I have a horrible headache and was bleeding from the broken glass that is now everywhere in room. I only remember certain things of the previous night, the phone call with Blaine( that kid was really stupid, how could you not know it was me?), the screaming, and the cutting. I sigh and roll out of bed, going into my bathroom and swallowing some Advil. I wince when I turn the sink on, the rushing water just worsened the pounding in my head. I step out of the bathroom and sneak downstairs, afraid of Dad being still home. He usually left around this time, so the coast should be clear. I quietly crept down the stairs and into the kitchen. I froze when I see him looking through the fridge, obviously in search for his beer. I was about to bolt upstairs when he turned around and glared at me.
"Did you drink my beer, boy?" He says angrily, stepping closer to me. "And don't you fucking lie to me, faggot."
My eyes widen as I swallow around the lump in my throat. "N-no sir." I reply quietly, backing away from him. "I would nev-"
At that moment my dad punched me. I could feel the bruises beginning to blossom on my face. "I said not to lie, you queer." He sneers at me.
"I'm sorry. I- I was going to buy m-more. Promise." I stutter,"I c-can go some now."
"It's no use, I'll pick some up on the way home. Do something useful and go to that fucking private school I pay for you." Dad spits out at me, before grabbing his briefcase and leaving, slamming the door behind him.
"I can't be useful. That's why I want to kill myself." I mutter to myself.
I'm already late. What's the point? I should have been in my dorm by last night, but I was a bit preoccupied being bitchy by my surroundings. Did I mention how much I hate Mondays? I run back up to my room to get dressed and hide the bruises that had shown up before running back to grab my keys and rush out to my car. I start driving, knowing that today is going to be hell.
When I pull into the parking lot, it's already 11. It's no use, I should just turn back. But I see something that catches my eye. It's the Warblers walking over to Wes' and Jeff's car, all of them obviously happy about something. It's study hall, they usually use that time for their practice. I get out, hoping they don't notice me. But since this is me, and God wants me to kill myself, I hear a familiar, perky, care free voice calling my name.
"Hey Bastian!" Blaine said, running up to me. The Warblers hang back and just watch us.
"Hey, Blaine." I say in a strained voice, my hands curling into fists. "What are you doing here?" Then I notice he's in his uniform.
"I transferred back, I missed the Warblers and Dalton. Isn't that great?" He said happily. "I just couldn't stay at McKinley. The only reason I went there was because of Kurt. And now..." He trails off, looking sad.
Wait. Kurt was single. Blaine had broken up with him! This was amazing. I could have him, but why would he want to go out with me? I was a horrible monster. I threatened his boyfriend to break up with him. I made him heartbroken. I've been an asshole to him for such a long time, never appreciating what he did for me.
He would never want me.
"Are you okay?" I hear Blaine's voice, drawing me out of my thoughts.
"Fine, just tired. I should sign in, I'm already late." I lie, turning and speed walking away from him and the Warblers. I walk into the front office, where the secretary tuts at me. I roll my eyes. I take my late slip and head to study hall. I can sleep there and not deal with the preppy idiots I school with. I enter a loud classroom, filled with boys talking and laughing with their friends.I wish I could do that, but I don't want to befriend these people. I hand the late pass to the teacher before settling in the back of the room, where everything was quiet. I closed my eyes and was out like a light. I must've been dead asleep because Mr. Wilkins had to shake me awake after the bell had rung.
The rest of the day was just horrible. My head hurt, I couldn't pay attention in any of my classes, I didn't have any homework done, my teachers probably hate me. I was feeling pretty light headed since I never eat anymore, I'm living off of chewing gum. I go back to my dorm and lock myself in. I curl up on my bed, staring at the wall. I think about everything. Kurt, the Warblers, Blaine, my Dad, and most of all my Mom. She was beautiful. I've seen the pictures of her, I still kind of remember her. She was amazing. There was a video of all three of us, we were in the kitchen of our house in France. I must have been 3 or 4, she was singing as we made cookies. My Dad was sounded so happy and content. But then everything went downhill. When I was six, I was sat down by my Dad, who had locked himself in his room for a week. He explained to me how Mommy had gone away and that she wasn't going to come back. I remember asking where she went and why she didn't take me with her.
I know, everyday of my dad's life, he would rather have her instead of me. He doesn't love me anymore. I watched him cut me out of every single picture we had of Mom. He held the picture and smiled. He reminds just how much he hates me, everyday. I'll be doing him a big favor by getting rid of myself. I start sobbing, burying my head in my pillow. I'm a disappointment. I'm so fucked up, it's not funny anymore. Just yesterday I was screaming and having a tantrum. Now I'm having an emotional breakdown. I'm really sorry. For everyone whose ever met me. Their lives would be so much better without me.