Disclaimer: I don't own Tom and Jerry and I don't want to. Turner Entertainment and Warner Brothers can keep their names tacked on for all I care.
A/N: Welcome back to 'Insanity'. If you are reading this then that must mean that you have come back for more craziness and utter chaos. Rest assured that that is what you're going to get.
Another A/N: Who has seen 'The Tom and Jerry Show' that is supposed to come on Cartoon Network. I haven't watched it yet but it looks like it might be a good cartoon show.
Also, I'm not sure but I think they got rid of Mrs. Two-Shoes. At least, I hope so. Man, I hate that woman.
Yet Another A/N: In reference to Chapter 1, a friend of mine told me that you use a coffee machine to make coffee. I'll make a note of that as I continue to write this story.
Speaking of which, that comment I made in Chapter 1 about Tyke owning a knife turned out to be false. Just letting you know.
XXXXXXX
Chapter 3: A New TV Show?
You could always tell when it was morning at The Tom and Jerry Mansion.
There are several signs that you have to look for in order to tell whether or not it is morning.
First, you will hear the sound of a loud alarm clock, followed by several screams.
Then, you will hear some gunshots followed by more screaming.
Next, you will hear an explosion and more gunshots.
Finally, you will hear some more screams before things calm down.
If you live in The Tom and Jerry Mansion and you have heard all these things, then it is just another ordinary morning.
If you live anywhere else, and you have heard these things, then you might want to call 9-1-1 as soon as possible.
XXXXX
Tom walked down the stairs, dressed in a black housecoat, with a frown on his face.
He walked into the enormous living room of the Tom and Jerry Mansion and took a seat at the table.
Butch was already there and he was smiling.
"Good morning, brother." Butch said.
"Wipe that grin off your face before I shoot it off!" Tom said.
"I can see you're in a good mood." Butch said sarcastically.
"Shut it. I hate mornings! No human being should be able to be happy at this time." Tom said.
"But we're not human beings. We're cats" Butch pointed out.
"That's irrelevant." Tom said.
Tom laid his face on the table and tried to catch more sleep. Butch simply sat there while drinking his orange juice.
Then Tyke came in the room and walked to the table. He tapped Tom's leg several times.
"What, brat?" Tom said.
"I'm hungry." Tyke said.
"That's great" Tom said before closing his eyes again.
Tyke tapped Tom on the leg again.
"What?!" Tom snapped.
"Can you make me some breakfast?" Tyke said.
"No." Tom said.
"Please?" Tyke asked.
"I said NO! Make it yourself!" Tom said.
"I'm too small to reach the cereal. And I don't know how to make anything else." Tyke said.
"Not my problem. Now leave me alone before I make you eat dirt!" Tom said.
"Tom, what's wrong with you? Do you want the kid to starve?" Butch asked.
"I would be happier if he did." Tom said.
"Just make the kid some breakfast" Butch said.
"No." Tom said.
"Just make him some cereal. Making cereal is not hard. All you do is take a bowl, put cereal in it, and pour some milk. Easy." Butch said.
"If it's so easy, why don't you do it?" Tom asked.
"Because I don't want to." Butch said simply.
"Well, I don't either, so there." Tom said.
"Tom, make him some breakfast!" Butch said.
"NO!" Tom yelled.
"The sooner you make him breakfast, the sooner we'll leave you alone." Butch said.
"No means no." Tom said.
"Please?" Tyke said.
"Do you have a death wish? I said no!" Tom said.
Tyke began to scream and cry, while Butch kept annoying Tom.
It wasn't for a fair while that Tom finally snapped and bent to the young dog's cries.
"FINE! I'll make you some cereal! Just shut up!" Tom said.
Tyke grinned as Tom went into the kitchen and made some cereal.
Then Jerry walked into the room.
He looked like death.
His eyes were red and he had black bags under his eyes.
Butch noticed this and frowned.
"Looks like you need to start going to bed earlier, Jerry." Butch said.
Jerry only hummed in response.
Then, Jerry climbed onto the table before he fell to the ground, snoring.
Butch shook his head as he picked Jerry up and set him down in Tom's seat.
As he did this, Tom unceremoniously dumped a load of Cheerios into Tyke's favorite food bowl.
When he was done, he handed it to Tyke.
"Here, brat." Tom said.
"I don't want Cheerios! I want Froot Loops!" Tyke said.
"I don't care. Take it." Tom said.
"But I don't want it!" Tyke said.
"Look, brat! You told me you wanted breakfast, and I'm giving it to you! HERE!" Tom said.
Tyke reluctantly took the bowl of Cheerios, while muttering about his precious 'Froot Loops'.
With that out of the way, Tom went back to his seat and sat down.
There was a muffled scream under Tom's behind.
"Uh, Tom? I think you're sitting on Jerry." Butch said.
Tom reached under him and picked up Jerry. Then he threw him across the room and Jerry landed in Tyke's cereal.
"There's a mouse in my cereal." Tyke said.
"Just eat it." Tom said.
"The mouse?" Tyke asked.
"No, stupid, the cereal!" Tom said.
"But there's a mouse in it." Tyke said.
"Then take the mouse out." Tom said.
"You know, the 'mouse' has a name. Why do you always have to be so rude to Jerry?" Butch said.
Tom growled in response as Jerry was fished out of the cereal.
"Are you okay, Jerry?" Butch asked.
"I got sat on, and I nearly drowned from cereal! Do I look okay?!" Jerry snapped.
"Ok, calm down! Don't get snippy!" Butch said.
Jerry grumbled some more before walking off.
Things started to quiet down a bit.
Then, Spike walked down the stairs. He was singing a happy tune and had a merry grin on his face.
Tom took a brick, which he seemingly got out of nowhere, and threw it at Spike.
Spike was hit on the head and knocked unconscious as he fell down the stairs.
Butch looked at Tom.
"Was that necessary?" Butch asked.
"He was irritating me." Tom said simply.
"So you threw a brick at him?" Butch asked.
"I've thrown worse." Tom replied.
Butch shrugged and turned his attention to his magazine.
Spike regained consciousness and he shook his head, trying to remember what happened. Then he remembered that he got hit with a brick by Tom.
"What the heck, Tom?" Spike asked.
"Don't 'what the heck' me, Spike. You know exactly what the heck. You know how I hate it when people sing cheerful songs in the morning"
"Why can't you be happy for once? You're always so gloomy and depressing" Spike asked.
"I'm not ALWAYS gloomy." Tom said.
"Oh yeah? When was the last time that you smiled in the last 3 years?" Spike asked.
"…"
"That's what I thought. You need to do something fun in order to spice up your life." Spike said.
"My life doesn't need any spice." Tom said.
"Yes it does. All you do all day is sit in your chair and act miserable. You need to do something fun!" Spike said.
"I do do fun things." Tom said.
"The only thing that you do that you consider 'fun' is terrorize the city with your bombs and war machines" Butch cut in.
"I'm surprised you didn't get arrested for that" Spike said.
"Even if they had tried, I wouldn't have let them take me alive" Tom said.
"In any case, brother, you need to do something productive with your time." Butch said.
"I do productive things. I just don't have the time." Tom said.
"How could you not have the time! You practically have all the time in the world!" Butch said.
"No I don't." Tom said.
"Name something that you do that takes up all of your time." Butch said.
"Acting out scenes for those stupid 'Tom and Jerry' movies." Tom said.
"You don't do that 24/7." Butch said.
"Regardless, I don't have time to do anything productive" Tom said.
"You're just making up excuses!" Butch said.
"No, I'm not." Tom said.
"Yes you are" Butch said, getting in Tom's face.
"No…I'm…not." Tom said.
"Guys, can you stop talking about…things? You're giving me a headache." Jerry said.
"Mother would be so disappointed if she found out how lazy you've become." Butch said.
"You did NOT just bring Mother into this." Tom growled.
"Guys, can you be quiet?" Jerry asked.
"I did TOO. You need to do something with your life." Butch said.
"Guys…" Jerry started.
"My life, unlike yours, is perfect." Tom said.
"Guys…" Jerry said.
"Is NOT!" Butch said.
"Is TOO!" Tom said.
"SILENCE!" Jerry yelled.
Everyone in the house grew quiet. Most were in shock at Jerry's outburst.
"Jerry…did you just scream?" Spike said.
"I've never seen Jerry do that before." Butch said.
"I said SILENCE!" Jerry said.
There was a long, uneasy moment of quiet.
Tyke simply finished his cereal. He had completely ignored all the fighting and bickering that was around him.
After a few moments, Tyke abandoned his cereal (that he hardly ate), and turned on the TV.
"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?" The television blared.
"Oh no. Not 'SpongeBob SquarePants'. Not this early in the morning" Butch groaned.
Tom got up, and went to the kitchen, intending to make himself some coffee.
The mansion was mostly silent, with the only noise coming from the television.
Butch was reading a magazine. Spike was staring off into space. Jerry had passed out in the middle of the floor. No one wanted to bother him though, so they let him catch up on his sleep. Tyke was watching SpongeBob on the TV. Tom was scowling at nothing while drinking his coffee.
Basically the whole house had quieted down.
Suddenly, Droopy burst through the wall on a motorcycle. He jumped off the motorcycle while it was still running and the motorcycle crashed into the TV.
Tyke cried at the loss of the television set.
Jerry had woke up, hearing the commotion.
Tom had ignored the whole thing, simply staring off into space.
"Hi everybody." Droopy said.
"You could've knocked on the door you know. You didn't have to drive through the wall." Butch said.
"What are you doing here, anyway?" Spike asked.
"I came here to tell you that Warner Brothers want you to come to their studio for a meeting." Droopy said.
"But it's our day off!" Butch complained.
Droopy didn't respond. He simply got on his motorcycle and drove through a section of the wall.
"There was ALREADY a hole in the wall. Why'd he have to make another?" Spike said.
Jerry was sleeping on his feet, his head was cocked back and he was snoring.
"(Sigh) I guess we have to go to Warner Brothers' studios and see what they want with us" Butch said.
XXXXXX
Later
The Tom and Jerry crew had arrived at the Warner Brothers meeting room. They sat down in their seats, waiting for the boss to speak.
Their expressions were mixed.
Tom was scowling at everyone.
Butch was eager to see what the meeting was about.
Jerry was sleeping on the table. Drool dripped out of Jerry's mouth and onto the table.
Spike was licking a bone.
Tyke was playing a handheld videogame.
Eventually, Butch broke the silence.
"So, is there a reason why you called us out here?" Butch said.
"As a matter of fact, there is. I'm about to tell you why I called you here to this meeting." the boss said.
2 hours later
"And that's why I called you to this meeting." The boss said.
"What are you talking about? You just waited two hours and then said 'That's why I called you to this meeting'. Is there a REAL reason why we're here?" Butch said.
"Yes, well, there IS a reason and I'm about to tell it to you." The boss said.
A moment passed.
"You see, we have noticed how the Tom and Jerry fan base has been slowly declining over the past few years. In order to keep 'Tom and Jerry' alive, we have decided to do something to get our fans back. So this is what we decided." The boss said.
The boss took a breath and continued.
"We are going to start making 'Tom and Jerry' cartoons again." The boss said.
The room was silent.
Most of the Tom and Jerry crew was shocked. Even Tom was caught off guard.
"Say what?" Butch said.
"We're…going to make cartoons again?" Spike said in shock.
"Wow. We haven't made a 'Tom and Jerry' cartoon since the 1990's." said Jerry, who was now wide awake.
"The show will be called 'Tom and Jerry Tales'. We will be filming the first episode shortly." The boss said.
"Isn't this exciting, brother?" Butch said.
"Humph. I suppose, though I've had more excitement while getting eaten by a giant man-eating monkey." Tom said.
"Don't be like that, Tom. This is our show we're talking about! Our pride and joy. It's what we worked blood, sweat, and tears for. You should be happy!"
"I'd be happier if the show was just canceled." Tom said bitterly.
"But it'll be a great show! The kids will love it." The boss whined.
"Look, you obnoxious wretch, this new 'Tom and Jerry Tales' show is stupid. And YOU'RE stupid for coming up with such a stupid idea, stupid!" Tom said.
"But you haven't heard what the show is about, yet!" The boss said.
Tom raised an eyebrow.
"Are you serious? It's 'Tom and Jerry', fool! What else can it be about other than a cat that chases a mouse!" Tom said.
"But the plot is so much more detailed. The intricately layered plot will put anything before it to shame." The boss said.
"Alright, I'll bite. What is the show about?" Butch said.
"The plot better be good." Tom threatened.
"It is. You see, the story centers around a cat. This cat is minding his own business, when he gets disturbed by a mouse. The cat gets angry at the mouse. Soon, the cat starts chasing the mouse. Then, the mouse will outsmart the cat and-"
"HOW IS THAT DIFFERENT FROM THE LAST TOM AND JERRY CARTOONS!" Tom yelled.
"But it's better." The boss whined.
"How?" Tom said.
"It is." The boss said.
"Look, you blithering pile of flea-dung, unless you can come up with a legitimate reason why this show won't be retarded in the next five seconds, I'm going to dropkick you out of the window." Tom said.
"Um."
"Too late" Tom said.
Then, Tom dropkicked the boss out of the window.
XXXXXX
Several hours later
The Tom and Jerry crew walked through the door of The Tom and Jerry Mansion.
Tyke went to watch TV. He watched it in another room since the living room TV was still broken.
Tom scowled so deeply that any flea that flew in front of his face immediately died from his scary glare.
Jerry looked at Tom.
"You know, you didn't have to put the boss in the hospital, Tom.
He might fire you for that." Jerry said.
"I still can't see how the fool wound up in the hospital in the first place." Tom said.
"You kicked him out of a window, Tom." Jerry said.
"So? We throw each other out of a bunch of windows and we've never wound up in the hospital." Tom said.
"Tom. We're anthropomorphic cartoon characters. We can get thrown off the top of the Eiffel Tower and still come out unscathed. However, the boss was a genuine human being. So yes, throwing him out of a 2-story window put him in the hospital." Jerry said.
"Well, don't blame me. Blame humans for being so weak and brittle." Tom said uncaringly.
"Do you even care that the boss is in the hospital?" Jerry asked.
"Not really, no." Tom said.
"Well, I guess I should check on my pet turtle." Butch said.
"You have a pet turtle?" Jerry asked in surprise.
"Of course. His name is Stewart." Butch said.
"Pets are stupid" Tom said.
"Oh yeah? What about that mutant spider that you have?" Butch said.
"That's different. And it's a mutant tarantula" Tom said.
"How is that different?" Butch said.
"It is." Tom said.
Then Tom walked to the kitchen and Spike followed him.
Tom opened the refrigerator door and Spike took a look inside.
He searched for his iced tea but couldn't find it.
"Didn't I just buy some iced tea?" Spike asked.
"Maybe" Tom said.
"Well, what happened to it?" Spike said.
"We're all out" Tom said.
"I just bought it! How could we be all out?" Spike said.
"Your son decided to dump all the tea in a pond so the fish can drink it."
"Agh!" Spike groaned as he hit his head on a wall.
Jerry walked into the kitchen.
"Is there anything good to eat?" Jerry said.
"Not really" Spike said.
Jerry looked at their dwindling food selection.
"Hmm. Looks like we need to make a trip to the grocery store."
"Forget it. We'll just order takeout." Tom said.
"Might as well." Jerry said.
Tom, Jerry, and Spike walked into the living room where Butch and Tyke were.
"We're going to order takeout. What do you two fools want?" Tom said.
"Chilidogs!" Tyke said.
"I resent the insult, sibling." Butch said.
"Chilidogs!" Tyke said.
"Just answer the question." Tom said darkly.
"Chilidogs!" Tyke said.
"I'm in the mood for something spicy." Butch said.
"Chilidogs!" Tyke said.
"We could get some chicken, or tacos?" Jerry said.
"I hate tacos." Tom said.
"You hate all Mexican food! Heck, you hate Mexico period!" Jerry accused.
"Feh, if I had my way, I would blow-"
"You would blow the country with a nuclear bomb. Really, we've heard it before, sibling." Butch said making Tom scowl at him.
"Well, we've got to eat something." Spike said.
"How about this?" Jerry asked as he looked through an ad in the newspaper.
Butch read the ad.
"It's an advertisement for a new restaurant. It's called the Gloom Emporium"
"Sounds depressing. I like it already." Tom said.
"You would, goth boy." Butch said causing Tom to frown at him.
"So what does everyone want?" Jerry said.
"Chilidogs!" Tyke said.
"Ok. Tyke wants chilidogs. Anyone else?" Jerry asked.
"I'll just take a pizza." Spike said.
"Anything that's spicy" Butch said.
"I'll have the undead surprise" Tom said.
"Okay, I'll place the call" Jerry said, before walking to the phone.
"'Undead surprise'? What kind of name is that?" Spike said.
"Well, according to the ad, the restaurant is owned by vampires, so…" Butch said.
"Uh…I'm suddenly having second thoughts about eating from this place." Spike said.
"Relax, you big ninny. It's just food." Tom said.
"But what if the food poisons us or something?" Spike said.
"What kind of a restaurant would poison it's own customers?" Butch said.
"Besides, you eat McDonalds. If you can stomach that then you can stomach anything" Tom said.
Jerry talked on the phone, "Hello? I'd like to place a takeout order."
XXXXX
Moments later, Jerry got off the phone.
"Alright, the food should be here any-"
There was a knock on the door.
"Wow. That was fast." Jerry said.
Butch got up and answered the door. Tyke jumped up and down at the prospect of chilidogs.
Spike had a horrible sense of foreboding and was shaking like a nervous wreck.
Tom had settled into his armchair.
Eventually, Butch came back with bags of food in his hands.
"Alright, here's the food." Butch said.
"One bowl of chilidogs" Butch said as he handed Tyke his plate.
"One pizza" Butch gave Spike his plate.
"This isn't going to kill me, is it?" Spike said.
"No." Butch said.
"One undead surprise." Butch said as he handed Tom his plate.
"And whatever yours was." Butch said as he handed Jerry his plate.
"Thank you" Jerry said.
"Your welcome." Butch said.
Then Butch sat down and the Tom and Jerry Crew ate their dinner before they each went to bed.
- end of chapter -
XXXXX
Read and review!