TWO:
The next day, the class assembled in Room 7, which was the practice room that Mr Mulch had booked out for them until Christmas. The teacher was there with Hiccup standing awkwardly by his side as the class unwillingly trailed into the room. Most of them sat in little clumps, ignoring the auburn haired teen as he faced them. Admittedly, he tended to be a little hunch-shouldered and self-conscious in his dark green hoodie and loose black jeans but Astrid noted his messy dark auburn hair framed his sharp-jawed face in a very cute way and his eyes were an intense, sparkling green. There were a few scattered freckles on his pale skin that intrigued her and she sat up straighter: she had never really looked at him closely before.
"Okay, class," Mr Mulch announced cheerfully. "I am going to leave Hiccup here as the Assistant Producer to lead most of the production. I am here to resolve disputes and if there are issues with you progressing properly. Otherwise-carry on, Mr Haddock!" And he stepped back. Looking self-conscious, Hiccup gestured to the class to pull their chairs up and reluctantly, they all formed a loose circle. He perched nervously on the edge of the seat and looked round his classmates, meeting a sea of unfriendly eyes.
"Has everyone got his or her script?" he asked. Astrid, Heather, Fishlegs, Phlegma, Gustav and Cami already had theirs out but there were various amounts of grumbling and groaning. The twins' hands shot into the air.
"We forgot ours," they said together, both grinning maliciously. Hiccup gave a small smile and fished out copies of the script with their names on and their parts highlighted.
"There you are," he said. "Don't lose them!"
"Hey-you can't tell us what to do!" Tuff snapped.
"Still here, Mr Thorston," Mulch reminded them from the back of the class and they both managed identical scowls before flicking through their scripts. Hiccup blushed.
"Um…okay…can everyone introduce themselves and describe their part?" he asked and looked round for someone who just might actually want to take part. "Ast…Heather?" he said, changing his mind and looking over at the raven-haired girl. She nodded.
"Hi," she began confidently. "I'm Heather and I'm playing Selina/Cedric. Selina is a girl, down on her luck who comes to the town seeking her fortune. As she has no money and no family, she dresses as young man and calls herself Cedric. She meets one of the Prince's courtiers and secures a place in his service. She tends to work alongside Arnold and secretly falls for him though, of course, she can't say anything about it until at the very end when she reveals she is a girl-and finds out that Arnold knew all along."
"Thanks, Heather," Hiccup said brightly. "Um…Astrid?" He hoped no one noticed that his voice wavered and ended almost an octave higher than usual. She looked up and he realised her script already had her part highlighted and there were notes all over the sheets.
"I am Astrid Hofferson and I am playing Cinderella," she announced. "My mother died when I was young and my father remarried. Now he has died and I have been reduced to a servant in my own home while my stepmother and her daughters treat me like dirt. I want to go to the Ball and marry the Prince. Sorry, this is the 21st Century…why can't I just go to the courts and demand my rights?"
Hiccup rubbed the back of his neck.
"This is set in the 18th Century and as a poor person, a minor and a woman, you have almost no rights," he told her. "I mean, you are feisty and spunky and sassy so you are as modern as you can be…"
"Why can't I dress like a man and win back my possessions like Heather's part?" she demanded.
"Because that's not what the part of Cinderella does," he said in a defeated voice. "I know that's not who you are, Astrid, but you need to be able to pretend you are someone other than you are to act and you have to convince others."
"How do you know who I am?" she demanded, fixing him with a gimlet stare and he blushed scarlet.
"Um…I have been in your class every day since Elementary School so I have plenty of observational evidence as to your essential characteristics and character…" he managed before she huffed and folded her eyes.
"That…makes sense," she conceded grudgingly. "Okay, I can do that. There is nothing I'm going to allow to defeat me!"
"While we're on the subject, can we object to our parts?" Ruff asked snarkily. "I mean, why do Tuff and I always have to act together?"
"The part is of siblings and you are siblings," Hiccup pointed out. "The sisters have a lot of repartee and quick fire dialogue and you two as brother and sister automatically have that rapport…"
"And I note the part description is of 'Ugly Sisters'," Tuff grumbled. "I mean, that is so mean to poor Ruff. She can't help being homely…"
"What does that mean?" Gustav asked, looking puzzled.
"It's a polite way of saying that Ruff may be being typecast as an Ugly Sister," Thuggory commented.
"Hey! Not cool!" Tuff replied. "She can't help it…"
"And can I object to the depiction of blended families?" Heather piped up. "I mean, Dagur is my half-brother…as in our Dad remarried when his Mom died and I live with him since our parents died when I was fifteen…and I'm not sleeping among the ashes and being treated badly…"
"And can I comment my stepmom isn't anything like the abusive and controlling character of Anastasia that I'm playing!" Phlegma added. "And why would her daughters Gizelda and Mizerelda be so horrible?"
"Well said!" Ruff added as Hiccup's shoulders sagged.
"This is based on a well-know Fairy Tale so I suggest you complain to the long-dead person who wrote it!" he snarked. "Fishlegs?" There was a faint plea in his voice.
"I play Arnold, the Prince's courtier," he explained. "I meet and befriend Cedric and realise that he is a she…but I keep it to myself because I like her and don't want to get her into trouble. And I am very happy when she reveals herself in the end."
"I am the Prince, the male romantic lead," Eret said smugly. "I bag Cinderella. And looking forward to smooching her. I bet she's gagging to kiss me!"
Hiccup sighed as Astrid audibly growled. "You are not keen on marriage and your father has to force you to hold the Ball to find a bride. But you fall for Cinderella and travel all over the Kingdom to find her."
"What I said," Eret sneered at him as he shook his head.
"Not really at all," he sighed. "Thuggory?"
"I am the King and I need my son married so I order him to hold the Ball," he said. "Hardly worthy of my talents…but who else here is qualified?"
"Gustav?" Hiccup asked hopefully.
"I am Buttons the page," he said. "I work in Cinderella's house and am her friend. I have a secret crush on her but she only sees me as a friend. I help her and Cook run the house and we free Cinderella when the glass slipper is being tested."
"Can I object right now that I am having to play a woman?" Snotlout complained. "I mean I am an astonishingly buff and handsome guy and making me play a fat flustered comedy female is just wrong!"
"And the part?" Hiccup asked in a dejected voice.
"She's a late middle aged woman named Flossie Butterface who is the household cook and seems to get flustered all the time," Snotlout complained. "And she has about a million costume changes!"
"Cami?"
"Okay-I really object," she added in a firm voice. "I mean, I speak in rhyme which is so difficult to remember. And why am I in a flouncy outfit?"
"You're a Fairy Godmother," Hiccup reminded her.
"Why am I called Fay?"
"Fay-ry Godmother. Gettit?" Hiccup tried.
"Lame," Cami condemned him. "I mean, what is my motivation? Why Cinderella? Why not the stepsisters who clearly need some serious coaching and mentoring about their obvious personality issues…?"
"Because it is!" Hiccup snapped, glaring at them all. "Look-this is the assignment. You all object to it. Fine. The person you want to moan at is sitting over there…" He looked back and saw that Mr Mulch had sneaked away. "And that happened. Look, you have your parts. You don't get a say. You have to perform the play as it is. And at least you get a part…"
"Poor Hiccy…not even in the play," Eret sneered.
"No-but you are so it's time we began a run-through," Hiccup said, feeling battered and bruised even though he had just been sitting in his seat. Everyone was so negative and they were all making out like it was his fault. He hadn't written the pantomime or chosen the story or allocated the parts-all he was doing was trying to produce the pantomime following guidance he had found out from reading several online texts on producing plays.
"Who votes this is lame?" Eret asked and every hand shot up. The twins put both their hands up.
"Good," Hiccup said absently. "Now grab your scripts and open on the first page. I will read out the stage directions. "Cami, Gustav-you're up first so have your scripts ready. Okay I…" And he sniffed. He could smell burning.
"Hiccup-our scripts are on fire again!" Tuff announced smugly. The auburn-haired teen looked up.
"I have another ten printed off, Tuff so you're just wasting your time," he announced sharply. "Now, if everyone has finished whining…Act One Scene One. A spotlight shines on Fay the Fairy Godmother…and over to you Cami…"
-o0o-
The next three read-throughs were no better with severe disruption, no one knowing their lines and arguments throughout. Hiccup struggled to keep them in line and was only able to do anything because Heather, Fishlegs, Astrid, Gustav and usually Cami-though reluctantly-would take part. Snotlout could never remember his lines and Eret and Thuggory spent the time baiting the others, hitting on Astrid and watching the twins plan their pranks.
Ruff and Tuff had decided that Hiccup had morphed into an authority figure and thus needed to have the Helheim pranked out of him. They started by gluing his locker closed, shrink-wrapping his car, encasing his coat in papier mache made of their scripts and leaving their patented itching powder in his gym kit and coat. Day after day, he warily tried to avoid their pranks but the twins, aided by Eret and Thuggory, mercilessly continued their campaign to persecute him. Until he finally sat alone in the practice room when no one turned up for practice at all and stared at the empty space, feeling an utter failure. Suddenly, his temper snapped and he gave a blood-curdling yell, grabbing the carefully clipped together scripts and throwing them around, tossing his bag across the room and throwing his chair for good measure.
"Wow-I don't think anyone knows you have that temper," Astrid said from the door, peering in.
"Well, no one bothers talking to me except to snark about Mr Mulch's choice of Pantomime and part allocation so how would they know?" he replied sarcastically. "No one is interested in this Odin-damned play so why should I bother?"
"I am because it counts to our grades," Astrid told him, asking in, her script grasped in her hands. "Sorry I was late. I needed to check with the coach about the travel arrangements for the next match."
He stared at her and then looked away, his eyes still flashing with anger.
"Well, no one else is here so what's the point?" he asked her despondently.
"Just because they are asses doesn't mean you and I should act like that," she told him primly. "And also…" And she stopped, causing him to turn round and inspect her, seeing her eyes carefully inspecting the floor and her cheeks warmed by a light blush. "I'm having problems with my lines and I wondered if…if you would go over them with me? Please?"
He paused and then he nodded.
"Um…I would be delighted," he said honestly. "I mean I can't imagine you of all people having issues with lines because you have a good memory and are very quick at everything you do but I am here to help any of you." She nodded and peeked up.
"Thanks," she admitted and helped him right his chair. He scurried around and tried to gather up the scripts but he was shocked to find Astrid helping him and his cheeks flared scarlet.
"Um…you don't have to," he mumbled. She smiled.
"I want to," she told him and sat next to him. Staring at her, he realised she was staring at him until he looked down at his script and rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously.
"Act One Scene Two?" he asked and she nodded. "Okay, I'll read the other parts and cue you in. So…Buttons: 'I wonder where Cinderella is?'" She got up and stomped in, holding her arms as if carrying in a load of kindling.
"Here I am," she read tonelessly. "Stepmother insisted that we have all the coal scuttles and kindling baskets filled before we spring clean the house…"
"But it's December," Hiccup read.
"As far as cleaning is concerned, it's always Spring," Astrid read briskly.
They continued through the scene until they reached the end and Astrid began to turn the pages to the next scene. Pausing, Hiccup stared at her and took his life in his hands.
"I think we need to go over that again," he suggested as she looked up.
"But we've done it," she argued as he sighed.
"Forgive me-but if I'm going over your lines with you, I should helping you," he said. "And that means…pointing out that you said those lines with all the enthusiasm and meaning of someone reading the telephone directory." She glared at him and folded her arms challengingly.
"Well how would you do it, genius?" she challenged him as he sighed. He looked at the first few lines.
"Well, let's imagine that Cinderella, the heroine of the Pantomime, is a cheerful, kind, generous girl who faces her reduced circumstances with a good heart and a smile. So…Here I am! Stepmother insisted that we have all the coal scuttles and kindling baskets filled before we spring clean the house…"
"But it's December," Astrid protested.
"As far as cleaning is concerned, it's always Spring," Hiccup told her. Then he paused. "You understand?" She nodded, chewing her lip.
"I have to imagine I am her and give the words their meaning," she conceded. "Your reading was much better. I believed it."
"And we want the audience to believe it as well," he told her gently. "I know you are smart and determined enough to become Cinderella."
"I would have punched the Stepmother by now," she admitted. He stared at her.
"Um…wow…should I be worried?" he asked her as she smiled.
"Nope," she told him, popping the 'p' smugly. "I only punch assholes-so you are safe."
"Thanks-I think," he mumbled. She smiled at him and flipped the page, her blue eyes trailing over his tall shape, tense with concentration and slightly frowning as he read the words.
"Okay-so can you tell me if I am getting this next bit properly?" she asked and he nodded.
"It would be my pleasure," he admitted. "Okay…'That sounds awful'…"
-o0o-
"I don't want to bother you cuz and this is really embarrassing but…can I have a word?" Hiccup glanced around the library and checked that the twins weren't about to leap out and paint him green and then gestured to the seat opposite him at the table across his pile of books.
"Knock yourself out," he said noncommittally. Snotlout slumped down and carefully raised his hood so no one would recognise him. Hiccup sighed. "Snotlout-you are my cousin. You are allowed to talk to me," he said in exasperation.
"That doesn't mean I should," he hissed, glancing from side to side. Urgently, he opened a large textbook on Calculus and ducked down behind it so no one could see him. "I mean, you are the least cool student in the entire school-and that includes all of the geeky Freshmen!"
"Thanks," Hiccup said sarcastically. "So what could someone like me possibly do for you?" Snotlout completely missed the tone and shrugged.
"You gotta help me and persuade Mr Mulch to give me a proper part, a male part," he hissed. "I can't play a woman."
"You're gonna have to," Hiccup told him flatly. He had rehearsed the discussion so many times with every person in the class that he wasn't about to do it any more.
"But my Dad will go mad!" Snotlout hissed, his eyes frantic. "You know how he wants me to be butch and macho and buff and incredibly manly and this really doesn't fit the bill!"
"Uncle Spite's personal insecurities are his own problem," Hiccup snarked. "Not my concern."
"But he'll make my life miserable!" Snotlout argued.
"Well, you have made mine pretty miserable for years so why should I help you?" Hiccup asked him pointedly.
"You're my cousin and you're a good guy," Snotlout reminded him. "You gotta help."
"Why?" Hiccup repeated. "This will teach you some valuable lessons…"
"But I can't wear a dress!" Snotlout argued. "I mean…it's pretty cissy, isn't it? I'm a manly hunk of buff Vikingness and they can't possibly be seen in a dress…" Hiccup rubbed his forehead tiredly but an idea occurred to him.
"You know-it takes a real man to wear a dress," he said and sat back. There was a pause and Snotlout's brows dipped.
"What?" he asked, his eyes confused.
"You have to be in full contact with and comfortable with your masculinity to cross-dress," Hiccup told him. Snotlout scowled.
"Hey! Are you messing with my mind?" he said threateningly. "Because nothing gets in here!"
"I hadn't noticed," Hiccup sassed.
"My Dad is all man and he would never wear a dress!" Snotlout hissed. His cousin smiled.
"Maybe not a full dress but Gobber and Dad found him in silk skivvies when they all went on a hunting trip a few years back," he revealed.
"You're lying!" Snotlout growled. Hiccup raised his hands in surrender.
"Whatever," he replied. "Your Dad can claim whatever he wants but I believe Gobber. I doesn't like your Dad enough to make anything up about him." Snotlout frowned and looked thoughtful.
"Really?" he asked and Hiccup nodded.
"Yup-he despises Uncle Spitelout," he confirmed. "And Dad was shocked about it…" There was a thud as Snotlout hit his head on the table, causing the Calculus book to fall on the floor. Hiccup helpfully leaned down, retrieved it and placed it back up on its side, shielding his cousin from view.
"Oh Thor," he sighed. And then he looked up. "You really think I can do it?" Hiccup sat forward and clasped his hands together.
"I think you are the only one who can," he said honestly. "I mean Thug and Eret are far too needy and insecure to ever play such an important part…" Snotlout straightened up a bit more.
"Really? How important?" he asked.
"You are literally the chief comic character," Hiccup explained. "And if you play it well, you are going to steal the entire show!"
"Really?" Snotlout's tone was incredibly hopeful now. "Okay…I'll show them all. I'll do it!" And then his face fell. "But I can't understand the first line." Hiccup frowned and glanced at the script he had in his Math workbook and frowned.
"Lawks a lordy! I'm all of a tizzy! Those sisters are the most ill-mannered, rude, mean people in the whole Kingdom of Berk!" he read and shrugged. "Seems obvious to me."
"But I mean…larks a lardy? I mean what does it mean?" Snotlout protested.
"Lawks a lordy," Hiccup corrected him. "I believe it is an old fashioned colloquialism from England meaning 'oh my goodness' or similar. It's meant to be humorous."
"It's insane. I mean, lords a lardy-how stupid is that?"
"Not half as stupid as you," Hiccup murmured under his breath but sighed. "It's all part of the character, Snot. And I have every faith that you will own that stage, once you embrace your feminine side…"
"But you said I had to be masculine to play this part," Snotlout argued. Hiccup rubbed his forehead again. He was definitely getting his headache.
"Only a truly masculine buff Viking could feel comfortable enough to unleash his feminine side to truly own this part," he explained with his fingers crossed. Snotlout looked thoughtful and then nodded.
"That makes sense," he conceded. "Okay…I'll do it. But…there are loads of lines…"
"Cook is the main comic character so she has a lot dialogue because she has all the puns and jokes," Hiccup explained. Snotlout sighed.
"I'm a complete muttonhead," he sighed. "Cuz-can you help me learn my lines?"
Hiccup gaped. Since they hit adolescence, his cousin had blanked him, teased him, bullied him and basically treated him like dirt. He once stated he would rather be buried alive than spend time with Hiccup-and yet here he was asking for Hiccup's help. And worse, Hiccup knew he would help Snotlout because he wanted the Pantomime to succeed and he had never been the person who was happy to watch people struggle. And of course, he had manipulated Snotlout into agreeing to play the part.
He nodded.
"So do you want to come round to my house or should I come round to yours?" he asked. Snotlout stared at him as if he had made an indecent suggestion.
"You can't come round mine-my Dad doesn't like you here," he reminded Hiccup. "In fact he wouldn't open the door. You remember last Christmas-your Dad had to threaten him to let you come in for Christmas lunch. Um…could I come round to yours? Uncle Stoick is always happy to see me and you know he makes really great hot chocolate…" Sighing, Hiccup sat back.
Oh great-now I have Snotlout coming round to get hot drinks and practice his lines, he thought. What next? The twins dropping by for tea? But what he said aloud was 'That's fine. Four this afternoon?" Snotlout got up and nodded.
"That's great," he said. "Just don't say anything to anyone, okay?" Hiccup nodded.
"My lips are sealed," he murmured. And who would believe me anyway?