Disclaimer: I don't own the show or characters. All I own is the writing and story.
Author's Note: Well, I didn't plan to write a Christmas story this year...but that changed. And then the idea turned dark. What a shock. This may not be a joyous Christmas story but I hope those who read it do, indeed, have a very joyous and Merry Christmas. :) The most wonderful time of the year! Feel free to leave reviews and let me know your thoughts on this. Thanks. Enjoy.
Silent Night
The holiday season, Lorna takes in a gratified breath of air. It's her most favorite time of the year—hearing the Christmas music on the radio each day as she drives to her job, the warm smells of winter that make up everywhere she goes, and being surrounded by the family she adores. Nothing beats this beautiful season, she deems. Nothing can take away the pure bliss the holiday fills her with.
It's the Sunday before Christmas Eve and she has still to stop at the store for a bag of pasta and sauce for their big Italian supper. A rather large smile sits on her face as she readies herself for the trip—curling her dark hair with an iron and dousing her porcelain-toned skin in a light make-up. She beams blissfully at her reflection in the vanity mirror once she's finished. She reaches for her beloved bottle of perfume and sprays it all over her body, knowing her husband will enjoy it as well.
"My beloved," that familiar deep voice calls out from the doorway of their master bedroom. Vincent Muccio stands leaning against the wooden frame, their six-month-old daughter cradled in his arm, and brown eyes staring affectionately at his done-up wife. "I don't know why ya bother with all this—ya look beautiful all the time."
The smile widens at his heartfelt words. One of the many reasons she agreed to marrying him. The kindest and most loving man she's ever met, she knows. Always showering her with sentimental compliments that make her heart melt. "The sweetest husband you are, Vinny. But I like to look good, ya know? It makes me feel feminine," she optimistically chirps, finishing the final touches before getting up from the chair and walking over to the young Italian man.
She lays a hand tenderly on his olive-tone cheek and brushes their lips together in a warm peck. "I love ya, hon. And our beautiful Lia," she murmurs, using her other hand to brush through the baby's fine brown curls. Her brown eyes gaze lovingly over the petite infant; the angelic being that took up residence in her womb for nearly nine and a half months. She can hardly believe that in only two days that same little miracle will be celebrating her first Christmas with them. And that, alone, strengthens her mood.
Smiling in return, Vinny wraps his free arm around his wife's waist and leads the way to the living room where their daughter's car-seat resides on the middle of the floor. He carefully kneels down on the hardwood, bending slightly over to place the baby in the pink flower-patterned seat. He quickly fastens her in it, making sure the buckles are secure and tight.
Lorna watches him with a grin. "You're a natural," she gushes in her thick Brooklyn accent. With his hand on the handle of the seat, she follows him out the living room door to their car that sits in the rocky driveway.
"It's always been my dream to be a dad—one a the best jobs in the world next to being your husband," he answers, a light chuckle making its way from his vocal chords. He opens the door the backseat of their blue SUV and sets their daughter's car-seat in its base. Once he secures it in place, he shuts the door and hops in the driver's side next to his petite wife.
Sitting in the passenger side, Lorna turns her head to peer lovingly over at her husband. Her face glowing brightly with a large smile. "We should stop at the little bakery in town on our way back—I hear they have real good coffees and pastries. Plus, it's like those Christmas movies on Hallmark—when married couples stroll through the city in the snow, ya know? It's real romantic," she suggests, batting her eyes playfully at the Italian man.
Reaching a hand across to place in her stiffly sprayed curls, he brushes it lightly through. "How can I say no to that? Sure we can, I know I'll need a coffee after watching ya shop," he smirks, turning slightly to stare her in the eyes. "You're always into romance…what a surprise. Is the stroller in the trunk? Otherwise I guess I'll have to lug that heavy ass car-seat, huh?"
"Of course it is—never leaves the car. Ya never know when we might wanna stroll Lia around," Lorna points out, still brightly smiling at the man that she loves. The car moves along the road smoothly, she turns her head to glance out the window at the passing surroundings. Snow glistens heavily in the air. A beautiful sight for the holiday season.
The snow falls profusely from the sky, blanketing the ground as it does so. A sight so beautiful, however, not the best situation for a fifteen minute drive to the local market. Tires squeal against the snowy road; cars slide and spin as they get stuck in the thickening snow. Lorna swallows hard. She hopes they didn't choose to go out on a bad day. The last thing they need is to get stuck on the highway with a small infant, she thinks. Especially on one of the coldest days of the year.
She sighs and peaks back at the baby—who's busy babbling and smiling at herself in the mirror they installed on the seat in front of her. Such sound is music to her ears. Enough to ease some of the anxiety the snow is causing her. One of the best things about having a baby, she thinks. A natural stress reliever.
"Fuck."
Vinny's voice brings her back to reality. She lifts her head from the rim of the window to see what the issue is. "What's the matter?"
"The damn road is getting icy and snowy. And ain't no one knows how to drive in this shit apparently," he grunts out in frustration, slamming his hands on the steering wheel.
Lorna covers her hand soothingly over his. "Calm down, hon. There's no need to rush—we got all day," she assures him, eyes filled with compassion and warmth.
Unfortunately, before he has a chance to even form a response the unthinkable happens. Lorna's eyes widen, watching in terror as it all happens in what seems like slow motion. The car swerves from one side to the next until another car comes barreling into theirs from the other direction—pushing them ahead into another pile of cars. Almost like dominoes, it seems.
She screams a blood-curdling scream as they crash viciously ahead into the car in front of theirs. The scream only worsening when she sees her husband being flung from his seat and whisked away out of the shattered windshield. Her eyes stare horrifically ahead. She can't even begin to comprehend what the hell just happened.
Her eyes timidly turn to look at her daughter in the back—thank God, the car-seat is securely fastened in its base. The shrieking her daughter makes is a sound she doesn't believe she's ever heard before. Tears leak from her eyes. So much for a simple trip the store, she bitterly thinks. Adrenaline pumps vigorously through her veins at this point. She doesn't even bother to look at her own body—can't care less what condition she might be in. All that matters is her daughter and finding where the hell her husband is.
Lorna hurriedly unbuckles her seat-belt and jumps out of the car door—the condition of the car is enough to make her sick. She shakes her head and pushes that image to the back of her mind. She has to get her baby out of there before it completely falls apart, she knows. Sucking in a deep breath, she frisks her way to the rear and throws open the door where the shrieking of her—no doubt—terrified infant intensifies. Tears blur her vision as she works quickly to undo all the fastenings. Her arms immediately scoop the distressed baby out of the seat and against her rapidly beating chest.
"Shh, shh," her voice whispers, hands cradled around the back of Lia's small head—keeping it held snug to her heart. "Mommy's here, it's okay. We'll be okay, my little angel. We're gonna find daddy and everything…everything's gonna be just fine."
The baby only cries harder. So hard that she spits up all over Lorna's back. Which in turn causes her to sputter and cough, struggling to breathe.
The sounds form an overwhelming fear in Lorna. She rocks her and cradles her while looking frantically around where she stands for any signs of her husband. The sight, however, that she's met with only adds to the terror. Ambulances and police cars surround the accident—one that seems to include several cars aside from theirs. She swallows hard. Today really wasn't the day to run out, she realizes brokenly.
Paramedics rush over to her just moments later. Ushering her and the baby away from the totaled SUV and onto the side of the road where an empty ambulance awaits. "You're gonna have to hand us the baby, miss. We need to get her hooked up to the machines so we can check her vitals," one of them gently informs her. Holding out her arms for the infant.
Lorna shakes her head, tightening her hold on the crying baby. "I'm not giving you my daughter. She needs me. Where's—where's my husband? He was driving the car and then…I saw him—he flew outta the damn windshield. Where is he?!"
"Your daughter needs medical attention and so do you. Please let us help. We don't know where he is yet—there was a lot of cars in the crash…the police will look for other victims. Right now, we need to get you and the baby to the hospital."
She watches in anger as the other paramedic rips the baby from her arms. Adrenaline pumps harder through her veins. She shakes her head. If she can't be with her daughter, she has to go search for her husband. She can't go to the hospital not knowing where he is. Where her daughter's father is. She pushes herself away from the medical personnel and runs back towards the scene of the accident, ignoring their words.
The sirens drown out her hearing. She rubs her hands roughly over her eyes and feels the emotions eating at her. Rage boils beneath her skin; tears stream along her scratched up cheeks. What the fuck. What the fuck happened. Anger gradually morphs into disorientation. She collapses to the cold ground, not caring that she's slowly becoming drenched in snow.
She senses someone hovering over her but doesn't bother to look up. Nothing matters.
"Hey there, kid," the voice gently speaks to her. Distant and far away it sounds. But there's a slight familiarity hidden within it. Something about that voice triggers her to very cautiously move her head to stare up at its culprit.
When her eyes land on the being who spoke those words to her, she feels her body all but freeze. She shakes her head in disbelief. No way in hell, she thinks. No way in hell that's really her. She swallows hard. Eyes blink rapidly in their sockets.
The familiar figure carefully gathers her up off the frozen ground and into a pair of strong arms. Arms that used to comfort and protect her for years in prison. Arms that would rock away her nightmares, she remembers. "You need to go to a hospital—you're in bad shape, kid. I saw ya run away from the ambulance," she informs her.
"Nick—Nicky?" Lorna whispers through her tears. She shakes her head and tries her hardest to break free from her tight grasp.
"Yeah, it's me," the other whispers back, arms only pulling her closer as she carries her away from the street. She places a hand softly on her head, brushing it lightly through her hair. "I was on my way to work when I saw the accident. Five damn cars, what a sight. And then I saw you…no way I could just drive away after that. I know we didn't leave prison on the best of terms…but that doesn't mean I don't still care about you, kid. You'll always have a special place in my heart."
"Put me down. I-I gotta go look for my husband. He flew outta the windshield, Nicky. Okay, I have to go find him. My daughter needs her father," Lorna cries out.
Nicky tightens her hold and continues walking in the direction of the ambulance. She shakes her head. "You need to go to the hospital, Lorna. You're all bruised up and bleeding. Your daughter needs you. The police are here. They'll find him. You worry about you. You don't even realize how badly hurt ya are, do ya?"
"I'm fine. I don't feel any pain. Please let me go—just let me go. This isn't how today was supposed to go. Vinny and I … we were gonna get the spaghetti for Christmas Eve and-and go to town with the baby… Why, why did this fucking happen? Why the fuck did this happen?"
The rage coming from Lorna's mouth is a foreign concept to the redhead. She's never witnessed her in a state like this before. Granted, she's never seen Lorna get in a car crash as bad as the one she was in today either. Of course her emotions are going to be all over the place, she tells herself. "Shh, shh," she whispers, laying the disoriented woman's head softly against her chest. "Don't say another word, kid. You need to calm down and let me get ya help. I'll go with ya to the hospital, yeah? I'll do whatever I can to help. Just calm down. Everything will work out."
When Lorna opens her eyes, she finds herself in a hospital bed surrounded by beeping machines. The first thing on her mind is her daughter. She quickly sits herself up and peaks around the room, coming to the realization that she's in a heavily chaotic emergency room. Nurses stand by in a station nearby, watching over the surrounding rooms, when they take notice that she's awake. Immediately, a swarm of them come barreling to her side—checking her vitals and asking how she feels.
"I wanna know where my baby is. Bring her to me," she cries out, eyes frantically staring up at them.
The sorrow and sympathy that stare back at her makes her stomach twist and churn. That's not a good sign, she thinks. Folding her arms cautiously over chest, she peers heatedly up at the nurses. "If ya don't bring her to me, I'll go find her myself. I don't care. That little girl is my life and I will not be separated from her," she yells. Anger and pain bubble up inside of her.
"You need to calm down. Lay back and rest. You have a head injury and it's not good for you to be moving around like this. If you can't control yourself, I will have to sedate you…for your own safety."
Before Lorna can even open her mouth to respond, Nicky comes jogging down the hall and through the curtains to her side. She holds her hands up and looks at the nurse, "I know I'm not family or anything but I can calm her down. You're not drugging her. She's worried about her daughter is all, will ya just tell her how she is? Is that so hard?" She lays a hand softly over Lorna's shoulder while giving a stern stare at the nurse who takes her blood pressure.
"Look," the woman speaks up once she's recorded the result on the computer. "I don't know anything about her child. She is most likely in the pediatric wing of this hospital and therefore I have no knowledge of how she's doing. I can see if a doctor from there is available to come speak with Mrs. Muccio but that's all I can do."
"Then do that. Find a way to get information on her daughter, thanks," Nicky firmly commands, watching gratefully as the nurses leave the area. She sighs and focuses her attention on Lorna. The woman she hasn't seen since being locked up with her a half a year ago. It tears her up inside that this is the way she runs into her out of prison. A broken soul that's been broken even further. It hurt to see her like this.
"How ya feelin', kid? In pain or anything?"
Lorna shakes her head, even though the killer headache tells her otherwise. She grabs onto Nicky's arm and looks up at her with bewildered orbs. "Tell me they found Vinny and he's here?"
Swallowing thickly, Nicky's face fills with the utmost compassion and empathy for her old-time friend and prison fuck-buddy. She moves her hand from her shoulder up to her face and gently caresses the soft flesh in a soothing circle. "Oh, they found him," her voice deadpanned. The last thing she wants is to inform the young woman—the woman she's loved since the very day she met her—that her husband isn't going to be leaving the hospital with her…at least not alive.
"Yeah? Well, how is he? He's okay, right?"
"How about ya let me hold ya, yeah?" Nicky stalls, sitting herself carefully on the gurney beside the brunette. She opens her arms, holding them out for Lorna to hopefully crawl in. When the small Italian doesn't budge, she feels her heart ache. "Come on, come snuggle with me. You're gonna need it when I tell ya what's going on with your husband."
Lorna shakes her head. "I don't wanna hear bad news, Nicky. Vinny's fine. I know he is. Tell me where I can find him."
"You're not gonna like the answer to that, baby," the redhead softly murmurs, her eyes big with sympathy and love for her cherished best friend. She throws her arms securely around her small waist, pulling her close to her body. She drops a soothing kiss atop her head, a gesture she hasn't done in a long time.
Closing her eyes momentarily, Lorna takes a minute to ponder what such a statement could even refer to. Sure, she doesn't want her husband to be suffering in the hospital alongside their daughter but that's much better than the alternative she knows. But that's when it suddenly hits her; everything in her stops, the color drains out of her. She shakes her head. That can't be. It just can't be that, she tells herself. Vinny wouldn't die—he wouldn't leave she and the baby right before Christmas. He just wouldn't.
"He's here in the hospital, ain't he? Where? I need to see him."
Nicky swallows a lump. She moves her hand to cup around Lorna's pale cheek. "He's here…in the morgue, kid," her voice no louder than a quivering whisper.
Arching an inquisitive eyebrow, the brunette gives her a hard stare. Her arms fold instinctively over her rapidly beating chest. "Well, what the hell's he doing there? He-he should be up here with me, worrying how our little girl's doing!" Her brown eyes widen when she realizes what that means—why he's in the basement of a hospital. Not because he wants to be…but because, because her husband—the love of her life—is dead.
It happens rather rapidly; Lorna forces herself out of Nicky's grasp and pounces out of the bed, ripping wires off of her bruised body and making a run for it. Tears blur her vision as she jogs through the busy emergency department, not even completely sure where the hell she's headed. All that goes through her mind is finding her family. What a holiday this is, she heartbreakingly thinks.
Nicky's only seconds behind her, knowing it's best she gets to her before a nurse or doctor. Her breath gets harder with each step, she's astonished to see how Lorna is able to run this hard without even batting an eye—especially with all the injuries she acquired from the wreck. Of course, when it comes to her family, she'd probably walk on sharp shards of glass for them. One of the many qualities that absolutely makes her adore the young brunette.
When she finally catches up to her, she encircles her arms around her from behind to halt her journey. "Lorna, ya can't be running around the hospital like this," she softly informs her, mouth pressed gently against the flesh of her ear. Having the smaller woman as close to her as she does, Nicky can feel her heart pounding heavily through the vibrations of her faint bodily tremors. Such sensation forms a pang in her chest.
"I'm so sorry, kid," she whispers, cradling her head tenderly over her chest. Holding her arms protectively around her waist and upper back; keeping her shielded from whatever else is going on around them. All that matters is comforting her long-lost best friend. "Vinny—he didn't survive. They said the way he landed…it was too much for his body to handle. He probably died on impact. I'm so sorry," her voice murmurs, breath trickling softly in her ear. She runs her hands over and over through her disheveled hair, wishing there was a way to make this easier. That she doesn't have to hurt as bad as she must.
The heartache and sorrow finally catch up and engulf her. Sobs etch loudly from her abdomen. She feels her body involuntarily collapse into Nicky—the woman who's been there for her no matter what. Who's never stopped loving her, it seems, even after she chose a life with Vinny. She shakes her head morbidly. She doesn't deserve the comfort of her past prison lover. However, she doesn't have the energy to push away from her once more.
"It's okay," Nicky soothes, scooping her up in her arms and carefully bringing her back down the hall towards her room. "I've got ya, baby, let it all out. I know it hurts," a small sniffle mixes in with her words. Seeing how distraught the tiny Italian is is almost unbearable for Nicky. Nothing is more agonizing than watching the woman she loves hurt in such a way.
"My husband…but he-he's the love of my life…the father of my six-month old baby—he can't be dead, Nicky. I—we need him," the words jumble together through her heartrending sobs. She can't believe this. She can't be a widow. A widow left with a small infant daughter. Who has her own injuries to deal with. She can't handle all this on her own. She just can't.
Finally entering through the curtain back in Lorna's room, Nicky carries her over to the empty bed and lays with her on it. She places the brunette's head onto her chest and lightly rocks her in her arms. Lips stroke over the top of her head. "I know, kid, I know. But, but he is dead. I'm so sorry," she murmurs, squeezing her tight against herself. "Shh, shh. Close your eyes and rest. Everything's okay; I'm right here."
Hours ware on before Lorna groggily awakens from her restless slumber. She hopes and prays that the crash was only a nightmare but that's quickly washed away when she sees she's still lying in the hospital. A lump builds in the back of her throat. This is real. She's a widow with a baby daughter, who she has no idea what condition she's in.
Nicky sits in a chair right beside the bed, eyeing her over empathetically. She covers a hand soothingly atop her forehead and caresses it lightly. "Hey, kid," she greets, her tone solemn. Even more terrible news she has to inform the young woman of. She sucks in a deep breath, not knowing how the hell to inform her of such. She bends her face down towards Lorna's and gives a small peck to her head.
"Where's my daughter? Did they tell ya anything about her? Why am I still in this place?"
Laying her carefully back down against the pillow, Nicky cradles her hands around her face. Eyes peer softly down into the other's. "God, I really hate being the one to break all this shitty news to ya, kid. But while ya were sleeping, a doctor stopped by…"
Lorna shakes her head violently. No, no, no, no. She refuses to hear anymore heartbreaking information. Her heart can't handle all this pain and anguish. "She's okay, right? Are they gonna bring me my little girl? I need to hold her and-and tell her about her daddy," her voice cracks into sobs; she forces herself into a sitting position and shakes her head fiercely.
"No, kid, she isn't okay," Nicky gently starts off, framing Lorna's face tenderly in her hands. She lays her forehead softly over hers and peers intently into her suffering orbs. A sigh escapes. She runs her thumb comfortingly around her flesh. "The doctor said there were a lotta injuries…too much for them to fix and her little heart—it couldn't work that hard…Lorna, sweet girl, your daughter—she's with her daddy, now."
"No," the brunette whispers, hands holding firmly onto the taller woman's shoulders. "No," she repeats a little louder. Eyes staring bewilderedly up into Nicky's. "That's not true. I can't—I can't lose my little girl, too, Nicky. I can't. What, what kind of Christmas is this? What kind of fucking holiday is this? My whole family has been taken from me in the same day. This has to be some horrible nightmare. There's no way this is real!"
It cuts like a knife to hear the clear despair that seeps from Lorna's tone. Nicky feels her own eyes fill with empathetic tears. "This isn't a nightmare, I'm afraid. I'm so sorry, little one. So sorry you've lost both in the same day—I can't…I don't even know how I can console you. But I'm here, okay? I'm not leaving you, Lorna. Whatever ya need, tell me. I'll do anything to comfort you. Anything," she murmurs, taking the trembling brunette into her strong arms. She holds a hand to the back of Lorna's head, keeping it in place against her chest. Her body sways slowly back and forth, trying to soothe her somehow.
"Kill me," Lorna chokes out, tears raining from her brown irises. Nothing hurts worse than having her entire family ripped away from her. She has nothing left. Everything that mattered to her is now gone.
Nicky immediately tightens her arms around her waist and pulls her closer. "Oh, Lorna…kid, I know it hurts unbelievably bad to have lost the two people ya love…I know. But you still got life to live," she whispers, eyes continuing to stare down into hers. "It's gonna be very hard and painful to get through this…but you're not gonna be alone—"
"Yes, I am gonna be alone. I don't have anyone but my husband and daughter… I can't expect you to be here, Nicky. We—I haven't contacted you since prison," a sob halts her words, convulsing violently through her body. She swallows roughly. "You're not…you're not responsible for taking care of me. I-I neglected you to be with Vinny and I guess I got what I deserve, huh? Some fucking Christmas this shit is. The best gift I can receive is not waking up tomorrow."
"None of that matters, kid. I'm here now and I want to help ya through this. You think I'm gonna just fucking leave ya after all this? Hell no. You might have fallen in love with another person but that doesn't mean I did. That doesn't mean I ever stopped loving you. Because I never once have and I don't think I ever will. My heart belongs to you, Lorna, and yours to me. Vinny—I'm sure he loved you, too, and he was a great husband but not your soul-mate."
"Nicky, please don't speak of my Vince in vain like that. Not, not now. He was a wonderful man—he loved me with all of his heart, he took care a me and the baby."
Nodding, Nicky strokes a hand through her hair and wipes the tears from her cheeks. "I'm not saying he wasn't, kid. Of course he loved you. But not the same way I do. Anyway, I just want you to know that I'm here for ya because I want to be. You can't fucking go through this process alone. You need support, baby; someone to hold ya when ya cry. As soon as you're released, I'm gonna bring ya back to my place. I'm sure being in your house right now isn't gonna help with the grief."
It's half-past three that afternoon when Nicky's finally pulling into the driveway of her prison mother's—or rather, whom she considers a real mother—house. She turns the key in the ignition, jolting the car off, and opens the door to get out. She walks over to the other side and carefully helps a bandaged-up Lorna out from her door. A protective arm she wraps around her waist.
"Red will be happy to see ya, kid. She'll probably bombard ya with hugs, so prepare yourself."
Lorna focuses her eyes on the snowy sidewalk. She feels numb and soul-less. "I don't wanna intrude. Just let me go back to my place. I need to be close to Vinny and our daughter," she mumbles, voice broken and hoarse from all the crying.
"The last thing you need is to be alone right now. You need to be surrounded by family."
Shaking her head, Lorna stops and holds up her hands. "I lost the right to referring to any of you as family a long time ago, Nicky. I have no family anymore. They're soon to be six feet under. I'm alone and I just wanna go home. I wanna sit in my daughter's nursery and smell her scent. The scent that I'll never get to smell anymore."
Stopping as well, Nicky turns around and frames her hands firmly around Lorna's face. She shakes her head sadly, wishing she had any clue of what to do to make her feel better. What to do to make her see that she is still family to them. She sighs and settles for kissing her temple. "You're coming inside and letting me and ma dote on ya, yeah? It doesn't matter what's happened in the past. What matters now is getting ya through this loss. It's the holiday season and there's no way in hell I'm letting you spend it alone. You need us, Lorna. Let us be here for you," she pleads, eyes piercing fiercely into the Italian's.
She doesn't give Lorna a chance to respond, pulling her along to the door and taking out her key to unlock it. The warm aroma of gingerbread and cinnamon hits their noses immediately when they walk in. Nicky leads her to the kitchen where the smells come from, and smiles at the sight of Red baking batch after batch of cookies.
Placing a pan of fresh gingerbread into the oven, Red turns around to see who's interrupted her task. Her eyes widen tremendously once they take notice of the familiar brunette standing alongside her daughter. "Lorna? Is that really you?"
"Hi Red," she whispers, tone anything but its usual perkiness.
Growing concerned at the sight of her, Red folds her arms curiously over her chest. Eyes moving between the two young women questioningly. "What happened to you?"
Nicky tightens her arm, knowing the inquiry will only continue to strengthen her grief. She gives a soft kiss to her head and stares over at the very confused Russian matron. "She was in a pretty bad car accident this morning. She lost her husband and daughter in it…that's how bad it was," she murmurs, praying she doesn't cause Lorna anymore distress.
Hearing that, Red immediately takes her baking mittens off and hurries over to them. Her eyes fill with an overpowering empathy as she wraps her arms maternally around the petite brunette. Pulling her in for a blatantly-needed embrace. Oh, how she knows what it's like to lose the person that one loves. She swallows hard, embracing the shattered being strong in her arms.
"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry to hear that. You poor thing," she hushes, combing her hands soothingly through her hair. "To lose a baby and husband in the same day and right before Christmas—oh, god, I can't…that must hurt more than anything. Well, you better know that Nicky and I are here for you. We'll get you through this pain, sweet child. I lost my husband, so, I can relate somewhat to how you're feeling. I don't even wanna know what it's like to lose a baby, though. That's hell."
"It's like having someone stab you, take out your heart, stomp on it like an elephant and then putting it back inside and doing a half-ass job of sewing ya back up. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone."
Nicky sighs, tilting her head and gazing lovingly at her distraught friend. "Unbearable, yeah baby? It's okay. You have us. Whatever you need, we're here. Anything ya need us to do, just say the word. Ya wanna go rest on the couch maybe? I think a nap might clear your head. You're all drugged up and grieving…you need sleep."
Red nods her agreement, giving one last big squeeze to her. "I think you should take her up on that offer, sweetheart. I'll get you a blanket from upstairs and make you some chamomile tea," she offers, patting her comfortingly on the cheek before releasing her hold.
"How is sleep gonna make any of this better?"
Frowning slightly, Nicky grabs her hand and leads her to the living room. She brings her to the sofa, gently laying her down against the plush cushions. "It won't, really. But it'll calm you and give ya a little break from crying. Ya want me to hold ya, baby?"
Swallowing thickly, Lorna slightly shrugs. "Would I be weak for saying kinda?"
"Of course not," the other softly responds, laying herself down beside her. She moves onto her side and throws her arms protectively around the smaller woman's waist, letting her front press up against Lorna's back. Her chin rests warmly over her shoulder; she pecks the side of her face in a comforting manner. "You're hurting…it's normal to crave comfort. And, believe me, I'll give ya whatever comfort I can. I won't leave your side, kid. I'm all yours. Anything ya need or want, I've got ya. You're gonna get through this, don't worry. It'll be hard and painful but you will one day come to terms with your losses. No matter how impossible that may seem right now."
"The holiday season will never be the same again," Lorna mumbles through a bout of quivering sniffles.
Nicky nods knowingly, nuzzling her head against the other's. "No, it won't, kid. But I promise you won't hate it forever. It just…it's gonna take a lotta time to come to terms with this. Do not push yourself to overcome this pain too fast, ya hear me? You need to let the grief run its course. But ya also need to let others take care of you, yeah?"
"Smother me in my sleep, please. I don't wanna wake up."
Tears brim Nicky's eyes at those heartrending words. She shakes her head fiercely and pulls her closer, brushing her hands softly up and down Lorna's bare arms. "No, kid, I'm not gonna do anything like that. You're gonna cuddle with me until ya feel a little better, yeah? At least until you stop wishing death on yourself. I understand this is the worst thing to go through—I wish so bad that ya didn't, but you're not giving up on the resta your life. Vinny wouldn't want that for you, precious girl. He wouldn't want you to hurt this much. You're still so young, have so much to live for. And I'll be damned if I let you give up on yourself. You still have me and Red and a lotta other people who need you. You can't given in to the hurt. Let me help, yeah? I wanna take care of you; I-I love you. I love you so much, baby. I hate how much this grief is agonizing you—you don't deserve this. Just please, please know that you're not alone in this. It will get better, kid. I promise."