrayal, it didn't change her mind about not wanting to send him to prison. "Besides, I don't want to spend the rest of my life in witness protection pretending to be someone else…I certainly don't want that for Abel and Thomas. They shouldn't be raised on fear and lies."
Rosen nods his understanding, God knows how many people he's seen disappear into WitPro. "And you'd never be able to practice medicine again because your handlers would make you to stay away from any connection to you previous life. I get that."
She shrugs, gripping the mug of coffee again - it's not as hot as she needs it to be to soothe the ice forming inside her once again. It still hurts so much - and will probably always hurt - that the career as a doctor that she'd dreamed about, worked so hard to achieve was gone. "It's not like I'd have that anyway," she mutters bitterly. "But at least our lives would be our own."
"Well, then…" Leaning forward, Rosen pins her with his laser blue eyes. "Let's get started."
Tara turns to face the headstone, a fond smile spreading across her face - the first time she's felt like smiling in what feels like forever. She presses a kiss to her palm, then flattens it on the stone right above his name - the first person to really, truly love her; the first boy to break her heart when he died way too young.
"I miss you, Toms," she whispers. "I wish things could've worked out with your brother…but no matter what happens with him, I'm your sister now - for real."
Rising to her feet, Tara brushes the grass from her jeans. It's time to go kick some ass.
"Where the fuck have you been?"
If anyone were ever crazy enough to write her biography - even with all the complicated, down-right psychotic people she's known - there'd be no doubt that her near life-long relationship with Gemma Teller-Morrow would be the most insane (which is really something, considering she'd dated that psychopath ATF agent).
Over the course of more than three decades, she and Gemma have run nearly the full gamut of what two women could be to each other. When Tara first lived in Charming, they'd gone from polite neighbors (the Tellers lived a block away from her childhood home) to cold enemies when she started dating Jax. After Tara returned from an 11-year absence, they'd circled each other like wary opponents before developing a mutual albeit grudging trust that led to an unlikely friendship. The Queen of SAMCRO had mentored her through the unscripted, unholy path of a VP's Old Lady in-training - and by the time Thomas was born, Gemma had been more of a mother to her than Grace Knowles had ever been.
However, whatever tight family bond she and Gemma finally managed to create after years of acrimony got ripped to shit in the bloody aftermath of both Morrows finding about JT's incriminating letters, Jax's ill-fated decision to leave SAMCRO and lead his family out of Charming, the cartel-turned-CIA, Clay's murderous paranoia…so much violence and destruction and death - it'd twisted whatever love they had for one another into something even more toxic than ever before.
Like mother, like son…
"I wasn't aware I needed to check in with you." She elbows her way past Gemma, who'd been blocking the doorway like a belligerent oak tree. Nothing can keep Tara from her sons; not even their crazy fucking grandmother.
But Gemma - as always, doesn't take kindly to getting pushed aside - grabs her arm. "Jax has been driving himself and everyone else crazy looking for you. I repeat...where have you been?"
No shit, he'd gone in to full stalker mode. When she'd finally looked at her phone this morning, there'd been one message from Mitch and about a million missed calls, voicemails and texts from her beloved husband - all of them demanding that she call him immediately. Well she's not one of his obedient flunkies so he can go fuck himself or his whore. She doesn't give a damn anymore.
"You know better than most that Jax's got reach all over this county." Rosen opens one of his desk drawers, plucks out a business card and slides it towards her. "The word gets out on the street that he wants someone found, they get found…"
She glances down at the card, which contains a single name - Neal Page - and phone number, then raises a questioning brow at her now de-facto lawyer. "So mysterious…What does he do? Create fake ID's? Probably not a good idea for me to get one of those considering I'm about to be on trial for accessory to murder."
"Private rental cars," Rosen smirks at her. "On Jax's say so, everyone with a Harley and a cut within a hundred miles of Charming will be looking for you. He could probably get that computer hacker of his to check every public rental car company between here and Tacoma for your name and credit card. When you rent from Neal, no records or plates can be traced to you...just to a nameless, faceless business account."
Half an hour later, she'd pulled into a nondescript enclosed parking garage, removed the boys' car seats from her SUV and into a dark gray sedan - which Neal had told her was the most popular make and model in the state. "Nothing like hiding in plain sight," he'd chuckled. "Tinted windows help, too."
She knows Jax would look for her…it's not as if she's hiding from him, not really. She'll deal with him when she's ready.
Wrenching away from Gemma's grasp, Tara glares at the miserable bitch that she'd once loved and admired. "Well now you can tell him," she sneers before turning on her heel towards the bedroom where her boys were probably still sleeping.
"Mommy?" Abel's blue eyes flutter open as she walks into the bedroom that he's been sharing with his brother.
Pressing a kiss to his smooth forehead, she feels her heart flip at the sight of her sweet little boy. She may not have given birth to him, but she'd been the first person to ever hold him…in her heart, he's been hers ever since. And then there are sometimes, he strongly reminds her of another darling blond boy whom she'd adored.
Thomas may have been named after his late uncle but her energetic, rambunctious youngest son mirrored his father in every way. Abel, on the other hand - with his quiet demeanor, his sweet and caring thoughtfulness - could've been that precious baby she'd first met on that park bench so many years ago.
"Good morning." She beams at him, finger-combing his sunny blond hair, then bursting into laughter when he launches up to hug her. "Oh, I missed you too."
He responds by squeezing her even tighter, driving daggers into her heart knowing that she'll have to leave again soon to make arrangements for the next chapter in their lives. But that can be put off for a little bit. "Hey, how about you, me and Thomas blow this joint and go out for pancakes?"
She can feel him nodding enthusiastically against her chest, still unwilling to let go. Which is completely fine because she's holding him just as tightly.
"Mama!" Her heart swells again as she glances over to the crib by Abel's bed where her other baby boy's not just awake, but on his feet jumping up and down excitedly, ready to join the party.
"Hello, Sunshine," she calls out, grinning at him. Then turning back to Abel, she cups his face. "While you get dressed, I'll get Thomas ready and then we can go. Okay?"
Abel nods then shoots out of the bed like a lightning bolt - her son definitely loves him some pancakes. Within minutes he and Thomas are a matched set of hoodies, jeans and sneakers. With Thomas in her arms, she steers Abel out the bedroom door only to be confronted by psycho grandma and a haggard-looking Wendy, who cowers behind Gemma after Tara pins her with a glacial stare.
Tara grits her teeth at the sight of the woman who'd nearly killed Abel before he had a chance to enter the world. Despite that and all the bitch's other fuck-ups and trips to rehab, she'd given Wendy every chance to redeem herself, to step in and be the savior and strong mother that Abel deserves, but no…Always so selfish and weak, the junkie whore had choked on that chance, scurrying back to Gemma like the flea-infested rodent that she was and would always be. Fuck her.
"Going somewhere, Doc?" Gemma drops the last word like a bomb, as if knowing how much it would hurt Tara to hear. "Jax is taking care of some business, but he'll be done soon. Then he wants to see his family when he gets here."
Squeezing Abel's hand, Tara draws both her boys closer to her then shoots Gemma a withering look. "That's nice. But I'm taking my sons out for breakfast. Sorry, but you're not invited." She can feel her mother-in-law weighing the options to keep them there by force but, crazy-as-she-is, she wouldn't attack Tara in front of her grandsons.
"C'mon Mommy." Abel tugs at her hand as he tries to squeeze past Gemma. "Grandma move! We're getting pancakes."
Somewhat disconcerted by her scowling grandson, Gemma backs down but still glares at Tara, who brushes past her without a second glance. "You and those boys had better be back when Jax gets here."
"Or what?" Tara tosses the question over her shoulder as Abel leads her and Thomas towards the front door. Despite his violent tendencies, Jax's never physically hurt her - far from it; rather, their long history's littered with the bloody retribution he's dealt to those who have.
But then again there's a first time for everything…
God she hates waiting, hates the empty moments marking time until someone or something delivers the outcome that could change her life. She's always preferred to act - to be her own change, not just sit and wait for it to happen. It's ironic - given the relationship and career choices she's made over the years, patience and tenacity weren't just virtues but necessities for survival.
Finally, she spots him emerging from the courthouse; the blank expression on his face causing her muscles to tense and Thomas to murmur in protest when she inadvertently squeezes him too tight. "Sorry, Baby," she whispers, brushing his silky hair as he fades back into sleep.
"How did it go?" Hope bubbles in her throat as Mitch plops down on the bench next to her. His glance flits from Abel, who's sprawled out on a blanket at her feet happily filling out his coloring book, to Thomas, who's asleep in her arms, before fixing on her.
After a boisterously fun and sticky pancake breakfast, Tara had been reluctant to take the boys back to Gemma's. Not only had she missed them so much after a day away, they gave her a badly needed distraction from all the dark shit threatening to crush her. Instead, she'd brought them to her appointment at Mitch's office; while they charmed his secretary, she'd told him what she wanted to do in the aftermath of yesterday's meeting with Patterson.
"Believe it or not, but Patterson did you a huge favor with that piece of theater she pulled with you and Jax," Rosen leans back in his chair, a cagey smirk twisting his lips.
Tara shoots him an incredulous look. "You're kidding…she told me my husband fucked a hooker while I was in jail. What's my benefit in that? As far as I know, the charges against me won't be going away. If she can't get Jax for the school shooting, she'll need a win somewhere."
"Well she won't get it with your case." Rosen shakes his head. "Especially not without Otto around to testify. There's no evidence that you conspired with him…just some loose circumstantial connections that could be explained easily - especially with a dead ex-Marshall who had a mental disease as your chief accuser. I'm sure Patterson knows this. No, the only reason that your case hasn't been dismissed is that she convinced some judge friend of hers that you're still a string to be pulled to finally stop SAMCRO."
Nodding pensively, she sets her coffee cup on the desk; suddenly she's not as cold anymore. "So then what did you mean by her doing me 'a huge favor'? Did she do something I can use to get the case dismissed?"
The legal shark grins. And nods.
Although Rosen's counsel will be what steers her out of this legal shit storm, they'd agreed it would be in her best interest if they kept his involvement behind the scenes - especially since SAMCRO had once been his Client (and his father's). Mitch, with his unsullied reputation, would appear a more credible defender of an innocent woman caught in an overly ambitious prosecutor's trap.
This morning in Mitch's office, she'd seeded the ideas (that she and Rosen discussed) that would lead any smart lawyer to suggest filing a motion for a change of venue; the hearing would expose Patterson's double-dealings to a new judge and extricate Tara from the grasping woman's clutches. Then most likely, her case would be re-assigned to another DA in Sacramento or San Francisco, where Mitch could argue to get it dismissed for lack of evidence. If the new prosecutor didn't drop the case right for being complete bullshit.
And then Tara would be free.
So Mitch had argued the emergency motion for a change of venue this afternoon - per the court's own rules, it had to be heard right away, given that Tara's trial was scheduled to start in a couple of weeks. The DA's own actions had made it necessary, Mitch had included in his brief to the judge.
Unfortunately, since Tara couldn't bring the boys inside the courthouse, they had to wait outside at the grassy little area with benches across from the entrance. She probably could've brought them back to Gemma's, but then there was no guarantee the hearing would go her way…her freedom could still have an expiration date, so she's going to spend all the time she can with them.
Her heart starts pounding when Mitch's face splits into a smile.
"We got what we wanted." He pulls out some papers from his briefcase and hands it to her. "And then some. Judge Anderlee was pretty appalled at what the DA's done to get you to turn on the Sons, especially when I told her that Patterson knew that Toric was mentally ill but didn't reveal it to anyone just so she could keep her claws in you."
"Oh my God…" Her hand start shaking so much that she can barely read the page in front of her, but then all that really mattered to her was the red stamp at the top. DISMISSED.
"Are you okay, Mommy?" She glances up to see Abel peering at her, his blue eyes wide with concern. Her poor baby, he's probably had way too much to worry about the past few days with his crazy parents. But no more.
Dropping the paper to the bench, she reaches for him, hugging him – hugging both of her boys – tight against her. "Everything's fine, baby."
But then she shoots a quick glance at Mitch to confirm that this is all real, that she's not once again bundling all of her hopes into the promise of something that never materializes into anything but heartbreak. But Mitch's smile never wanes.
"It's over, Tara. The judge dismissed the case. You're free."
AN: I'm not a lawyer, everything I know about the criminal court system is from Law & Order. So I don't really know how long it would take to get a case dismissed, but this sounded good to me as I don't want the story to be about a trial.