Song fic: Wake up by EDEN

I am obsessed with this song, as well as Crush. Sorry, it's still not the second part of Life Force. I'm a horrible human, I know. :)

I do not own Skip Beat! or the song.

"Looking back I almost thought I heard you say: Stay, you're not going to leave me. This place is right where you need to be…so stay, you're not what you're hearing. Cause I've been watching you changing, and who said you're one in a million? You're so much better than that."

I knew I was running away.

Everyone else thought it was to advance my career, to learn more about acting by going to a different country. They were all happy for me, thrilled that I had such an opportunity. There were many declarations about being proud of me and a few jealous grumbles of people wishing it were them. Everyone thought it a great thing. It was a one in a million chance. I was so lucky!

I wasn't so sure.

It's true, leaving would be better for my career. There was no disputing that fact. I had come a long way. I was recognized almost every day on the street, quite the feat since I didn't look anything like my characters. That meant they knew me as a person. As an actress. Everyone said it was fantastic that I was finally being recognized for my hard work.

I had been proud as well, until that day.

It was a few months after he told me who he was. When Tsuruga Ren told me his real identity, both as Kuon, and as Corn.

I'd been so confused. Hurt. Irrational. And angry.

I wasn't angry at him. Never! I couldn't be mad at Ren, not after everything he had done for me. He was the one that had helped me through every stumble in my career. He was the one that had helped a lonely girl in the middle of the woods. He was the one that had held me when I got the phone call my mother had died in an accident.

I wasn't angry at him. I was angry at myself. I was angry at how useless and miserable I was compared to him.

The puppy love I'd nursed had developed into full blow head-over-heels-can't-live-my-life-without-him love. As I watched the world react to his old identity, I tried to stand by him and give my support. I wanted to help. I wanted to show him that I would always be his friend.

He blazed through the interview, taking all their questions with ease. Even when that dreaded question about Rick had surfaced, he had been calm through the whole thing.

He'd recited the events, answered a few more questions and comforted the interviewer when it had gotten more emotional. Everyone had loved him. No one had blamed him. I had stood behind the scene, on hand to offer help if needed.

He'd left the stage, walking over to me. I was so happy for him, silently crying that he had been able to push through. He's taken one look at my face and then smiled, one of those true smiles. Then he'd given me a hug.

"Thank you for being here."

That was what he had told me. I'd basked in that moment, blissfully happy. I thought I had been able to offer some strength. I thought I was important.

I had been arrogant.

Even when I wasn't there, He'd been fine after each following interview. He'd call me afterward, as per my request, to report that he was fine. I knew he was, and with each subsequent phone call, a feeling of dread started to overcome me. The reason he called wasn't because he wanted support. It was because he wanted to comfort me. He was watching out for my feelings.

Just as he'd pretended to be a fairy when I was young.

That's when the realization hit me. That I was being a nuisance. Ren was too nice to say anything. Here I was, pleased of my accomplishments, of thinking I had helped him when in truth I hadn't done anything.

Suddenly everything I was proud of now made me cringe in shame. It all seemed so small compared to him. The one person that recognized me in a day was so pathetic compared to the throngs he acquired just walking down the street. The handful of roles I had were nothing to his long list of accomplishments. He was surrounded by so many admirers, always at the top of everything. Compared to him I was nothing.

I felt the distance now, worse than before.

It didn't matter that he was flawed. It didn't matter he had a troubled past. He'd conquered each trial, making something more of his life. It was more incredible than being perfect. Because he had conquered imperfection and moved forward.

He glowed so brightly it made me cringe at my small flame.

I had never understood Mio more than during that time. But instead of hating the one that shone, I hated myself. I hated how weak I still was. I hated how dependent I was on his help. I hated how shamelessly I had been trying to bridge the gap between me and him, all because of my feelings.

I didn't think it was possible for me to be more disgusted with myself.

I began to distance myself. I didn't want him to think I hated him. I'd been his friend for so many years now, I knew he would notice if it was too obvious. So I stared small. Missing a phone call, making plans with others… Eventually we stopped talking all together.

It should have made it easier, but it didn't. It just hurt worse. I'd still think of him when acting, whether it was for guidance on what my senpai would do, or if I played a romantic role. His face would come to mind and I'd itch to press the speed dial on my phone, if only to hear his voice.

It wasn't working. I couldn't run from him. His face was everywhere; on billboards, in movies, even in the grocery aisle! I had to escape

That was when my offer came. My salvation to all of this. From my incompetence.

Some big place in America had seen my work and were interested in hiring me. They wanted to fly me down for a final interview to see I was a good fit. If they liked me, I would stay.

I wanted to go, more than anything. I wanted to improve myself. I needed to conquer my faults. I needed to break from my crutch.

I needed to break from Tsuruga Ren.

So here I was, the day before I left and I had run into the one person I didn't want to see. I'd dropped by phone and he'd kindly picked it up. I couldn't look him in the eye as I took it back with a muttered thanks.

"I heard about the offer. Congratulations. I'm sure you'll be great in America."

It was pathetic how hard those words stung. I'd heard them before from the mouths of every friend and well-wisher, but hearing them from Ren was different. It hurt, because those weren't the words I wanted him to say.

"Thank you. I'm excited to learn more and improve my acting."

Perhaps something showed in my face, because he then asked a startling question.

"Can I drive you to the airport tomorrow?"

I should have declined. After all, the point in leaving was to rid myself of this weakness. Of these feelings that would never be returned. But I was weak. I couldn't say no.

He was the perfect gentleman. He picked me up with plenty of time to spare. The car ride was mostly silent, the atmosphere strange and tense. I couldn't figure out what he was thinking. Then he spoke.

"America seems so far away."

That was the point. To get as far away as possible. I kept watching out the window, my answer almost too quiet for him to hear.

"Things will be better there."

Maybe one day I could return. One day when I had improved myself. One day when I had finally become someone worthy. One day when I no longer loved him.

Then the time came to say goodbye. Here I was, in the airport, clutching my ticked and carry on and I was still unable to look him in the eye. Instead, the floor had received my thanks and farewell.

"Safe travels Mogami-san."

I had to turn around and leave at that point. I couldn't let Ren see the tears that had formed at his words of farewell. I couldn't fall apart when I was so close to escaping.

I was five steps away when I thought I heard it. Those wonderful, beautiful, damning words I had been begging with every fiber of my being to hear.

Stay, please don't leave me.

My whole body erupted into flames. Adrenaline and a funny tingling tightened around my lungs, making it hard to breathe. My hands were shaking, the passport nearly falling from my grasp.

As I turned, I couldn't keep my face neutral. I dreaded, feared, and hoped at what I might see. That maybe it hadn't been my imagination. My heart was pounding so hard I could hear it in my ears.

The space where he had stood was empty.

He was gone.

The world was moving, forms flashing past me as if they were sped up to move two times faster, but I stayed at the same. Left behind by everything around me. With each step towards the plane, I felt my body moving slower and slower until I could barely move.

I felt empty. Hollow. Without purpose or reason. I didn't know how to deal with this feeling. Of feeling so broken.

I curled in on myself, heedless of the prying eyes and kind concerns of the flight attendant. My body wasn't listening to me, trembling, telling me something. Telling me that it all hurt. That it all had a purpose.

Memories flashed in my mind, highlighting the important moments in my life. All the joy, all the pain, all the accomplishments. They were all there, and he was center stage so often. Entering my life and lifting me up. It begged the question; why I would run from that? How did I even get here? Why was I poisoning something so beautiful?

The answer was simple.

I hated myself.

I was weak.

I was selfish.

I wasn't strong.

I was scared I would fall.

But I had already fallen. I was already six feet under and suffocating.

That's when it hit me. I stripped aside my ugly self and stared into the raw unfiltered feelings. I knew where I needed to be. I knew where I belonged. Why had it taken me so long to figure it out? Why was I running?

I was moving before anyone could stop me. I pushed past the flight attendant and raced back through the corridor. Nothing could prevent me from moving. Everyone else was so slow compared to me. I had finally broken free of my cage.

I ran through the airport, heading straight for the taxis. My breathing came out in gasps, and I had to pause to catch my breath. I filled my lungs to hail a cab when the words died in my throat.

He was sitting on a bench, not fifteen feet from me. Alone, head down, hands crushed together as if he were trying to hold the world together in his palms.

I swallowed my fear and took a step towards my fate.

It took him a second to notice me. I didn't see his face when he finally did. My own was towards the ground, hands bawled into fists as I tried to still my racing heart.

"I'm sorry Ren. I wasn't strong enough."

Slowly, I raised my eyes. I faced my worst fear and greatest hope. I faced him.

"I'm so sorry." I said again, this time with tears. "I'm sorry for being weak. I'm sorry I couldn't leave... I'm sorry I can't stop loving you."

No matter what I had done, I couldn't keep away. I may be selfish, conceited, and the most wretched of human beings, but I couldn't leave. No matter how horrible I was, I wanted to stay with him.

My cries were smothered by the embrace of warm arms. They encircled me, comforted, strengthened me. They brought back that light I had been missing. I finally felt whole again. The feeling made my lip tremble in joy as happiness spilled from my eyes.

Oh, how I had missed this. Being so happy I couldn't speak for fear it might fall short of expressing the extent of my joy. I never wanted to leave this again.

I felt his arms tighten around me.

"Then stay. If you can't stand leaving. Stay. This is right where you need to be."

I could only nod in response, my heart so full it thought it might burst. I could finally embrace myself, I could finally embrace all my faults, wrongdoings and arrogance. I could finally accept me, and I realized that I was enough.