A/N: Hey guys! I'm back with another story. As a quick heads-up, this story is going to be… a little dark, so prepare yourselves. I noticed that this archive kind of lacks dark stories so I decided to add one. This story is a one-shot (maybe) and also sort of going to be me trying to improve my way with words and trying to improve my writing. Maybe something that isn't a one-shot is going to be next, I'll see.
Sometimes It's Not How It Seems
-= Jewel =-
I awoke to the sun forcing its way into our hollow through the hollow entrance, whilst at the same time stirring me from my deep and… thoughtful slumber. There has been a really sad thought nagging my mind constantly for about 2 weeks now, and it has something to do with Blu, something unfathomable.
The sun shining brighter than ever and coating the green jungle we had set ourselves in warmly, I slowly got up from the nest carefully so that I wouldn't wake up Blu, but I was still surprised that he hadn't woken up from the sun's powering rays.
Making my way over to the hollow entrance and perching on it, I let my thoughts flow freely and go wild. Why out of all birds did I have to fall under this demise? There's no way on planet Earth I am ever able to say that to his face, it would crush him. But I have to… There's no other way.
Finishing the thought started to slowly bring a melancholy tear to my right eye and it slowly slid down as I wiped it away with my wing and sniffled. I started thinking about which way was the best possible way or the most harmless way to say this to Blu… albeit there were no completely painless ways to do this. Still pondering about in my head, I heard Blu stir behind me.
I turned around and greeted him, "Good morning, Blu."
He flashed me a groggy smile, which I flinched at internally, but thankfully my physical form didn't follow.
"Good morning, Jewel. Did you sleep well?"
Thinking about telling my thoughts all out to Blu, I quickly discarded that thought, since I was nowhere ready mentally and how the conversation would go yet.
Lying blatantly, I replied, "Yes I did, honey. How about you?"
I hadn't been getting sleep in the last few weeks also because of these thoughts. Every time they started nagging my mind, my stomach would always turn into a million knots and it left me feeling nauseous and very sick. I also have been having multiple vivid dreams of the shattered look on Blu's face whilst I spit the truth out and I couldn't stand it. I had chosen this fate myself, after all, right?
"Oh, I slept like a baby. And I dreamt about you," he replied sincerely and flashed me a heartfelt smile whilst I flinched internally again.
Little does he know that the dreams I get about him are not benevolent. I thought in sorrow.
"I did too. Shall we go grab some breakfast?" I asked and gave him a fake smile back.
"Sure! Lead the way."
So, we head out the hollow, me leading him, and today was especially hot and I felt like I was burning alive in my feathers and was about to drop dead any second now, but I forced myself to keep going. Many flutters of wings were heard, as it was the time of morning where every bird in the jungle was waking up from a lovely slumber, unlike mine. I caught myself looking down at the forest floor multiple times, contemplating if I should go through with this… thought.
Finally, we arrived at a dragon fruit tree and perched on it, Blu landing by my side. Blu being the gentle-bird he always is and that's what I like about him, not love, inquired:
"Do you want me to snatch a dragon fruit for you also?"
Already knowing that today was going to be the day, where I crush Blu's dreams and take his soul and throw it on the ground so that it shatters into an uncountable amount of fragments, I didn't insist whatsoever.
"Sure, Blu. Thanks."
Sensing that Blu felt good about the gentle-bird action he just performed, he started tugging and pulling on a dragon fruit. Pulling it free after giving it a few good yanks, he hopped back to me and handed me the dragonfruit.
"My pleasure."
Digging into the dragon fruit with my two beak halves and letting the rich flavors and juices pour into my mouth and down my throat, I enjoyed it… but not happily or sadly. It was a feeling of… emptiness, something I've never felt before. I also spied Blu enjoying the dragon fruit with a flicker of a smile on his face in content silence and I wondered what he was thinking about at that moment. I'd bet that Blu wouldn't want to peer into my thoughts at this point in time whatsoever.
Because I was the first one to start chomping down on food, I finished first and I waited for Blu to finish, staring at him emptily. At that time, there wasn't a single hint of emotion on my face and it looked like I hadn't slept in 3 days. After he finished, he noticed me looking at him emptily.
"Hey, Jewel, you okay?" he inquired.
Snapping back into reality from my dismal thoughts, I responded.
"Oh, yes. Sorry. I am fine, I was just... thinking."
Blu raising his eyebrow a bit and probably thinking about pursuing my train of thought, he dropped it, it seemed.
"Alright. Do you think we should do something today?" he asked.
Deciding that the best course of action was to actually try to make this day sort of memorable by putting it in a little bit of happy light by doing something fun together for the last time most likely, my response didn't take long to brew.
"Yes, of course! But I have no idea what we should do or where we should go…" I said and started going over all the possibilities. It seemed like Blu was doing the same thing I was doing.
After a short while, I finally came up with an idea, "We can go visit the club maybe."
That sentence putting him out of his thoughtful trance, he responded, "Sure. I'd like that."
Our stomachs filled with exquisite food and a rich and fruity taste left in both of our mouths, we set out towards our destination in lovely silence once more whilst silently enjoying the beautiful sights the city of Rio and the jungle we were residing in had to offer for us and many other birds flying all around us, having the time of their lives.
The trip took around 10 minutes, as the club had been rebuilt and moved to a different location than where it was before, as you know… those goddamn monkeys destroyed it. Luckily, once we stepped inside the club, they managed to keep the old atmosphere that every bird who once went to the club used to love, so I was happy about that.
"Man, we haven't been in here over a month and this rebuild is bringing back some good memories," Blu remarked.
I smiled legitimately as I remembered that I wanted this day to have at least something positive in it and responded, "It sure is! I love how they managed to keep the old atmosphere going, don't you think?"
"Definitely," he responded and we kept walking and trying to make our way through the enormous crowd that accompanied the club and we finally set ourselves down at an empty table.
"I feel like we should go on the dance floor right away, I don't feel like drinking," I quickly said because I didn't want Blu to forget the positive part about this day, 'cause being intoxicated sadly does that to you.
Blu gazed at me understandingly and replied happily, "Sure, Jewel. Let's go have some fun!"
Blu leading the way onto the dance floor, we trotted over to the dance floor and shook our tail feathers like there was no tomorrow for many jubilant hours until the clock was about to strike 3 PM, my biological clock told me. Those hours spent in the club were one of the most awesome hours I've ever spent in a club and I'm glad.
Both of us agreeing on flying our way back to the hollow to settle down a little bit as we were very energetic, we flew off together again towards our destination. Seeing the people of the city right down below me, cheering happily, made my thoughts go over to Blu again and I felt really bad. I figured I only started feeling this way again because the tail feather shaking back at the club made me forget about all my worries. That's what samba did to you, after all.
After around 8 minutes of flying faster than usual because of the energy overflow, we landed safely in the hollow and I thought that this was it, it was the perfect place and time to do it.
I started going through all my memories with Blu, including the bad ones. On how I attacked him when we met, when we got kidnapped, how we spent our first night in the human-made structure, how we met our friends and finally, how we shared that kiss whilst falling to our deaths. At that point, that memory was the most painful.
Luckily, Blu's back was turned to me so he didn't notice my half-worried and half-sad expression. Okay, girl, you can do this. You worked through all of this in your head, it will be hard, but you can make it. I thought, giving myself motivation.
"Hey, Blu? Can I talk to you for a second?" I asked him, my voice a tiny bit shaky from the nervousness of how he's going to react whilst a horrific mental image was painted in my mind.
"Sure. What's it about?" he inquired, not suspicious whatsoever.
"Blu, I-I don't know where to start. When we were falling from the plane, the kiss we shared wasn't what you think it was…"
"What are you trying to say, Jewel?" he asked me again but this time, you could see worry in his chocolate brown eyes.
"To put it frankly… it was a heat of the moment thing. It happened all so fast and automatically. I'm sorry, Blu, but I can't keep this going on forever. It had to happen sometime. I never loved you like the way you love me. I merely like you."
I watched Blu's pupils dilate into the smallest pea on earth and it almost looked like they were so small that they would never go back to their normal size ever again. I could somewhat feel what he felt like at that point but concluded that I'd never understand.
"I'm so sorry, Blu," I said, finishing it off as a tear rolled down my aqua colored cheek.
I quickly bolted out of the hollow as I couldn't stand the horrified look on Blu's face as it hurt me really deep inside and I felt like a piece of my soul had been lost within Blu, but I could never imagine Blu's pain. I bet that it was around 100 times greater in magnitude than mine, as he wasn't the one who initiated this…
I flew as fast as my pristine wings took me and I knew for a fact that Blu wouldn't catch up to me at the pace I was flying. I felt like a… what do humans call those things, racecar? And boy there wasn't any signs of stopping either. My line of sight started to blur as tears started to form under my eyelids and I quickly wiped them away with my foot.
I have to get as far as possible… there's no way I can face him again. I thought.
After around Cristo Redentor knows how long, I finally settled in a presumably free hollow. I plopped down sadly and entered a painful slumber.
-= Blu =-
The exact moment she said those words, I felt my pupils dilate beyond recognition. Nothing could explain the pain that I felt and no one could count the number of knots that formed in my stomach, not even a number of words that were in the dictionary could all possibly describe the feeling. I felt like I was about to collapse. If my body hadn't frozen into place like an ice cube because of sudden shock, I would've already been chasing Jewel and wailing her name, trying to get her back through my voice somehow. But I knew that would never happen.
She never loved me.
That was something hard to take in at first and once I realized she was gone forever, to never return, I collapsed on the floor. I sobbed like a newborn baby and curled up into a fluffy mess of a ball. All this time I had thought I found true love, the rare type of love - love at first sight.
It is only now that I realized, love at first sight wasn't true, nor will it ever be. I started to realize why she was acting a little off today, why she wanted to go to the club today. She wanted me to have the last bit of fun with her before we parted ways.
Oh… Am I really that ugly and unlikeable? I thought of myself as the problem here, that I wasn't good enough, that I was meant to be alone. Forever.
I cried and sobbed into my wings until they were dripping wet with tears, my once perfect and dry wings now soggy with my own fluids. Pondering over where I could've gone wrong, I couldn't find a single hint to any wrongdoing and I was merely confused. Confused as to why, out of all birds, this had to happen to me. Did I deserve this?
Yes. I concluded.
This was my fate, to die all alone, without anyone to care for me, except humans but they just weren't the same anymore as I had experienced the affection a bird that likes you can give you. I couldn't face my other friends anymore as they would bring back this day, this horrible day where a part of my soul was stolen so cruelly from me, the day I last saw the beautiful bird I once loved.
Slowly standing up from the floor, I started limping towards the nest that once contained the love of my life, now gone and I guessed she was probably distraught at most, nothing more to it. I crashed into the nest and cried myself to sleep.
My dreams consisted of all the memories with Jewel, the first bird that showed some sort of respect towards me, albeit not at the start. It's like this world has a horrible way of torturing you after such a horrible loss, the world wants you to suffer and whilst it's doing it, it snickers, watching you tremble with sadness present in your soul and on your face.
A few weeks had passed and I had been to multiple search "missions" to maybe find Jewel and try to fix things, to at least see her one more time. One part I hadn't understood so far, why didn't she just stay friends with me? It would've cured my soul at least some, but sadly that didn't happen.
After a week of searching in a row, without any signs of stopping, I concluded that I would never find her again and she was probably in another country, enjoying the freedom she had always desired and wanted because I was the one to hold her down from her desires. Maybe if I hadn't been such a coward and didn't freeze in place, I could've had a chance.
So… I had spent my days all alone, sadly having to keep myself alive due to my biological needs - food, water. The number of times I wished for this nightmare to end wasn't countable at this point and most of my days were spent daydreaming. I knew that I was one of the birds to not die happy.
I woke up and immediately I felt extremely sleepy as I haven't gotten sleep for God knows how long. This day in particular though… felt really horrible. This day was the one where I just couldn't ignore the absence of Jewel like I had done the past few months. I had also relocated hollows so my old friends couldn't find me and I kind of felt sorry for them but not as sorry as I did for myself. I was a useless pet, after all.
The thought of dying seemed really pleasant to me at this point in time, so I started going through ways to… put this all to an end.
Quickly deciding on where to go and what to do, I set off towards my destination. Every bird that saw me that day was probably very confused as to why I looked like a complete mess. I hadn't seen any of my human friends nor my bird friends in such a long time and this day wasn't an exception.
My stomach rumbled as I flew, but I didn't allow myself to experience the fruity food before I… perished as I didn't deserve it.
Finally arriving at the destination of Christ the Redeemer statue, I perched at the statue's highest point. This is it. You have nothing to lose. You're worthless and you're just another small little sand grain just wiped off of the face of the Earth. You'll be forgotten, no one will remember you. My demons called to me, and I succumbed to them.
It was time.
Taking a last big deep breath of air in and enjoying my last moments on Earth…
I jumped.
As I was falling through the air at increasing speeds, my life flashed right before my eyes. All my good memories, I saw my accomplishments, when I met Linda but also… the bad ones. The bad ones were taunting me the worst.
When I was dangerously close to hitting the ground, the last thing I saw before everything went dark... was Jewel. Her glistening feathers, her heartfelt smile and lastly, her turquoise eyes what I thought were full of love… but they weren't and won't be anymore as I wouldn't exist anymore and all that was left of me… was a broken and battered body, with its soul not present in it.
A/N: So what do you think of that, huh? I wonder if any of you got some of the small little hints I left on what was about to come. Sorry for any tears I brought to your faces. Maybe it was a little short, but yeah. I will maybe do a follow-up chapter on Jewel's perspective so expect some more from this rather… sad story. Leave a review down below please! :)