This is the chapter were the abuse and alcoholism content warnings come into play, please be aware of that.
Kenny clung to the pillow like a child with a teddy bear. He slept on his side, snuggled under Stan's blankets. Bandages wrapped around his torso and slowly healing wounds.
His torn bloodsoaked uniform sat in a black trash bag in the closet. There was no saving it. Kenny would need it destroyed at Freedom Pals' HQ. The last thing anyone wanted was the police investigating why he had tossed bloody clothes into the trash can.
Stan brushed the back of his fingers against Kenny's cheek.
This was not the first time he'd seen Mysterion beaten, bloody, and bruised, but this was the worst he'd seen without Mysterion dying moments later. And the worst he had ever seen since he learned just who Mysterion was.
The skin across his back had been clawed and ripped — deep enough in a few places that Stan could see bone peek through the gashes. Bruises covered his skin, most of them just as bad or worse than the ones Stan received.
"This is all my fault," Leo muttered from the doorway. He hugged himself tighter. "I shouldn't have run to the fence. He wouldn't have overworked his powers if he didn't think we needed saving."
Stan shook his head and stood, wincing from the dull pain in his legs. They would ache, but he knew he could work through it.
"No, it's not your fault. It's Mephesto's. He's the one who made those things." He placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. "So, don't beat yourself up about it."
Leo smiled softly. "Thanks."
"Come on. He needs his sleep." Stan walked past him towards the kitchen. They never did get anything to eat after all the excitement. After a moment, Leo followed him.
Stan scrounged the cabinets for something to cook that might feed himself, Leo, and Kenny. He knew Kenny would be starving when he woke up. Leo pulled out a chair and sat.
"You know, even villains hate Mephesto," Leo commented. "Really, I can't think of a single one who likes him. We all just sort of stand him for the sake of not being on his bad side."
"I've seen his labs." Stan shook his head, taking down two boxes of macaroni and cheese. He didn't bother to measure the water, instead just filling the pot as much as he figured would be needed.
"It is horrific what he does." He set the pot on the burner. "The man is a terrible human being."
Leo nodded. "One day, playing God like that will come back to bite him in the ass— all of them."
"We can only hope."
They lapsed into silence as Stan busied himself. He took a few pieces of cubed steak from his fridge and began to cut them into slices. It might not be the fancy steak Kenny had ordered, but it was better than just plain macaroni and cheese.
When Stan began draining the noodles, Leo finally spoke up again.
"So, how did you and Kenny meet? Hero stuff?" He asked.
Stan looked up from the strainer. "No, at a bar, actually." He turned back to his task before continuing. "I was, uh — I had a drinking problem."
"Really? I guess the rumors were true then," Leo said.
"Rumors?"
"'ToolShed smells like vodka if you get close.'" Leo replied matter-of-factly. "My minions told me that once."
Stan flinched. "Yeah, I guess that's probably right." He sighed. "I nearly got kicked out of the hero union for it. It even cost me my relationship."
A pang hit his stomach as the note Wendy left on his bathroom mirror sprang into his mind's eye. "I can't fix you — even if you wanted to be fixed." it said. The break up made hero work nearly impossible. He had to either hold back swears or tears whenever Call Girl's name came up.
"Shouldn't they have stuck with you and helped you through that?" Leo asked. "Sounds like a bad partner to me."
"No, I understand why Wendy did it. We weren't right for each other then, and I kept trying to drag us both down. In the future, maybe I could ask Wendy to try again, but I doubt I ever will. It'd be weird at this point."
"Anyway, Kenny was a regular at the bar I would go to," he continued. "He flirted playfully with everyone, so I didn't actually think anything of it when he flirted with me."
He set the noodles aside to tend to the strips of beef. "But, then, everything with Wendy and some other shit went down in my life, and it triggered a really bad depressive episode. When I get those, I fall back into my old habits. So once when I was trying to drink the emptiness away, I asked Kenny if he was serious about his flirting and wanted to come home with me."
Stan began to pour the noodles from the strainer back into the heavy saucepan then reached for the cheese powder mix and tub of butter.
"I'm guessin' he was," Leo commented.
"Actually, no." Stan turned with a frown. "He told me he just wanted to make sure I got home safe. Then I started crying in the middle of the street and the next thing I know I'm waking up and Kenny's picked up the trash around my house." He shook his head. "I had the first cooked meal in a week that day because of him."
Leo grinned. "That sounds like somethin' he'd do alright."
Stan shut his eyes, smiling at himself. "Yeah, he came back every night that week to make sure I was ok. Me, a guy from the bar he barely knew. It was pretty nice to be reminded that I was cared about."
He shook off his nostalgia, opened his eyes, and returned back to his task.
"After I got out of my funk, I spent more time with him, and we started dating, then a few months later, he asked if I would mind if he started dating you, too."
"And that didn't bother you at all?" Leo asked.
Stan waved his spoon around. "Nah, not really. I was in an open relationship in college with my roommates for a while. As long as Kenny was honest with me about it, I don't mind at all."
"Huh, that's interestin'." Leo let out a breath through his nose. "Do you want to know how Kenny and I met? Well, became friends is a better way to put it."
Stan stiffened. "You don't need to tell me just because I told you. Kenny mentioned it was a delicate subject, your past, so if you don't feel comfortable, we can talk about something else."
"No, it's alright," Leo said. "You said you wanted to be part of my support system, didn't you? So, you should probably know this."
"Let me dish us up something first."
Stan finished preparing dinner. He went to get two plates and forks then piled the beefy macaroni and cheese onto them.
He slid one plate across to Leo.
"Thank you," Leo nodded but didn't eat. Stan swallowed a forkful before Leo continued.
"I think you probably remember my honey weapon," Leo began.
"I do," Stan nodded. "You wanted to get back at the mayor for something."
"Sort of. He had signed a bill allowing construction of an area in the older part of city. Some people I knew had honey boxes near there since the place had so many flowers and natural beehives. Construction would destroy all that, so I wanted to just...scare him a little into relentin'." Leo shrugged. "I don't like to hurt people, Stan, unless they deserve it."
Stan just made a sound of agreement to get Leo to continue. He didn't dare try to argue about the morality of his statement.
"So I made a big, ol' machine to scare him. Paid Mephesto to clone me a bunch of bees and went out to buy yellow dye and corn syrup to fill the machine," Leo went on. "Anyway, on that day I was plannin' it, I saw someone I didn't ever think I'd see again." Leo took a shaking breath. "My dad."
"You said earlier you hate him," Stan recalled.
"I do. He's...awful." Leo clenched his eyes shut. "He'd hit me or ground me for no reason. I'd be locked in my room for weeks, only allowed to go out to use the bathroom, eat, or go to school. I just had to sit there, kept away from everything because I made some little mistake that he would blow out of proportion. The record was for two whole months." A bitter laugh escaped his lips. "When I was taken away from my parents, I figured I'd never had to see him again. Legally, he can't get within sixty feet."
His eyes opened again, filled with memories of abuse and sorrow.
"But that day, right before my plan was about to start, I saw him. I still don't know why he was here since he and Mom moved back to Hawaii, but he was." Leo shivered. "My plan fell apart because of that. I couldn't get my mind off that he would see me back. That he would come marchin' up and yell 'Butters! Look at what you did! You're grounded, young man! Go to your room! You're gonna get it when I get home!'"
Stan reached across the table and set a hand on his. Leo turned his hand to lace their fingers together. Stan didn't pull away. He wasn't sure if Leo had even noticed he did the action at all.
"So, then, I get trapped in the cockpit with Mysterion, and I panicked. I was so scared that that was my punishment and Dad would come to hurt me like he used to." Leo's eyes welled up with tears. "When Mysterion saw what was happening, he comforted me and told me, promised me, that if my dad ever came close to me again, he'd personally punch his lights out."
Leo shook his head, looking up. "I never forgot that kindness. I tracked Mysterion down after that and thanked him. We got to talkin', and he told me about his own shitty childhood and, I don't know, we just made a connection."
Stan squeezed their joined hands. "He has a way of doing that with people. Of all the heroes I know, he's the one with the most compassion."
Leo laughed. "Y-yeah." Then he seemed to notice their hands. His cheeks turned pink as he pulled his hand away. He snatched up his fork and shoveled food into his mouth.
Stan looked at his palm. He made a fist once then looked back up at Leo, who refused to meet his eyes.
"You can keep holding my hand if it makes you feel better," he offered with his hand set palm side up.
Leo swallowed his mouthful and eyed his hand. His gaze flicked back up to Stan, who nodded before he switched his fork to his other hand and set his palm on top of Stan's.
His fingers brushed the skin of Stan's wrist. They were more calloused than a business man's hand had any right to be, though Stan's were much worse.
"Stan, I'm sorry," Leo said suddenly. "I'm sorry I stepped on you back on the roof. I can't say I didn't mean harm, because I really did, but, well, I acted without listenin' to you like I promised I would."
Stan bit down on his tongue to stop the 'it's ok' that pressed against his teeth. That was not 'ok'. His chest still hurt a little from that.
Instead, he replied, "I understand why you did it. You thought Kenny broke your trust and acted out of anger."
"Yeah," Leo sighed, "but that doesn't mean I ain't sorry for it now. Could you forgive me?"
He relented, "Yeah, I can. Just don't do it again—at least, not when I'm out of the uniform." Stan tacked on that last part as a joke, though Leo's face didn't look amused.
"Alright. I promise. I won't hurt you when you're not 'ToolShed'."
His tone was completely serious. 'Stan' was safe from 'Chaos,' but that safety did not extend to 'ToolShed.'
It was odd to Stan. He knew Kenny liked to think Mysterion was, in a way, a different person from him. From what he was told, Leo felt the same way towards Chaos.
Stan and ToolShed did not have that same disconnect. They were one and the same. The idea that wearing his uniform or using his powers openly gave his persona a life of his own was too foreign to Stan.
"Thank you," Stan replied, unsure what else to say. After a beat, he asked, "Leo, can I ask you a question?"
Leo nodded. "Yeah, sure, go ahead."
"Would you really have outed Kenny to the criminal underworld?" He tensed. Did he even want to know the answer to this, or would it cause him more undue worry?
A breath escaped Leo's lips. He scratched the back of his neck with his free hand.
"No, I wouldn't," He admitted after a time. "Kenny and I are too deep into this for me to throw him under the bus like that. Even if he betrayed me, I wouldn't be able to." He shook his head. "I know how villains think. The second that information got out to them, Kenny would be imprisoned and tortured. I could never do that to him."
Stan relaxed. "Thank you. That's good to hear." He slid his hand back a little so he could wrap his fingers around Leo's. "What about me? Will you keep my secret?"
Leo smiled softly. He raised his finger to his lips. "You're still on a trial basis, but, for now, mums the word for both of us."
Stan wanted to ask how long the 'trial basis' would last, but held back. Somehow he had a feeling that it wouldn't be too long at all.
Kenny woke up to the sound of music. He blinked hard as a slant of sunlight hit his face. He reached to grab the pillow from under his head to pull over his eyes. Only, when he did, he found something restricting around his chest.
He pushed himself up and looked at the bandages across his torso.
"Oh, right," He muttered, picking at them. He winced as he recalled the night before. Where Stan and Leo still around? Had Leo gone home? Where was his uniform?
Kenny swung his legs off the bed and stood. His body popped and snapped like a roll of bubble wrap. Rolling his bare shoulders, Kenny followed the music down the hall. He paused at the kitchen then slipped inside there first.
Healing took a lot out him, and his stomach refused to be ignored when the prospect of food was within reach.
Opening the refrigerator, Kenny found a pan of macaroni and cheese. Without thinking twice, he pulled the cold pan out. Using the serving spoon left on the counter, he shoved a few spoonfuls into his mouth.
Sighing contently, Kenny took the pan with him to find the source of the music.
Stan sat on one end of the couch, his attention on Leo. Stan's guitar was in Leo's hands as he picked a short riff.
"See? I told you, anyone can play 'Smoke On The Water.'" Stan smiled. "Just, here..." he moved Leo's hands on the neck, "there, perfect."
"Wow, guess I getta add guitar to instruments I know how to play, huh?" Leo laughed, playing the riff again.
Seeing his chance to cut in, Kenny leaned over the back of the couch in between the two of them and commented around a mouth of macaroni noodles, "I can only play two instruments, the recorder and the skin flute. Guess which one I'm better at."
"Kenny!" His boyfriends gasped.
"That's me." Kenny ate another spoonful.
"Dude, are you ok? You looked bad yesterday." Stan crawled on his knees. He set a hand gently across his back.
"Never better." Kenny set the nearly empty pan down on the floor. "Sorry for worrying you two. I went a little overboard taking down those mutants, and it took too much out of me to do a quick heal."
Leo shook his head as he set the guitar aside. "We're just glad you're ok."
Kenny hopped over the back of the couch, landing between them. The velvet-like fabric of the couch rubbed comfortably against his legs.
"Guess we have to talk now." He smiled apologetically at Leo. "Sorry I didn't tell you Stan figured it out. I didn't want you worrying or trying to investigate him. I couldn't have him in danger if you found out who he was and, uh, you know, was a little miffed about it."
Leo waved his hand. "No, it's ok. Stan explained everything to me." He held his arms out for a hug, which Kenny quickly gave. After a heartbeat, he turned, still half in Leo's arms, and pulled Stan into the hug as well.
Stan chuckled but didn't resist, instead wrapping his arms around them both.
Kenny felt incredibly comfortable with their warm arms wrapped around him. If this was how they would react to him getting hurt without dying, maybe the pain was worth it.
When they all pulled apart, Kenny felt a whimper creep up his throat. He forced it down as Leo stood.
"I actually need to get to work. I've been avoiding it until you woke up. Are you going to be ok?" He asked.
Kenny nodded. "I've taken way worse than that plenty of times. A few of them from you, actually."
Leo pressed a kiss to his lips. Kenny raised his arms to wrap around his neck, pulling him closer.
When he took a step away, Leo looked reluctant, which was Kenny's plan. As selfish as it might be, he wanted his boys to spend more time together with him. Their plans yesterday were such a disaster, it was only fair, Kenny reasoned.
Unfortunately, Leo shook his reluctance off.
"Will you be here tonight? May I come back?" Leo asked.
Kenny opened his mouth, but Stan beat him to it. "You can come by whenever, Leo. Even if Kenny has to head to his apartment."
Kenny raised an eyebrow with a knowing smirk on his face. From the stories Stan told to him, Stan fell fast and he fell hard. Clearly, those stories were not exaggerations.
Seeing his smirk, Stan pushed him over.
"Seriously, if you ever need to talk, dude, you can call or drop by," Stan told Leo with a smile.
Leo paused, then grinned. "That sounds swell, Stan! I'll drop by tonight, to check up on you both!"
The moment the front door shut, Kenny leaned against Stan's shoulder and teased in a sing-song voice, "You like him!"
Stan didn't argue. Instead, he looked down at his lap. "I don't know. He's...interesting. I do think you're right. Leo is a good person and doesn't want to hurt people. The world and his family failed him, so he feels the only way he can help is to do things his own way."
"'Family'?" Kenny echoed. "Did he tell you about...him?"
"His dad?" Stan nodded. "Yeah, he did, after I told him how we met."
Kenny raised both his eyebrows. Stan didn't like to talk much about that time in his life: His grandfather had recently passed, he and Wendy broke up, his finances were in rough shape, and his dad's mocking for his life choices had been eating at him worse than ever. It all culminated with his depression kicking into high gear and dragging him down.
He remembered when Stan responded to his flirting by drunkenly grabbing his wrist and dragging him towards the bar door, slurring, "Let's see whatcha got, lover boy."
They made all of a block and a half when Stan suddenly broke down into tears and sobbed out all his problems to Kenny. He let Stan cry on his shoulders, then, after Stan vomited up the solitary cup of noodles in his stomach, Kenny took him home.
It probably wasn't Kenny's place to do more than get Stan to his couch, but something inside him took pity on Stan and he stayed around to make sure he would be alright anyway.
Kenny considered it one of his better knee-jerk decisions.
"Did you tell him that to get him to trust you?" Kenny asked.
He raised a shoulder. "I don't know. He asked how we met, and it just tumbled out." Stan sighed. "Kenny, if you feel like you can, answer me this. Is what Leo said about his dad, well, is it true?"
"Yeah," Kenny nodded his head. "When Leo told me his full name, I went and check the police records. I loved him, but I still didn't fully trust him, at the time, you know? Well, I found what I was looking for: Stephen and Linda Stotch were both charged with physical child abuse as well as several other charges of child neglect and endangerment around the time Leo was sixteen. From what I know, he was taken away to live in foster care until he aged out."
"I see," Stan breathed. "And you're only telling me this in detail now because you know I'll go look it up myself, right?"
Kenny smiled softly. "Maybe a little." His face fell. "Seeing or reading about the horrors done by supervillains, well, you'd think it would numb you to the ones done by normal people, but it really doesn't. It just makes you more sickened."
He took a breath, then slung his arm over Stan's shoulders. "But it'll be alright now. Leo's got two good buddies to support him through thick and thin."
"Yeah, I guess so." Stan slipped an arm around his waist and half-hugged him, nuzzling into his hair.
"Hey, Kenny, you know you're only in your underwear, right?" Stan asked suddenly.
Kenny looked down at his near nakedness then nodded. "I know, and I don't plan on changing that fact."
Stan rolled his eyes. "Just making sure."
Numbers had never been a confusing topic for Leo. At their basic forms, they were consistent and made sense. One plus one would always equal two. No number could be divided by zero. An even number multiplied by another even number would be even as well.
Numbers just made sense to Leo, but not so much for Dougie.
Dougie scratched his red curls, staring down at the paper. He tapped his glasses with his pencil.
"Is the answer...forty-eight?" He asked.
Leo chuckled. "Close? It's two-hundred-fifty-three."
Dougie groaned, and Leo patted his shoulder. Looking over Dougie's math, Leo tried to find the point where he messed up. He took the pencil.
"Look, you didn't work these fractions out correctly. That's where the problem is." Leo circled the incorrect fraction then began to scribble the correction under Dougie's work.
"When do I even need math? I'm going to be a reporter!" Dougie muttered.
"I'm sure reporters need math sometimes." Leo set the pencil down. "Besides, if reporters don't, then generals do."
Dougie sighed. "Yeah, guess so."
The doorbell rang.
Leo hopped to his feet, grinning. Dougie raised an eyebrow but didn't have time to comment. Leo had already left the room.
Two months had passed since the incident with the rhino mutant. In that time, Stan had been coming over often to teach him guitar.
Usually, after their lesson, they would go out. Leo wasn't sure if Stan saw this as a date. He hoped he did since that was how Leo had been seeing it.
Stan shouldered his guitar in its case when Leo opened the door. With summer just around the bend, his clothes were a lightweight shirt and shorts. Though the bruises from the ladder had long since healed, a few new ones dotted across his legs.
One bruise, in particular, was shaped very much like a hand, right above his ankle. Probably from one of the Raisins' Girls. ToolShed had gotten into a nasty fight with the group of womanly criminals last week.
Leo wanted to confirm his theory but held his tongue. Stan might not like knowing that Leo had been keeping tabs on his hero activities. Leo wasn't keeping an eye on him for any bad reason. He just wanted to make sure none of his fellow villains played too tough with his newest friend and crush.
"Hey, dude, sorry I'm late." Stan narrowed his eyes. "Someone went through and cleared away all the street signs and road lines. Traffic is a mess."
Leo hummed. "Oh, is that what happened? Seems pretty dastardly, huh? Maybe people should learn not to park in no-parking zones and box other people in."
Stan rolled his eyes. " That's why you did that? That's pretty petty, dude."
"It's not petty. I was late for a meet up with some old friends." Leo frowned, then added a beat later, "Not that I would know anything about how the road lines went missing. That's a total mystery to me."
Stan seemed to hold back another comment before deciding to let the topic drop. Unlike Kenny, who would work to keep any villain business out of their civilian conversations, Stan had no problem calling out Leo for Chaos' doings.
"You ready for your lesson?" Stan asked instead, raising his shoulder with the strap over it.
"Heck yeah! I've been praticin' a real lot since last time." Leo beamed while ushering Stan through the door.
Stan nodded. "Yeah, you sent me that recording on Tuesday. You're really getting better."
When they entered the living room, Dougie had already packed up his things. He looked up at Leo, before moving to stare Stan. He furrowed his brow. Leo tensed.
While Chaos and ToolShed never had any one-on-one battles, General Disarray and ToolShed had many. Leo glanced at Stan out of the corner of his eye, wondering if he recognized Dougie as well.
"Um, hi," Dougie waved slightly then put his last book back in his bag. "Are you...Stan? "
Of course, Dougie would make the connection with Leo's excitement about his visitor and the Stan that Leo had been gushing about. Dougie was sharp like that, which was why he made a perfect general.
"Yeah, hey." Stan took a few steps forward, holding out his hand.
"Dougie." Dougie took his hand. "Sorry I can't stay and chat." He shouldered his backpack up. "I'm meeting up with some friends."
"It was nice to meet you." Stan stepped aside to let Dougie by.
When Dougie passed Leo, he glanced up at him with his eyebrows knit together behind his glasses. Leo just smiled and shrugged. Hopefully, he wouldn't get a text later asking for confirmation on Stan's double identity. Leo didn't like lying to his second in command, but he promised to keep Stan's secret.
Dougie suspected Kenny might be more than he seems already. Thanks to personality differences between Kenny and Mysterion, Dougie hadn't quite gotten that far into figure it out. Stan, on the other hand, looked and acted a lot more like ToolShed. us
Honestly, it still baffled Leo how Kenny hadn't seen it.
The front door shut as Leo wandered towards the couch.
"Dougie's an old friend. I was helping him with his homework."
"That's General Disarray." Stan frowned as he took a seat. "I knew he was young, but, geez, he's practically a baby."
Leo snorted. "I don't know about Disarray, but Dougie is a junior in college, only five years younger than me. He just has a young face is all."
"A junior? Ok, he's a toddler then." Stan set his guitar in his lap. "A toddler who nearly shoved me into a pit of molten rock once."
"I heard Disarray still feels bad about that. He didn't want to kill you," Leo said.
Neither Disarray or Chaos had ever actually killed anyone permanently. They didn't ever plan to either. Dougie had told him in that rush of emotion, pushing ToolShed back was the first thing his brain came up with. If he wasn't fighting for his life, he wouldn't have done it.
"Feel free to tell him he can apologize for that at any time." Stan unzipped the case. "Go grab your instrument so we can get started."
The lesson lasted an hour or so before dissolving into idle chit-chat.
Stan rested against the arm of the couch, plucking his guitar strings absentmindedly. His hands were masterful, and Leo couldn't help but be in awe. When Leo played, he still had to look down at his fingers to make sure they were in the right place, but Stan could play with his eyes shut.
For a moment, Leo considered fishing out his flute. It was somewhere in the back of one of his closets. Would Stan be impressed by that or would he think Leo was a dork? Could he even play the flute well anymore? It had been years since he last touched it.
"Leo," Stan cut into his thoughts, "I should head out."
"Oh, already?" He looked at his phone for the time. "Do you want to go grab something to eat first?"
Stan shook his head. "No, with how the traffic looks, if I don't leave now, there is no way I'm getting home before midnight."
A pang of guilt hit Leo's stomach. When he sent his minions to powerwash and cover the signs and road lines, it seemed like such a mild crime. It's not like anyone would be really hurt—just inconvenienced. He had even given his non-Chaos employees the day off so they wouldn't be bothered.
Leo lunged forward, grabbing Stan's wrist.
"You can stay here if you want. Stay the night!" He blurted out.
Stan stared down at his wrist, his mouth opening once, then shutting, before opening again.
"How do you mean 'stay the night'?" he asked finally.
Leo's cheeks began to burn. He didn't know how to answer. Just because he had a crush on Stan, did not mean the reverse was true. For all he knew, Stan's friendship was given to him because he wanted to protect Kenny.
He prayed that wasn't true, though.
Leo swallowed. "It means whatever you want it to."
Stan looked into his face, expressionless. Leo wanted to look away. Instead of that, he channeled some of his confidence from Chaos to help him hold his ground.
With a flick of his wrist, Stan pulled his arm out of Leo's grasp. Leo pulled his hand back, looking away.
Great, he fucked up. As he thought, Stan was only doing this for Kenny's sake.
Maybe he should consider himself lucky. He's clicked this closely with only a few people in his life, and the fact most of them had clicked back was a blessing in and of itself.
Stan set his guitar off the side of the couch then scooted over. He pressed his hand on the other arm, pinning Leo in.
A look of nervous indecision crossed his face. He chewed his lip a moment then finally let out a sigh. His breath ghosted across Leo's face. It smelled like he'd forgotten to brush, but Leo didn't mention it.
Stan lowered himself down farther, their faces barely an inch apart. His eyes flicked to Leo, who gave the smallest nod, then he closed the gap.
Fireworks went off in Leo's head. Stan liked him back. This was the best news! With any luck, this was also the answer to his offer to stay the night. Leo's ears began to burn as the fantasy of what the night could entail jumped into his mind's eye.
He forced the thoughts away, trying to focus solely on the hear and now.
Stan's lips were sweet and gentle, and it took most of Leo's control not to greedily try to hold him closer. He did, however, raise a hand to his cheek, brushing along his sideburns with his fingertips.
Just as he was really starting to enjoy the feeling of their lip's contact, Stan pulled away.
"That was good," Leo smiled, "really good."
Stan winced. Leo's smile fell from his face.
"What? Didn't you like it?"
"I feel bad," Stan muttered. "I feel really, really bad."
"W-why?" Leo's shoulders slumped. The kiss had been great for Stan, too, hadn't it? No one else Leo had ever kissed complained he was a bad kisser. A few of them even told him he had a knack for it!
"Because I like you," Stad sighed, "like, a lot. I know I shouldn't. You do terrible things. You break the law. Maybe Kenny can see you as two people, but I can't. You're one person to me. One sweet, kind person who also does bad things."
"Oh," Leo bit down on his lip a moment, "I'm...I'm sorry, Stan." He shook his head. "You don't understand, though. Chaos, I need him. Without him, I feel powerless when everything goes wrong. He's the 'me' who fixes the problems I can't, even if he has to break the law to do it. I can't do that. Leo can't do that."
Stan fell back, his knees brushing Leo's leg. "You're right. I don't understand. I doubt I ever could." He ran a hand through his hair. "Leo, is there anything Kenny and I could ever do to help you get to a point where you don't need Chaos? Or are we both wasting our time even trying?"
Leo flinched back. That question was heavy. His heart pounded in his ears.
He wanted to drop the topic like hot coals. If it was Kenny here, the topic wouldn't have even come up in the first place.
But this isn't Kenny. This is Stan. Stan held him completely accountable, no matter which persona he was.
"I...I don't..." Leo trailed off. "Maybe?" He heaved a sigh. "Stan, listen, being with Kenny already has lessen my, um, dependency on Chaos, but, oh, gosh, this is hard to explain." He bumped his knuckles together. "I guess, there is a possibility that one day I won't need Chaos anymore. That I can handle my problems with the world on my own, but I don't know when that would be."
Where those the words he needed to say? God, he hoped so.
Stan looked down at his hands then back up at Leo. "You won't need to handle your problems on your own, you know. We're here to help you with that. That's the whole point of a support system, to help you with that weight on your shoulders."
Leo looked up at him in surprise, then looked down at his hands. His head swirled with emotions.
He wanted this to stop. This wasn't a problem Leo could fight, but he didn't want Chaos to fight this either.
He knew the Chaos Solution would involve being coy and cruel and dancing around the topic until Stan got annoyed with him and stormed out. The Chaos Solution would only make things worse.
He clenched his hands into fists.
No, no, that was the whole problem wasn't it? Stan had already torn back the curtain on that.
'Leo' and 'Chaos' weren't two different people. They were both him. Leopold Stotch and Professor Chaos were one and the same. Completely and totally.
A shudder ran through his body and a lump crawled up his throat.
It felt wrong to say that after all these years of avoiding it. Chaos, in the end, was just a mask. Leo hid behind the helmet and cape like a blanket from the world that wanted to hurt him. Chaos couldn't be hurt. Chaos was strong and righteous, even if the world didn't understand his way of thinking.
If Leo took off the mask, he would be defenseless. No better than a stray cat fighting a steamroller. The world would flatten him, and there would be nothing Leo could do about it.
He truly did need Chaos to feel safe — that was a fact.
A warm hand fell on his forearm. Leo jerked his head up then felt the tears fall off his cheeks onto his fists.
Stan stared at him, eyes sparking with worry.
"Leo, are you ok?" He squeezed.
His touch was too reassuring and kind. Leo hated it. He hated that he felt this way, so raw and scared.
Worst of all, this was all his fault. He let Stan in, all the while stupidly thinking that he could bring him as much happiness as Kenny had. Why was he so stupid like that? How pathetic...
No, not pathetic.
Greedy.
Leo wanted more than he deserved. The World, God, Fate, whatever controlled the universe, made it very clear he didn't deserve affection. Not from his parents, not from Kenny, not from Stan.
He was a bad and broken person, and bad and broken people didn't deserve to be loved by anyone.
All of his feelings towards Stan and all of his wasted time building a relationship with Kenny were just salt in the wound.
"G-Get out," Leo choked through the clenching in his throat. "Leave now and don't ever try to talk to me again."
Stan withdrew his hand, frowning. "Leo, I'm sorry that—"
"I said get out!" Leo shouted, nostrils flaring. He scrambled to his feet. If he was taller than Stan, then he had more power, and that power would keep him safe.
"Get the fuck out of my house and my life. Right now!" He shouted.
Stan's face fell then twisted to confusion, before morphing into anger. Rolling off the couch, he got to his feet.
"Fine." He growled. Barely restrained rage punctuated the word as he grabbed his guitar case and instrument. Without placing it back inside the safety of its case, Stan stormed out.
Leo's body remained tense until he heard the door slam shut. He slumped back down on the couch, feeling more scared and vulnerable than he had in a long time.
AN: one more chapter. :)
Ao3: UAs_Fics
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