When the cab stopped in the driveway, Rayna fumbled around in her purse for money. The driver waved her off. "No problem, girl. Already paid fer," he said with a smile.
She gave him a grateful, but tired, smile. "Thanks."
As she opened the door, the driver peered out at the house. "Perty house for a perty lady," he said.
"Thanks again," she said and closed the door. She walked towards the steps and heard the cab drive away. Now that she was home and away from what had just happened, the tears started to roll down her cheeks. It had all seemed so nice. Deacon picking her up, their mundane chit chat in the truck on the way over, his getting on stage with her. Then after that hug, it was like he went cold.
She wasn't so naïve that she didn't realize what had happened. She'd read enough books to know he was aroused. Whether it was by her or just that guys always got aroused when they hugged a girl, she wasn't positive, but she had hoped it was her. But then the way he'd sort of pulled away and then walked off, like he was embarrassed. Like he didn't mean that.
She opened the front door and stepped into the foyer. She looked around almost like she'd never seen the place before. She tried to imagine what it had looked like from Deacon's perspective. He'd told her that he hadn't grown up like she had, but she'd had no experience with anything other than Belle Meade, so it was hard to imagine how different this must have been. She couldn't help but wonder if some of his confusion and distance was that he didn't feel like he measured up to her, but then she remembered he had Samantha.
The tears started to flow again and she raced up the steps and down the hall to her room. She threw herself face down on her bed and sobbed into her pillow. She had opened up her soul to him with her song, risking him knowing how she felt about him. Now she knew that he didn't feel that way about her. Not really. He wouldn't have pulled away if that was the case, she was sure of that. After what he'd said about breaking up with Samantha, she felt let down and like she'd made a fool of herself.
I won't let him know. She rolled over and sat up, wiping the tears from her eyes, setting her jaw. I'll just pretend like it all didn't happen, that he is just another guy. She wasn't going to let him see that she felt foolish. She'd just wrap it all up in a little box, tie a tight ribbon on it, and put in the back of her mind.
She got up then and went to her desk, pulling out her books, and opening up her history book. But as she looked down at the page, it was like she didn't see a thing.
####
He stayed overnight at Samantha's, something he didn't do often. Part of it was because he often had an early shift at the diner, and getting up early made her grouchy. Part of it was that he just liked being in his own bed. He was never completely comfortable in a different bed. He was still getting used to sleeping in the bed at the apartment, now that Beverly was gone, but he didn't like that loss of control. But mostly he just didn't like staying all night at Samantha's. It seemed to change something about relationships when you did that and he'd never completely settled into this one, even before Rayna.
Rayna. He still could see her in his mind's eye. She looked so pretty up on stage, in her short corduroy skirt and gingham blouse, her hair curled and bouncing on her shoulders. And those fancy red boots. She didn't always wear them, but he particularly liked them, so he was always glad when she did. He looked around Samantha's room. She lived in a tiny one bedroom, not much bigger than his studio. He couldn't help but think that this apartment could fit into Rayna's foyer.
He sat up, rubbing his face with his hands. "Why are you awake?" Samantha asked, her voice slurred with sleep, running her hand up his back. He stood up and looked for his clothes.
"Gotta work," he said, not looking back at her.
"I don't understand working so damn early," she groaned.
He pulled on his jeans and slid his arms into his shirt, not buttoning it. He sat back down on the side of the bed to pull on his boots. "I gotta have nights free," he said. "Never know when something'll open up."
She sighed and then he felt the bed move as she slid over behind him. She pressed her bare breasts against his back and reached around him, grabbing his crotch. He pulled away and stood up quickly. "What the fuck, Deacon?" she said, angrily.
He turned to look at her. She had curves that went on for days and he couldn't help but feel a little drawn to her lush body, but even as he looked at her, it was like she'd morphed into Rayna. He closed his eyes, knowing he needed to get her out of his head. "I gotta go, Samantha," he said. "Nothing personal." He found his wallet and keys on her dresser and then, buttoning his shirt, walked out the door.
He slid into a booth at the diner with his eggs, bacon, pancakes, and grits. One of the perks of working at the diner was free meals, which he appreciated, since cooking for him meant opening a can of spaghetti-o's or something similar. One of the other bus boys joined him, sitting across from him. They ate silently for a moment, then he reached across and tapped Deacon's plate with his fork. "Hey, man, you wanna play at this deal up in Clarksville Friday night? Me and Vince are heading up there and we could use another guitar player."
He frowned. "What kind of deal?"
"One of those festival kinda things. A little money, exposure, that kind of thing."
"How much money?"
"Three hundred bucks. You, me, Vince, we could split it. Extra hundred bucks in your pocket."
He smiled a little. "Sure, Stewart, I can do that." Stewart Osborne and Vince Jamison played around town and Deacon had met them out at a place in Lebanon. They mostly did covers and sometimes joined forces on small gigs here and there. He'd gotten Stewart the bus boy job at the diner and, in return, Stewart been helpful with both open mics and gigs, letting Deacon know what he heard about. Occasionally the three of them would play together. Now that Beverly had left Nashville, he thought it could become a more regular thing.
Stewart smiled. "You don't have to bring your ball and chain, do ya?" Deacon raised his eyebrows. "Oh, hey, man, it ain't like we don't like her. I mean, you really hit the jackpot with that one, amIright?" He winked. "Just that it slows down the action, know what I mean?"
Deacon shrugged. He knew exactly what Stewart meant, although it wasn't like he and Vince couldn't pick up girls anyway. "Yeah, I guess. And she works Friday nights, so no big." He thought about Rayna then. It would be nice to have a female singer, give her a wider audience, but he figured her father would be home, so she wouldn't be able to get out. Besides, he didn't need the distraction, so he pushed the thought aside. He nodded. "Yeah, I'm in then."
He was gathering up his guitar and notebooks when his phone rang. He considered not answering, but it could have been someone calling from work or about a gig, so he picked up the receiver. "Hello?"
There was a beat before he heard Rayna's voice. "Hey, Deacon, it's Rayna."
He felt his heart start beating faster. "Uh, hey, Rayna." He cleared his throat. "What's up?"
"Well, I was checking about tomorrow."
He closed his eyes and swallowed. He couldn't do this. "Um, I gotta work. Picking up a extra shift. Sorry."
"Oh." She sounded disappointed. "Well, maybe next week."
He had to end this. "You know, I really don't know if I'm gonna be able to do this anymore. I mean, you know, work and picking up gigs. I ain't gonna have a lotta time."
"I see." She sounded confused. "Well, then I guess it was nice knowing you." Now she sounded angry. And then she hung up on him. He felt bad, lying to her and all. But he couldn't be what she should have, what she deserved, so he thought it best not to make a fool out of himself any longer. Even if she did have some feelings for him, he knew he'd only end up disappointing her in the end, not being what she needed. He sighed, then picked up his things and walked out the door.
####
Her stomach was in knots all day long. She sat in class, but couldn't stay focused on what any of her teachers were saying, because she kept going over and over in her head that hug at Robert's, the call the day before. She had thought maybe he was starting to like her a little, the way he'd look at her, the smiles he gave her, but now she was both confused and angry. Not only had he walked away from her, but now he was cancelling their guitar lessons. She went and sat out in the courtyard during lunch, unable to eat. She wanted to cry, but she tried a trick Tandy had told her, pinching the skin between her thumb and index finger. It worked, except that the skin hurt from how hard she had to pinch.
Over the course of the afternoon, she paid no more attention to her teachers than she had before lunch and by the time she got home from school, she had made up her mind. She grabbed her guitar and went downstairs. She sat in her father's study and called a cab for herself. On the ride, she alternated between anxiety and determination. She wanted to confront Deacon about whether he had feelings for her, but at the same time she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer.
She got out of the cab, pulling her guitar case out after her. She stood on the sidewalk in front of Robert's, hearing the cab pull away. She heard jukebox music coming from inside the bar, so she thought her odds of being able to get up on stage were good. But first, she wanted to have it out with Deacon. Or at least she thought she did.
As she thought more about that, her bravery started to fade. She stepped back from the open door and leaned against the front wall. What if I'm completely wrong? What if I end up making a fool out of myself? She thought about the differences between them. He was from a tough background, she had seemingly been born with everything. She was sure that when he came to her house that he'd felt that difference keenly. Maybe she shouldn't have expected anything different. Maybe she'd misunderstood everything.
She squared her shoulders then and walked over to the front door and stepped inside. She let her eyes get adjusted to the dimmer light and then looked over towards the soundboard and frowned. The person there was someone she didn't recognize.
"Rayna!" She turned towards the voice and saw Matt coming out from the back. "I'm glad you took me seriously. You can do a shift on stage?"
She opened her mouth, then closed it. The anger she felt at discovering Deacon had lied about working was clouding her thinking. "Um," she said, looking around. "Sure, I guess." Matt looked at her oddly and then she realized she'd walked into Robert's with a guitar. If it hadn't been her intent to perform, why would she have done that. She shook her head and then smiled. "Of course." She tilted her head to the side. "Deacon's not here today?"
Matt shook his head. "He doesn't work Thursdays. Since he doesn't work the diner on Thursdays, we give him off so he has a whole day off. I know he'll be sorry he missed you."
She wasn't so sure, but she took a deep breath and hurried up the steps onto the stage. She got out her guitar and stepped up to the mic. As she went through her set, she hoped the crowd didn't hear all the missed chords and wrong notes, but as she started to relax and let the vibe of the crowd buoy her, she started to forget she wasn't that good on the guitar and, for a little while, forgot that Deacon had disappointed her.
####
Deacon jumped into Stewart's truck. Vince was sitting in the bed of the truck with their guitars. "How long a set we got?" he asked.
"Forty-five minutes. It's their big festival, so that's why it pays good." He looked at Deacon. "Now that your sister's hightailed it outta here, what say you hook up with us? We could be a trio."
He thought about that. "I kinda was looking at doing some on my own," he said.
"You could still do that. Hell, we ain't a top shelf country act just yet." Stewart laughed. "You can do whatever you want, play with us on weekends and stuff."
He shrugged and then smiled. "I guess there's no harm in it. Sure, why not?"
"You think your sister'll come back?"
He shook his head. "Nah. She's got a boyfriend." He cut Stewart a sly look. "She ain't leaving Natchez no more." He breathed in. "You ever thought about a girl singer?"
Stewart shook his head. "If we got a girl singer, Vince'd be boning her all the time. Ain't nothing good coming from that, know what I mean?" He laughed and Deacon laughed along with him.
Nah, not pulling Rayna into this. Then he stopped himself, reminding himself that he was moving on from that, before he got in so deep he couldn't get out.
He'd had a good time on stage with Stewart and Vince. He didn't hang out with them much, because of Samantha, so he often forgot how much he liked it. Vince was old enough to legally buy booze, so he usually took care of the whiskey and beer. After their set, they stayed to watch the next act, an up and comer named Clint Black. As Deacon watched, he thought about being up on stage on his own. It was really what he'd wanted. He would have been glad to do it with Beverly, but a big part of him was glad she'd gone back to Mississippi, so he could pursue his own dreams. As he continued to watch Clint, he started to wonder whether he needed to get a hat.
Just then Vince slapped him on the back. Hard. "Let's go, big D," he shouted. Vince was a big guy. Not fat, just tall and muscular. He reminded Deacon of Trace Adkins, with the long ponytail down his back and the menacing look on his face when he got serious, which really wasn't that often. Vince was a life of the party type person, congenial and friendly, laughing a lot. And loud. Vince was always loud. You could hear Vince anywhere, with his booming voice and laugh. He was a great guitar player too.
Vince and Stewart were anomalies in the country music world. Native Nashvillians, just like Rayna. He clenched his jaw as he thought about her. Am I never gonna get her outta my head? He sighed and then shook it off, following after Vince.
"Where's your damn girlfriend, D?" Vince asked. "I mean, that's one fine young lady. You oughten to be letting her out of your sight, bubba." He laughed heartily. "I wouldn't mind getting my booty on with that fine piece of female gorgeousness."
It should've bothered him more than it did, the way he talked about Samantha. In fact, not so long ago, it might have. She did always attract stares, appreciative looks, and wolf whistles. She enjoyed it, he would get pissed about it. But the thought crossed his mind then that maybe Vince should go for it. He frowned at Vince instead.
"Don't go there, bud," Stewart called out. "Deacon might call you out for a fight."
Vince was laughed merrily. "I'm just kidding around. D knows that." He slapped Deacon again on the back. "Come on, y'all, let's get on back to Nashville and get wasted."
By the time Stewart dropped him off at his apartment – and nearly ran down an embankment on the way – Deacon knew he was going to have a hard time getting up the next morning. He'd have a raging hangover, of that he was certain. Cheap whiskey definitely guaranteed his head would feel like something was pounding on it the next day.
He was leaning over one of the outdoor trash cans, puking his guts up, when he heard Stewart yell out that there was a showcase at the Exit/In in two weeks and he was signing them up for it. He waved at the voice and then heard the truck drive off, wondering if they'd make it home safe. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve, then stumbled across the parking lot and up the steps. He dropped his keys three times, cursing each time, before he finally made it into the apartment.
The next morning he woke up sprawled face down across his bed, smelling like puke, with that raging hangover he knew he'd have. He definitely needed to stop drinking so much.
####
She kept reminding herself all weekend long that she hadn't been broken up with, cheated on, or stood up. Deacon wasn't her boyfriend – at this point she wasn't sure he was even a friend – and he definitely didn't rate this much emotion and angst. But she couldn't stop thinking about him and wondering what actually had happened between the two of them. She couldn't help but pick it apart over the weekend. She hadn't gotten much sleep and she hadn't been able to muster up much of an appetite.
She was sitting on the patio on Sunday afternoon, her books sprawled out on the table, but just looking out over the lawn. She had five weeks left of school, but she had no interest in it. She dreaded going to school the next day, because the prom had been over the weekend and she hadn't been invited and it was just depressing to listen to all the girls talk about who went with whom and what dresses they wore and where they went afterwards and who got drunk and who maybe went all the way. She sighed.
"Hey, baby sister!" She turned when she heard Tandy's voice, then jumped up and raced over to hug her sister.
"Tandy! I'm so glad to see you!" she cried.
Tandy pulled her over to the table and poured a glass of tea, taking a sip. "I haven't seen you in so long," she said, grabbing Rayna's hand. "I'm so sorry, but school has been taking up all my time."
Rayna smiled and winked. "I think Charlie Hampton has maybe been taking up all your time."
Tandy made a face, then laughed. "Well, maybe he has a little bit." Charlie was her sister's new boyfriend and Tandy had been smitten in a way Rayna had never seen before. "But I'm here and I want to hear all about what you've been doing. Any new music stuff? A new boyfriend or anything?"
Rayna shook her head. "No boyfriends, of course." She leaned closer. "But I have written a couple new songs and I've been doing a few sets at Robert's downtown."
Tandy's eyes widened. "At a honky tonk? Does Daddy know?"
Rayna shrugged. "Well, sort of. He caught me once after I came home and he grounded me. Took my car away. I still don't have it back." She pouted. "But Deacon came and picked me up once and I took a cab the last time."
Tandy looked a little horrified. "A cab? Oh, sweetheart, that seems kind of unsafe to me." She looked at her carefully. "And that Deacon person is still around?"
Rayna shook her head and frowned. "Not anymore. He was giving me guitar lessons but he bailed on that. And then he said he was working anyway, but I went to Robert's and he wasn't. So you don't have to worry about him." Just saying that made her want to cry though and she still didn't really understand that.
Tandy chewed her lip a bit. "Well, maybe I could help you get where you need to be, sometimes. Just let me know. But I don't know about you going downtown."
"Stop it, Tandy. It's during the day, so you don't have to worry. And it's just an hour, so I'm home by dinnertime."
"Well, maybe." She smiled then. "Go get your guitar. I want to hear your songs."
Rayna smiled and jumped up from her chair. "I'll be right back," she said and ran into the house.
Seeing her sister and playing her songs had cheered her up. When Monday came around, she decided she would still go to Robert's, just like she had been, no matter whether Deacon was there or not. When the cab dropped her off, she was surprised to feel butterflies, but she took a deep breath and walked in with confidence. Sure enough, Deacon was at the soundboard. He looked up and saw her, but she couldn't read his face. She walked over to him and put her guitar case down on the floor.
"You lied to me," she said.
He frowned. "What?"
She put her hands on her hips. "You lied to me. Last Thursday, when you told me you had to work. You weren't here."
He glared at her. "You came to check on me?"
"No, I didn't come to check on you. I came to play, thinking…well, I don't know what I thought. But no. I don't need to check on you. But you did lie to me. And I'd like to know why."
He came out from around the soundboard. "You need to stop hanging around me, Rayna. I don't have nothing to teach you."
She raised her eyebrows. "What? Are you kidding me? Do you think that just because I'm not that good at the guitar that you have nothing to teach me?"
He started walking towards the back and she followed him. He stopped and turned around. "Go home, Rayna. Or go somewhere else." He turned and started again towards the back.
She hurried after him and grabbed his arm. He swung around, frowning darkly, but she was too mad to care. "I don't want to go somewhere else, Deacon. You understand me. You're the only one who really understands me. I don't get this. I thought we were friends. Good friends. You helped me with my music and now you want to just, what, throw it away? Because why?"
He leaned in towards her, an angry look on his face. "Because there are better people than me, Rayna, to help you. Go find Mr. White. He'll find someone better for you."
She could feel herself breathing in and out as she stared at him and he stared back at her. She started to tremble just a little, then drew herself up. She turned and stomped back towards the front and out the door. She had walked part way up the sidewalk when she heard him call her name. She turned around, hoping he'd changed his mind, but he was just standing there with her guitar.
"You forgot this!" he called out, still looking angry.
She walked back and grabbed the guitar case from him. She expected him to turn and walk back inside and was a little confused when he didn't, just stood there staring at her. "What?" she said, when he didn't speak.
He started to turn, then he looked back at her. "There's a showcase at Exit/In a week from Friday. Eight o'clock. If you can, you should come." Then he did walk back inside, leaving her to stand on the sidewalk, just staring after him, now more confused than ever.
When she got home, she decided to do what Deacon had suggested, even though she knew he'd done it in anger. She found Watty White's business card and called him. While she waited for him to come on the line, she replayed the fight with Deacon in her head. She was so angry with him and she felt like she had every right to be, but she still didn't understand why he was tossing her aside. It made her wonder if he really might have had some feelings for her. Feelings he didn't want to have.
"Rayna?" The sound of Watty's voice brought her back to the present.
"Hey, Mr. White," she said, forcing a smile on her face. "I just wanted to check in with you."
"It's good to hear from you, Rayna. I heard you've been playing a few sets at Robert's," he said.
That surprised her. "You did?"
He chuckled. "Word gets around in this town, my little songbird. I've heard good things."
Now her smile was genuine. "It's been fun. But I feel like I should do more." She made a face. "And I'm still no good on the guitar."
"I thought you had someone working with you."
"Well, not anymore."
"You may not really need that. I can probably get you someone to help you out. We should talk again soon, Rayna, face-to-face. Start putting together a more defined plan now."
"I, uh, I got invited to come to a showcase next Friday at Exit/In. Is that something I should do?"
"Who invited you?"
She thought about Deacon just throwing that out. "Someone I know who's going."
"I think that could be a good idea, but let me touch base with the person putting it together, to be sure you're on their list. Can you get away for it?"
She thought about Tandy, wondered if it was something her sister might help her with. "I think so. I'll work it out, if you think it's a good idea."
"I do, Rayna. And I'll make sure to be there too. How about that?"
"That would be fantastic, Mr. White."
"Please, Rayna, call me Watty, okay?"
She laughed a little. "Okay, Mr., I mean, Watty."
"I'll see you Friday then."
She hung up and hugged herself. This felt like it could really be the real deal.
####
He hadn't seen Rayna since the day they'd had that fight at Robert's. She hadn't called either. Even though he had told her not to come around, not to call him, he felt despondent. He missed spending time with her, missed her smile. He couldn't help but wonder if he'd been too quick to push her away. If nothing else, she'd been a good friend.
He wondered if she'd be at the showcase that night. He'd thrown it out in anger, not even sure why he'd said it. That was another thing that had plagued his thoughts since then. What if she shows up? It wasn't that it wouldn't be a good thing for her to do, but it would be awkward, after their fight and the things that were said. Plus Samantha was coming. He didn't need that kind of drama.
He was backstage at the Exit/In. He hadn't seen Rayna and he was beginning to breathe a sigh of relief. He saw Vince and Stewart huddled around Samantha, which didn't surprise him. He was planning to perform a few of his own songs, then step in with the guys. Samantha caught his eye and waved at him. Vince put his arm around her shoulders just then and she shrugged out of it, looking at him again with a frown. He knew then he needed to rescue her. Just as he started to walk across the backstage area, he caught a glimpse of red hair. He stopped to look.
Rayna. She was with Watty White, smiling and chatting. Then, as though she could sense he was staring at her, she turned her head and locked eyes with his. She gave him a very tiny smile, then turned back to Watty.
"Hey! How dare you leave me there like that!" Samantha huffed as she grabbed his arm. He turned to look at her, seeing the annoyance in her eyes. "I don't like your friends pawing all over me." She looked in the direction he'd been staring in and he felt her hand stiffen on his arm. She turned back to him. "What is she doing here?"
He breathed in and then shrugged. "Anyone can come, Samantha," he said. "She probably heard about it same as me."
"You didn't tell her to come, did you? Like that other place."
He looked away. "'Course not," he said, lying through his teeth.
She pulled him closer to her. "I don't like how she sniffs around you, Deacon."
He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "She don't sniff around me. She don't have time for someone like me."
"And what's wrong with you?"
He sighed. "It ain't that. But she's rich. She's got some rich boyfriend, I'm sure." He could tell Samantha was looking back in Rayna's direction. He just didn't want trouble. "Come on," he said, pulling her away. "Let's go find Stewart and Vince."
She made a face. "I don't want to hang out with them. That Vince is just too handsy." She grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her. "You need to punch him out or something."
He jerked his head away. "He's my friend. I ain't punching him out. 'Sides, he's just having fun. He knows you ain't interested." As they turned to walk away, he felt a finger tap the back of his shoulder. He turned around and was face to face with Rayna. He could feel Samantha ready to snap. "Um, hey, Rayna," he said. "Surprised to see you here."
She tilted her head to the side with a little smile teasing at the corners of her lips. "Really? But you were the one who invited me." He felt sick. "I told Mr. White, I mean, Watty, that you'd suggested it and he thought it was a great idea." She reached out and rubbed his arm. "Look forward to seeing you out there." Then she turned and walked off.
"You lying bastard," Samantha hissed in his ear. He closed his eyes, thinking this was not going to be a good night.
He was standing on the side stage and he could hear her struggling a little bit with her second song. Her vocals were great, but the guitar part was killing her. He couldn't help himself, he slid his guitar on and walked out on stage behind her. She looked surprised, as he took up the spot just behind her and to her left. He nodded at her to keep going, while he picked up the guitar work. She stood with her hands on the guitar, singing her heart out, and at the end of the song, she got a huge reaction from the crowd. She glanced back at him and mouthed 'thank you' and then turned back to wave to the crowd.
When she walked off the stage, he took off his guitar and followed her. She swung around to face him, a look of total excitement on her face. "That was so amazing!" she cried. "Thank you so much for coming out there. I really appreciate it." She bit her lip. "Especially since I'm sure you didn't really want to."
He stepped closer to her. "It ain't that I don't want to, Rayna. I just, well, you just don't need me out there."
She looked confused. "Then why did you come out?"
He didn't know how to answer that. Why did I do that? Someone bumped into him from behind then and he bumped into her. He grabbed her so she didn't fall and then she was face-to-face with him, her lips so close he could kiss them. He stared into her eyes and she stared back, her lips slightly parted. He almost leaned down but then he got brought up short.
"Hey!" He heard Samantha's angry voice and he stepped back, feeling awkward.
Rayna looked disappointed, but she put a brave smile on her face. "Hey, thanks again," she said softly, and hurried off.
"You need to stay away from her." Samantha was right at his ear and he turned to look at her. "You can't be with me and flirt with her. Make up your mind, Deacon, and then let me know your decision." She turned then and flounced off.