As they drove across town, he looked over at her. "This ain't like the Bluebird or Shotgun Sally's," he said.
She smiled. "Well, those places aren't at all alike either, so I think I'm okay," she said.
"Well, I mean, it ain't country music. Not tonight anyway. You okay with that?"
She laughed. "I do like other music. It'll be fun."
He was quiet for a minute, then he looked back at her. "I'm not sure your sister liked me, really," he said.
She frowned. "Why would you think that? Why wouldn't she like you?"
He shrugged. "I guess she just looked a little bit like she thought maybe I wasn't, I don't know, maybe not good enough." He bit down on his lip.
She looked out the front window. "Well, I think that's ridiculous. And it's not up to her to decide anyway. All that matters is that I do." She looked at him. "Like you, I mean."
He gave her a quick smile and reached for her hand, squeezing it. "I'm glad. I like you too." He thought she looked so pretty then. And young. He'd want to lift her up in his arms and carry her off somewhere, make sweet love to her, and then he'd remember she was sixteen. Almost seventeen, she would tell him, her birthday in September, but he would never take advantage of her.
She looked at him. "How close will we be to where you live?" she asked.
He shrugged. "Not that far."
She bit her lip and shrugged her shoulders a bit. "Will you show me?"
"Um, I guess we could drive by. It's just an apartment."
She shook her head. "No, I meant could you take me to see it? I mean, you've seen where I live."
He swallowed hard. "I don't know, Rayna. I mean, it's just a studio apartment. Probably not even that clean, really."
She gave him a shy smile. "I don't care."
"Maybe," he said, not sure at all that it would be a good idea. She reached back over then and took his hand and they were mostly quiet the rest of the drive.
They ended up eating at the Five Spot, instead of going somewhere afterwards. The music was good, loud and energizing. He loved watching how much fun she had. She'd told him she didn't have a lot of friends and it made him wonder if she went to parties or hung out with anyone or if she just stayed home in that big house and listened to music. As he led her out to his truck, he couldn't decide if he was hoping she'd forget about going by his apartment or that she wouldn't. Turned out she didn't.
When he walked her around to the passenger side of the truck, she pulled him into an embrace and looked up at him with a teasing smile on her face. "You gonna show off your place?" she asked.
"Uh, I wasn't expecting company, so I don't think it's real neat." He was sure the bed was unmade and there might be dirty glasses and dishes on the counter and in the sink. There would be no clean towels and the sofa was kind of worn.
"I don't care," she said. "I just want to see it. We don't have to stay long." He hesitated. "Please?" she asked, a hopeful look on her face.
He breathed in and then shrugged. "Okay, I guess." She clasped her hands together gleefully, bouncing on her toes. "Just don't say I didn't warn you."
####
The neighborhood Deacon lived in was a mix of commercial and apartment buildings and small little rundown bungalows. She'd heard about East Nashville, but had never really been there. Because it was dark, she couldn't really see much more than the outlines of the houses and buildings, but the lights in the windows of the houses looked comforting and safe. Homey. Not at all like Belle Meade, with its stately mansions and long, winding driveways.
Deacon turned into a parking lot. Only one street light was lit but she could see that it was a pretty plain, brick apartment building, three stories tall. There were lights on here and there, but it mostly just looked dark. There were a few cars in the parking lot, most of them old and banged up. It was clearly a place where those who didn't have a lot of money to spend might live.
Deacon turned off the car and the lights but didn't make a move to get out. She looked over at him. "Are you going to take me in?" she asked.
He took a deep breath and then looked back at her. "It's probably a mess," he said. "Maybe I should just take you back."
She opened the truck door then and moved to get out. He reached for her arm and she looked at him. "Don't be silly. You've seen where I live. It's only fair."
He sighed and let go of her arm. "Okay, then," he said. He pulled the keys out and opened his own door. She scrambled out and shut the door, before he could change his mind, hurrying around the front of the truck to wait. He shook his head, a little smile on his face, as he walked up to her and then took her hand.
His apartment was on the second floor. She waited while he unlocked and then opened the door. He stood back and let her walk into the dark apartment. He stepped in and turned on the light. She looked around, hearing him slowly close the door behind them. She hadn't really known what to expect. The main room was tiny, but maybe it was because of the small kitchen being right next to the living room area. He had an old couch that looked like something he might have picked up off the side of the road. There was a coffee table and an end table, a lamp sitting on top of it. He had a small TV on a couple of cinder blocks, placed one on top of the other. There were two guitars on stands.
The kitchen was against a partial wall and was small. Just a handful of cabinets, a stove and a refrigerator, and a two-seater table. She could see the door to a bathroom beyond that and assumed the bedroom was on the other side of the wall. She was pretty sure the whole apartment would have fit into her bedroom at home. She turned back to look at him and saw that he looked almost embarrassed. "Deacon, it's cute," she said.
He laughed and shook his head. "Cute, it's not," he said. He bit down on his lip. "So, now you seen it. You ready?"
She screwed up her face. "No, I'm not. Can we sit down?" She didn't wait for him to answer, just walked over and plopped down on the couch. She wasn't prepared for how not really comfortable it was. It was sort of lumpy, actually, certainly not a place to lay down and take a nap or anything. She looked up at him, waiting.
He sighed and then walked over to sit on the other end. She rolled her eyes, then scooted over and pulled her legs up under her, while she put her arms around his neck. "Rayna," he protested, but she shut him up by kissing him. It didn't take long before she felt him put his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.
After a few minutes, he pulled her onto his lap, all the while continuing to kiss her. She liked the kissing, liked the way he held her, but she also felt like something was happening that was bigger than she was. Bigger than anything she'd felt before. She had a strange quivering feeling in her stomach and her chest. She was excited, but also terrified. His hands moved up and then, again, his hand was at her breast. Her chest felt tight and she felt butterflies deep down inside.
"Oh, Rayna, you're so sweet," he murmured against her mouth before letting his tongue slip back against hers. She felt him lift her and move her so that she was on her back and he lowered himself on top of her. She let her fingers run through the hair on the back of his neck and tried to relax. She loved kissing him, loved feeling him against the length of her, but it still scared her just a little.
When he moved slightly, she could tell he was aroused. She pulled her lips from his and tried to sit up, her hands against the front of his shoulders. "Deacon," she gasped. He looked at her, his eyes a little wild, and then he sprang up and sat on the far end of the couch, running his hands through his hair and breathing hard.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry."
She was still half lying on the couch, half propped up on her elbows and she sat up all the way, her back against the other end of the couch, her knees drawn up to her chest. "It's okay," she whispered.
He looked at her and she could see real sorrow in his eyes. "I didn't mean to scare you, Rayna," he said.
She shook her head. "You didn't scare me," she said. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her still racing heart. She could still feel how his lips had felt against hers and could still taste him in her mouth. She had a warm feeling deep in her core. "You didn't scare me at all. But…I don't know if I'm ready…for that."
He leaned forward and looked down at the floor, his hands clasped between his legs. "I wouldn't never hurt you, Rayna," he said. "I promise."
She moved to sit next to him, putting one hand on his back and waiting until he looked up at her. "I know that," she said, not at all sure how she knew, just that she knew it was true. "I trust you."
He put his hand on her cheek and drew her to him, brushing her lips with a kiss. "I won't do nothing 'til you tell me you're ready," he said. He looked deep into her eyes, his thumb brushing her cheek. She almost felt like she'd stopped breathing for a moment. "I love you, Rayna." His voice was so soft, she almost wasn't sure she'd really heard him right.
She breathed in sharply.
####
He closed his eyes for a second. I'm such an idiot. He didn't know why he'd said that. It wasn't that he didn't mean it, but he hadn't meant to say that. Especially not after he'd just told her he wouldn't hurt her. He didn't want her to think he was trying to push her or make her do something she wasn't ready for. He looked at her, a surprised look on her face. He opened his mouth, not sure what to say. If he took it back, how would she feel? Could he explain?
Then she smiled. "I love you too," she whispered.
Now it was his turn to be surprised. "You do?" he asked, his heart in his throat.
She nodded. "Since the first time I saw you." He raised his eyebrows and she sat back, looking worried. "I shouldn't have said that," she murmured, then bit down on her lip.
He reached out and took her face in his hands and kissed her gently. Then he pulled back and looked at her. "Me too. That night at the Bluebird," he said. He kissed her again, then let her go and sat back. "But I ain't saying that to get you to do nothing. I promise."
She breathed in deeply. "I believe you."
"You ain't just saying it 'cause I did, are you? 'Cause it's okay if you don't, you know, feel the same." He couldn't imagine this perfect girl having those same feelings for him.
She gave him a sweet smile. "I'm not. I wanted to say it to you before, but I thought you'd think I was too, I don't know, silly, or childish, for that."
He shook his head. "I don't think that at all." He smiled and then took her hands in his. "You're perfect, Rayna."
She laughed. "I'm not perfect, Deacon. I'm just…me."
He pulled her up from the couch. "I need to get you back to your sister's."
She nodded. "Yeah, I guess." She took a step closer to him and put her arms around his waist, looking up at him. He leaned in and kissed her, wrapping his arms around her, holding her close. Nothing in his life had ever felt better than this.
####
She held his hand tightly as he walked her up the stairs to Tandy's apartment. When they got to the door, she turned to face him. "I had such a great time," she said. "And thank you for showing me your place. It's nice."
He gave her a lopsided smile. "It ain't nice, Rayna," he said. "It's just a cheap place."
She shrugged. "But it's your own, Deacon. It's a place to call your own, where you can do what you want." She sighed. "I'm ready to be on my own. To go out and make music and not be tied to all these things that just don't matter."
He frowned. "But you got school, Ray."
"I hate school. And I'm not going to college, so why bother. I want to start on my career. I want to be a country music artist."
"It's a hard life," he said. "Ain't as easy as you want it to be."
She sighed. "I know it's not. But I want to be working on it full time." She smiled shyly. "With you."
He smiled at her and then leaned in to kiss her. "I'd love to do it with you too." He looked over at the door. "You think your sister's home?"
"I don't know. Do you want to come in?"
He shook his head. "I should go. I just wanna be sure you get in okay."
Her heart started beating faster. He was so good to her, so protective. She fished in her purse and pulled out her keys, inserting the key to Tandy's place in the door. She opened the door and stepped in. "Tandy?" she called out, and waited. There was no answer. She turned back to Deacon. "She probably went out. I'll be okay though."
He nodded. "I want you to close the door and lock it. I'll wait 'til you do."
She thought her heart might burst. She reached for him and put her arms around his neck. He leaned in and kissed her, letting his hands rest on the small of her back. She arched her back slightly, leaning into him, enjoying the kiss and the feel of his mouth on hers, his tongue against her own. Finally he pulled back and smiled down at her. "I love you, Deacon," she said.
"I love you, Rayna." He kissed her again on the forehead. "Do you want to get together next Thursday?"
She smiled and nodded. "Yes."
He gave her one last kiss. "I'll see you then." He let go of her and stepped back. "Close the door and lock it," he said.
She nodded, then stepped in, slowly closing the door as she smiled at him. When she had finally closed it all the way, she turned the lock and leaned back against the door. She listened as his footsteps headed away from the door and down the hallway, until she didn't hear them anymore. She flew to the window, peeking out through the curtains, watching him walk across the parking lot to his truck. Before he got in, he turned and looked up, seemingly looking at her. Then he opened the door, got in, and sped off.
Tandy got home about an hour after she did, a little buzzed. She collapsed next to Rayna on the couch and gave her sister a smile. "How was your date?" she asked.
Rayna drew her knees up to her chest and smiled. "It was good. Great, actually."
Tandy looked at her curiously. "Oh?"
"We went to the Five Spot and there was a band there, kind of country rock, although more rock than country really. But they were good. Really loud but good. Then I got Deacon to take me by his place."
Tandy sat up and frowned. "Oh, Rayna, no…."
Rayna rolled her eyes. "Not like that, Tandy. I just wanted to see where he lived. Know a little more about him. Plus he's been to our house." She hugged her legs and smiled. "He told me he loved me."
Now Tandy really did frown. "Rayna. You hardly know him. It's too soon for that. You know what he's looking for, if he's telling you he loves you this soon."
Rayna glared at her sister. "No, Tandy, I don't know. Tell me what it means." She knew she was being argumentative, but it pissed her off that Tandy wasn't giving Deacon a chance. "Tell me."
"You know, sweetheart. When a boy tells you that, it's either because he wants to get in your pants or, in this case, he thinks it might benefit him to hook up to someone who's well off and well connected."
Rayna jumped off the couch, her fists clenched tightly against her legs. "How dare you! He isn't interested in either one of those things." She had to admit to herself that he had, in fact, been aroused, when they were kissing, but she had been too, and he pulled away and didn't push it. "He wasn't like that, Tandy. He didn't try anything with me. And as far as him being interested in…our lifestyle, I don't think so. I think, actually, he's freaked out by it."
Tandy shook her head as she looked up at Rayna. "You're pretty naïve, babe. I mean, how many boys have you actually dated? How would you know what they want? And he's not really a boy anyway. He's nineteen, right? So he's been around. Didn't he have a girlfriend when you met him? I'm sure he wasn't just taking her out to the Five Spot and then dropping her off."
Rayna was furious. "You don't even know him!" she cried. "How can you know what he's like? He's been nothing but kind to me. But he likes me, Tandy. Really likes me. Loves me. He's a good person, a kind person. But you won't even take the time to get to know him." She stood for a moment, fuming, and then she walked over to where her overnight bag was and started throwing her things into it.
Tandy jumped up off the couch. "What are you doing?" she asked.
Rayna ignored her until she had the overnight bag zipped. She picked it up along with her purse and keys. "I'm going home," she said. "I'm not gonna stay here and listen to you be so mean."
Tandy grabbed her arm. "Rayna, stop it. It's after midnight. You can't go home now."
Rayna pulled her arm away. "Of course I can. I'm not a baby, Tandy, even if you do think I'm naïve." She stomped over to the door and pulled it open. She turned back and looked at her sister. "Let me know when you're ready to stop treating me like a child." She walked out, slamming the door behind her.
She thought she remembered where she was going, but she finally realized she was hopelessly lost. She had crossed the river, but then she got confused by the street names. She finally pulled into a twenty-four hour gas station that had a phone booth. She pulled the door closed on the booth and the light came on, allowing her to fish around in her purse for a quarter. She slid it in and punched in the number, knowing it was very late.
The phone rang four times before she heard it pick up. "What?" came a muffled voice, clearly groggy with sleep.
She felt tears fill her eyes, suddenly a little afraid. "Deacon, it's Rayna. I'm lost."
He cleared his throat. "Rayna? What? Where are you?"
"I was trying to drive over to your apartment, but I got all turned around." Suddenly she was crying.
"Rayna, baby, do you know where you are?" he asked, sounding concerned, which just made her cry more. "Rayna, take a deep breath."
She tried and it helped a little. "I'm at a Marathon station. On Shelby Ave."
"Okay. Is there anything else around?"
She peered out into the darkness. "Just houses, mostly. But there's some apartments near here. I thought they were yours, but they weren't."
"Okay, baby, I'm pretty sure I know where you are. Will you wait in your car? With the doors locked?" She nodded. "Ray?"
"Sorry. Yes, I will."
"Okay, go get in your car, and I'll be right there."
"Okay. Thank you, Deacon."
"It's okay."
She hung up the phone and then did as he told her, getting in her car and locking it. it seemed like a long time had passed, but then she saw headlights pulling into the gas station lot and then heading for her. When she saw Deacon get out of his truck, she burst into tears, unlocking the door and getting out, running into his waiting arms.
He rubbed her back as she cried on his chest. When she finally calmed down, she took a deep breath and then sighed. He put his hands on her face and kissed her forehead. "What were you doing over here, Ray?" he asked, looking down at her.
"Oh, I had this fight with Tandy and left. I was gonna go home but I thought maybe I could find you, but then, well, I got so lost."
He smiled at her. "You're really not that far, but you did seem to get turned around a little." He pushed her hair off her face. "You want me to lead you home?"
She thought about that and then shook her head. "Can I just come sleep on your couch? I'm so tired and it's so late. I hate for you to be out later."
He bit his lip. "I don't know if that's a good idea…."
"Please."
He seemed to be considering it. Finally he said, "You ain't sleeping on the couch. I'll sleep on the couch."
She shook her head. "No, Deacon, it's your place."
"I ain't arguing with you, Rayna. Just follow me, okay?"
####
In the end, she didn't argue with him. It was close to two in the morning when they got to his apartment. She looked exhausted, and he suspected it was not just from the lateness of the hour, but whatever happened at her sister's that caused her to be out on the road looking for him. She let him guide her to the small bed pushed up against the wall in the small bedroom space. She took off her boots and then slid under the sheet, and he pulled it up over her shoulders. He leaned down to give her a soft kiss on the cheek but she was already softly breathing in and out, clearly asleep.
The sun coming in through the front window woke him early the next morning. He hadn't slept well on the uncomfortable couch and he felt stiff as he sat up and rubbed his face. He got up and peeked around the corner of the partial wall and saw that Rayna was still asleep, having not moved from where he'd left her. He walked back to the small kitchen and set up the coffeemaker, then went to take a shower.
As he felt the warm water sluice down over his body, he considered the fact that, right outside the door, Rayna was asleep. He'd never felt about someone the way he felt about her. He'd been with his fair share of women, had slept with most, if not all, of them. He wasn't much for relationships, his time with Samantha notwithstanding, having not seen a good one in his life.
Rayna was different though. He knew she wasn't someone he could just walk away from. She was someone meant for something more permanent. But she was perfect, unspoiled, not accustomed to the way he'd grown up, the pain and violence of his life, the demons that had chased him, even to Nashville. She deserved better, he knew that, and yet he still wanted her. He sensed, deep inside, that she had the power to lift him up. He couldn't have explained it, but he believed that meeting her had been inevitable and that there was a destiny to it. He just wanted to respect it.
He dressed in the bathroom before coming out and was glad he did. Rayna was sitting at the little two top table, sipping on some coffee. She smiled when he walked out, drying off his hair. "Good morning," she said.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to wake you up."
"It's okay. I should probably be going soon anyway." That's when he noticed she had a napkin in her hand and he felt his chest tighten. She held it up. "Is this a song?" He tried to breathe but felt like he couldn't. He nodded. "Did you finish it?"
He finally found his breath and his voice. "Yeah," he said, nodding.
"Would you play it for me?"
He took a deep breath. "Yeah, I guess." He walked slowly over to where his guitars were and picked up one, carrying it back with him. He pulled out the other kitchen chair and sat facing her, settling the guitar on his lap. He breathed in again, feeling nervous. He played the opening chords twice, working up his courage to sing the words to her. The words of the song she'd inspired.
As he sang, he watched her. She had a tiny smile on her face, but otherwise he couldn't really read her face. He wanted her to like it, of course, but he couldn't tell what she was thinking. When he finally finished, he sat and waited. She took a minute and then she sighed. "That was beautiful," she said. "I can tell it came from your heart."
He nodded. "It did."
She smiled. "You always talk about writing your truth. Is that your truth?" He nodded. "Did you write it about someone?"
He nodded again. "You."
Her eyes flew wide open. "Me?" she gasped.
"Yeah." He nodded at the napkin. "First time I saw you on stage at the Bluebird, I wrote that. Finished it later."
She put her hand on her heart. "You didn't even know me then."
He gave her a shy smile. "You inspired me, Rayna." He swallowed hard. "You still do." He watched as a tear escaped her eye and trailed down her cheek. She reached up and wiped it away.
"That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me." She stood up and walked over to him. She leaned over, put her hands on his face, and kissed him. "I love you, Deacon Claybourne," she whispered softly.
When he looked into her eyes, his heart felt full. "I love you, Rayna Jaymes."