Jericho was in one of those moods where je woke up remembering everything bad that's ever happened to jem.
Je had been plagued by nightmares the night before, planting those negative emotions into jems brain to fester in the morning. They weren't merely emotionally troubling nightmares either; je had woken up in the far back of the mountain recess je slept in, face leaning against the wall and fingernails digging into jems arms. Je recalled parts of the dreams je had - jem trying to hold onto jems disappearing mom, trying to struggle away from jems father's grasp as he dragged jem into darkness, trying to hold a door shut as an unknown force shook it open - and it exhausted jem even more.
Sighing, Jericho unclawed jems hands and pushed jemself upwards. Jems eyes were heavy and jems body sore, but je knew that sitting in the darkness would only make jems mood worse, so je dragged jemself outside.
The sun was too much though, and Jericho had to shield jems eyes as je stumbled towards jems usual spot on the top of the mountain. Usually the sun would actually improve jems mood, but today it was just too bright and too hot and the only reason Jericho wasn't going back to the recess to curl up into a ball and hide was because je had already started up the mountain and couldn't stop jemself now.
Though rapidly running out of energy, Jericho did make it up to the final pathway before je decided je needed to sit back down. In jems last attempt to prevent jemself from breaking down under the exhaustion created by the unwanted dreams from the night before, je began to feel around for a couple of rocks je could clutch onto.
That was one of the benefits of living on a mountain, the free supply of rocks Jericho could hold between jems fingers and press against jems palms when je desired pressure to keep jemself steady. They weren't the smooth kind either, the ones that would just make jem shudder as they slipped down jems skin. No, they were the rough kind of rock that had crevices to push jems fingers onto, that would leave dirt and dust on Jericho's skin if je clutched them hard enough. Je liked the feeling of dirt and dust on jems skin, if only because je also liked the feeling of scrubbing it off afterwards. Je just liked that natural feeling.
But there wasn't any of these rocks to grab. Je must kicked all of the spare rocks aside across jems various trips on the path, and cursed jemself for doing so. Je leaned back, letting jems hands flail at the ground a few more times in a last-ditch effort to try and find a hidden rock.
Je was going to accept it and slip into a mess of mental exhaustion, if only because withdrawing from reality entirely may have stopped jem from becoming even more emotionally frazzled, until an ear-piercing trumpet noise shot through the air, startling jem back upwards with a new sense of fear-driven adrenaline running through jem.
If Jericho had been in a better state of mind je would have known that this would have happened; this was exact location Herald always teleported to when they arrived to spend the day - close enough that Jericho could see them coming up but far enough away that the trumpet tune that accompanied them wouldn't make jems ears ring. But Jericho was not in a better state of mind, and barely convinced jemself to cover jems ears.
Herald nearly fell back into the portal when they first stepped out, trying to avoid stepping on Jericho. Their initial look of bewilderment at seeing Jericho out out jems usual spot quickly turned into one of guilt as they saw jem holding jems ears. Assuming that they were at fault, they knelt down, wrapping their arms around jem and resting jem against their chest, hoping that it would help drown out the noise.
Once Jericho seemed well enough to uncover jems ears and look up at them, Herald signed out an apology, figuring that verbal communication would not be wanted. "Sorry. Hurt?"
Jericho would have responded, but je couldn't convince jemself to make proper signs. Instead, je just further held onto Herald as another chance of steadying jemself. As je grabbed onto Herald's wrists, Jericho realized two things.
One, that Herald's gloves were freezing. It was just Jericho's luck that a sensitivity to temperature would actually increase during a meltdown, and for once je understood why Herald was always complaining about being cold.
Two, that the divisions on the gloves that je had always assumed were seams were in actuality the areas that divided that fabric of the glove and its metallic covering. Jericho could feel that je could somewhat wedge jems fingers between the divisions, and now that je had been startled out of exhaustion and into a singular sense of desperation, je took it as an alternative to rock crevices.
Je clutched onto Herald's hands, pushing the tips of jems fingers in between the gloves' covering and fabric, hoping that the action could give jem some kind of stabilizing pressure. Unfortunately, the smoothness of the metallic casing was only upsetting jem more, causing jem to lose jems grip and jems fingers to slide pathetically down the gloves.
If Jericho didn't have a look of pure distraught on jems face, Herald would have assumed that this was a very strange attempt at physical affection. They tried to figure out what Jericho was looking for on the gloves - the separations? Was that was upsetting jem? That didn't make sense, but they weren't sure what else it could be. They pulled away one of their hands and tried to ask Jericho questions again. "Hurt? Upset?"
But Jericho didn't answer. Je grabbed Herald's free hand back and again attempted to push into the gloves' divisions, desperate to feel pressure on jems fingers - a pinch of skin, a dull pain, something.
Herald watched Jericho even closer now, again trying to discover what the interest was. They focused on how there seemed to be repetition in jems actions - how je started jems fingers at one of the gloves' separations and then moved down the smooth covering - and then it dawned on them.
Jericho must have been having a meltdown, or at least on the brink of one. Herald had never seen jem have a meltdown before and had no idea how to help - they couldn't even remember that the last time they themself had full-on meltdown. The only thing they were certain about was that Jericho's desperation to feel the metal covering Herald's gloves was an attempt to calm jemself down.
They understood that desire quite easily. There had been numerous times when Herald would take off one of their gloves so they could feel the smoothness of their horn or the glove itself on their skin directly. It soothed them.
Unfortunately, with the way Jericho was now tearing up in frustration at the gloves not calming jem, it was clear to Herald that they were going to have to provide jem with more than just hands to hold. They couldn't blame jem for this of course; mountains were littered with jagged rocks and dusty pathways that hurt just to look at, so it's not like je had anything that could help jem nearby.
Now confident in how they could help, Herald forced their hands away and stood up, quickly signing for Jericho to wait for their return. They darted a bit away so the opening of a portal wouldn't startle jem again, trying to ignore just how hurt and weak je looked as they left.
They decided to skip teleporting to their usual place in the connecting dimension and instead went straight for the small tent hidden towards the edge of it. Since they traveled often they never set up a permanent residence, but the tent served its purpose of housing their supplies.
Amongst the supplies, but separate from the rest of the trinkets they had collected over the years, was a small pile of makeshift stim toys. All were spherical, polished objects, but Herald's absolute favorite was the bag of marbles.
The marbles were used when Herald was anxious and wanted to feel something smooth, the marbles were used when they was excited and wanted something to spin on the tips of their fingers, and the marbles were used when they was bored and wanted something to polish and reflect the light off of for a while. Even just looking at the marbles sent a wave of positive feelings over them.
Herald grabbed the bag of marbles and messily put the rest of the supplies back into their proper places, wanting to get back to Jericho as soon as possible. They had it all planned out in their head: once they returned to the mountain, the literal good vibrations coming off of the marbles would quell Jericho's emotional distress, with the marbles' smoothness making sure it was gone for good, and once je was sufficiently calmed, Herald would show jem how to angle the marbles in the way that allowed for light reflections that were pretty but wouldn't get in jems eyes, and afterwards they would take jem to get jems own marbles, because je would obviously need jems own set to help prevent another meltdown in the future-
The portal had been left open to show Jericho that they would not be gone long, and when they did make it back to the mountain, they assumed je must have been comforted by that fact, as they saw that je wasn't shaking as much.
In reality, Jericho wasn't doing that much better. The sense of desperation had not turned back into the mental exhaustion je was feeling before, but instead was forced down into jems chest, ready to throw jem into a fit at the smallest upset or disruption.
Je was slightly more responsive than before, however, as je was able to follow Herald's actions with jems eyes, watching as they gently opened up one of jems hands and gingerly placed a marble in it. Je's eyes widened at the feeling of it and immediately tipped the marble out of jems hand, not wanting to even tolerate smooth textures.
Herald gave a quiet gasp and scooped up the marble, instinctively polishing it against their tunic. Caught up in the euphoria of sharing their favorite stim object and thinking that they were curing Jericho's emotional issues, they tried to give jem some marbles again, this time preempting it with a quick signed explanation. "Help you."
They increased the amount of marbles given to jem to a handful so the smoothness could reach the entirety of jems palm, and then placed jems free hand over the other so je wouldn't drop them again. They then pulled away and beamed at the prospect of all of the good feelings the marbles would give jem.
But in that moment, as Jericho stared at jems closed hands and felt the marbles icily burning into jems skin, the only thing je felt was hatred. Hatred that Herald thought these artificially slick things would make jem feel any better. Hatred that Herald forced the things back into jems hand and signed to jem like je was an infant that didn't understand jems own actions. Hatred that Herald was grinning through all this, as if jems emotional distress was a mere game to them. But most of all, Jericho hated the fact that even against mountain rock, marbles still made a clank clank clank noise when hitting the ground.
Clank clank clank was the worst sound Jericho ever heard. It was unnatural and made a silent sob get caught in jems throat. They clank clank clanked on the mountain rock just like they clank clank clanked on father's tile floor when je and Grant were forced to spend the weekend with him and they had to stay in the kitchen while he worked. Je only agreed to play jacks because je liked the way the jack felt between jems fingers but Grant made jem hold the marbles and they were too slippery and they clank clank clanked against the ground. The clank clank clank hurt jems ears and jems father yelling at jem to be quiet hurt jems ears and Grant's laugh because he thought it was on purpose hurt jems ears. Je tried to pick up the marbles but they would slip and clank clank clank again and Grant started clank clank clanking his marbles too and then the kitchen door slammed open and shook the room and the rest of marbles on table went clank clank clank clank clank clank clank clank clank-
The marbles Jericho was holding went flying, the emotions je was bottling up bursting into a mess of pure anguish. Jems body shook violently as the clank clank clanking sounds filled jems mind, and je forced jemself to the ground and pressed jems head against the mountain path. Jems arms and legs flailed and slammed down on the path, desperate to get rid of what je was feeling. Je just couldn't take it anymore.
Eventually Jericho's actions did provide jem some relief from everything occupying jems mind, as jems body slowed down and paused for a brief second. This almost allowed jem to start to piece together what had happened, but instead je passed out in exhaustion.
Jericho woke up in a somewhat better state than je first felt that morning. Jems whole body dully ached and je was still tired, but at least jems mind was clear. The sunlight didn't bother jem nearly as much either - though whether that was due to jems sensitivity to light returning to normal levels or simply because it was later in the day je couldn't tell. Je briefly wondered how long je was out for, but decided to worry about that later. Concerning jemself with details about meltdowns right after they happened always made jem feel worse, so je always waited a few hours before acknowledging it again.
However, this plan changed when Jericho stared moving and a sharp pain shot through jems hands, indicating that je had not gotten out of the meltdown unscathed. Jems hands were bruised, and though je didn't notice any cuts, je figured it would be safer to return to the mountain recess and get jems first aid kit anyway. Cleaning jemself off would be a good distraction from everything that had happened.
Before je could get to the recess proper, though, Jericho was stopped in jems tracks by something that had completely slipped jems mind: Herald hadn't left yet. Je saw them sitting in front of the recess's entrance, seemingly waiting for jems return, and gave a defeated sigh. Je really wasn't going to get away from this meltdown.
Je then scolded jemself for thinking Herald's presence was a bad thing, even temporarily so. This was a sign that Herald still cared about jem, obviously. They wasn't scared off by jems violent meltdown, which relieved jem to discover. The meltdowns were a potential relationship hurdle Jericho never admitted to Herald that je was worried about. Part of it was the nature of the meltdowns themselves - it's not like jem sometimes getting so uncontrollably emotional that je lost rationality and started hurting jemself was a point of pride for jem.
The more important part however was that Jericho just didn't want to risk having to acknowledge why these meltdowns occurred. Not the fact that je was autistic - Herald already knew that and they themself was autistic as well - but the emotional reasons for why. Je hadn't mentioned jems family or any details of jems past to Herald. It was damaging enough just thinking about it, but having to relive it to someone else, especially someone that je cared deeply about? Jericho didn't think je could handle it.
But je was going to have acknowledge at least the physical aspect of jems meltdowns Jericho finally convinced jemself, starting to walk towards the recess again. Now that je had had a meltdown in front of Herald, je should at least let Herald know what warning signs to look out for in the future. That what's being in a relationship was about, je figured, trusting each other with personal things like that.
Once Jericho reached Herald, je sat down next to them and rested jems head against their shoulder, a hybrid of announcing jems presence and wanting to show affection.
Herald naturally rested their own head against's Jericho's in response. They considered verbal communication again, since their ASL was limited, but decided against it. They didn't want to bombarde Jericho with too many concerns all at once. "Okay? Hurt?"
Jericho was going to sign in response to show that je was indeed feeling okay now, but was reminded of why je was at the recess in the first place when the pain in jems hands resurfaced, now more intensely. Je assumed that je must have missed a tiny cut somewhere during jems first glance over and actually needed the first aid kit.
Jems instinct was to wave away Herald's now-worried expression and go patch jemself up alone, but Jericho soon dismissed it. Je was trusting Herald with helping jems meltdowns after all, and part of that meant that they needed to understand the aftercare process. Besides, just because je admitted to them that they got hurt during meltdowns didn't automatically mean that Herald would ask what made jem want to hurt jemself. That's what Jericho told jemself.
Je pulled away from Herald and stood up, ushering them into the mountain recess. Je knew that they already understood the basics of first aid, so once je had retrieved the kit, je figured simply showing them how je treated jems own injuries would be enough of an explanation.
As they watched jem, Herald did indeed understand the actions being shown to them. But they couldn't focus on that, as watching Jericho tending to jems wounds tore them up with guilt.
It had to be their fault, Herald just knew it. They should have done something to stop Jericho from hurting jemself; they could have teleported jem to a different place with nothing around to hurt jemself on, they could have stayed with jem so je knew je had support, they could have carried jem back to the recess and bandaged jem up themself after it was all over at least. But instead they chased after marbles.
The marbles. The fact that Jericho had such a negative reaction to the marbles bothered Herald more than they wanted to admit. They didn't understand how je didn't feel the good vibrations coming off of the marbles that they did - they felt the vibrations so strongly that it compelled them to make finding each individual marble and cleaning it off and storing it away safely in the bag their top priority. Did they make everything worse by bringing the marbles to Jericho? Je didn't start getting angry and self-violent until then…
All of this guilt weighed on Herald to a point of crying. They berated themself for being upset when clearly they were in the wrong, but that only made them feel worse. They unwillingly let out an ugly sob, startling Jericho. They shook off jems attempt to comfort them, rapidly signing out a few "sorry"s, and then seemed to literally swallowed their tears as they gulped and their eyes instantly dried.
It admittedly impressed Jericho that Herald could force themself to stop crying that fast, but that wasn't important now. Ignoring the continued stinging sensation in jems hands, je cupped Herald's face and pressed jems forehead to theirs, allowing them to catch their breath for a minute.
Jericho didn't expect that reaction from Herald at all. As je watched them calm themself, je lost all remaining hesitation about discussing jems meltdowns with them. If this was going to hurt both of them that much, then it had to be dealt with. But before je started-
Je gently ran jems thumb over a corner of Herald's mouth, a way to ask for a kiss that the two of them had decided upon early in the relationship. Herald didn't expect that, but they still returned the gesture.
The kiss the two shared was long yet demure, done more to make sure the other was all right as opposed to being out of passion or desire.
Once the two of them pulled apart and were feeling comfortable around each other again, Jericho tried to start the conversation right away. "You meltdown?" It was soon obvious that Herald didn't understand what je was signing however, so je tried asking again, this time finger-spelling the second word out. "You meltdown?"
Herald shook their head. This response initially surprised Jericho, but it made sense the more je thought about it. It explained why they could so easily stop themself from crying - perhaps it was a meltdown-suppressing tactic taught to them as a child that they simply internalized as being needed at all signs of negative emotion. Jems family certainly tried to teach jem those kinds of tactics when je was a child. But more importantly for the immediate time being, this answer also told jem that je would probably need to cover the basics of meltdowns as well, just to be safe. Je couldn't expect Herald to know the warning signs if they never melteddown themself.
Before je could decide what to start with, however, Herald unintentionally answered that for jem. They briefly fumbled with the bag of the marbles hanging off their belt, but decided it wasn't worth it to risk showing it to Jericho, and instead hoped je knew what they was signing about when they asked their question. "I hurt you?"
Je did understand what Herald meant, and though je wouldn't have chosen there to start on this topic jemself, je still gave them a truthful nod. But, to prevent Herald from slipping into another guilt-driven episode, je quickly reminded them that, "Accident. I forgive you."
The look of guilt remained on Herald's face for a few seconds, but soon it broke into a look of relief and they thanked jem. They didn't even mind the amused smile that Jericho gained at the action.
Jericho was going to then start explaining how je could tolerate smooth textures when in a better mood, but realized that Herald probably wouldn't know the signs for words like texture; je hadn't taught those to them yet. Motioning for Herald to stay where they was, Jericho went go find one of the various sketchbooks je owned, the one used as a make-shift notebook.
Inside of it was the list of words Jericho still needed to teach Herald, and je jotted a few more down. Je then flipped to a blank page. Writing out what je wanted to explain about jems own meltdown process might be easier anyway, at least for the first time around.
Herald spied what sketchbook je had found as je returned and already knew what it meant, even if they weren't sure what the topic was going to be. But that was all right. They leaned back a bit so it was easier for Jericho to sit in their lap and lean up against them, and easier for them to wrap their arms around jems waist and rest their chin on jems shoulder. They were just glad both of them were emotionally stable again. Besides, they always liked watching Jericho write - je had very nice handwriting.