Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans I would make a life action movie and have Robin and Starfire hookup and Beast Boy and Raven hook up.
Lost Without You
Chapter 3 December
One month later
Small projections of black aura surround me. In these small projections are my books which I put on my bookshelf. I glanced around the room. My transformation was complete.
Since Beast Boy's death I had been unable to sleep in my bed, or be in my room in general. So I had decided to move into Beast Boy's room permanently. I condensed his bunk bed into just the lower bunk and moved all my items in. Even though he was gone, I could still feel his presence.
Moving into Beast Boy's room wasn't the only change that had occurred in the tower. The atmosphere in the tower had become worse than ever; the Teen Titans barely seemed to exist. Cyborg had ceased his enthusiasm and Starfire had lost her cheerful spirit. In fact, it was hard to get her to talk at all. I didn't know what Beast Boy said in his notes to the others, but it was quite obvious that it was affecting them both. Robin seemed to be the only one who had remained the same. He had been doing everything he could to bring the morale back up. So far, no luck.
After making sure that my new room was in order, I walked down the hall toward the kitchen. I really needed some herbal tea. Besides it was lunch time. Maybe some food could take my mind off things.
Before I reached the kitchen I passed Starfire's room. The door was open and I could hear sobbing coming from inside. It was unusual for Starfire to be in her dwellings. She usually spent all hours of the day in the kitchen. I stopped at her doorway.
Starfire was sitting on her pink bed, Silkie beside her. A piece of paper was clutched in her hand. My heart went out to her. It was obvious she was having just a hard time with everything as I was. Comforting someone was never my forte, but I would try for my friend.
"Starfire?" I asked quietly.
Her head snapped in my direction. "Oh Friend Raven! Do come in," she wiped her face, but more tears continued to fall.
I sat next to her on the bed, on the opposite side of Silkie. I caught a glimpse of the paper in her hand. It was a letter; from Beast Boy. I patted her shoulder. "I miss him too."
"I cannot believe that he is gone. All this does not seem real."
"I know."
A small silence passed between us. Starfire choked on a sob. "I feel so horrible, R-Raven. I did not treat him like I should have. And now it is too l-late to apologize."
"None of us did," I responded sadly. "We never appreciated his cheerful nature, his j-jokes; his kind heart."
"I should not have said all those horrible things," Starfire said almost to herself. "I should have laughed at his jokes, really laughed."
"Huh?"
Starfire forced a smile on her face and wiped her eyes again. "Nothing. Would you like to join me on a trip to the mall of shopping after battle practice? Perhaps we both shall feel better after some girl time."
I considered her offer. I did need to get out of the tower for a while. But I needed to get some tea and meditate first. "We'll see. I need to meditate and have some lunch. I'll let you know after practice." If I go, that is I thought. Lately I hadn't been showing up to battle practice. I couldn't get the motivation to go.
Starfire gave me a quick bone crushing hug. Considering the circumstances, I let her. Then I left the room. When I reached the kitchen, I realized that Starfire's distress wasn't the only thing I was going to witness.
Cyborg was in the kitchen, frying something on the stove. I didn't think anything of it at first, until I noticed what he was cooking. "Uh, Cy?" I asked hesitantly.
"Hmm?" he answered absently.
"Since when do you eat tofu?"
"BB always said how good it is. I never gave him the benefit of the doubt. I owe it to him."
I nodded in understanding. "I'm sure he'd appreciate what you're doing right now. After all, you were his best friend."
CLATTER!
I jumped out of my skin. Cyborg dropped the spatula he was holding. He buried his head into his robotic hands. "Oh BB. You'll never know how sorry I am for everything I did to you!"
I raised my eyebrow. What was I missing? I knew that the others were wary of Beast Boy after he took the antidote. Did something happen that I wasn't aware of? I was about to ask Cyborg what he was taking about when he turned and left the room with his tofu meal.
I sighed and brewed my tea. Seeing the impact of Beast Boy's death on the others has made me sad. I needed to meditate. I ended up passing Robin on the way to my room, tea in hand. I offer him a weak smile.
"Hey Raven," Robin greeted me. "Are you going to join us at battle practice this afternoon?"
I probably should, since I hadn't done so in almost a week. But after everything I witnessed I didn't think it was a good idea. I could blow up the expensive training equipment. I looked at his face. Robin's face was blank, no emotion whatsoever. I shook my head.
"Sorry, but I just can't do it today. I really need to meditate."
I closed my door behind me. As I sipped my tea, I forced myself to attempt to clear my mind. I wasn't sure though how successful I was going to be.
BBRae
I entered the tower from the garage. My shoulders shook as the multitude of emotions ran through my veins. Nausea built at a rate so fast that I wasn't sure that I'd make it to the bathroom in time. Luckily it was just down the hall.
I barely made it to the toilet in time when my lunch came out. I vomited until there was nothing left. I leaned against the toilet, desperately trying to catch my breath. Once I was finished I glanced at my leotard and cloak, all covered in orange paint. This turned out to be a mistake for it jarred my emotions.
My throat tightened as the multitude of tears started to fall. I had never felt so alone in my entire life. The worst part was I had no idea what I did wrong, nor how to fix it.
"He was right," I thought miserably. "I can't do anything right."
My eyes snapped open. Once I managed to remind myself of my new dwellings I sat up. I rubbed my head. What a strange dream. I was vaguely aware of the tears that were stained on my cheeks.
Most of the time I was able to decipher my dreams and their meanings, but not this one. Why was I covered in orange paint? Why was I so violently sick? What did my last thought in my dream mean?
He was right. I can't do anything right.
Slowly I laid back down and pulled the covers back over me. Exhaustion consumed me. I decided to analyze the dream tomorrow. Maybe then things would become clear. I fell back into hopefully a dreamless sleep.
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