(A\N: Hey guys, so sorry about the long wait. I kept hitting writer's block over and over again. But I got through it and the next chapter for you. It's a little long, but I hope you like it anyway. Please review. I would really appreciate it. Love, Ellivia22)

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, I'd bring back the show the way it was. Though I'll give the new series Teen Titans Go! a chance :)

Lost Without You

Chapter 4 A Disastrous Mission

"Thank you for taking this time to spend the day with me," Starfire said the next day. She took a sip of her usual bottle of mustard. "I know that it is not your thing."

"No problem." I answered, ignoring the noise that surrounded us in the mall food court. "We both needed to get out of the tower for a while."

To be honest this shopping trip hadn't been so bad. In fact it had been the most relaxing activity that I had done in a while. Plus it also seemed to help Starfire as well. She had almost gotten back to her cheerful self. I managed to find two new books to read, while Starfire bought several new outfits. I had to admit, the long knee length light green dress and matching earrings that she bought looked really great on her. Now that we were done with our shopping, we relaxed a bit as we had lunch.

I finished my second slice of pizza as Starfire continued to talk about the latest fashion, and how she hoped that Robin would like what she bought. I had been trying to listen to her, yet a nagging thought kept ringing in my head.

What was the story behind Starfire and Cyborg's strange behavior yesterday? I wanted to ask Starfire, but this was the first time in a month that she's been this cheerful. I didn't want to ruin that. And yet, I'd spend another sleepless night if I didn't ask.

"Starfire?"

"Yes," she asked with a smile.

"I wanted to ask you-."

BEEP BEEP!

Suddenly both of our communicators went off. Trouble in the city, no doubt. Starfire answered her communicator first. "Robin?" She put the communicator on the table so we both could hear what he had to say.

"There is trouble down at the old warehouse," Robin said. "And if Raven is still with you, please tell her that we need her. It's Slade."

I spoke before Starfire could. "We'll be right there."

We rose from our table. I took a big breath in preparation. This would be my first mission since Beast Boy's death. I hope I could be useful to the team.

"Come on," I said to Starfire in my monotone. "Let's get going."

BBRae

Ten minutes later Starfire and I arrived outside the door of the warehouse. Robin and Cyborg were already there, waiting for us. "What does Slade want this time?" Cyborg asked.

"Who knows," Robin answered venomously, a tone he always reserved for Slade. "But this time we're going to bring him down! Let's go!"

We entered the run down warehouse. The lights were dimmed, making it nearly impossible to see. There seemed to be more boxes and furniture in the warehouse than usual. Maybe it was because I hadn't been in here in a long time. I coughed as I inhaled the dusty air. The warehouse seemed empty.

"Be on your guard," Robin whispered to us. "Slade and his henchmen could be anywhere."

A low chuckle echoed around the room. I fell into my ready stance, my hands glowing black. "Well, well. If it isn't the Teen Titans. Or what's left of them."

I forced my emotions to stay under control. It wasn't easy. "Show yourself!" Robin commanded.

"As you wish."

The lights of the warehouse turned on. We found ourselves surrounded by Slade's robotic army. Slade himself was perched on top of the highest stack of tan boxes. He looked completely relaxed. "What do you want," Robin snarled at his enemy.

Slade careless flicked a piece of dust off the box he was sitting on. "Not much. Just interested to see if you guys are able to fight crime without your green changeling. It's too bad he's dead. I was going to make him my new apprentice."

Starfire let out a painful gasp; Cyborg's face lost a pigment of color. I forced myself to remain under control. "He never would've joined you!" I said furiously.

"He was our friend!" Starfire sputtered out.

"It didn't seem like it to me," Slade commented.

I looked at Robin, waiting for a signal. He seemed to be the only one unaffected by Slade's words. "We may have lost one, but we'll still take you down!" Slade chuckled at Robin's words. "Titans go!"

We sprang into action. Robin and Cyborg used their practiced combo to take out the surrounding henchmen. Starfire and I rose high above the others. Starfire threw her starbolts at an alarming speed. I used my powers to grab the box Slade was sitting on and pulled it out from under him. Slade landed almost gracefully, then disappeared. I turned my attention back on helping my teammates.

Quickly it became obvious that Slade's words had greatly affected the rest of the team. Starfire's starbolts were way off the intended target, which was unusual for her. Cyborg seemed to have forgotten his cannon and was charging the henchmen dead on, without much success. Robin's martial arts didn't have much power than before.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" I chanted as I sent more boxes and other objects towards the henchmen. This had little affect on them. What was wrong with me? Had the loss of Beast Boy weakened my powers? I gritted my teeth. I had to try harder.

"It's quite fascinating how you and your friends can pretend to care so much about your fallen teammate."

I whirled around. Slade had appeared on the other side of me. I should ignore his words and continue fighting, but I didn't like the look on his face: a knowing smirk.

"You don't know what you're talking about," I said, my voice shaking. "Losing Beast Boy was the worst thing that could ever happen to me." My eyes grew white as I warmed my hands. "But that's not going to stop me from protecting the city!"

I threw numerous boxes and tables at my intended target. Slade dodged them easily. He leaped up and relaxed on one of the hanging lights. "To you, maybe. But not to your friends down there. In fact, I know they're not feeling the same amount of loss that you do right now."

I didn't attack this time. Instead I stared at our enemy. "What are you talking about?"

"Ah. You have no idea what your friends did to him, do you? I had thought you'd figure out by now that Beast Boy's closest friends were the cause of his suicide."

My head spun as my emotions started to waver. Could Slade be telling the truth? Or was he just trying to get me to lose control of my emotions. Azarath Metrion Zinthos! I chanted fiercely in my head. "I don't believe you!" I used my powers to make the lights break.

"Believe me or not, I don't care. But soon you'll come to realize that soon they will do the same to you." Then he disappeared.

I turned my attention back to the battle. All of Slade's henchmen seemed to have disappeared with him. I floated down to join my teammates. Robin gave a frustrated sigh. "Come on team. Let's go home." Without saying a word, I followed the others.

RaeBB

Ten minutes later, Star, Cy, and I were sitting on the couch as Robin ranted in his after mission talk. I wasn't listening.

What did Slade mean that we were the cause of Beast Boy's suicide? Did it have a connection with Star and Cy's strange behavior? What was I missing? Worst of all, how could I not know about it? Had I really been that blind? I had to find out, somehow.

I only tuned into Robin's speech when he started talking about our fallen friend. "Losing Beast Boy has been a devastating blow to our team. But we shouldn't let that stop us from doing our duty to the city. We have to accept the fact that he's gone and never coming back. We've got to be strong and move on."

I felt a horrible pain in my stomach. I felt as though somebody had gutted me over again. Something was wrong with my emotions. It must have been the combination of the mission and Robin's words. I glanced at the rest of my teammates. Starfire had tears running down her face. Cyborg's eyes looked like they were blinking his back. "I'm going to work on a new battle plan. I'll see you guys for dinner." Robin finished.

I rose to my chair and hurried to my bedroom. I shut the door behind me. I was starting to feel really sick. I felt shaky, and painful jabs on the inside. Quickly I crossed my legs in mid air and entered Nevermore to see what was wrong.

I landed in Nevermore. My eyes widened in horror at the sight in front of me. Bodies everywhere, the ground soaked in blood. Different colored cloaks scattered the area. I hurried over and checked each emotion. Dead. All of them: Peace, Lust, Sarcasm . My hand gently laid on a still Brave. A large knife with a black handle protruded from her chest, soaking her green cloak in blood.

Suddenly Brave moaned and opened her eyes halfway. "Raven?"

Gritting my teeth, I pulled the knife out of her chest. Then I covered her wound with my hand. "What happened?" I demanded. My heart pounded hard in my chest as I dreaded the answer.

Brave coughed, blood rolling down her chin. "W-we were attacked," she said hoarsely.

"By who?" I asked in fear.

Her face went paler. I pressed harder on her wound in effort to keep her alive longer. "B-beware of the one in the black cloak," her eyes fell shut. She was dead.

I stared at her limp form, horrified. Tears slid down my cheeks. What in the hell was going on here? Why were all my emotions dying? Who was the one in the black cloak? I knew who to ask: Knowledge. Gently I set Brave back on the ground. Then I flew through Nevermore to get to Knowledge's domain. More tears leaked from my eyes as I saw more dead emotions. I couldn't believe this was happening. I quickly knocked on her door. I didn't see her lying dead with the other emotions. I hoped with all my being that meant she was still alive.

Knock! Knock!

She opened the door by a crack. Once she saw it was me, she opened it wider. "Raven! Come in, and quickly."

I entered. Knowledge's place was yellow and full of books. That was no surprise to me, since she knew everything. Her yellow walls were covered with pictures of Beast Boy: him playing the game station, him smiling, me hugging him after Malchior betrayed me. Apparently Knowledge loved him just as much as I did.

I sank into a chair. "What's happening?"

Knowledge sighed wearily, taking off her glasses. "After BB's death, four emotions surfaced: Anguish, Guilt, Grief, and Longing. They started attacking the other emotions."

"T-they started with Happy," I said sadly.

She nodded. "They have grown powerful. They struck again tonight. They killed most of us. I barely managed to get away."

I wiped the tears off my face. "What should I do?"

"I wish I could tell you. But you've got to do something. I"m afraid that I might be next. The only thing I suggest is you get out of the tower more and do more things to cheer yourself up. Spend some time with our friends. Maybe that will help."

I suddenly remembered what Brave said. "Who is the emotion in the black cloak."

Knowledge's eyes widen in fear. "That's the emotion you must watch out for the most of all: Despair. If Despair takes over, there is no hope of coming back. You will feel empty, like you have no purpose in life. The only thing you can think about is Death and how eager you are to meet it."

My heart dropped to my stomach. "That's what happened to Beast Boy, isn't it?" I asked quietly.

She nodded sadly, her violet eyes moving to a photo of Beast Boy and I watching the moon together. "After Despair hit him, he had no chance of coming back. He had no chance of being the BB we loved."

"If only I knew what made him fall so far."

Knowledge tilted her head to the side thoughtfully. "I bet if you search around the bedroom you might be able to find the answer."

I stood up quickly. She was right. The answer had to be somewhere in the bedroom. I just had to find it-and fast. Otherwise the rest of my remaining emotions would be doomed. Knowledge stood up too. I hugged her tightly. Thanks for the advice. Be safe. I'll do my best to save you and the others."

I exited Nevermore. I opened my eyes, then floated to the ground in the middle of my bedroom. Time to start my search. But where to begin? Suddenly I heard a sound as if a drawer was opened.

I glanced at Beast Boy's desk. The top drawer was open. It wasn't open before. That had to be a sign to start my search there. When I looked in the drawer I immediately recognized the brown leather bound book. It was in my pile when Beast Boy committed suicide. I had placed it in here and totally forgot about it. But what was it? When I opened the book, the words on the first page gave me the answer.

The personal writings of Garfield Mark Logan

Beast Boy's journal.

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