A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this posted. Life just keeps getting in the way. Hope you enjoy.
She knelt down next to him, her heart feeling full. She was blown away by the song, by what it meant. She might be young, and she knew she was inexperienced, but she knew there was something significant about Deacon. It scared her a little, but it also made her feel protected. She put her hand on his knee and he put his hand over hers. "How did I inspire you?" she asked.
He looked a little embarrassed. Not in a bad way, but like maybe he'd said too much, and it touched her. He shrugged and then sighed. "I came here hoping for a better life. I just wanna play music, write music, however it works out. But it seems like it'd be better doing it with someone."
She nodded. "I get it." She breathed in. "And that someone is me?"
He smiled at her. "You inspire me, Rayna, like I said. You make me laugh, you make me shake my head sometimes. I feel like you see the real me though. I mean, I know we're real different and come from different worlds, but you take me like I am."
"You know that stuff doesn't matter to me." She stood up then and pulled him up by the hand. He walked over to put his guitar back in its stand and then came back to her, pulling her into his arms and kissing her. She definitely didn't have much experience with kissing, but she knew what she felt with him was real. She loved how his lips felt on hers, how his tongue felt in her mouth, the taste of him. She loved his arms around her, pulling her closer. And then she felt it again. That hardness against her lower abdomen that she knew meant he wanted her.
He seemed to be so lost in the kiss that he didn't realize what was happening, or at least that's what she told herself. She had, of course, read in her romance novels about lovemaking. Sometimes it was sweet, with lots of kisses and caresses, but other times it was wild and dangerous. The female involved always seemed to like it in the end, be transformed and transported by the feelings. She would often wonder what it would feel like when she had that experience for the first time. Would it be like the stories she read?
She pulled her lips from his. "Deacon," she said, her voice soft. He was breathing hard and he had a bit of a wild look in his eyes. That made her a little nervous. He almost looked like he hadn't heard her. "Deacon, do you want to…do it?" She knew the last two words were barely a whisper.
"Do what?" he asked, sounding breathless. His hands gripped her arms.
"You know," she said, lowering her lashes.
He seemed to snap out of the daze he'd been in then and stepped back. "No, Rayna," he said, a little harshly. Then he breathed in and leaned back in, brushing her lips lightly with his. "No, baby," he said, his voice softer, more gentle. "I ain't asking you to do that. Not when you ain't ready."
She looked up at him. "Maybe I am," she said, not feeling nearly as brave as that sounded. It had surprised her when he said no. Tandy had told her, over and over again, that all men wanted was to get in your pants. That she should hold back from saying yes too quickly, because once they got what they wanted, they didn't come back.
He shook his head. "Not yet, baby. It's a big step and I want you to really be sure. I mean, it, well, it changes everything."
"It does?"
He took a deep breath. "Listen. You're special, Ray. And I wanna treat you right. So, let's not rush stuff." He pushed her hair back off her face. "You should probably go home now, don't you think? Somebody'll be wondering where you are."
She sighed. "I don't know if anyone will be wondering, but I guess I do need to go." She raised up on her toes and kissed him quickly. "Thanks for rescuing me last night," she said with a shy smile.
He put his hands on her face and kissed her forehead. "All you ever gotta do is ask," he said. She smiled up at him. "Let me walk you out, okay?" She nodded.
He waited while she picked up her purse and then put his hand on the small of her back, leading her towards the door. She couldn't help but think that simple gesture felt so comforting. It felt protective and it felt like he was saying she was his. She felt a shiver run up her spine, but it was one that left her tingling, in a good way. When they walked out of the apartment, he took her hand as they walked down the steps to the parking lot.
When they got to her car, he turned her so that her back was against the driver's side door. He leaned in and kissed her, letting the kiss linger, as he slid his tongue in her mouth, letting it battle hers. She dropped her purse on the asphalt and put her arms around his neck. She felt his hands on her waist and she arched her back slightly so that she was tilted towards him. He finally pulled his lips from hers, then gave her one more gentle peck. "You know how to get back?"
She nodded and smiled. "It's easier in the daylight." She dropped her arms and he leaned down to pick up her purse, sliding it over her shoulder.
He leaned in and kissed her again. "So I'm working every morning at the diner. I'm at Robert's Monday through Wednesday." He looked at her a little shyly. "I'm thinking about going to a place down in south Nashville Monday night. You think you could go?"
She bit her lip. "I don't know. I'll have to find out Daddy's schedule." She sighed. "He's usually home on Mondays."
"Well, Thursday for sure though, right?" She nodded. He reached around her then and opened her car door. She got in and then he leaned over and brushed her lips with a kiss. "I love you," he said.
She looked up at him. "I love you too." He shut the door and then stepped back onto the sidewalk, watching as she pulled out. She gave him one last wave before she drove out of the parking lot and onto the street.
She wound her way down the streets of East Nashville and then crossed the river into downtown Nashville, before winding her way back towards the Vanderbilt area. As she drove, she thought about how sweet he'd been to come find her and then let her stay at his apartment. She knew he thought it was nothing special, just a studio apartment in a down on its heels area of town. But she thought he was so brave, to have come all the way from Mississippi to follow his dream. She knew he was cobbling together jobs along with writing music and trying to get gigs where he could. The place where he lived sort of fit all that, working hard to make it.
The bed wasn't as comfortable as her bed at home, of course, but it was such a symbol to her, that he was on his way. She wanted that too, the chance to follow her dream, and somehow it felt like doing it from Belle Meade was cheating somehow. She could go chase gigs and showcases, but then she got to go home to a mansion and her comfortable bed and a housekeeper to take care of her needs. Living like Deacon did meant life experiences, the things he was always telling her would become her music. Her soundtrack.
As she got closer to Tandy's, she frowned. Tandy was so wrong about Deacon. The fact that he hadn't taken advantage of her, that he'd treated her with respect, showed what he was made of. She did want to be with him, in every way possible, but she also knew she probably wasn't quite ready yet. Some of that still scared her a little. It was the not knowing what to expect. She knew her romance novels made it all seem more hearts and flowers than it really was. Tandy had told her she should wait until it was right. And Deacon had said it changed things. She supposed both were right.
####
He watched as she drove out of the parking lot. It had taken every ounce of willpower he'd had to stay away from her. He'd hardly slept all night, knowing she was just around the partial wall, sleeping in his bed. He couldn't stop thinking about how scared she'd sounded on the phone and then how relieved she'd looked when he drove up to where she had parked. He'd do anything to protect her, and that had kept him from doing what he'd wanted to do, which was to crawl under the covers and put his hands all over her.
She was a virgin, he knew that. She'd never actually told him so, but she didn't have to. He could sense it and hear it in her voice, hear it in her music. And he wouldn't violate that until she was ready. It had surprised him a little, to be so protective of her that way. Back in Natchez, he could have had any girl he wanted and he did, having sex in the back of his truck or sometimes in the bathroom of a gas station. The night he'd met Samantha Beasley, she'd taken him home with her. And although he'd stayed with Samantha for a while, he'd really never been one for relationships. Most of the girls he'd been with had been short-lived things or one nighters. He didn't trust himself to get too involved with anyone, not with the way he'd grown up and the demons he fought. He hadn't trusted himself.
Rayna was different though. It had surprised the hell out of him to find himself falling in love with her. She was someone you were with for the long haul, that he knew for sure. He couldn't treat her like he had other girls. Rayna deserved better. He knew he didn't fit in her world, so he also didn't want to get his hopes up. He needed to take his time with her, make sure she knew what she was getting into. At the same time, though, he could see she was genuine. She had integrity. And he couldn't have said why he was so sure, but he knew she was the real deal.
On Saturdays he did an early evening set at Robert's. He appreciated that he got to do it, because it exposed him to a bigger audience. He wasn't the headliner, but it was a good spot for an up and coming artist. Saturday nights were big nights at Robert's – and all the downtown honky tonks – and he always tried to make the most of it. It was times like these when he was glad he had a good portfolio of original music, even though he still had to mix in covers. Some of his originals were starting to get traction, which gave him confidence.
Two of his favorite artists to cover were Merle Haggard and Waylon Jennings. Although he didn't like to categorize himself, he did identify more with the outlaw country sound, exemplified by Merle and Waylon. He was finishing up a Waylon tune when he saw Watty White come into the bar. Someday I'll get over you / I'll live to see it all through / But I'll always miss / Dreaming my dreams with you. He got a good round of applause and Watty, standing at the bar, sipping on a drink, gave him a nod.
When he finished his set, Watty was still at the bar, and he walked up next to him. "Hey there, Watty," he said, holding out his hand.
Watty shook his hand and gave him a tight smile. "Good set there, Deacon. I know you have to weave in covers, but your own songs have real promise."
He let himself smile a little. "Thank you, sir."
"You give any more thought to doing some work with Rayna?"
He nodded. "Yes, sir, I have. We actually did a short set down at Shotgun Sally's in Murfreesboro. I would, uh, be willing to help her out."
"That's good to hear. If you're available next week, I've got a couple irons in the fire for her. Starting with the Bluebird on Monday night."
He raised an eyebrow. "She may not be available Monday night," he said.
"You've seen her?" Watty asked.
He nodded. "Yes, sir." He swallowed. "This morning."
Watty frowned then, almost like he was her father. "You know she's only sixteen," he said, sounding like a father.
"It ain't like that. I would never do nothing with her til she's ready."
Watty looked at him carefully. "You're interested in her?" he asked.
He nodded. "Yes, sir. But I respect her. She knows that."
Watty finished his drink and then put the empty glass down on the bar. He tapped his fingers on the side of the glass. "I'll see about Monday. She'll let you know, I guess?" Deacon nodded. "Then we can talk about my plan." He reached out then and patted Deacon on the shoulder, giving him a little smile. "Good to see you, Deacon. We'll talk soon." Then he turned and walked out.
He watched the older man walk away, then picked up his guitar case and walked out into the steamy evening and the street busy with people, blending in, headed for his truck.
####
Rayna walked up the steps to Tandy's apartment and let herself in. She closed the door softly and looked towards the bedroom. The door was closed, so she sat down on the couch and slid off her boots. She laid back against the cushions and looked up at the ceiling. She thought about Deacon again and smiled to herself. She reached up and put her fingers lightly on her lips, still feeling his against hers. She thought about the feeling of his calloused fingers against her skin, as he held her close. She thought back to him sitting on the chair, his guitar in his lap, singing that song to her. The one he said he'd written about her, that she'd inspired. She grinned. It gave her a warm feeling inside.
She rolled onto her side, hugging the pillow against her cheek, still smiling. She breathed in deeply and thought about loving Deacon Claybourne. She was asleep within minutes.
"Rayna!"
Rayna opened her eyes, jumping a little, then looked up into the face of her sister. She sat up on the couch. "Hey. Sorry."
Tandy looked confused and worried and a little angry, all at once. She sat down next to her sister. "What are you doing back here?" she asked.
Rayna took a deep breath. "I, uh, I didn't go home," she said, in a small voice, ready for the blow up.
Tandy's eyes got wide. "Where did you go?" She shook her head. "Please don't tell me…."
Rayna set her jaw. "I went to Deacon's." She could see Tandy ready to explode and she held up her hand. "Nothing happened. I fell asleep on his bed" – she could see her sister bowing up – "and he slept on the couch. He was a perfect gentleman, Tandy. He said he wouldn't take advantage of me. And he didn't."
Tandy flopped back on the couch and rolled her eyes. "My God, Rayna, you can't do things like that. One of these days, if you do it again – and you better not – he's not going to say no."
"He said nothing would happen until I was ready," she retorted. "Not until I'm sure." Tandy looked skeptical. "He said it changes everything," she said softly.
Tandy raised her eyebrows. "Well, it does. You don't want to give that away to just anyone, Rayna."
"Is that what you did?"
Tandy looked away for a moment and then back at her sister. "Maybe. I didn't think it through completely." She grabbed Rayna's hands and looked at her earnestly. "I don't want that for you. I want it to be wonderful, with a man you love, who loves you and will treat you respectfully."
Rayna looked at Tandy for a minute, then smiled. "What was it like the first time?"
"Rayna…."
"Please. I just want to know what to expect." She waved her hand in front of her. "Not that I'm planning to do it now, but I want to know."
Tandy sighed. "Let me make some tea first," she said, and then she got up from the couch.
When Tandy came back with two cups of tea, Rayna was waiting patiently for her sister's story. As close as the two were, they'd never talked about Tandy's first time. Not necessarily by design, but now Rayna was anxious to know.
Tandy took a sip of tea and then let her shoulders slump a little. She sighed. "I was your age, Rayna," she said. "Sixteen." That surprised Rayna. Tandy's voice turned soft and a little melancholy. "It wasn't all that long after Mom died," she said quietly. "You remember how sad we were, how hard everything was then." Rayna nodded. "I was just so…lonely, I guess. Or something." She set her tea down on the coffee table. "I was dating a guy from MBA, he played football. Seth was his name. Actually, we'd just had a couple dates." She smiled sadly at her sister. "We went out after a game, with some of the other players and their dates. I remember it was Amerigo's."
Rayna smiled. "One of our favorites."
Tandy nodded. "Yeah. Anyway, he was taking me home and he wanted to go park somewhere. So, you know, we went to Percy Warner and found a secluded little area. We got in the back seat, because he had those bucket seats with a console in between and that's not too easy to kiss in." She waved her hand in the air. "It started off nice. He was a good kisser and that felt really good." She sighed then and her eyes got a little teary. "But, you know, I just missed Mom so much. And Daddy wasn't around. I just needed someone to put their arms around me and hold me."
Rayna leaned forward and put her arms around her sister. "I wish I could have been more help," she whispered.
Tandy sat back. "Oh, sweetie, you were. But you were so heartbroken yourself." She wiped her eyes and tried to smile. "Anyway, at some point, my panties were off and his jeans were unzipped and I thought I wanted it, but oh my God, it hurt so bad." She grabbed Rayna's hands. "It was the worst pain I've ever felt and it just didn't stop. It was like it was burning, it hurt so bad. All I remember is crying and finally he stopped. He got back in the front seat and drove me home. And I never saw him again."
Rayna took a deep breath. "Why did it hurt so much?"
"Well, part of it is that it just does the first time. I suppose it doesn't have to be so bad, if someone were more gentle, but he wasn't. And that just made it worse. And I couldn't decide if I wished I'd never done it or just wished it had been someone else."
"Did it get better?"
Tandy smiled. "Well, it didn't hurt anymore, but I can't really say it got better. That's why I want you to wait for the right guy. The one who will be gentle with you, because he truly loves you and wants to take care of you and is sensitive to you."
Rayna thought that sounded just like Deacon and then she wondered why she was so sure. But she was. She was certain he'd be that gentle, caring person. But she had to admit to herself that the pain part made her nervous. "Are you sorry you did it then?" she asked.
Tandy shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I would have chosen someone else for the first time. I have actually been with guys who were very sweet. But I haven't been in love yet. I'm sure that will make a difference." She held Rayna's hands. "Don't let any guy make you feel like you have to have sex. And don't let Deacon talk you into it, just because he tells you he loves you. A guy will tell you that to get you to go to bed with him."
She pulled her hands away and frowned. "I just don't think he's like that."
"I know you don't. But just take your time. Don't rush anything. Promise me that." She looked at Rayna earnestly. "Please, sweetie."
Rayna nodded. "I'll be careful. I promise." Tandy got up then and picked up the cups to take them to the kitchen. Rayna leaned back against the arm of the couch and thought about what her sister had said. She decided she was glad Deacon had told her no. She would have had no idea what to expect and, although she thought he would be careful with her, she also decided maybe she wasn't quite ready yet. Maybe she would wait a while.
####
He stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom, looking in the mirror, his hair wet. He held a razor in his hand, but then he reconsidered. He put one hand on his cheek and rubbed it. It did feel a little rough, but maybe Rayna wouldn't mind. He kind of liked the scruff. It gave him a little edge, he thought, made him look a little older. Then he worried Rayna wouldn't like it and he almost shaved it off, but at the last minute, he set down the razor and reached for the dryer instead.
He dressed in the best jeans he owned and a blue striped shirt. One of the cuffs was a little ripped, so he rolled up the sleeves. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled on his boots, then slid his belt on. He got up and walked over to his guitars, picking one and settling it in the guitar case. Then he picked up his keys and headed out the door.
As he turned onto Lynnwood, he wondered if he'd ever feel comfortable in this part of town. This was so foreign to anything he'd ever known. Sure, there had been mighty mansions in Natchez, out along the river, where the wealthy of that town lived. He'd never been there, though. This was different and it made him wonder, every time, if he had the right to be there. Rayna would tell him it was just a house, but it wasn't. It was everything he'd never had, would never have, although he surely aspired to it. The country stars who'd made it lived here and out farther west, behind gates and long driveways and tall trees that grew like privacy fences.
As he approached the house where Rayna lived, he reminded himself she was worth it.
He watched her as she sang. Freed from struggling with a guitar, it left her able to concentrate on the song, on the words, on making that connection with the audience. And she was definitely doing that. He could see everyone in the small listening space was caught up in the magic of her voice. He couldn't help but feel proud of her, even though it was all her. He could already tell she would be one of those artists who captured an audience completely.
In the middle of her song, she turned and looked back at him and smiled. He smiled back, thinking about how happy she looked. This was her home. Not that mansion in Belle Meade, not that insulated community she'd grown up in, but this stage. And every other stage like it.
When he was with her, he felt like the weight of his demons was lifted, if not for good, at least for a little while. Feeling her hand in his as they ran down the steps to his truck made him feel secure. Gave him that feeling of hope, that things could be better, that they would be better. He opened the door to the truck and held her hand as she got in. Then he shut the door and ran around to join her. He turned the key in the ignition and looked over at her. "I'm glad you could do this," he said.
She smiled. "Me too." He headed down the driveway and out towards the road. "Daddy's always gone these days though."
He glanced over at her. "Would he really be mad if he knew you was doing this?"
She nodded. "He's told me, in no uncertain terms, that he does not like this hillbilly music, as he calls it. And he doesn't want me playing around with it. That my mom led me down a wrong path when she let me listen to country music."
He frowned. "I thought you said your mama liked it."
"She did. We listened to it together all the time. She had these cassette tapes with all kinds of songs. Some by famous artists and some by unknowns." She smiled. "She liked to go listen to live music. She told me once that she did it when Tandy and I were in school. And then made me promise not to tell. Because Daddy would have gotten mad, I suppose, if he knew."
He looked over at her and smiled. "Who were your favorites?"
"Well, I loved 'Rose Colored Glasses', so I loved John Conlee. And Patsy Cline, of course. Dolly. And Merle." She grinned.
He raised an eyebrow. "That's a pretty big mix."
"What about you?"
"Oh, you know, Merle, Waylon, Johnny Cash. Those kinda guys."
She smiled. "Sounds about right." She sat back and sighed. "I wonder what Watty's big plan is."
"Probably to get you more gigs."
She looked over at him. "When I get the first paying appearance, I'll feel like I've got a chance."
He smiled. "I'm pretty sure that's gonna happen. Sooner rather than later."
He couldn't have said why he was so sure, but as she wound up her set, he was more confident than before that it was going to happen for her.
As the crowd was leaving, they stayed behind to talk to Watty. He leaned forward at the table where they sat and tapped his fingers. "Y'all are like gold together, you know that?" he asked. They looked at each other with tentative smiles. "Deacon, can I count on you to play guitar?"
He nodded. "Yes, sir."
Watty gave him a wry smile. "Look, I know you want your own career, and you could probably still do that in some way, but you have a gift for songwriting and I think you could do some special things for Rayna. Plus the two of you have an amazing chemistry together on stage." He turned towards Rayna. "Rayna, I want you out playing at least two to three times a week. I'll work on some things for you, but I want you to start hitting the clubs and bars and honky tonks, anywhere there's an opportunity. That's where, if Deacon will partner up with you, you can really start getting a following. And he can help get y'all inside. He's played a lot of those places." Deacon wondered how he knew that, but it was true. He'd played anywhere he could, both with Beverly and on his own. Watty tapped the table. "I'll be in touch." With that, he got up and walked out, leaving them to watch him go.
She turned back to him then. "I guess he's right, huh?"
He nodded. "Watty's a big guy in the music business, so, yeah." He smiled at her. "You game then?"
She smiled. "Absolutely."
####
When they got to the truck, she turned to look up at him. "You know, I wrote 'Back Again' about you. Well, I was thinking about you when I wrote it."
He looked surprised. "You did?"
She nodded. "I just think, no matter what happens, we'll always find our way back to each other." She held her breath, not knowing if that was too much, but then he suddenly leaned into her and kissed her, hard, and she kissed him back. When he finally pulled his lips, very reluctantly, from hers, she could hardly breathe. He had taken her breath away with the emotion of the kiss.
He put his hand on her cheek, letting his thumb graze her skin. "I love you, Rayna," he said, his voice hoarse with emotion.
"I love you too," she said. He opened the door then and helped her in. When he got in on the other side, she reached out and put her fingers on his cheek, turning his face towards hers. She ran her fingers lightly over his scruff and smiled. "I like this, by the way. I think you should keep it." Then she sat back, her hands in her lap, still smiling.