It's like the whole world had stopped, just for this moment. I took this time to focus on every little detail surrounding us. I stood there, watching his light green orbs, drifting with mine. His unruly chocolate hair was messy, like he hadn't slept. His luscious lips, puckered, as if in a permanent position.

The difference between him and I is, well, there's an explanation. We can be described with so many different, unique words, yet none seem to quite fill in the blanks between the two of us. I'm from a different continent, with just my Gran left. He, with family aplenty, abundant, you could say, with a beautiful British accent. He fits in with everyone, conforming to the people around him almost. But I, lonely and needy, seem to disappear, missed, but pointed out to everyone, the new girl, American, always tripping over my own two 'left' feet, lost twenty-four-seven.

I fought to keep from looking away, but I drifted my eyes unwillingly, but it seemed to be an instinct by now. I took in a shaky breath, watched him for a split second, enough to catch his sad squinting fields of green stay in contact with mine, full of waves about to come overboard. It felt like he was trying so very hard to say something, to end this, but he doesn't know much of it in the first place. It felt as if he was begging me, begging to keep this from ending like this, but it's too hard, it's too much. I couldn't do this, I had to hide away, to disappear. This wasn't me, yet it felt so right, at least until I was out of sight. Then I could be out of mind, enough time to let my guard down, but only with myself and I.

I decided to turn on my flats, lightly picking up my feet to hop the first step, rushing through the door with the magnificent intricate stained-glass window. Getting stopped just a bit, but only shortly, because I had left it slightly open the moment I walked through these doors from school, feeling as if I might need an escape today. I could hear him taking long strides, pushing the door out of his way, and trying to reach me in time, but I don't understand why he'd even bother. Everyone knows that I'm practically the American stereotype, along with the reputation of a user, a bitch, ungrateful, harmful, dumb ass, 'smartypants', and weirdo. But my only true quality is that I'm the fastest at the school track team, but try not to live up to that potential, unless needed in cases of bullying and teasing, others can and have tried to find ways to use it against me, and some to stop me from things like what I'm about to do now. Besides, the only true rumor about me is of me running away from my problems, of course, and shy beyond compare.

I picked up my pace as I danced down the stairs, feeling the cool, crisp air whoosh past my face, gladly calming and cooling as I tried to not look back. Fuck, why did the cool air make me want to stop and take it in? It's an instinct by now, I reach a tree, and I turn my head back, enough to get a glimpse of him. Fabian. He knew it too. He knew my habits like the back of my hand, not his. He had a gleam of hope in his face, but soon was mostly lost as my eyes widened in fright.

It's not weird for us to have this long of moments without wanting to scream out each others names, but quite normal. We have many of these, I felt it was pointless to ask about the minor, oblivious things like feelings in a school day, when clearly it was bad. Or when he clasped his hand around mine, which kept me safe and protected me from all the worries. But the worst times are like now, when we're begging each other to say something, when we know we won't, being stubborn as we are.

Suddenly, I felt all of this anger and resentment towards myself building up, and I couldn't help the burst of noise built up in my throat to escape, it just had to happen. I heard Fabian let out a slight moan of sadness, cringing a bit, but how do I know this? Because I know him, I know my one and only, I felt the pain that he had, just as I thought he had done for me. But as much as I wanted to halt my actions, I knew I had to finish this. I noticed I was getting closer and closer to my destination when I realized my true intentions, not to hurt, or get hurt, but to scare myself into being someone I've always wanted to be, strong.

I soon saw the spot, and quickly halted, finally, turning towards him, looking quite confused may I add.

"Nina what the hell are you doing?" Fabian quivered, worried.

"I just, I need you to not, I need to .." I stuttered, shy suddenly, and very much nervous with anxiety.

"Nina, Love, please, speak to me, I'd love to talk about this with you, but don't, don't make a decision you'll regret." He said as calmly as possible, clearly alarmed.

"Fuck, I, I just have to get away Fab-Fabian. I don't expect you to understand, nor anyone else, but you could never understand, you could never be as disgusting as me." I cracked as I spoke his name. I stepped back a few inches, with a small carving knife in hand, wielding it in the sleeve of my jacket. Fabian's eyes widened, frightening myself as he looked disappointed in me. I sucked in a breath, at his reaction, feeling all of his emotions consuming me, taking over me.

"What about me?" He said, so quietly I had to reprocess the fact that he even spoke. I had to think about his question, lifting an eyebrow as to think. Obviously he'd expected my deep thinking coming from his hard question by the breath quickening in his lungs, thinking up something only Fabian could think of. I saw him stepping closer, and closer, as the tree behind me closed in on my shadow and I. The knife wasn't forgotten, but wasn't going to be used as soon as I thought it'd be.

I noticed him inching closer and closer, our faces inches from touching as he slowly kissed me, me kissing back, but not with nearly as much feeling, more like pain. Ever so slowly, his body found it's way to mine, keeping my body stationary as he pushed mine against the bark, putting gentle pressure on our bodies pressed together. He took my hands in his, and I found them pinned to the tree quicker than I'd realized he'd even done it. We broke apart, and I could feel his eyes boring into mine, but I couldn't find it in me to open them. My breathing hitched, eyes squinting closed even tighter as his breath fanned over my face, giving me the opposite effect it usually had towards me.

Damn my insanity. But then I realized something, this wasn't like our usual kisses, this was passionate, yet forced somehow.

"Fuck you Fabian." I muttered under my breath, glaring it him, kneeing him in the groin. He looked at me worriedly, trying his hardest not to let me go, but failing miserably. He curled up on the ground, trying his hardest not to make too much noise, groaning barely audibly. But why he was trying to be silent? I had no explanation to. But I did know what he was trying to do.

Seems to me that Jerome's gotten to you, finally. But I don't play that way anymore, I'm not just some pawn that you can move around however YOU feel I should be moved. You can't take control, can't force me to say or do anything, got it? You know, I'm done with this, done with myself, I'm just damn done okay? I'm done forever Fabs. I know you, and I know that you were creating a diversion. But what was your so called plan Ba..Fa-Fabian.?" I choked back his nickname, spitting out my distaste, wanting to crawl into a hole, which is practically the perfect explanation of what I feel like right now.

"Nothing a little mystery can't solve, and maybe a hint of the truth, eh Nins?" I heard the laughter of someone, someone that pushed me to this, Senkhara.

"Oh, fuck." Fabian muttered behind me, as I found my breathing increasing.