At first I thought I was dreaming.

The words you spoke were so unexpected I didn't know what to say.

You were so composed.

Jaw set.

Eyes firmly locked onto mine.

Calmly gauging my reaction.

To be honest, I was terrified.

I had tried to smother those same feeling within me.

But the blasted thing grew against my will.

To hear those words issuing from your mouth was something I had longed to hear.

Something I had never dared to hope for.

Yet here you were.

Saying those beautiful, wonderful, terrifying words.

I couldn't understand why you would say such a thing to me.

What could I have possibly done to deserve this kind of declaration?

Then I realized I didn't.

I couldn't have

I remembered who you were and realized I was nothing special.

At that moment, I was what you saw.

Yet I knew it wouldn't last.

You were probably just confused.

We had spent so much time with each other as the Heel siblings.

Of course you had come to develop those feelings for me.

There was no way this was real.

How could it be?

I was a nobody, and you were you.

But I couldn't deny the hope in your face, the longing in your expression.

In that moment, you wanted my heart.

So I gave it to you.

Because I didn't want to see you sad.

And because I was weak.

It was scary at first.

And hard.

Trying to distance my feelings from the situation.

To hide the doubt and fear eating at me each and every day.

Occasionally you'd notice something was wrong, but I'd brush it off with a good excuse.

I am an actress after all.

There were times when it felt like I was drowning, the air caught in my throat.

Unable to breathe.

Sometimes I'd lie awake at night, choking against the pressure I felt.

Eventually I learned to live without breathing.

Pretending bliss when you're walking on broken glass is something I was familiar with after all.

Yet it wasn't always bad.

There were some good times.

Happy times

I remember when you brought me to that charity ball, introducing me to everyone as your girlfriend.

I've never felt more like a princess than that evening.

I'm sure my face could have outshone the sun.

You wore a similar expression as well.

I lived a fairy tale dream that night.

But reality returned the next day.

It was only a temporary relationship.

These memories would one day become just that.

Memories.

It was getting harder to pretend.

I was so happy it hurt.

I dreaded when it would all end.

The day when it all collapsed.

Then finally it did.

One night I couldn't fool you.

One night I couldn't fool myself.

You know the one I'm talking about right?

It was after you had seen me talking to Sho.

You demanded an answer.

I couldn't give you one.

We fought for the first time that night.

We had bantered every now and again, but those fights were nothing compared to this.

It tore at my heart, shredding the fragile armor I had stacked around it.

I couldn't hold it in any longer.

It had gotten too hard.

It hurt too much

So I ran.

I ran until it hurt to stop.

So I fell instead.

When I did, you were right there to catch me.

Curse my short legs.

And curse your long ones.

I should have known that I couldn't outrun you if you wanted to catch me.

I was completely under your control from the start.

You were so careful as you repositioned me, as if I were made of glass.

In that moment I probably was.

Because I knew what was coming next.

I had seen it coming since the beginning.

I had prepared myself every day for this moment, right here.

Right now.

Prepared myself for the heartbreak.

So why did it still hurt?

Why wasn't I numb yet?

I told you to hurry up and end it.

Just get the whole break up over with.

Perhaps it was the venom in my voice, or the desperation in my face.

Either way, the shock in your eyes just made it worse.

And then finally you knew.

Finally I told you.

That I had always expected this to end.

That I had always expected you to throw me away.

Just like Sho.

Just Like my mother.

After all, I wasn't worth much.

Who would ever want such a broken retch like myself?

It felt good to yell, because I was yelling at this point.

And crying

Gosh, I probably looked ugly.

It was silent after that.

Silent for a long time.

Then you finally spoke.

You finally raised your head and I couldn't help but gasp.

The man that stood before me was only a shell of the man I had known.

The man before me was not Tsuruga Ren.

You asked if I'd felt this way since the beginning.

You asked if it had all been an act.

I couldn't answer.

How could I?

How could I tell you the past few months had been the best and worst times of my life?

That I was so helplessly in love with you, I was willing to repeat history all over again.

I was willing to watch as a man threw me away after I was done being useful.

I don't know what you saw in my face.

All I saw in yours was hurt.

I immediately felt guilty.

After all, the reason I had dated you was to make you happy.

And I told you so.

I'm sure you got whiplash from how quickly you looked at me.

I could see the cogs turning as you started to comprehend everything I said.

As you started to piece together what I was thinking.

Then you asked if I really had such little faith in you.

Did I truly think you were like Sho and my mother?

My immediate answer was "no."

You were nothing like them.

But I didn't want you to stay with me because of pity.

That would be even worse.

Because then I'd ever heal.

You became quiet then.

I squirmed in the silence.

I was completely exposed

My feelings and insecurities lay bare before you.

I waited with dread for your response.

Eventually you spoke.

But the words you said weren't the ones I expected to hear.

You told me I had saved you.

That you had felt trapped by a dark past that haunted your very being.

You said it had been my existence that had led you to where you were today.

That you had faced your past and now felt that you deserved happiness.

All because of me.

So you never wanted to hear me say something like "I wasn't worth much."

Because to you I was worth everything.

How was that even possible?

Yet I couldn't deny the sincerity of your declaration.

The truth in your countenance.

In that moment, I saw myself through your eyes.

I saw the person you saw, and I liked who I was.

I saw that I did have worth.

You had been right.

And you had been wrong.

It wasn't you I had so little faith in.

It was me.

I couldn't believe that someone like me deserved love.

I had hurt you because of my low self esteem.

You spoke quietly now, your form hunched over in defeat

You began to confess again.

I couldn't help but compare this instance from the last one.

The confident poise, the firm words and the sure expression were gone.

This time, you spoke as if every word cost you.

You told me that you'd been in love with me for three years before confessing.

For three years!

Were you being serious?

I had been less than nothing back then.

You said you loved me more than I could imagine.

You had kept yourself at bay, hoping to ease us into a serious relationship.

You were scared of drowning me in the depth of your feelings.

You confessed to being selfish, wanting more from me than what I was ready to offer.

You wanted me to be yours, and yours alone both body and heart.

I could see it then.

Your true face under the cracked and broken mask you'd been wearing.

You looked as defeated as I felt.

It was then that it hit me.

It was then that I was unable to deny the truth.

That you really were in love with me.

That you wished to cherish and care for me.

That you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me, walking side by side.

That I was the only one in your heart.

I could see it all in your eyes.

At that moment, I finally gained the courage to tell you how I felt.

I could finally say those three words you had spoken to me those months before.

I could finally be honest.

I could finally say "I love you"

It was the first time I had ever seen you cry off set.

I soon joined you.

We sat there for a long time, under the stars in a secluded corner of the park.

We were both such idiots.

We had both been holding back.

We had both been hiding our feelings.

We had both been foolishly in love.

And now we had finally connected.

There were no more secrets.

No more lies

We were finally able to start trusting our hearts in the others care.

Thanks for reading!

-Blushweaver