14.
Edward was almost at the door when he realized that Bella wasn't with him anymore. He spun around and was promptly whacked in the face with his jeans.
"Thanks," he called out, having just realized that he was quite naked.
"I know we gotta hurry out, but I'm not letting anyone else ogle that ass," Bella panted as she jogged up to him, pulling on a sweatshirt over the yoga pants she had somehow donned in the three seconds since they'd heard the fire alarm. Edward couldn't help but be impressed by her ability to multitask.
"You're amazing, you know that?" he asked, zipping up the jeans and grabbing her hand. Together, they hurried down the staircase, barely pausing in their dash to side-eye the site of their epic first kiss.
They were halfway down the last set of stairs when they heard a door slam somewhere on the first-floor, followed by a screech and clatter of footsteps behind them. Just as they reached solid ground, a tall body wrapped in some kind of leather and feather get-up pushed past, rushing out of the building.
Steadying each other, Edward and Bella followed the weird apparition out into the chilly night. The other residents of the apartment building huddled about, disheveled and concerned, while a couple of police officers kept the onlookers at bay. Edward held Bella close as the fire engine drew up.
They watched with rapt attention as the firefighters rapidly assessed the situation. From where they stood, they could actually see smoke billowing out of one of the apartments on the first floor. Bella shivered and cuddled closer to Edward's chest… his bare chest.
"Edward!" she exclaimed, drawing back. "You'll get cold. We should find you something…" She rubbed up and down his back, but he just laughed.
"Relax, Bella. I'm ok. This isn't too bad," he soothed her. "Besides, if I get too cold, I have you to warm me up."
Bella laughed softly at the wicked twinkle in his eye. "I don't know if that'd be really effective, Edward."
"What, you think you couldn't?"
"Oh, I know I could… but then those guys," she thumbed over at the police, "would probably have to arrest us for public indecency." The thought didn't stop her from rubbing up against him, of course.
He grinned and started to say something in return… probably something dirty, Bella thought, judging by the way she could feel Houdicki waking up and lengthening through his jeans. Unfortunately, their moment was interrupted by a panicked voice close by.
"Oh shit! The old bird is still up there! She's the one who started the fire, but… she isn't here. She's still in the apartment!"
Edward and Bella turned and saw that a strange man in leather chaps and what looked like a purple feather boa was gesticulating wildly and babbling incoherently.
"Isn't that the guy…" Edward frowned.
"Who pushed past us on the stairs? Yeah, he is. I remember the feathers."
"No, I mean, yeah, you're right," said Edward, "But isn't he the guy the old lady was waiting for?"
Bella's eyes grew big. "The feathers distracted me, but… does that mean she's the one responsible for this?"
Edward shrugged. "Looks like it. Makes me wonder, though."
"Wonder what?"
"What kind of kink she's into," he said, watching as a couple of firefighters ran into the building, while another held the feathered guy in place. "Also, what is that guy trying to do? I thought he was going to faint, but now it looks like he's trying to run away or something."
"Maybe he just realized that this is his chance to escape from slutty Gran," Bella offered, before slapping a hand over her mouth. "Oh man, that was horrible. I didn't mean to say something so…"
Edward nudged her with a smile. "For what it's worth, I doubt if she'd mind that title. She seemed to be pretty adventurous."
Bella snorted. "Yeah, I wonder what she was up to, setting the place on fire."
"Maybe she was just cooking the poor guy some dinner and something caught fire."
"Maybe she was making him cook… in those weird-ass chaps… and he deliberately set something on fire and ran."
"So where's she now?" Edward asked.
"Oh God, Edward, do you think the guy knocked her out to get away from her?"
"You're really into that idea, aren't you?" he teased. "It's a lot more likely that she was into bondage and pain play." At her quizzically raised eyebrow, he said, "You know, like dripping hot wax, that kind of thing?"
"You know a lot about that kind of stuff?" she purred, stroking his back with her fingertips. He shivered and tried to adjust his growing dick.
Luckily no one saw him, because at that moment a kicking and screaming old woman was carried out by a burly firefighter. The moment they were clear of the building, he set her down and stepped a good four feet away from her.
"Ma'am, please calm down," he said warily. "We need to assess if you're hurt."
"I'll show you hurt," the old lady screeched. "Where is that no-good, spineless… aha! There you are."
Chaps-and-feathers tried his best to hide behind some stunned bystanders, but they shuffled away quickly, leaving him exposed.
The old lady glared at him, quite a sight in her vivid purple spangled bodysuit. Her hair was mussed up, eye make-up a mess, and something suspiciously like furry handcuffs hung from one wrist.
"Oh shit," whispered Edward, eyes wide. "Looks like we weren't too far off the mark."
"The kinky old dame is going to get herself in trouble," Bella said, shaking her head at the trainwreck in front of them.
Sure enough, the woman was trying to grab at the ridiculous feather boa, while the guy sidestepped her like it was a dance. A police officer stood at one side with his mouth wide open and a horrified expression on his face. The fire fighter who had carried the woman out stood there with a longsuffering expression on his face, before grabbing the woman in one arm and the man in the other.
"Stop, please." His deep, commanding voice made the two pause. "I'm going to put you both down now, and I expect you to stay put. Answer when you are spoken to, and stop wasting our time."
Edward sniggered and Bella had to muffle her giggles in his chest, when they saw the old lady grab the fire fighter's butt.
…
"You have got to be kidding me," Alice exclaimed. She crammed a donut hole into her mouth and chewed like her life depended on it.
"I'm serious. Then the hot firefighter warned her again, but she pretended she was deaf or something, and kept trying to feel him up. It was pretty embarrassing to watch, actually," Bella shuddered in remembered horror.
"No way! How do people get away with this shit?"
Bella shrugged. "She's just lucky they didn't book her for molestation or something."
"How about the fire?" Mike piped up.
"Oh, luckily it wasn't much of a fire. Apparently some feathers and clothing caught fire and smoked up the place, setting off the alarm. The guy ran out when the fire alarm went off, but she stayed."
"Why would she stay in the apartment?" Alice asked, frowning. "So weird."
"Edward is convinced she was locking away any incriminating… items," Bella smirked.
Alice and Mike exchanged a glance.
"Oh, Edward thought so, huh?" Mike asked casually.
"Would he know a lot about such… incriminating items?" Alice added, even more casually.
Bella rolled her eyes at them. "Seriously, guys?"
"It's important to know what kind of kink you're getting into," Mike said, patting her on the head. "You'll learn soon enough. Just don't let him video you unless you have incriminating pics for counter-threats, alright."
"Oohkay," Bella said warily. "I'll keep that in mind, though I really don't think…"
Alice let out a sudden laugh, startling the other two. "Oh God! We don't need to worry about that, Mike. Look at this."
"What?" Bella craned her neck to get a look at whatever it was they were looking at on Alice's phone.
"Girrrrl," Mike cackled. "I thought Magic wasn't hung. What's all this VPL I'm looking at right now?"
"You're making no sense, Mike," Bella grumbled, grabbing the phone. Then she gasped, because Alice had apparently been stalking Edward's Instagram posts.
The picture he'd put up was from late last night… her and Edward against a hazy backdrop of firefighters. He was bare-chested, she was in her loose sweatshirt, and they were both looking at each other, laughing. He'd asked one of her neighbors to take their picture. A reminder of the best first date ever, he'd said. She couldn't hold back her cheesy grin at the memory of just how amazing it had been. He had stayed with her after they'd all been allowed back into the apartment building, and just thinking of his kiss goodbye this morning made her shiver with pleasure.
"What VPL? I'll have you know I wasn't even wearing underwear. No visible panty lines to be seen. Move on." She giggled, wondering what Edward would have made of their conversation.
"Visible penis line, honey," Mike said. "Lookie here, you can clearly see the way his jeans are bunched all uncomfortable-like, and there's his very visible dick."
"Is that a new term?" Alice asked, peering over Bella's shoulder. "I thought it's called a moose knuckle."
"Stop being gross, guys," Bella said, though now that they had pointed it out, she couldn't really tear her eyes away from it either. The fabric of his jeans looked really stretched and bunched up around his crotch, and she could practically see…"Wow, Houdicki does look like he's trying to break free."
"He looks like a regular salami smuggler," Alice nodded.
"Girls, no need to get your panties in a twist over a guy's mangina," Mike said airily, before cackling uncontrollably.
"Ewww! No way, I'm not letting you call it… that. Ew, no!" Bella protested.
"Well, either way, your man might want to be more careful of his double-ohs and seven. That bulge makes it look like he has more ammunition than his holster can carry. Hey, can I call him 'Bond, James Bond' from now on?" Alice and Mike high-fived, while Bella rolled her eyes.
"Is this a meeting of the secret society of weiner-watchers?" Edward's voice jolted the three of them, and they spun around to see him leaning against the door to the break room.
"Edward!" Bella couldn't help but smile at the sight of the man. She practically flew into his arms.
He hugged her close and waved at Alice and Mike, who were looking kind of sheepish. "The penis police probably have a point, sweetheart. When I'm around you, it's likely safer not to wear flat fronts."
"Hi Edward, we were just… going to go… work, you know," Alice stammered, pushing a reluctant Mike along.
"Yeah, ok, we're going," Mike said, rolling his eyes. "Nice picture, by the way. Clearly you have gone from a grower to a shower!"
"Mike!" Bella growled.
"It's ok, sweetheart," Edward laughed. "I got over all that back in high school. Penis positivity, remember?"
"Nice catch phrase. So, you post pics of all your first dates?" Mike persisted, ignoring Bella's glares.
"No, I don't. But this wasn't just any first date, was it?" Edward commented, leaning down to kiss Bella on the cheek.
"It wasn't?" Bella squeaked, then cleared her throat. "I mean, it felt like more."
"A lot more," he agreed, turning so her hands rested on his chest. He gently pulled her closer. The way he looked at her, Bella forgot they had an audience. "Kind of felt like the beginning of the rest of my life."
"Oh swoon!" Mike moaned, still ignoring Alice's efforts at pulling him out of the room. Alice gave up and leaned against the door jamb, wiping away imaginary beads of sweat from her forehead.
Edward shook his head in amusement. "You guys want to hang around while I kiss my girlfriend?"
Alice shrugged and Mike nodded. "Sure, we don't mind."
"I mind," Bella said, firmly pushing them out and shutting the door. "Alone at last!"
Edward smirked. "Why, what did you have in mind?"
She reached for him, grabbed his ass rather dramatically, and then proceeded to kiss him like her life depended on it. He wholeheartedly approved.