A/N: I just want to thank everyone who's been reading, reviewing, and recommending this story. I know it was up in ADF a few weeks back, and that directed a lot of readers my way. Thanks for dropping by. Making you all laugh is the best feeling ever :)

8.

Alice looked the newcomer up and down, which wasn't easy, considering he was pretty tall and she was sitting down. So she did the sensible thing and clambered onto the table. From her new position of eminence, she nodded in satisfaction and proceeded to look down on him from the crown of his over-long hair to his scuffed up boots.

"Were you eavesdropping?" she demanded, never one to beat around the bush.

The man, who had been watching her actions with an impassive expression, quirked an eyebrow. "Were you talking about me?" he shot back.

"I don't know you," she said, dismissively.

"How'd you know Edward?" he sniped.

"He can tell you that just as well. Why didn't you ask him?" They were almost nose to nose in their own bubble of antagonism, completely oblivious to the fact that Mike had his phone out, capturing all the heat between them on camera. It was a good day for wannabe-paps. "What's with the attitude, bub?"

"Bub?" he growled, blue eyes narrowing dangerously.

"Sure," she said, smiling so suddenly that he blinked and recoiled. "What's your name, anyway?"

"Jasper," he replied, clearly confused by her shift to cordiality.

"Jasper," she drew out the syllables and drenched them in honey. One of her hands landed on his shoulder and his eyes widened comically. "Such a charming name. I'm Mary Alice, but you can call me Alice." She ended with another dazzling smile and surreptitiously kicked out in the general direction of Bella's arm.

Getting the hint, Bella gradually eased away from the table. The clean-shaven blond demi-Thor didn't seem to notice her at all, completely captivated by the woman before him.

"Alice," he repeated, as though in a daze. "Lovely to meet you."

Alice lowered her lashes and side-eyed Bella shimmying away towards the door. "Could you help me down from up here, Jasper," she asked, her voice dropping conspiratorially, making him lean in to hear her better. "I don't do so well with heights."

She pretended to stumble with a little "Oopsie!" draping her arms around Jasper's powerful shoulders. He almost beat her to it, sweeping her up in his sinewy arms and holding her close for a moment, nose to nose, chest to bosom, before he gently set her down. They didn't break eye contact, not even when she found her feet. She slowly ran her hands down his defined pectorals, counting the ridges of his abs, till her fingers snagged at the edge of his waistband. His hands briefly pressed her to his body, before releasing her hips.

"Wow," she breathed. "You're really big. And strong."

He bit his lip, all sexy-shy, and smiled. "I'm glad I could use it for a good cause."

"Oh, you really are a charmer," Alice exclaimed in tones of utter delight. "I am so glad I met you tonight, Jasper!"

"I feel the same way, Alice," he reached out to lift her hand to his lips.

Mike nearly fell out of his chair, while Eric bit down on his knuckle to prevent a squeal from breaking free. "I didn't think little Alice had it in her," he whispered.

Mike nodded, still watching mesmerized as the couple before them exchanged numbers and several long, lustful glances. "This has been one helluva night, love. Makes me want to get you home and do fucking naughty things to you."

"You had me at fucking." Eric chugged the rest of his drink and grabbed his husband. "Hey Alice, great party, right? See you later, stay safe, etcetera."

Mike paused long enough to blow Alice a kiss and toss a suggestive eyebrow wiggle in the general direction of Jasper's obvious package. Then he was gone.

Alice giggled watching the handsy couple hustling out of the bar. "They won't last that long," she confided in the tall man who had pulled up a chair for her. "I'd bet good money we'll find them making out in the alleyway in under a minute."

He smirked. "I love a good bet, but I'm not touching that."

"Hmm, so what'd you rather bet on?" she leaned closer.

"Edward and your friend," he said casually, grinning when her mouth fell open. "Yeah, I saw that kick you gave her. Needs some work. I could help."

Alice sat up and stared at the man, as though seeing him clearly for the first time. "Jasper, where have you been all my life?" she demanded, launching herself at him.

After thoroughly exploring the ways in which they could make a single breath last while fused at the lips, they broke apart, panting.

"Yeah," she said decisively. "Not gay." Before he could question her, she was at his lips again, gently insinuating herself into his arms.

…

Meanwhile, Bella slipped out of the bar unsuspecting of the momentous events that were taking place there.

She had other things on her mind, of course. Like how awesome her best friend was, taking on the ornery blond giant just so she could skip out without having to confront him. She owed Alice big for that.

The other thing on her mind was this guy who had unexpectedly popped back on her radar that night. He was tall and well built, but his rough edges didn't feel abrasive against her body when she fell on him. When he held her hands, she might've swooned a little. It wasn't exactly standard operating procedure for her to be so drawn to someone, so Bella figured there must be something special about him. Edward… even his name sent shivers up her spine.

Lost in thought, she almost ran into the subject of her fantasies.

"Bella!" he exclaimed, his incredulous grin making her forget where she was for a moment. "I didn't think he could do it."

That made her pause. "He? Who? Do what?"

Now Edward paused. "My friend, the blond guy, Jasper," he said. "He bet me he could convince you to come out and talk to me. He…" Edward stopped and gauged Bella's look of utter confusion. "Ah shit!" he muttered, rubbing his face with those large hands of his. "Did I just make an ass of myself?"

Bella pursed her lips to hold in a giant grin. "I wouldn't say that," she hedged, leveling him with a mock-stern look. "But I'm not sure how I feel about being the subject of a bet."

"Oh fu… I didn't mean it that way! We weren't betting on you or anything, I swear. Jasper was the one who bet me to get waxed… or sugared in my case." Bella nodded, rather enjoying where this was going. "He didn't think I would actually go through with it. But I did, thanks to you. Then tonight we met again, and I guess I spent all night talking about you," he muttered the last bit with another of his blushes. They were even more adorable since they were so out of character with his otherwise rugged demeanor. "Jasper had lost our last bet, so…"

"So he had to go in and get me to come out to talk to you?" Bella surmised.

"Something like that," Edward shrugged.

"He didn't really do anything," Bella laughed. "I ran out while Alice distracted him. He came up to our table all grim faced, and I thought he was going to chew me out for discussing his boyfriend…"

Edward's lips twitched up into a slow, sweet smile. "You were talking about me?"

"Well, I did fall on top of you and nearly crush you, so… yeah," Bella said quickly, memory of exactly which parts of Edward they had been discussing making her a bit hot under the collar.

He leaned closer and for the second time that evening Bella got a good whiff of his utterly alluring and totally manly scent. "I'm not his boyfriend, though," he whispered, the casual intimacy almost more than she could bear. "Quite single, in fact."

She was saved from having to figure out an answer to that interesting piece of information, because at that precise moment, two men stumbled out of the door and nearly barreled into her.

"Mike! Eric!" she exclaimed. "Guys, get a room… oof!" She batted away the jacket that one of the men in question had flung her way. Before she could say another word, they had disappeared around the corner, from where embarrassingly loud moans echoed not ten seconds later.

"Wow. They do that a lot?" Edward asked, pointing in the general direction of the back alley.

"Newlyweds," she explained.

"Right," he nodded. "Anyway, you want to go check on Jasper and your friend?"

Bella nodded. "Oh yes, I better. Jasper looked like he was in for a fight, and Alice isn't one to back down."

Edward nodded and gallantly held the door open for Bella, who hurried through… and stopped short.

"Somehow, 'tongues battling for dominance' was not quite the kind of fight I imagined we'd walk in on," Bella laughed.