Storm's End, 283 AC
The castle is silent since a few days: horse meat has been eaten completely, and the men are now slowly starving. No one speaks, or moves more than necessary. The smell of urine and shit spread everywhere, as some men cannot hold themselves back anymore, is awful. Leant against the stone walls, staying in their own faeces, the men are dying slowly.
As their commander, Stannis must remain strong, but it is more and more difficult, even for him. His eyes look like two big holes in the middle of his scrawny face, he has started to lose his hair because of malnutrition and his ribs can be seen when he is shirtless. This morning, when the men have not eaten anything since a week, he walks down to them, and says to the strongest of them:
"Soldiers, kill the cats."
"The… the cats, my Lord?" their eyes shine with greed.
Stannis nods:
"The dogs can be useful in case we are attacked once more. And, if the siege keeps going, the rats will be eaten as well. Without the cats, there will be a lot of them. So kill the cats. All of them."
The soldiers nod back and the first cat they take suffers awfully. The men are so hungry they barely even cook the meat. They grab it, ten of them, and eat it alive, the poor animal screaming with pain and terror. Luckily, there are hundreds of cats in the whole castle and, once the men have eaten a bit; they kill them in cleaner ways, with arrows and knives.
Stannis brings food to Cressen and Renly, both lied down in beds. Maester Cressen had collapsed a few days ago, and Stannis, since then, has refused him to stand up or do anything. When a man is injured, he goes to Cressen. The maester shoud not leave his bed, or this room. He is too weak.
They want to eat eagerly when they see the food and Stannis tries to restrain them the best he can. He understands their hunger, but eating too fast could only make them sick, and throwing up would not help them gaining forces. He decides to give them food, himself, holding a spoon and feeding them as he would do with a baby. Renly almost cannot open his mouth anymore, and Stannnis needs to gather his whole patience to feed them. When the plates are empty, they beg for more, but Stannis tells them they need to wait for a few hours. Renly falls asleep soon, and Stannnis sits by Cressen:
"How do you feel?" he asks him.
The maester takes his hand and squeezes it weakly. Stannis leans his own hand on his and tries to smile:
"You know what I would like, Stannis?" the weak voice of the maester says, so weakly Stannis has to lean down to hear him.
"No, tell me", Stannis whispers.
"I want to see you laugh, at least once. I want to see you happy, boy", Cressen says, his eyes watering suddenly. He tries to regain his composure, and Stannis whispers:
"I have no reason to laugh right now, Cressen. I know what you mean, and I thank you for caring about me. When everything will be over, maybe I'll find a reason to be happy."
The young Lord wishes so much to fulfill Cressen's wish, but he cannot pretend. He has never known how to do so, and he is not sure he wants to know how to do. Maybe he'll survive this war and be happy, one day. Maybe he'll die here, with his men. Maybe even his men would mutiny against him and sends his head to the Tyrells. Nothing is certain. Nothing is predictable.
Cressen nods slowly:
"I love you, Stannis. You are my favorite, among your brothers. I know I should not have one, but I cannot help it."
Stannis does not like this speech: it sounds like a confession, as if Cressen is giving up on his life. He holds the maester's hand in his tighter:
"I forbid you to die. You understand?"
Cressen smiles slightly and stares at the eyes of his master:
"I remember when you were born. There was a terrible storm this night, and your mother wanted to have the windows opened. Sometimes, we were receiving some water from the ocean. The candles were burning by her. She was brave, so brave, Stannis… And, when you came out, it was almost on your own. You looked at me, you didn't cry, you stared at each of us, your eyes wide opened… Then you crawled and found your mother's breast alone. You have always been strong Stannis. Stronger than Robert, stronger than Renly. Always…"
The young man stares back at him, unable to say whatsoever, moved by this story of course. He has never heard it, but the moment Cressen decides to tell him scares him. He repeats:
"You will not die."
Stannis… the Maester thinks. Stannis, why are you so cold? Why do you hide your feelings so much? Why do you hide from me, when I have known you since you were born? Why don't you allow yourself to be sweet, to be a boy, when you have tried your whole life to act like a man?
He keeps his thoughts to himself and, as Stannis stands up again, he looks at him, and turns on a side to watch him leave. He closes his eyes, and drifts off to sleep.
Once he is out, Stannis leans against the wall, trying to control the sudden emotion that overwhelms him. He needs a few minutes, where, every time tears come to his eyes, he breathes slowly to stop them. When he feels ready enough, he joins his men again but walks directly to the aviary. They had eaten the crows, and the only birds that remain are Proudwing and Thunderclap. Stannis opens their cage and makes them stand on his forearm, side by side. He walks to the far end of the castle, checks on the Tyrell forces: they are feasting, drinking and laughing. The moment is ideal. He gets to the first floor, and opens a window carefully. Thunderclap immediately flies away to the trees, when Proudwing looks at his master with big eyes.
"You need to go", Stannis whispers, his folded finger stroking the soft feathers.
Proudwing cries softly but does not move:
"Come on. I cannot feed you. You're big enough to take care of yourself", Stannis says, holding his arm by the window.
She still doesn't move and holds tighter on him when he moves his arm. He stays there for a few minutes, begging, threatening her, but she does not move and he ends up using violence, regretfully. He slaps her head, first gently, and she protests, bites his finger, but still does not fly away. Stannis sighs and does it brutally a second time, and this time, Proudwing cries louder and flies away. In a minute, she has disappeared and Stannis hates himself for what he has done. What choice has he? She would have died starving, it is difficult enough to feed the men, and he cannot waste food for her or for Thunderclasp. He leaves back to his men and, the following day, they find a dead rabbit in the courtyard. They cook it of course, even though it can barely feed a few men, and Stannis gives the meat to the weakest of his men. Once he is alone, he goes back to the window, and smiles slightly as he stares at the trees facing him.