THREE:
"Okay, we're doing the Cook and Buttons scenes now," Hiccup announced as he looked across the unenthusiastic group. "You two are the main comic relief with the Panto Dame, Cook, being the principal comedy character. You are also the ones who drive the main audience participation." Astrid looked up.
"And just how do the audience participate?" she asked. Hiccup glanced at his notes.
"Part of the tradition of pantomime is that the audience are encouraged to join in," he explained. "They are asked to boo and hiss the villain-in this case the Stepmother, Anastasia; to respond to any statement of 'oh no you can't' by yelling 'oh yes you can!' and of course, shouting 'he's behind you!' when a character or prop is used to sneak up/trouble the comic characters."
"Seriously?" Thuggory asked lazily. "How childish!" Astrid cast him a sideways glance. She had been planning to say that as well but the truth was that Hiccup had worked very hard with her to get her part up to scratch and though he wasn't participating, he was a great actor and had brought her performance on no end. And when she thought about it, why not do something different? Working in a group to produce something from nothing was a good skill to develop and some of her fellow students still didn't grasp the other benefits this project would produce. In fact, she guessed that was why the Principal, Miss Queen had authorised it.
"It's tradition," she said firmly. "Maybe we should make cards to flip up or hang down to prompt the audience to join in, since they won't be familiar with the etiquette?" Hiccup smiled and for a brief instance, she felt her heart flutter at the gratitude in his eyes. "I'll sort that out, shall I?"
"Thank you so much!" he said genuinely. "Okay-positions. Act One, Scene Two: The kitchen. Buttons is sitting at the table."
"Hello everybody!" Gustav said, looking at the 'audience'. "I'm Buttons the page, handyman, cook's assistant, gardener, footman, general dogsbody and assistant rat catcher. Really, I should get seven wages. Instead, I get about half of one." He sighed. "This used to be a happy home…but when the Master died, everything went wrong. And wrongest of all is that his daughter became a servant instead of inheriting the house as her own." He sighed again. "And she is so lovely, so kind, so beautiful…I think she's wonderful but she doesn't see me like that. Maybe one day…" And then he looked up. "I wonder where Cinderella is?"
Astrid entered, smiling, miming carrying firewood.
"Her I am," she said cheerfully, resting down her firewood and walking over to smile at Buttons, making sure her back was never to the audience. "Stepmother insisted that we have all the coal scuttles and kindling baskets filled before we spring clean the house…"
"But it's December," Gustav protested.
"As far as cleaning is concerned, it's always Spring," she sighed.
Hiccup watched, enthralled as Astrid's performance lit up the stage, completely convincing as the generous, kind-hearted Cinderella who helped Buttons with his tasks while acting as skivvy and drudge. Then Cook arrived.
"Licks a lily, I'm all of a tizzy! Those sisters are the most ill-mannered, rude, mean people in the whole Kingdom of Berk!" Snotlout announced in an astonishing high-pitched voice, He had padded his top out and he was bustling like a flustered middle-aged woman. Somehow, he had managed to use the top of a mop as his make-do wig which gave the most peculiar effect. Hiccup rolled his eyes. As they had worked together-in secret in Hiccup's basement studio-Snotlout had managed to learn his lines by acting them out and overall, Hiccup pleased with the results…except his cousin's total inability to get the first line.
"I think that's Lawks a Lordy," Gustav piped up.
"That's what I said. Loves a lardy."
"Lawks a Lordy," Astrid corrected him.
"Lacks a lolly."
"Lawks a lordy," Astrid insisted.
"Luck's a lady?"
"Close enough," Hiccup interrupted, envisaging them spending the entire afternoon trying to get Snotlout to say his opening line correctly. "Carry on…"
Watching, Hiccup was struck that once he went into character, Snotlout was surprisingly good as the Pantomime Dame, sparring easily with Gustav, who was ideal as the innocent and good-hearted Buttons. Snotlout turned to Gustav with an exasperated look on his face.
"I gave you a list of tasks, Buttons-and you only did the first one, the third one, the fifth one, the seventh one, the ninth one…why?" Gustav grinned.
"I'm an odd job man," he said. There were groans.
"This is all very silly," Eret sneered as Snotlout drew himself up.
"You're just jealous because you are just a straight man…and because you're going to have to mime to your song because you can't sing!" he retorted.
"Okay, okay-time for the song…" Hiccup said and tried to separate the two but Snotlout and Eret were squaring up to each other and when he tried to get between them, they both shoved him aside, slamming him into the table and landing him on the floor. Immediately, Fishlegs went forward the separate the two while Heather went to help Hiccup up. Wincing and rubbing his side, he managed to sit on the chair and get his breath back as Thuggory and Fishlegs hauled the two combatants apart. Astrid folded her arms.
"Have you two finished?" she snapped. "Some of us have things to do! Like the rehearsal?"
"Aw, c'mon-watching those two fighting is much more fun!" Ruff moaned.
"I vote for the fight as well," Cami added. "This is dull."
"And time's up," Phlegma added as the Final Bell rang. There was a pause and then everyone stampeded for the door, leaving Hiccup sitting winded at the table, staring at the mess. He could smell burning and-as expected-it was the twins' scripts burning in the waste paper basket. With a sigh he scrambled to his feet and wearily dumped the bottle of water he had brought with him onto the small fire, before he started to tidy the room up. There was a pause and then Astrid stuck her head round the door.
"Hiccup?" she asked and he looked up.
"Oh hi Astrid," he mumbled. "You were great today. I mean really great. And Snot was coming along. And Gustav's timing is improving…"
"Until Eret had to interfere," she huffed, helping him move the chairs back into position. "He's so pathetic and always has to be the centre of attention." Hiccup turned and winced, pain stabbing though his left knee. She started forward but he waved her back.
"It's okay," he murmured through gritted teeth. "I just get the odd twinge…"
Phantom pains, she thought. I know amputees get them. And they can be quite severe…
"I'll finish tidying up here," she offered. "You head home. You took a bit of a fall just now." He glanced up.
"I…I…" he murmured and she smiled.
"You're welcome," she said as he gathered his bags. He looked her in the eye.
"Thanks, Astrid," he said as he limped away. "I mean it." But as he rounded the corner, she frowned. It was time to put a stop to this-and tell the others a few home truths.
-o0o-
Fishlegs, Heather and Cami couldn't fail to notice that Hiccup had seemed to be getting more and more miserable as the days went by and eventually, they held a meeting in the canteen during study period with the rest of the group. Heather-the Class President-and Astrid-who was far and away the most aggressive and least patient person in Senior Year-made sure the whole of the English class was in attendance with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Eret warned he would only come if Astrid promised to have a coffee with him and she had grunted in response, knowing the jock would come because he had been chasing her for about two years with all the response of a brick wall.
Eventually they were all sitting at a table with a variety of sodas and snacks and looking bored.
"Okay-why are we here?" Thuggory asked without enthusiasm. He had practice after school and was wanting to get ahead with his homework before then.
"We need to talk about Hiccup Haddock," Heather began and there was an outbreak of snorts and various rude noises.
"Why are we wasting our time on that loser?" Eret sneered.
"Yeah-he's completely gone over to the dark side," Tuff added. "He's a traitor to all students…"
"No he's not," Fishlegs pointed out. "He's just doing what he was asked to do by Mr Mulch."
"Yeah-so now he's telling us what to do and that is seriously not cool," Ruff added.
"Ruff, Tuff-if this Pantomime is to ever happen, you need someone to run the rehearsals and make sure everyone actually pays attention," Heather pointed out.
"Yeah-but who made him in charge?" Tuff asked.
"Mr Mulch," Cami repeated, rolling her eyes. Though the twins were capable incredible insight, innovation and sheer brilliance, they were sometimes dense as lead and stubbornly bone-headed. "Look, the poor guy would much rather have an acting part but there weren't enough-and you all teased him about that."
"Well, there isn't a cripple in the cast so…" Eret sneered.
"He isn't a cripple!" Astrid snapped. "He's just a student who was involved in an accident. He gets on. He does everything we do. What is wrong with you?"
"He isn't in the play, is he?" Thuggory pointed out.
"Yes he is-as Producer," Snotlout piped up, frowning. "Which is the hardest part of the lot. He has to make sure we all turn up, he has to run the rehearsals, he helps people with their lines, I've seen him painting scenery and he's been working out the lighting. Somehow he's built a mechanical rat for the scene where Buttons and Cook try to catch the rat in the kitchen! I even think he's designed costumes. He's worked his ass off and you lot don't even turn up half the time. You don't learn your lines…"
"You don't either," Gustav pointed out.
"Oh lacks a lady! I'm all of a tizzy! Those sisters are the most ill-mannered, rude, mean people in the whole Kingdom of Berk!" Snotlout said with a smug expression. Gustav began to laugh.
"It's 'Lawks a lordy!'" he scoffed. Snotlout scowled.
"Hey! I know all of my other lines now-I just cannot get that line!" he protested. "Oh laxative…no, that's not it…"
"You know your lines?" Tuff scorned. "My sister and I destroy every copy of the script we're given."
"We've seen," Phlegma commented unexpectedly. She tended to watch and growl a few words-but she was leaning forward with a very scornful expression on her face. "Not sure how you think you're gonna pass this class if you turn up on Christmas Eve in front of your own parents, look like the muttonheads you are and get an F because you haven't bothered to do the work."
"You mean this is actually work?" Ruff asked with a frown.
"Yup," Astrid told her unsympathetically. "But you're a Senior now so you're expected to be able to self-motivate and work on a project without being told what to do all the time by a teacher."
"This…is a Project?" Tuff repeated.
"I seem to recall the words 'participate or fail'," Cami added smugly. "And the Pantomime is the English Final…" The twins shared a look.
"Why did no one tell us this?" they protested.
"I think Hiccup did," Fishlegs reminded them. "Every time you wrecked your script, argued during rehearsals or just disrupted the rehearsal, he tried to explain why this was important."
"And then you pranked him all the time," Astrid told them sharply. "Have you seen the poor guy recently? He's incredibly jumpy and looks really miserable. I know you've forced him to pay for a replacement lock on his locker six times already, you've scratched his car and he still prints you off new scripts for every rehearsal because out of all of us, he is the only person who seems to be an adult about this."
"Admittedly it was funny when you put that dye in his shower gel and he went green," Cami said with a small smirk-and then caught the look in Heather's eyes. "Not that it was much fun for him. At all. Nope. Everyone laughed at him. Every the nerdiest Freshmen. And half the teachers."
"Ah, great days," Ruff said with a nostalgic smile. "One of our more effective pranks-the Chartreuse Manoeuvre…"
"And you need to stop right now," Astrid told them firmly. They both looked offended.
"Why?" Tuff asked. "I mean, he's skinny and auburn and freckly and nerdy and down half a leg and…"
"And no one comments that you two are weird looking, dumb, spiteful, lazy, also skinny, frankly a bit smelly…do you want me to go on?" Astrid riposted. There was a frosty pause.
"While you, Missy, have some serious intolerance and anger management issues," Ruff replied stiffly.
"Oh stick a cork in it, Miss Stinky-Hair!" Astrid snapped. "And why did the rest of you idiots believe a group text from these muttonheads claiming the rehearsal had been called off? Like Hiccup would communicate with us through them? He runs away whenever he sees them outside of rehearsals!"
"Well, he couldn't text us because he doesn't have any of our numbers," Eret told her.
"Um-he's got mine," Fishlegs piped up. "If there was a cancellation, he would have told me."
"So why didn't you turn up, fatboy?" Thuggory sneered.
"Because I knew no one else would turn up after the text, you fatheaded narcissist!" Fishlegs retorted. Thuggory gaped. "Oh go and look it up you rock-headed whiner!" the husky boy added.
"Wow! Way to go, Fishy! Never thought you would have the backbone!" Ruff commented admiringly.
"Don't see why not-Fish are vertebrates," he retorted.
"Touché," Cami added with a grin.
"Wait-you actually turned up after the text?" Gustav asked suddenly, looking at Astrid and she nodded without any self-consciousness.
"Of course-because anyone with half a brain could tell it was another not-at-all-funny prank from the twins which just disrupted our project and reduced our chances of getting a good grade," she announced scornfully. "I mean, how stupid are you all? This is a school project. We will be graded on the performance. I have been learning my lines and practicing hard because I want to pass. And I have decided I will make life very difficult for anyone who jeopardises my grades…" And she turned her baleful glare on the twins. They both cringed.
"Um…you know we could prank you, right?" Tuff suggested unwisely. Smiling sweetly, Astrid rose and walked round to stand between them, draping an arm around each of their shoulders.
"And you know I could crush you both like the bugs that you are?" she said in a very controlled, still sickly-sweet voice. "Any more pranks on Hiccup-or any pranks on me-or any disruption of rehearsals-or any more destroyed scripts…"
"Awww…" Ruff moaned.
"…and I will personally put you both in traction for the rest of Senior Year. ALL of it. Very very painfully. And anyone else who decides to mess around, in case you were considering it," she concluded, raising her baleful glare to sweep the rest of the group. There was a collective gulp. "We have had this project for over a month and we haven't had a single proper run through. The performance is in less than three weeks and some of us haven't even read their scripts. No one has attended a proper rehearsal and actually paid attention and I am sure that Hiccup needs help with the costumes and sets."
"I can help with the lighting," Fishlegs volunteered.
"We can help with costumes and sets," Heather and Cami offered. Tuff looked offended.
"I am sorry but which of our sorry group of malfeasants and miscreants is touched by genius in the fields of fabric and furnishing?" he asked in a English Upper Class accent.
"No one," Heather said in an exasperated voice.
"You, Madame, are mistaken!" Tuff announced, rising to his feet and adopting an offended pose. "My sister and I have a longstanding interest in fabric, fashion and interior decor! So we shall offer our services in bringing the costumes to reality…"
"If you can catch Hiccup," Cami muttered. "While he's running away from you because he thinks you're about to prank him again…"
"I can trip him up for you," Eret offered. "Only need to knock one leg over."
"Um…what are you all doing here?"
Everyone looked up to see Hiccup standing awkwardly by the table, his bag over his shoulder and his weight slightly more on his right leg. Because his left leg aches sometimes, Astrid thought to herself. His eyes were wary but there was also a defeated slump in his shoulders.
"Rehearsal was supposed to start twenty minutes ago which we had agreed because there is still so much to do-but it's okay because I'm on my way to Mr Mulch to quit. I don't care if I fail English anymore because honestly, I can't go on being the only one who cares about this Pantomime Project and being persecuted for doing what I was assigned to do. So you can all carry on-or not-because I no longer care."
And then he turned and walked away from the group before anyone could say anything. But there was suddenly a frenzied burst of activity as Astrid, Fishlegs and Snotlout grabbed their bags and raced after him. The others stared.
"What just happened?" Gustav asked.
"Congratulations," Heather snapped, gathering her things. "You got your wish-you made him quit!"
"What?" Ruff asked. "Just when we decided to be good and play along-now Hiccy quits? That's not fair!"
"But why has Astrid run off?" Eret asked.
"Hiccup was helping her with her lines," Heather revealed.
"And why did the Snotman go?" Tuff asked.
"Same," Cami added. Heather rose.
"And Fishlegs is his friend, before you thickheads ask," she said briskly. "Come on you idiots. We're all going after him…or do you want me to tell Astrid you didn't?"
There was the urgent scraping of chairs and sounds of things being hastily gathered up as they all headed out to race after the others.
-o0o-
Hiccup was halfway to Mr Mulch's when Astrid, Fishlegs and Snotlout caught him, stopping him by the tactic of actually roadblocking the corridor, which was the only way to get him to cease his retreat. He stared at them then sighed and shrugged.
"What?" he asked.
"Please don't quit," Astrid said in a rush. "Look-we were having a meeting to get the other muttonheads to knuckle down and start behaving like adults not kindergarten kids."
"Thanks but you needn't have bothered," he said dully. "I can't do it anymore. I don't want to spend my life worrying that my locker is glued up or the twins have put dye in my soap or itching powder in my clothes or whatever. It's not fun, it's not fair and I don't have to put up with it."
"It think that's why Astrid threatened to break every bone in their bodies if they didn't stop right now," Fishlegs told him.
There was a long moment when Hiccup disbelieved his ears. Astrid threatened the twins to stop them picking on him? As in Astrid Hofferson? The Astrid Hofferson? The most beautiful girl in Berk High and the person he had been in love with for-forever? He stared at the husky boy and then looked over at Astrid, expecting her to laugh at him, for it to be a horrible cruel joke-and really secretly hoping that it wasn't. She shrugged.
"No biggie," she said in response to the silent question in his expressive green eyes. "I mean, I do mixed martial arts, boxing and karate in my spare time and have since I was about four so I could just pass it off as a minor training incident…" Exhaling in shock, he gave a small smile.
"Um…thanks. Really. I-I don't know what to say…" he mumbled.
"Say you'll stay on and be the Producer," Snotlout interrupted. "I mean you've really helped me get in touch with my inner deeply deeply deeply deeply buried feminine side and gone over my lines with me."
"And me," Astrid added.
"And me," Fishlegs admitted and then looked at the others. "What? He's my best friend!"
"The point is-the others are going to stop messing around and some of them actually want to help…" Astrid told him, gently resting her hand on his arm.
"Even the twins," Snotlout added as Hiccup flinched.
"No," he said urgently. "Sorry but if they want to do anything it must be under the supervision of an actual grown up…"
"Such as me?" Astrid suggested with a smile.
"I would also take Heather and Fish," Hiccup admitted, still looking harried. "I had to shower twelve times to stop being green!"
"SURPRISE!" the twins yelled as they came up behind Hiccup and he jumped, giving a small scream. In a flash, he was hiding behind Astrid. Ruff and Tuff folded their arms and huffed.
"No gratitude," Ruff said in a disapproving voice. "No gratitude at all!"
"What have I got to be grateful for?" Hiccup asked, his head popping up from behind Astrid and Fishlegs. "You two have persecuted me for the last month and done nothing to help the Pantomime and the others at all."
"We've promised to be good now," Tuff told him.
"Only because Astrid threatened to put you in hospital!" Hiccup shot back.
"Someone has been talking-Miss Flappy mouth!" Ruff snarked.
"Shut up, Stinky Hair!" Astrid snapped back. "If you hadn't been so Godsdamned vicious and cruel, we wouldn't even be in this corridor persuading Hiccup not to quit!"
"Thor-how pathetic is he that he's hiding behind Astrid?" Thuggory sneered.
"You really should go for a much more manly specimen than this…reject!" Eret scoffed.
"He's got more courage than all of you put together!" she retorted. "Putting up with all of your crap. You have all acted like whinging First Graders rather than Seniors!"
"Oh come on-it was all a bit of fun…" Eret protested. "I mean the twins' pranks were really funny…"
"No, they really weren't!" Hiccup told him firmly.
"Shut up, limpy!" Eret scorned him. "All you need is to develop a sense of humour instead of being a whiny baby." There was a pause and Astrid shared a glance with Cami and they nodded.
"Then we dare you to prank Eret and Thuggory…" Cami said. There was a load slap as Hiccup face-palmed.
"Oh Thor," he groaned. "That's it…"
"But NOT at all during the rehearsals or in any way that interrupts the play," Astrid amended firmly, her eyes glinting with determination and the twins shared a look.
"Aha…a challenge worthy of our talents," Tuff said and glanced at the two buff jocks. "An enigma wrapped in a puzzle smothered in itching powder…"
"Challenge accepted!" Ruff translated.
Gustav looked around, mildly confused.
"So Hiccup is staying as Boss, right?" he asked.
"Yes, he is," Heather said firmly. "Hiccup, we have something we all want to say to you…don't we?"
There were a variety of sheepish looks as the gang shuffled their feet.
"Now!" Heather snapped and there was a collective sigh and Astrid clenched her fists.
"We're sorry, Hiccup," everyone said-even Astrid and Fishlegs who really didn't have anything to apologise for. "We are very sorry for how we behaved and we hope you will stay on as Producer."
Hiccup stared.
"Seriously?" he asked. "I mean are you serious?" They all nodded.
"Look, we know the twins were mean but they understand-finally-that it wasn't okay and they have agreed to work properly," Heather said honestly. "And the others have all agreed to stop messing around as well and all try to get this Pantomime up and running."
"We have just under three weeks until Christmas Eve and we haven't even gone through the whole thing yet," Hiccup said quietly. Astrid looked around.
"We will all stay after school today and run through it," she said. "The Practice Room is free." There was a pause as Thuggory shook his head.
"Eret and I have practice," he said and there was a collective groan.
"I'll read their parts while the rest of you run through the whole thing," Hiccup said, his voice a little more optimistic. "I mean if you still want to…" There were nods and smiles all round as the gang nodded and turned around, heading for the Practice Room. He looked over at Astrid.
"Thanks," he said. "I mean, I was on the brink of giving up and you…changed all that…" She smiled.
"Hiccup-you haven't given up on this-so I'm not about to either," she told him. "Besides, if you quit, who would I practice my lines with?" He blushed.
"I am always available to practice with," he said gallantly. She nudged him as they headed along.
"Good-because I am not quitting until this is perfect," she said and he found himself smiling.
"If you're in it, it will be."