A:/N: Hey guys! Sorry about the wait. I really hope you like this chapter. Please continue to review. I really appreciate it. Take care. Love, Ellivia22

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans I would drive BB's moped :D

Lost Without You

Chapter 7 Troubling Emotions

The next morning I woke up feeling overwhelmed and sad. It was so wonderful to see Beast Boy last night and I was glad that he would finally be at rest. Yet I was sad that I wouldn't feel his presence again. I was going to miss him so much.

After a long, hot shower, I entered the kitchen to prepare some herbal tea. It was going to be another day of meditating, reading, and going to my depressing cafe-a routine I haven't done in a while. I noticed that Cyborg was sitting on the couch. A racing game was on the new big screen TV, a blue and white car and a green car still at the start line.

I stared at Cyborg as I made my tea. His head was in his robotic hands. His metal shoulders were shaking. A part of me wanted to comfort him, but I was still very angry.

You need to forgive him, Raven. The others too. I have.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. Beast Boy was right. It did me no good to hate the others, even if they deserved it. I was a long way from completely forgiving them though. That was going to take some time.

Making a decision, I grabbed my ready herbal tea and entered the living room. I sat on the couch, quite a ways from the robotic man. He didn't seem to notice me. "Hello Cyborg," I said in my monotone.

Cyborg lifted his head. His human eye was fearful for a second. It was obvious he hadn't forgotten about Rage's appearance. "Hi Raven," he answered cautiously.

"I saw what you placed on Beast Boy's grave yesterday. That was a lot of tofu."

He made sure to avoid looking at me. "It was the least I could do. I owe it to him. After all I did to him." I watched as he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.

"Why did you do it?" I asked, barely able to keep my voice from rising. "Why did you dump his tofu, something that mattered so much to him?"

Cyborg sighed heavily. "It's complicated." I waited silently for him to give me an explanation. "It started when BB got doused with those chemicals while fighting Adonis at the lab. His change of attitude was so strange, so unlike him. I knew he was not himself, but the way he talked back to me really hurt. Especially while the antidote was running through his system. He told me that I disgusted him because I liked eating meat.

"Then Robin kept telling us to stay away from BB-that he was dangerous. I didn't want to believe Robin, but I had seen the damage BB did to the city while in Beast form. So to be cautious I did everything I could to push him away. I knew I said things that I shouldn't have. I know that I really hurt him.

"To be honest, the only reason I dumped his tofu was because I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me. I just took it way too far. The devastated look on his face will haunt me for as long as I live. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for causing BB's suicide. Especially since I never got the chance to tell him how sorry I am for everything."

I stared at Cyborg for a long time as he buried his face again. The broken and self hatred in his voice made my anger subside considerably. Just like Starfire, I could tell that he was truly sorry. Maybe I could forgive him someday.

I put my now empty tea cup on the coffee table. "I realize that you regret your actions towards Beast Boy. I know that you miss him terribly." I paused as Cyborg lifted his head to look at me. This time he made eye contact. "I love Beast Boy with all my heart and it hurt so much that he killed himself because of your actions. However, since Beast Boy has forgiven you, I feel that I should be able to as well. It's just going to take me some time."

Cyborg stared at me. "H-how do you know that he has forgiven me?"

I smiled slightly as I thought about last night. "This may be hard to believe, but Beast Boy came to see me last night when I visited his grave. Well, his ghost anyway. It was so creepy, but I felt comforted when he started talking to me. He told me that he had forgiven you and the others. He told me to go on with my life and to forgive you guys too. He's finally at peace now and with his parents."

Understanding flooded his face. He must've realized how extraordinary this world was. "I'm glad BB got to see you again. He loved you a lot."

"I know."

A small silence passed between us. "I know this isn't your thing," Cyborg said hesitantly. "But would you play with me?" he pointed at the TV screen where the two cars still sat at the start line.

I almost immediately said no but stopped myself. I had never touched a video game in my life. I wouldn't be much of a challenge since I would have no idea what I was doing. On the other hand it might be good for my emotions to have some fun for a change.

I moved a little closer to Cyborg. "Only if you show me how."

For the first time in months, Cyborg smiled. He handed me the second controller and proceeded to tell me about each of the buttons. "The A button is the accelerator, B is the brake. You use these arrows to move your car in the desired direction. Got it?"

I nodded. It seemed simple enough. However after we created my car, dark blue, and started to race, I realized it wasn't so easy. Not used to the controller I ended up pushing the wrong buttons at the wrong time, and my car went off the track a few times. Plus it was hard to concentrate since the volume was up extremely high. The cheering of the crowd rang loudly in my ears.

It wasn't until race four that I started getting the hang of it. In fact this was starting to become fun. I wondered why I never tried this before.

My heart thudded as my car loomed closely behind Cyborg's. Only a couple of inches. Come on, I thought, pressing hard on the A button. The black and white checkered finish line was up ahead. You can do this.

With an extra burst of speed, my car zoomed past Cyborg's and crossed the finish line. I had beaten him by ten seconds. "YES!" I cried in triumph, my fist pumped in the air.

Cyborg grinned at me. "Great job, Raven. BB would've been proud."

In my excitement the hallway light shattered. I smiled guilty. "Oops." I placed the controller on the coffee table. My heart was still accelerated from the excitement of the game. Using my powers I levitated my empty tea cup to the kitchen sink. I needed to meditate, just to make sure that my emotions were okay. "I guess that means I should meditate."

Cyborg nodded. "Thanks for playing."

"No problem." I headed back to my room and prepared myself for deep meditation.

BBRae

Two hours later I laid straight on my bed, a book propped against my knees. I was in better spirits. When I checked on my emotions I learned that they were doing much better. There had been no more attacks on them. Even better, Happy was back. She was very weak, but alive. It looked like I might be able to save my emotions after all.

I turned the page of the book I bought when I went shopping with Starfire. It was an interesting story so far, about a girl whose drawings told the future.

*Knock Knock*

I gritted my teeth as I was pulled out of my book. Just because I've shown less anger didn't mean that I wanted to be interrupted. Without getting up I used my powers to slide the door open. Cyborg was there, looking extremely nervous.

"What now?" I asked irritably.

"I'd just thought you'd like to know that Robin is gone. When I went to work on my car I noticed that the T-ship was missing. I bet he went after Starfire."

He's gone? Rage boomed in my mind. Damn. I wanted to beat his face in.

I ignored Rage, even though a part of me agreed with her. "I hate to say this, but I'm not sorry to see him go. He has shown no remorse for his role in everything."

Cyborg nodded silently. He still looked really worried. "Does that mean that the Teen Titans are finished?" I stared at him. "I mean first we lost BB, then Star left, now Robin. Should we disband and move on with our lives?"

I thought long and hard before I answered him. "It's our duty to protect the civilians here and we should continue to do so. However, there's a big problem with my emotions right now. Do you remember Brave, the green emotion, and Happy, the pink one?" Cyborg nodded. "They were both murdered by darker emotions right after Beast Boy's death. Happy had just managed to come back because our time with the game console, but she is very weak at the moment.

Other emotions have perished too, and not have been as lucky as Happy. To be honest I haven't had the strength, nor the will to fight crime. I'm afraid that if things don't get better I will follow the same path Beast Boy did."

I swallowed hard, weighing my options. "I think we should wait a bit. If Robin is successful in bringing back Starfire we can resume where we left off." Robin's name came out venomously. "Then it would be easier to try to forgive and bring my emotions back to normal."

"And if Robin and Starfire don't come back?"

"Well, if you still want to fight crime maybe you can go to the Titan's East with Speedy and Bumblebee. I might go back to Azarath to see my mother and the monks who raised me. They might have suggestions on how to improve my situation. We'll see."

"Okay." Cyborg turned to leave. "I'll contact Speedy and let him know about our situation."

My eyes went back to my book. My powers slammed the door shut again. I tried in vain to concentrate on my book, but it was impossible. My emotions were reeling in anger.

That rat bastard has escaped justice Rage said furiously in my head. I will not rest until I am able to crush every single bone in his body!

But BB told us to forgive Robin, Timid said softly. Maybe we should take his advice and let it go.

Why should we let it go? Rage answered angrily. Robin is the reason we lost Beast Boy in the first place! Don't forget all those horrible things Robin said to him! Robin deserves to pay for what he did! He deserves to suffer!

Using violence is not going to bring Beast Boy back I argued.

No, but it will help ease our torment a voice I realized was the emotion Anguish. Her voice was just as loud as Rage's We can rest easier knowing that our love has some justice!

What do you mean rest easier? I asked my emotions nervously. I didn't like the direction this conversation was going.

We can't live without BB any longer Longing moaned in my mind. Her voice shook and I could tell that she was crying. W-we want to end it and be with him forever.

My heart pounded hard in my chest. Knowledge wasn't kidding when she said that my new dark emotions were very powerful. Getting my emotions back to normal was going to be much harder than I thought. It took all the strength I had to keep my voice firm. We promised him we weren't going to end it. I am not going to break that promise!

I sighed wearily as I shut my emotions off. I didn't want to admit it, but I hoped that Robin and Starfire came back. It was my only chance to save my emotions and keep my promise to Beast Boy.