Disclaimer: Tom and his evil band of zombie ninjas that will soon take over the world belong to Turner Entertainment and Warner Brothers. Jerry, Spike, and Butch also belong to them as well.
A/N: There will be several scenes featuring the movie Tom and Jerry: The Fast and the Furry. I've seen the movie but I don't own it on video so I'm working based off of memory. If I got one of the scenes wrong, then just pretend that's how it actually happened in the movie.
I already told you before, I don't accept any whining.
Another A/N: I was just kidding about Tom having zombie ninjas. Don't expect to see any zombie apocalypses in this chapter.
Yet Another A/N: Don't forget that this takes place around the year 2006.
Speaking of which, here comes the next chapter of Insanity!
Enjoy!
XXXXX
Chapter 2: A Day at the Studio
After they had left McDonalds, Tom had gotten back on the road. They were headed straight for Tyke's school. Spike was munching on the hotcakes that he ordered. Jerry had a cheese and egg omelet and Butch had a breakfast burrito. Tom and Tyke had already finished their food.
Tom would've liked to say that it was nice and peaceful in the car. Unfortunately, it wasn't peaceful. Not with Tyke singing like a madman.
"THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND, ROUND AND ROUND, ROUND AND ROUND. THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND, ALL THROUGH THE TOW-"
"Stop that singing before I drag you all through the town!" Tom said.
Tyke made no indication that he had heard Tom. In fact, he sung even louder.
"YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING TILL YOU GET THERE! YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE YOU'RE-"
"SHUT UP!" Tom yelled.
"OLD MCDONALD HAD A FARM! EIEIO! AND ON THIS FARM, HE HAD A HEADACHE. EIEIO!"
"Wait…what?" Butch said, "That's not how the song goes."
"I sympathize with Old McDonald." Tom said.
"BABY MONKEY WAS SO LITTLE AND SWEET. BABY MONKEY TRIED TO CROSS THE STREET. HE LOOKED TO THE LEFT AND HE LOOKED TO THE RIGHT AND WHEN THE TRAFFIC WAS GONE, HE STEPPED OFF THE CURB AND WAS HIT BY A BUS AND WAS KNOCKED TO KINGDOM COME!"
"Wait. A baby got hit by a bus? What kind of children's song is that?" Spike asked.
"TRA LA LA LA LA LA LA!" Tyke sang.
"Um…Spike? I think your son might be broken." Jerry said.
Tom snorted, "That's an understatement."
"Spike, tell your son to stop singing! He's giving us all a headache!" Butch said.
"Now, Tyke, can you stop singing now?" Spike asked.
"No" Tyke said before singing again.
"But-" Spike started.
"I said no." Tyke said. Then he started singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider".
Spike's jaw dropped to the ground. Did that just…happen?
Did Tyke just defy him?
Tom had started laughing at Spike's expense.
Tyke kept singing.
Jerry shook his head.
Butch rolled his eyes.
Spike looked absolutely aghast.
"Please stop singi-" Spike started.
"NO!" Tyke yelled.
Tom laughed louder.
Spike looked at his disrespectful son with watery eyes, wondering where he went wrong when raising him.
When Spike vocalized his question, Tom started laughing like a mad banshee.
"Tyk-" Spike started.
"Shut up!" Tyke said.
"Did you just-" Spike started
"SHUT UP!" Tyke shouted.
Tom was clutching his sides as he laughed. Of course, to do this he had to let go of the steering wheel. The car went berserk as it spun around like a headless chicken.
Tom got the car to settle down once he took hold of the steering wheel. He was still laughing.
"Man, Spike" Tom said, "You really must've did a bad job raising him if-"
"You shut up too!" Tyke said.
Tom immediately stopped laughing.
"That brat did not just-" Tom started.
"I said SHUT UP!" Tyke said like he was the king of the planet.
"That's it! NOW WE'VE GOT PROBLEMS!" Tom stated.
Tom let go of the steering wheel and walked to the back of the car where Tyke was.
"Hey, Tom! Who's driving this thing!" Jerry yelled frantically.
"Are you crazy?! You can't let go of the steering wheel while we're in traffic!" Butch yelled.
Tom walked to where Tyke was, who had enough sense to get as far away from Tom as possible. He wasn't that stupid.
Meanwhile, Butch had tried to gain control of the wheel. However, it was hard to steer from the position that he was in. He ended up accidentally driving straight into a bakery.
He drove straight through the bakery before bursting out the opposite wall.
Butch continued to drive when he noticed something. Everyone who was driving on the same lane was moving in the opposite direction.
'Oh no. Don't tell me' Butch thought.
He turned his head around and sure enough, there was a one way sign over there. And he was going the WRONG way!
Meanwhile, there was smashing and crashing and bashing going on behind Butch.
There were several screams and some breaking sounds and Butch knew that the best way to prolong his life would be to NOT get involved.
He tried to make a turn to get out of the One Way road, but he missed and accidentally drove straight into an orphanage.
It had been several minutes before he managed to get on the road again. Butch sighed a sigh of relief as he realized that this was NOT a one-way. By this time, Butch had taken complete control of the wheel.
But it didn't last long as Tom came up to him and yanked him out of the driver's seat.
Butch got back into his seat as Tom started driving again. No one dared to say anything.
Butch decided to look back and see how Tyke was doing. He expected to see a hurt and traumatized child sitting there.
He didn't expect to see Tyke smiling. He looked happy.
In fact, he was dancing. On the ceiling. Upside down.
Butch decided to ignore the fact that Tyke was breaking one of the laws of nature, in favor of feeling relief that he was okay.
Whatever Tom did to him apparently didn't much of an effect on the young dog.
Then they came up to Tyke's school. Tom didn't slow down. In fact, he sped up.
"Hey, Tom? We're at Tyke's school" Jerry said.
"I am aware of that" Tom said.
"So aren't you going to slow down?" Spike said, "If you don't stop in time then you won't be able to drop off Tyke."
"Who said anything about stopping?" Tom asked.
Tom picked Tyke up(or down from his position on the ceiling) and threw him out the window while the car was still driving. Tyke landed in front of his school.
"Did you just throw Tyke out the window? WHILE you were driving?" Jerry said.
"Yeah. So?" Tom said.
"SO? You threw a kid out of a window of a car that's still driving! And all you say is "SO"?! That's not very nice, Tom!" Jerry yelled.
"Well, I didn't get to where I am today by being "nice". And who cares if I threw him out the window? The kid was once snowboarding off the edge of Mount Everest during an avalanche. If he can survive that, than he can survive getting thrown out the window."
"You know, he's got a point" Spike said, knowing full well what his son was capable of.
Tom continued to drive on the road.
Butch looked beside him and saw that he still had his breakfast burrito. He wanted to eat the rest of it, but after everything that just happened, he found that he had lost his appetite for it.
"I'm done with my burrito. Does anyone want the leftovers." Butch asked. He turned to Tom.
"Sibling? Would you like my burrito?" Butch asked teasingly. He knew that Tom hated burritos.
Tom didn't respond. Instead, he took the burrito and threw it out the window. He didn't even care to watch as the burrito hit the pavement outside.
"You know, you could've just said 'no thank you'. You didn't have to throw it out the window." Butch said.
Tom still didn't respond. Instead, he looked at his watch and scowled.
"What time does the director want us to be at the studio?" Tom said.
"In 20 minutes." Jerry said.
"It'll take at least 30 minutes to get there" Tom said.
"Well, what do we do?" Spike asked, "You know how mad the director gets if we're late"
"We're going to have to take a shortcut." Tom said.
This was extreme cause for concern.
"A…s-shortcut?" Spike asked.
"Yes, you fool! A shortcut!" Tom said.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Jerry asked, knowing full well what Tom considered to be a "shortcut".
Tom smirked.
"You might want to buckle your seatbelts." he said.
Everyone quickly did as he asked without even giving it a second thought.
XXXXX
10 minutes later
The studio that they were referring to happened to be the studio of the world famous Warner Brothers team. It was a big studio. With plenty of sets and stages.
Some of the sets and stages were on the inside of a big building in the back. Others were outside the building and there was still plenty of space on the Warner Brothers' lot.
Warner Brothers was the most popular movie making industry in the world. The only rival they had that could compete with them was Disney and even then, Disney had some catching up to do.
There were plenty of people all around the studio. The studio was always busy and usually brimming with life.
The security guards in the front watched people enter and leave the studio. Their job was to make sure no one got in that wasn't supposed to get in.
They just finished kicking a fan girl out because she tried to get in without a studio pass.
This wasn't unusual. Since many famous stars came to this studio, naturally a fan would try to sneak in in an attempt to see them in person.
And that happened more often than not.
Yes sir, the life of a Warner Brothers security guard sure was interesting.
It was then that the security guards noticed a car that was headed straight for the studio and it was going extremely fast.
In fact, to say that this car was speeding would have been an understatement.
It ought to have been against the laws of physics for a car to go that fast.
And the car was speeding straight towards the studio wall.
In a normal situation, they would be panicking. Of course, they WEREN'T panicking because this was far from a normal situation.
Nothing about Tom and Jerry was ever normal.
Despite the fact that their show was far from the most popular cartoon, EVERYONE in the studio knew who Tom and Jerry were.
Tom, Jerry, and their entourage cause plenty of chaos on a daily basis and it's because of that that everyone knew who they were.
Yep, anyone who called Tom and Jerry 'normal' either didn't know them, or needed to be put in a mental hospital.
XXXXX
In the car
Tom took one last turn before arriving at the Warner Brothers' studio, and he was driving ridiculously fast.
In fact, he was driving so fast that it was a wonder that they hadn't been chased by police.
They came up to the studio but Tom didn't slow down. He just kept driving extremely fast.
If Tom cared that he was about to hit a wall, he didn't show it.
"Tom, we're here! Slow down!" Spike yelled.
Tom kept driving.
"Ok, Tom. You can slow down now!" Jerry said.
Tom was about to drive straight into a wall.
"Tom! Stop before you kill us all!" Butch shouted.
Tom stopped so suddenly that Butch flew out the front window and hit the wall of the studio.
"Okay, brother, I stopped. Are you happy now?" Tom asked with a smirk on his face.
"I hate you, Tom" Butch said before falling to the ground.
Then Tom unlocked the doors and everyone got out.
Immediately, Jerry kissed the ground.
"LAND!" Jerry said.
Tom rolled his eyes.
"Oh come on, you big baby, it wasn't THAT bad." he said.
Jerry looked at Tom like he had lost his mind.
"It wasn't that bad'? You were driving over and THROUGH several buildings. You drove straight through a mall with speeds up to 230 miles per hour. And did I forget anything? Oh yeah, you drove in front of a moving train and it barely missed us! I thought we were going to die!" Jerry yelled hysterically.
Tom rolled his eyes again as they started walking to the entrance of the studio.
"Jerry's got a point, Tom." Spike added, "Why can't you just take a normal detour like a normal person?"
"Because I am not normal. Nor do I want to be. I make it a point to differentiate myself from the rest of the idiots that make up the human race." Tom said.
"What is it with you and your hatred of the human race?" Jerry asked.
"Trust me. You don't want to know" Tom responded.
"Yeah. I probably do not." Jerry agreed.
Tom, Jerry, Butch, and Spike walked to the gate entrance. Each of them showed the guards their studio pass and the guards let them through.
XXXXX
Inside the studio
Tom, Jerry, Butch, and Spike walked throughout the studio. The set for 'Tom and Jerry' was inside of Building #45. And that's where they were going.
They passed through many other sets as they walked through the studio. Butch took a look at the set for 'Looney Tunes', which was probably Warner Brothers' most popular cartoon.
Their leader, Bugs Bunny, was practically the face of Warner Brothers.
So much so that at the beginning of every Warner Brothers movie or cartoon, they show a picture of Bugs standing beside a WB sign with one of his trademark carrots.
Butch looked at another set and saw that it was the DC Comics set.
He saw Batman and Superman along with several other DC characters. Ready to film their next movie.
There were several other movie stars and cartoon characters around.
Butch never got the chance to talk to any of these people right now though.
In fact, everyone seemed to be avoiding them today. They were steering clear of them like the plague.
There was no doubt in Butch's mind that it was Tom's fault. The scowl that Tom had on his face was enough to scare off plenty of people. Especially considering the fact that Tom was one of the main people who tended to cause chaos around here.
Spike's voice brought Butch out of his thoughts.
"What's the name of this movie again?" Spike asked.
"I think it's called "Tom and Jerry: The Fast and the Furry" Jerry said, "There's a poster of it up there on the wall."
Spike looked up and sure enough, there was a poster there that said 'Coming soon. Tom and Jerry: The Fast and the Furry'.
The poster showed a picture of Tom chasing Jerry in what looked like a motorized race car. Jerry was also in a race car of his own but one that fit his size better.
"I just hope that this movie turns out better than "Tom and Jerry Blast Off to Mars" Butch said, "I wasn't even IN that movie"
"Actually, I don't think you're in THIS movie either." Spike said.
"Why am I not surprised? I'm almost never in these big Tom and Jerry movies!" Butch complained.
"Hey, Butch? Have you ever been in one of our big movies?" Jerry asked.
"A few times but not often." Butch said.
"Feh. The only movie I can remember my brother being in was "Tom and Jerry: The Magic Ring", and even then, it was only a brief appearance." Tom said.
"Shut it, Tom! I didn't ask for your opinion!" Butch said, "All I'm saying is that I wish I had a bigger role in the series. I'm a part of the show too, so I think I deserve to be in the movies as well. I mean, if Spike is allowed to be in these movies then why can't I?"
"Why are you complaining anyway?" Tom asked, "If anything, I should be complaining! I hate coming to this studio!"
"Why is that?" Jerry asked.
"This place is always crawling with self-centered morons who think that they're better than everyone else. They crawl all over this place like rats and they're infested with at least thirty different strains of stupid! If I had any say in the matter, I would've blown this place up with an atomic bomb by now!" Tom said.
"And I have no doubt in my mind that you HAVE an atomic bomb" Butch said.
"Actually, I have several. I keep them under my bed along with my other weapons of mass destruction" Tom said.
Spike stopped in his tracks, "Wait, you have atomic bombs? That's horrible! What if they went off while we were in the house? We would all die! Plus, isn't that illegal?"
Tom waved him off, "Oh, pshaw. A few atomic bombs aren't gonna hurt anyone. And yes, there probably is a law concerning citizens owning nuclear weapons but the police are so lax about enforcing that law that I wouldn't be surprised if everyone in this country had an nuclear weapon up their sleeve."
Spike decided to end the conversation there as he was starting to get uncomfortable and slightly unstable.
Then they made it to Stage #45 which was the 'Tom and Jerry' set.
They walked inside the studio, only to face off with their worst nightmare: an angry director.
"Where the heck have you four been?! You're late, late, late, late, LATE! I can't believe how late you are! How dare you keep me waiting that long!"
Jerry looked at his watch and said, "We're 5 minutes early."
"NOT EARLY ENOUGH! We've got a strict schedule to keep! But we can't keep that schedule if you just laze around with your sloth like selves and lollygag when you should be coming here WORKING ON YOUR NEXT MOVIE!"
"Wow. Someone sure woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Butch said.
"Don't start with me, Butch! I'm not in the mood!" the director said, "Tom! Jerry! Get your butts on the stage! Butch! Spike! Sit down and stay that way unless I call you up here!"
Butch and Spike sat down on the sidelines, not wanting to anger the director any further.
Meanwhile, Tom and Jerry got up on the stage.
The stage was designed to look like the living room of a house. There were several props and pieces of furniture put together along with a house-like background.
"Another day, another migraine." Tom groaned.
"Can't you be cheerful for one day?" Jerry asked.
"I'll be cheerful when I no longer have to act in this miserable excuse for a children's cartoon." Tom said.
"I HOPE YOU CAN WORK TWICE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN TALK!" The director said, "Now get in your positions!"
Tom and Jerry groaned but they didn't argue. They each stood in their assigned positions on the stage.
"Now then!" The director said, "It's time to begin the first scene! I want both of you to act this out to the best of your abilities!"
The director turned to Jerry.
"Jerry, your acting ability so far is nearly flawless. I want to see that same type of acting today as you rehearse your scenes. Just continue to be that cute, lovable little mouse that always outsmarts that big bad cat."
Then, the director turned to Tom.
"Tom, your acting ability needs work! You've got the scenes down but you need to work on your emotion. Remember, you despise that mouse and you want to pay him back for all the times he's tormented you! I want you to try and catch Jerry like you mean it! I want to feel your disgust and hatred for Jerry! How else are we going to convince the kids that you two are actually enemies?"
Tom snorted, "I can think of several ways"
"Now then! Let's begin!" The director said.
Everyone in the room ran to their assigned places.
"I really wish I wasn't here right now." Tom said.
"Just shut up and do your part" Jerry said.
"LIGHTS!" The director said.
"CAMERA!"
"ACTION!"
All the lights in the studio turned to the stage that Tom and Jerry were standing on.
Then Jerry ran away from Tom.
And Tom ran after Jerry.
And the chase began.
XXXXX
Meanwhile, Butch and Spike watched as Tom chased Jerry.
They also watched as Tom got his butt kicked.
Or at least, he was pretending to get his butt kicked.
In real life, Jerry couldn't pull off half of the things that he was doing to Tom.
Tom would've killed him before he got the chance to, anyway.
Butch often teased his brother about the fact that Jerry always gets him so many times in the cartoon.
Butch was not in a teasing mood, however.
He was too busy being bored to death.
"I don't see why I have to come to these things." Butch said, "I'm not even in this movie! All I ever do is sit around here and do nothing!"
"I wouldn't complain in front of the director if I was you, Butch. After all, we are getting PAID to sit around here and do nothing." Spike said.
"Bite me" Butch spat.
"You're just like your brother." Spike said.
"I'm NOTHING like Tom! Do I look like some kind of gothic sadist to you?!" Butch said.
Spike looked at Butch's black fur.
"Well, you've got the gothic part down. At least Tom can take HIS black off."
"Was that supposed to be funny?!" Butch said.
"Calm down, I was only joking" Spike said.
Butch didn't respond. Instead, he took out his iPod and plugged his earphones into his ears. He started humming as he began to listen to some tunes.
"What are you doing" Spike asked.
"Listening to music. I figured that if I'm going to sit here and do nothing, I might as well do it while listening to music" Butch said.
"But that's unfair! If you get to listen to music, then what do I do?" Spike asked.
"You can listen to your OWN iPod." Butch suggested.
"I don't own an iPod" Spike said.
"Well, that's too bad for you." Butch said.
Spike looked at Butch with contempt in his eyes. He was angry.
In fact, he was so angry that he swiped Butch's iPod from his hands and threw it out of a 2-story window. Then Spike took a shotgun and shot at the iPod several times.
By the time it hit the ground, it couldn't even be recognized as an iPod anymore.
Spike decided to shoot at it a few more times just to make sure that it wasn't working.
When he was done, he closed the window and put the gun away. He wiped imaginary dust from his arm as he did so.
"Might I ask why you just did that?" Butch asked with half-lidded eyes.
"If I have to sit here and do nothing for several hours then so do you!" Spike said.
"I dislike you with great intensity" Butch said.
"What are you gonna do about it?" Spike asked.
His answer was a punch to the face.
XXXXXX
Several moments later, Tom and Jerry were chasing each other on the stage.
Tom had slipped into the role of the clumsy failure of a cat that never wins, and Jerry had slipped into the role of the cute and lovable mouse that always wins.
Tom, Jerry, and the director were in a stage that was covered with sound-proof glass. If the glass wasn't there, they would have heard several gunshots along with the sound of an iPod breaking. They also would have heard the sound of Butch screaming and the sound of things breaking in the other room.
However, they DIDN'T hear it because of the glass.
But they DID hear something else.
The sound of the director screaming.
"You call that acting, Tom?! I've seen immature, hyperactive, mutant chimpanzees act better than that! Where's the emotion? I want more emotion!" The director said.
"I think I lost my emotion years ago." Tom said.
"I don't like your attitude!" The director said.
"Who does?" Tom asked.
"Let's just start this scene over before I do something I'll regret!" The director said.
Tom and Jerry returned to their starting positions.
"Lights! Camera! Action!" The director said.
Despite Tom's uncaring attitude, he actually tried to put more emotion into his acting.
Not because he cared about how the movie turned out, but because he didn't want to make the director angrier than he already was.
Not that Tom was afraid of the director (quite the opposite really).
When the director got angry at Tom or Jerry (usually Tom), he would sometimes force them to work an extra hour out of spite.
And if there was anything Tom hated, it was acting out this wretched cartoon any longer than he needed to.
"CUT! That's TOO much emotion, Tom! We're trying to make this look realistic. We're not trying to make it seem obvious that you're acting. Try to cut down on the emotion! You're just a cat trying to catch a mouse. It's no big deal." The director said.
Tom fumed at this. Another thing he hated about the director, it was his inability to make up his mind.
"First you want more emotion, now you want less emotion? Make up your mind, darn you!" Tom said.
"I'd watch your mouth if I were you! If you keep this up, then you might end up fired!" The director said.
"Is that supposed to be your version of a threat? If it is, then you've got a long way to go." Tom said.
"And you've got a short way to go before you lose your job! If you want to keep your job here in this studio then I suggest that you get your act together." The director said.
"You're working under the assumption that I WANT to work in this rat-infested studio!" Tom said.
"Keep talking like that and you might get fired for real!" The director said.
"Please. You can't fire me and you know it. The few fans we have left have gotten too used to me. If you replace me, then we might lose the few fans we have left. And if that happens, the show would have to be canceled. And if the show is canceled, then you will have nothing to direct and you will lose YOUR job!" Tom stated.
The director gritted his teeth in anger.
"Just…get…back…to…work!" The director said.
Tom smirked. He knew that he won this argument. And he thoroughly enjoyed getting under the director's skin.
After a few more takes, the director was finally satisfied with the scene.
"Alright! That was perfect! Excellent job, you two! Now then, we can move on to the next scene. This is the scene where Mrs. Two-Shoes comes in. She sees that her house has been ruined and naturally, she takes it out on Tom." The director said.
Everyone in the room including Tom, Jerry, and the cameramen visibly groaned at the mention of Mrs. Two-Shoes.
Mrs. Two-Shoes was very likely the most awful actress in existence. It was never an exaggeration when someone said that she couldn't act to save her own life.
Any take they did that included Mrs. Two-Shoes often took several hours to finish. This was because Mrs. Two-Shoes often took several hours before she could get any take right.
No one could comprehend why no one would replace her for a competent actress.
Then again, the director DID try to replace her a few years ago, but not many people wanted the job of being Tom's owner in the show. In fact, few people wanted the chance to associate with the cat at all. A fact that Tom was very proud of. Why? No one knew. No one wanted to know either.
Since no one (give or takea few individuals) wanted to play the part of Tom's owner, Mrs. Two-Shoes got stuck with the role.
Much to the displeasure of every one currently standing in this room and beyond.
"Alright! Let's move it people! It's time to begin the next scene!" The director said.
Then the people in the room got to their assigned positions.
"Lights, camera, and ACTION!" The director said.
On the stage, Tom was sitting on the floor, visibly noticing how destroyed the house was.
Then, Mrs. Two-Shoes unlocked the door with her key. She noticed that her house was almost completely destroyed. She turned to Tom.
"Thomas. What have you done?" Mrs. Two-Shoes asked without any hint of anger in her voice.
"CUT! No, no, Mrs. Two-Shoes. You're supposed to sound angry! Remember, your whole house just got destroyed and it's Tom's fault! You need to be more aggressive! Remember, you're talking to the person who destroyed your house! BE ANGRY!" The director said.
"Oh, I see. I got it" Mrs. Two-Shoes said.
Tom snorted.
"I doubt that highly." Tom said.
"Take two!" The director said.
Tom was once again in the middle of the room. A look of pretend shock was on his face as he observed the wrecked house.
Then the front door was kicked in by Mrs. Two-Shoes.
The door was kicked so hard that it flew off it's hinges and flew straight for Tom's face.
BAM!
Tom was knocked to the floor in an instant.
"THOMAS! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" Mrs. Two-Shoes said in a fairly inhuman voice.
Tom was almost afraid of her for a moment. Almost.
"CUT! This is all wrong! First of all, that's TOO much anger! Cut down on the anger a bit! Second of all, you're supposed to sound surprised when you first come in! Remember, you're just coming back from a peaceful drive to the grocery store. Then, you walk in and find that your HOUSE HAS BEEN DESTROYED! Look surprised first! Then angry! And cut down on the anger!" The director said.
"Alright, look surprised. Got it." Mrs. Two-Shoes said.
"Alright, take three" The director said.
Tom was sitting in the middle of the room again. Then the door was opened (more gently this time), and Mrs. Two-Shoes walked in.
She saw how damaged the house was and a look of shock appeared on her unseen (1) face.
"GAAAAASSSSSPPPP!" Mrs. Two-Shoes gasped.
Several minutes later, Mrs. Two-Shoes was still gasping. And she had not stopped once.
Honestly, how could a single human have that much breath in order to gasp that long?
"You do realize that taking breaths between gasps is pivotal to staying alive, right? 'Cause it seems you forgot for a moment there, you stupid woman!" Tom said.
"CUT!" The director said.
The director shook his head. He was getting very irritated and very tired.
'Great, what else can go wrong?' The director wondered.
As if answering his question, Spike flew straight through the glass and hit the ground.
Moments later, Butch jumped through the glass after him.
"Bonzai!" The black cat yelled before jumping on top of Spike.
The two of them fought each other on top of the stage.
"What in blazes are you two doing?" Jerry asked.
"This canine fool broke my iPod so I'm gonna kick his bone sucking butt!" Butch said.
Tom was almost surprised at how violent Butch was getting. He's almost never this violent!
Then again, his iPod did get broken. That required serious retribution. In Butch's eyes anyway.
Still, Tom couldn't resist the urge to join this fight.
"If that's the case, then count me in!" Tom said.
"You're gonna help me fight him?" Butch asked, surprised.
"Of course not!" Tom said.
"That means he's on my side! I knew you cared Tom!" Spike said.
"I'm not on your side either, fool! I'm on MY side!" Tom said.
Then Tom punched Butch in the face and kicked Spike in the stomach.
Butch retaliated by punching Tom in the jaw. While Butch was distracted, Spike came up from behind him and swept Butch's feet out from under him with a sweep kick. Spike was about to bring his fist down on Butch's body before getting punched in the face by Tom, who was kicked by Butch. All three of them continued to fight with each other.
Jerry tried to stop the fight, but he ended up getting dragged into the fight himself. It wasn't long before the fight turned into an all-out brawl.
Mrs. Two-Shoes watched as the four anthropomorphs fought with each other.
'Well,' She thought, 'Everyone else is fighting. I might as well join in.'
With that in mind, Mrs. Two-Shoes grabbed a chair and slammed it down on Tom's head, watching as the chair broke into many pieces.
Tom, who had a pink cartoon bump on his head, took one of the chair pieces and walked threateningly towards Mrs. Two-Shoes, who retaliated by throwing another chair.
It wasn't long before Mrs. Two-Shoes joined the fight as well. All five characters were busy fighting with each other.
The director looked at this with shock written on his face. How could everything go so horribly wrong?
They didn't even finish the scene. In fact, the scene was ruined. And at this rate, they will never get it done. There was nothing that could possibly make the situation worse.
'Oh well,' The director thought, 'if you can't beat them, then you must join them!'
Then the director had grabbed the closest thing that he could use as a weapon, and he jumped straight into the fray.
And so, they spent the rest of the day fighting each other until they eventually got bored and went home.
- end of chapter -
A/N: Okay, so not everything that I promised was going to happen actually happened in this chapter. This doesn't mean that I lied.
Actually, I told the truth. All that stuff is going to happen. However, I decided it would be simpler to put those events in a later chapter. This one was getting too long for my taste.
I know this chapter is short by normal standards, but I'm a lazy person. I don't like typing long chapters!
Anyway, what you are about to read is a short clip that I meant to put in the first chapter but I forgot.
I hope you enjoy this short story. There will be more short stories like this at the ends of other chapters so stay tuned.
XXXXXX
Short Story 1: A Meeting with the Author
Tom, Jerry, Butch, Spike, and Tyke walk through the front door of their house.
Saucely Kazzy Carton: Hey guys! I'm glad you could make it. Now then, let's start this meeting.
Butch: Whoa, who are you and where the heck did you come from?
Jerry: And how did you get in our house?
Spike: Yeah. We just walked in our house and you were sitting there and you said, 'Glad you could make it. Let's start this meeting'.
Saucely Kazzy Carton: Sorry about that. I got ahead of myself. Let me introduce myself. I'm Saucely Kazzy Carton, but you can call me Saucely Kazzy Carton. I'm here to talk to you about a book-
Spike: Oh no! I know who you are! You're a librarian, aren't you? I know the book I rented from the library is several years late! I'll turn it in! I swear!
Saucely Kazzy Carton: I'm not a librarian.
Spike: Oh. Forget what I just said.
Tyke: I'm hungry. I want chili dogs.
Tom: You already ate 20 chili dogs!
Tyke: I know, but that was a long time ago.
Tom: It was five minutes ago!
Saucely Kazzy Carton: Ahem. Can I continue?
Jerry: Please.
Saucely Kazzy Carton: As I said, I'm not a librarian. I'm more of an author.
Butch: An author?
Saucely Kazzy Carton: Yes, and I'm here to talk to you about a book. Well, not really a book but more of a story. I'm here to talk to you about a biography.
Butch: A biography?
Tom: What are you, a parrot?
Butch: Shut it, sibling. I don't need any of your insults.
Tom: I agree with you there. What you REALLY need is professional help from a psychiatrist.
Butch: Funny. I was going to say the same thing about you.
Tom: Dork.
Butch: Why are you always such a heartless jerk? Why can't you be nice for once?
Tom: You say that like you've never done anything bad in your life. You're no paragon of niceness, you know. You've done just as many bad things as me. Don't deny it!
Butch: That may be true, but at least I admit my mistakes. You seem to think that you're the center of the world. You're so full of it that it makes me sick!
Tom: Maybe, but it sure is better than what you're full of.
Saucely Kazzy Carton: Guys? Can…I…continue?
Tom: NO!
Butch: YES!
Jerry: Please ignore Tom. He's always like this.
Saucely Kazzy Carton: I am aware of that. Anyway, I was going to make a biography about you guys. Everyone knows Tom and Jerry and what they do. On the cartoons and movies that is. But not many people know what it is that they do when they're not acting out a cartoon or movie.
Spike: So you're going to make a story about what we're like in real life?
Saucely Kazzy Carton: Yeah. It's like a documentary. The true story of Tom and Jerry, where we reveal the story behind the story. I plan on making a story that will tell the readers everything that happened to you since the year 2006.
Tom: If you think that we're going to sit down and tell you every little thing that happened to us since the year 2006-
Saucely Kazzy Carton: Oh, don't worry. I already know everything that happened to you since 2006.
Butch: You do? How?
Saucely Kazzy Carton: Nobody knows this but I have secretly hidden cameras across the whole city. They have been there since 2006. I have evidence of every immense thing that has occurred to you since then and I have scrutinized every diminutive phenomenon that has occurred in every circadian point in your existence.
Spike: Wait…what?
Tom: It's just a fancy way of saying that he's been spying on us with cameras since 2006.
Jerry: The nerve! Isn't that an invasion of privacy?!
Butch: Yeah! You can't just spy on us for four years and think you can get away with it!
Jerry: Wait. Four years? Don't you mean eight years?
Butch: Eight years? What are you talking about? It's 2010, isn't it?
Tom: It's 2014 fool!
Butch: 2014? Are you sure?
Tom and Jerry: Positive.
Spike: Even I know that it's 2014. And that's an accomplishment in itself.
Tom: Can't argue with him there.
Butch: I could have sworn it was 2010.
Jerry: When was the last time you looked at your calendar?
Butch: 2010.
Jerry: Well, there you go. Look at it again.
Butch looked at his calendar.
Butch: Holy mother of cows! It is 2014!
Tyke: I want chilidogs!
Spike: How did you not know that it's 2014?
Tyke: I want chilidogs!
Butch: I don't know. I guess I just lose track of time.
Tyke: I want chilidogs!
Spike: That's an understatement. Even I knew that it's 2014.
Tyke: I want chilidogs!
Butch: You're just saying that because you read the newspaper everyday.
Tyke: I want chilidogs!
Spike: Are you implying that if it wasn't for the fact that I read the newspaper everyday, I'd be just as clueless as you?
Tyke: I want chilidogs!
Butch: Am I wrong?
Tyke: I want chilidogs!
Spike: Well…no, but…
Tyke: I WANT CHILIDOGS!
Butch: Ok, Tyke. We heard you the first time!
Tyke: I want chilidogs!
Tom: Will someone get this brat some chilidogs so he can shut up!
Tyke: I want chilidogs!
Butch: Sheesh. You sound like Sonic the Hedgehog for crying out loud!
Jerry: Any hardcore Sonic fan would know what that meant.
Then, out of nowhere, Sonic the Hedgehog jumps through the window.
Sonic: What's up, everybody!
Jerry: Sonic the Hedgehog! Where the heck did you come from?
Sonic: Haven't you heard the phrase 'say my name and I magically appear'
Tyke: Like the Wizard of Oz!
Tom: No you fool, that doesn't even apply here!
Spike: Um…what?
Saucely Kazzy Carton: Anyway, I will make a story about everything that happened to you since 2006. The story will be called 'Insanity'.
Jerry: Why insanity?
Butch: Because that's what occurs throughout most of our lives.
Jerry: Ah.
Saucely Kazzy Carton: I will post the story on a website in an alternate dimension known as Earth. The website is known as 'Fanfiction'. In fact, I already posted the first chapter and the second chapter is getting posted as we speak. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if several people are reading the chapter right now.
Jerry: But what if you reveal something about us that we don't want other people to know about. We have our secrets too.
Tom: The way I see it, it doesn't even matter. The people on Earth don't even realize that we exist. We're just 'figments of their imagination' on Earth.
Butch: That's true. Earthlings have no concept of the existence of cartoon characters in real life.
Tom: Poor fools. I pity them.
Tyke: I want chilidogs!
Sonic: I do too.
Butch: We don't even have any chilidogs!
Tyke and Sonic: WE WANT CHILIDOGS!
Butch: Did you not hear what I just said?!
Tom: I'm surrounded by imbeciles!
Sonic: Chilidogs…
Tom: Look, you stupid excuse for a sentient being! If you want to live longer than the next 30 seconds then I suggest you stop whining about chilidogs! Now get out before I force you out!
Sonic: You say that like you're not happy to see me.
Tom: 'Happy to see you'?! I don't even KNOW you!
Spike: (Gasp)
Jerry: (Gasp)
Butch: (Gasp)
Spike: How can you say that with a straight face?!
Butch: You ought to be ashamed of yourself!
Tom: I have done nothing to be ashamed of. I just told the stranger to beat it.
Jerry: Wait. You're serious? You really don't know who he is? Don't you play video games?
Tom: I despise videogames.
Jerry: This person is Sonic the Hedgehog! The greatest videogame character ever! Second only to Mario.
Butch: What! Shut up! Mario is not better than Sonic!
Jerry: Yes he is.
Butch: No he isn't! Sonic's the greatest, no contest! That fat, red-capped, lasagna eating loser can't even compete with Sonic!
Jerry: What?! How can you say such a thing?
Butch: It isn't that hard. Sonic rules, Mario drools.
Jerry: Mario is awesome!
Butch: Mario sucks eggs! Sonic is where it's at!
Jerry: Mario!
Butch: Sonic!
Jerry: MARIO!
Then Mario drops from the ceiling and lands on top of Tom.
Mario: Hello.
Jerry: Wow, it's Mario!
Mario: Mamma mia!
Mario sits down on top of Tom.
Tom: Can someone get this fat fool off of me! He's crushing my spine!
Butch: Mario, keep sitting on Tom.
Jerry: Now now. You don't want your brother to die, do you?
Butch: Maybe.
Tom: Help me, darn it!
Butch: (Sigh) might as well.
Butch dropkicks Mario out of the window. Tom sighs in relief.
Tom: Took you long enough.
Butch: (sighs sarcastically) You sure seem grateful. I think I clearly heard you say 'thanks for helping me out, Butch. You're a real pal'.
Tom: Humph.
Tyke: I want a chilidog!
Tom: Nobody cares!
Tyke: If I don't get one, I'm going to scream.
Tom: Shut up, brat.
Tyke: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Tom: I said SHUT UP!
Saucely Kazzy Carton: Don't ignore me!
Tyke: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Spike: It's too loud!
Tyke: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Butch: Oh dear.
Jerry: This is getting out of hand!
Tom: Silence!
Sonic: Do you have any video games in this place?
Tyke: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Tom: If you don't shut up, I'll shut you all up myself!
Spike: AAAAAAHHHHHH!
Tyke: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Butch: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Tom: Do you want to die?
Sonic: I'm bored.
Tyke: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Saucely Kazzy Carton: I don't like being ignored!
Tyke: I want a chilidog!
Spike: I want silence!
Jerry: This is too loud.
Tyke: I need to pee!
Sonic: I'm the fastest thing alive, you know.
Butch: That's great.
Tyke: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Tom: SILENCE!
Saucely Kazzy Carton: I HATE BEING IGNORED!
Butch: THIS IS GETTING ON MY NERVES!
Tyke: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Spike: I WANT A BONE!
Tyke: I WANT A CHILIDOG!
Butch: I WANT SILENCE!
Sonic: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Spike: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Butch: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Tyke: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Jerry: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Tom: EVERYONE SHUT UP NOW OR I WILL DROP THIS NUCLEAR BOMB TO THE GROUND AND KILL US ALL!
Jerry: …
Butch: …
Spike: …
Tyke: …
Sonic: …
Saucely Kazzy Carton: …
XXXXXX
To be continued…
What will happen next?
Will Tom kill everyone in a homicidal rage?
Will the movie ever be finished?
Will Tyke ever get his chilidogs?
Stay tuned for more Insanity!
XXXXXX
(1) For those of you who don't know who Mrs. Two-Shoes is, she's Tom's owner in the show. Her head is never revealed in the series though, so no one knows what her face looks like.