A perk of having an apartment up on the top floor is the easy access to the roof top. Hawks slides down the wall and cracks open a cold bottle of cheap beer he got from the convenience store across the street. He's thankful that today isn't too cold and instead welcomes the sight of the bright sun in the sky.
He's always been enamored with the sun. Hawks associated the sun with freedom. Ever since being picked up by the government when he was a little boy, he'd stare up at the sun through the small window of his cage. Wishing with all of his might that one day he could truly spread his wings and be free from everything.
He may be free of his cage as an adult but his wings still remain clipped. Hawks doubts if he'll ever be able to truly feel the warmth of the sun against his back as he flies. A harsh reality taught to him at a young age.
Everything comes with a price.
Even the sun and its freedom.
The forbidden love story of Icarus and the Sun always pops into Hawks' mind when he gets into his melancholy moods. He's all too familiar with that story.
A tragedy really.
Being locked up all his life with the sun just out of his grasp, Icarus was finally given the chance to escape and fell in love with the sun's warmth and beauty. He flew too close and in the end, the wax melted and the feathers smoldered to ash. Leaving poor Icarus to fall to his own death.
Hawks always wondered if Icarus had any regrets as he plummeted towards the ocean.
Hawks ponders if he would have any regrets if he chose to fly too close to the sun as well.
The roof door opening breaks Hawks away from his daydream and from the corner of his eyes he spies the last person he wants to see right now. Hawks flutters his wings in frustration and looks down at the ground between his feet.
"What're you doing up here?" The man stops next to Hawks but doesn't sit down, he focuses his glare on Dabi's scarred ankles.
"Ponderin' the meaning of my depressing life, amigo." He's in no mood for Dabi's games but Dabi seems to think otherwise.
"Hey, just letting you know but 2007 called and they want their shitty emo outlook on life back." Hawks grunts before knocking back more of his beer.
"2007 can go fuck itself." Dabi chuckles and squats down next to Hawks.
"Damn Hawks, how many of these have you been drinking? You fucking reek of cheap booze."
"'M'adult. I do what I want dammit." Hawks finally turns to face Dabi and finds the man staring back at him with a hint of amused smile and a quirked eyebrow. Hawks blinks and looks away before he has a chance to get lost in Dabi's bright eyes.
Dabi reaches over and takes a bottle from the plastic bag without asking Hawks. He twists the cap off and downs the drink, Dabi grimaces and looks down at the beer bottle in mild disgust, "You could at least get the good stuff. This is just basically water."
"If you want something else, you can go to the bar and bother your li'l friends for better shit."
"Jesus, calm down you feisty fuck. What got your feathers all ruffled?" Hawks pouts and rests his chin against his knees that are pulled up to his chest.
"The sun."
"... the sun." Dabi repeats, Hawks side glances Dabi and grunts in agreement.
"Yeah."
"So why are you out here in the sun then?" Hawks can certainly hear the smile behind Dabi's question and it only soils his own mood further.
"'Cause fuck it. Tha's why." Dabi says nothing and neither does Hawks. Instead, they both sit in silence as Hawks glares up at the sky and Dabi nurses his watered down beer.
"You ever think if you made a different decision, your life woulda been way different?" Hawks hears a sigh and Dabi stretches his long legs out in front of him.
"Maybe."
"D'you," Hawks takes his gaze from the sky and focuses on the lip of his bottle, "D'you regret your decisions?"
"Are you trying to stage an intervention with the big ol' bad guy in seeing the error of his ways?" Dabi drawls out, he chuckles and starts fishing around his jacket pockets- searching for something.
"Nah, I was jus' wondering." Dabi pulls out a rolled piece of paper and lights it with his index finger. A strong and earthly stink assaults Hawks' nose and he watches as Dabi takes a hit. Dabi holds in the smoke for a few moments before exhaling, Hawks turns his gaze to the light grey smoke that twists and curls upwards to the sky. He focuses back on Dabi, who takes a second hit and smirks at Hawks.
"What? You planning on reporting me or something?" Hawks laughs for the first time today and shakes his head.
"I don't give a damn, blaze away my dude." Dabi snorts and passes the joint to Hawks. It's been a few years since Hawks last smoked but he still gratefully accepts it. For a brief second, their fingers brush against each other and Hawks is taken aback by the heat rolling off of Dabi's skin, he chooses to not say anything and instead takes a hit of his own.
"Y'know, you're not like any other hero I've met, bird brain." Hawks rolls his eyes and faces the villain who's fiddling with his one of helix piercings and Hawks tries not to look at Dabi's lips that are pulled into a soft smile, "Most heroes I come across usually have their panties in a twist."
"'S'probably because of how damn fugly you are." Dabi's grin wavers for a second before he starts to laugh. For the month that they've been forced to live together- Hawks had never heard the man actually laugh before and he finds himself hoping to hear Dabi laugh again. He sounds good when he laughs, Hawks thinks to himself.
"Man, fuck you." They stay on the rooftop for another hour before the sun starts to set. Hawks watches as the sun dips behind his city, surrounding the tall towers of the downtown area in a haze of silky purple. The sky itself is painted in a carmine red mixed with soft gold and pink undertones. Hawks definitely thinks that this is the best part of having an apartment on the top floor. The first floor apartments could never offer such a breathtaking view.
"You ever just, I dunno, just wanna run away from all of it?" Dabi looks from the sun set and over at Hawks with a flat expression.
"Well, in my own experience, running away normally doesn't do jack shit. It burns a lot more bridges than for what it's worth. At least in my own opinion. You thinking of running away?" Hawks thinks back to his startling realization earlier from today and once again finds himself wondering what exactly happens behind closed doors in the Todoroki home. A question for another day though.
"I used to y'know? I just never really had anything going for me." Dabi chuckles and shakes his head.
"Bullshit. You're the Number Two Hero. Isn't that enough for you?" Hawks sighs and scratches the back of his neck. He fluffs up his feathers slightly, the temperature is starting to drop and the last thing that Hawks wants to deal with is a cold on top of everything else.
"I mean, yeah. I am now. But I sure as hell wasn't anything back when I was a kid."
"Oh?" Some tiny sober part of Hawks' brain tells him not to open up to a villain about his childhood. Inebriated Hawks ignores that voice. He's been too quiet on his own upbringing for too long to care about the consequences anymore. Besides, what is Dabi going to do? Call the police on the government for ruining a perfectly good child and fucking him up? In the years Hawks has worked with the police, he's found them to have the capability to be just as corrupt as hero agencies.
"My dude, pal, you don't even know half of it." Dabi stays quiet, Hawks doesn't bother to look over at the villain because he knows that if he does, he won't be able to continue.
"Like, I don't even remember my parents. Sure, I got a photo or two stashed away but what can a photo do for me if I don't even remember the people in it? They just never came home one day I guess, y'know? I started living in the streets, causing trouble for everyone. Heh, I remember hanging around with a group of older kids. We had a gang called The Tunnel Snakes, man, we were stupid as fuck. We thought that we were top shit, yeah? Like 'Tunnel Snakes rule! Hell yeah!'," He hears Dabi snort but he continues to ramble, "Shit, none of us even had a snake quirk or anything.
Well that was all fine and merry but one day there was this car accident and no heroes around. I had to do something, what if they had kids? Those kids woulda ended up orphans just like me, I couldn't just stand around and watch 'em die.
Guess there were heroes on their way and arrived a few seconds after I saved them. They were real interested when they learned that I saved them when I was just a kid," Hawks pauses and takes a swig of his beer. He closes his eyes and frowns, this part of his story is something he always tried to forget. Now here he is crying to a villain about it. Shit is whack, he thinks to himself.
"I got taken in by the government and was trained to be a hero. I swear dude, it was like some sort of Maximum Ride bullshit. 'Cept I didn't have no flock of my own. Just me, myself and I. After I turned eighteen they just kinda threw me into a role that I never even wanted to begin with. Now here I am as the Number Two Hero. Ain't that something?"
"Damn, that's rough buddy," Hawks grunts and nods his head, "Do you regret it?"
"Regret what?"
"Saving those people when you were a kid. Do you regret it?" Hawks wraps his wings around himself and subconsciously preens his feathers. He says nothing for a moment as he watches his fingers thread through his vermilion feathers.
"No. It was the right thing to do in the end."
"Here I thought that there were no heroes left in this world. Why are you even in The League?" Hawks shrugs, still not making eye contact.
"Late teenage rebellion? The consuming need to be able to have control of my own life? Wanting to feel like I belong somewhere? The list is endless."
"I get what you mean. With everything." Hawks finally looks over to Dabi and is taken aback. Dabi looks so vulnerable in the dying light of the setting sun. His feet over the edge of the building, swinging slowly as he chews on his bottom lip.
"You're a government experiment too?"
"No. No, I was an experiment I guess you could say but just not for the government." His glare turns steely and Dabi's hands ball up into fists.
"You ever hear about quirk marriages?" He doesn't give Hawks time to answer, "Well, once upon a time there was this giant fucking asshole who wanted nothing more in life than to be the very best and didn't care what or who he hurt to get to his goal. He met this woman who he decided that she would be the bearer of his hell's spawn. She was everything opposite of him. He was nothing but fury and burning disgust for his own shortcomings. She was the gentle light and love that would soon become her own downfall. He knew that with their combined quirks, their child would be unstoppable.
He managed to worm his way into the woman's family with the flaunting of his immense wealth and his honey dipped lies. Eventually they just agreed to hand her over, some grade A family right there, huh.
Perhaps in the beginning they might've been happy.
Until they started to have kids." Dabi sighs running his hand over his disfigured face and cracks his neck.
"The first was a boy who much to his father's delight was a carbon copy his father. After the birth of their first child, they quickly had another- a girl this time. Soon after their daughter they had another son. Both the daughter and younger son took after the mother with their fair hair and kind eyes. They never had an ounce of hate in them, no. Their laughter could be heard bouncing off of the walls of the manor at any time of the day.
As the three children reached the age of when quirks come in, the father was met with disappointment. Out of all of them, one had his father's quirk, one had her mother's quirk and the youngest was completely quirkless.
Oh the rage that boiled inside of the man. How could the products of his hard work and great expectations turn out to be such disappointments?
He decided that his best bet would be to train his eldest son. His son wanted nothing more than to make his father proud. He loved and idolized his father. He would've given his own limbs away if it would mean that the father would smile and tell him 'good job'.
With each passing year, the man became more twisted. He allowed his rage to take a hold of him and took it out on his own flesh and blood. His frustrations of the failures of his own children consumed him and nothing could soothe his rampage." Hawks feels his body grow cold as Dabi pauses to open another beer bottle. He knew that something most likely happened to force Dabi to live like this but still hearing everything first hand... is shocking.
"The eldest always did his best to shield his younger siblings from the pain and fear that he was forced to face on a daily basis.
Then one day the eldest son's world was thrown in turmoil with the birth of his youngest sibling. A baby brother. From the moment he was brought home, things quickly changed. His baby brother was dubbed perfect. He was split down the middle, one side representing his father and the other as his mother.
After the arrival of his brother, the boy's father became even more unsteady.
He was impatient, but he could do nothing but wait. Wait and train his eldest son.
Each training session was more and more brutal. His son couldn't keep up anymore and even with the the father screaming in his face about bringing shame and disappointment to his family name. Even after the constant burns and bruises and cuts marking the boy, he just couldn't push himself any further.
He felt like he was being torn apart at the seams and had no where to go anymore. His once loving mother became a shell of herself, she would just hide from everyone and would only allow his younger siblings near her.
Her eldest was, after all, a walking clone of her husband." Dabi reaches into his pocket and produces another joint.
"Any time they would meet in the halls, she would have a breakdown and scream at him and cry and throw things at him. Telling him to get away from her. That she can't even bear to look at him anymore. That he was alike his father in every way.
What a hell of a way for the eldest boy to grow up. One parent telling him how he'll never amount to anything in life and just end up as a worm to be squashed beneath a shoe. That there's nothing for him to do because he's already disgraced the family enough. And the other parent? Well, he stayed away from her after her multiple breakdowns. He could no longer run into her arms for comfort. He was alone. His mother whispered her own lies into his siblings' ears and they quickly feared him as much as they feared their father." The joint glows as he takes hit after hit.
"Eventually the perfect son acquired his quirk and the eldest was put on the back burner.
He would watch in solitude as his youngest brother became the perfect weapon for his father's plans. He knew that he wasn't needed anymore. He was tossed to the side like the piece of trash that he was always told that he was. After seeing his mother throw a kettle full of boiling water at his brother and her ended up getting carted off to who the hell knows. He couldn't handle it anymore. So, he ran away.
He began to fucking despise everything. How could society continue to allow things to run as they do? How could they worship the scum of the earth simply because they're heroes? How could heroes, sworn to protect the children, the weak and the old- grow to be so easily swayed and let their vices control them to hurt those that they were tasked with to protect in the first place? How could these fake heroes get away with their crimes?" His deep voice is laced with venom as he spits out his questions. He stares down at his joint and exhales irritably.
"He decided to play the cards that he was given in life and that if he was going to be labeled as a disappointment and the bad guy, he'll give them a run for his money." The joint is nearly gone and with a lazy flick of his wrist, Dabi sends the still smoldering joint down the side of the building. Both men watch as it tumbles over itself before fading out of sight.
"So the first thing he did was to dye his hair so that he wouldn't have to be reminded of his father." Dabi motions to his own hair and a sneer starts to grow.
"Then he decided to get some piercings because fuck, why the hell not?" Dabi starts to chuckle and Hawks feels his heart drop to his stomach.
"Then he decided that he actually likes what he became. Except there was still one thing that he fucking hated. The one thing that his father was so proud of when he was younger. The one thing that his own mother would scream and cry at. The fact that he looked just like his father didn't sit right with him anymore and well," Dabi trails off and taps a slender finger against one of his surgical staples, "Well, he decided to make sure that his family would never recognize him. If they want to call him a monster, he might as well pick up that role, yeah?"
"Why was none of this on the news?" Dabi snorts and turns around to face Hawks, all expression is gone except for the burning hiding behind his turquoise eyes.
"Please, bird brain, I'm sure you know who my father is. After all, you've worked with him this whole time. You think a bastard like him would allow family matters to get in the way of his ambitions? Not only is he one of the most powerful men in Japan but he has friends in high positions." They remain quiet as they stare at each other. Dabi eventually stands up, his knees pop and he stretches.
"Anyway, that's my sob story. Happy now?"
No. Hawks is definitely not happy. Quite the opposite, he's filled with anger that someone would do this. He's too tired, drunk and stoned to be embarrassed about the fact that he's enraged at the thought of anyone even hurting Dabi.
Villain or not, no one deserves that kind of life.
"It's getting cold out here, let's go inside." Hawks shakily stumbles to his feet and trips over the mountain of bottles piled besides him, "Just saying, if you're going to die from a broken neck from fucking beer bottles... that would just be about the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life." A pair of warm hands hoist Hawks up from under the armpits and before he can stop the world from spinning, he's thrown over Dabi's shoulder.
"Thank god you're not as heavy as you look."
"What's that s'posed to mean?" Dabi opts to not answer Hawks' question. He hears the scarred man snicker and Hawks crosses his arms in a pout as he's carried downstairs and into the apartment.
Hawks falls into his bed and studies Dabi as the man tries to take off Hawks' shoes. He has so many questions to ask but as his eyes grow heavy and he starts to feel the edge of sobriety Hawks decides that now is not the time to pepper Dabi with questions that Hawks could probably find with his own investigations.
He feels the mattress dip under the weight of a second person and Hawks rolls over to his side to allow more room between the two men. As he's about to fall into the embrace of slumber, Dabi brings him out of his dozing.
"Hawks."
"M'yeah?"
"If you tell anyone about this, so help me god, I will incinerate everything you love and I'll make sure that no one finds your body after I'm done killing you." Hawks' last thought before he drifts off is the wonder if Dabi would really follow through on his threat if it meant to burn himself.
Author's Note
This would've been up sooner but mid way through writing this, my work computer decided to not save anything and I had to completely rewrite everything.
This chapter has been something that I knew I had to eventually get around to writing and it was rough to write. I... grew up in a very, very similar situation I guess would be a nice way to put it...
I promise that regular shenanigans will ensure after this chapter!
Also, I'm going to try to push as many new chapters out as possible before next Friday (12-22) My second job decided to give me way more hours so by that Friday I'll be working both jobs full time, essentially giving me 16 hour work days. So if this story isn't complete by then, updates will be a bit sporadic then... The story in itself is about halfway done, I'm aiming for about 10ish chapters so I'm really excited! That's all for now, so until then, fairwinds.
Oh, also, #tunnelsnakes4lyfe
Comments are always welcome!