Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy X

Well, this is it! This is the final chapter for now; but I shall return! In about 3-9 months, that is. For now, however, I hope you've liked everything; thanks to everyone who has reviewed - it makes my day so great! And I'll see you all on the other side. Enjoy!

050. Eyes

Unseeing

Really, when I look back on it, I'm the idiot. I called him an idiot over and over back then. I called him an ass, and many other worse things. I called him every bad word I knew in Al Bhed too - for good measure. But of course, he was gone by that time; long gone. Not even a pyrefly from his long-dead body remained floating around, lost in the pyrefly-less sky. It was lonely, and sad, and all too bright.

Why am I an idiot, I hear you all clamour to ask? Well, settle down and I'll tell you. I never saw his eyes... One was always covered, hidden from view. The other was blank and icy, looking off to somewhere none of us could see. Not even Yunie, who could see everything that I couldn't. I, being the idiot I am, thought that when he looked at me he softened slightly, like butter left out in the desert. Of course not - silly me. His eyes never changed, not for anyone. Not even for Tidus, the boy he'd practically brought up.

I wonder if there was another woman in his life. Perhaps there was before - I don't know, maybe he did. I knew so little about him after all. Turns out I knew nothing! I wonder if he did... have another woman, that is. I wonder if she had green eyes like mine. They probably weren't swirled if they were - no one wants eyes like the Al Bhed, unless you're Al Bhed. Even then they're not really that desired. Why couldn't the one physical trait we all have, be something better - like bright red hair, or height, or gracefulness? Nah, that sounds closer to Yunie anyway. Anyway, I wonder if this woman did have green eyes... She'd probably have blue eyes. I think I'll peg him as a blue eyes, blonde hair woman, since I can't... Since I couldn't be enough for him. I was never enough for him, not from the very beginning.

In a way, I kinda hope that he loved another woman, had a whole life with her. That'd make this pain easier - he would've just been taken, and I wouldn't need to feel so stupid. I can deal with that. I can deal with being stupid - I'm used to it anyway. I hope that she was beautiful, but not prettier than me. Then I wouldn't feel so insignificant and petty and young and ugly and annoying. Because that would sure as hell help about now!

I should've known that he'd never have loved me like I loved him. It was all my own fault. I was an idiot, and I set this all up for myself - I should've known better. It's always 'should've known better' with me. He never looked at me with anything other than either mild interest or disappointment. I should've seen it in his eyes all along... But he just used me. My bad. I should shout apologies, like Yunie whistles for Tidus. And don't tell me to try that - I've already tried. Every night, for the past six months, I've tried my own method. My shouting voice is much better now, and I'm much more comfortable around swear words and all the other various curses. Doesn't make it feel any better, though.

He'd never love me, and I could see it in his eyes all along. Never did his eyes thaw to me, nor did he say a kind word to me. He never told me the truth, by the way, because he never looked at me with both eyes open - he must've been lying. And he must've never felt anything for me, because he could never look at me with both eyes.

I hope you liked it! I thought I'd leave you all with some nice angst :p

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