Insanity

by Saucely Kazzy Carton

Tom, Jerry, Butch, and Spike are actors who play in the cartoon "Tom and Jerry". They are also roommates and live in the same house together. You are about to find out just how crazy their lives can get. Chapter 24: Christmas time has arrived, and the Tom and Jerry Crew is hosting a party! But will they be able to handle it?

5. The Aftermath

Disclaimer: I don't own them. I don't even want to own them. I'm just borrowing the characters so I can portray my crazy and insane thoughts in a work of fiction.

Tom and Jerry music starts playing.

Then, a lion shows up on the screen for no reason. (You know when you watch those old Tom and Jerry cartoons, you always see the lion and you wonder: where the freak did the lion come from?)

Anyway, you know what happens next. So, on with the fanfic!

XXXXX

Insanity Chapter 5: The Aftermath

When we last left our heroes, they were trying to capture Tyke who's villainous plot was to get all the sugar in the city!

Tyke turned around and saw that Spike and Batman were tailing him in the Batmobile.

'No!' he thought, 'I must get the sugar before they catch me!'

But then, Tyke crashed into something horrible.

He crashed into…a balloon!

'Where did the baboon come from?' Tyke thought.

Um…I said balloon. Not baboon. BALLOON!

'A babloom…baraloonym…a batelesaloon'

Really? How do you not know how to spell balloon?

Balloon should be easy to spell. Why, even I can spell balloon. Why, I remember a time when I was talking about balloons and…

"Hey, author man! Get back to the story!" Spike yelled.

Alright, alright. Geez. Anyway, Tyke crashed into a balloon.

The balloon popped, and the concussive blast that resulted from the balloon's popping was powerful enough to destroy Tyke's car in a massive explosion.

"Tyke!" Spike yelled.

When the explosion settled, Batman stopped the Batmobile and looked at Tyke's remains.

"He's dead!" Spike sobbed.

"Um…Spike?" Batman said.

"I never got to tell him how much I loved him!" Spike sobbed.

"Spike!" Batman said.

"I never got to teach him how to play football. I never got to see him graduate. I never even got to see him…"

Batman punched Spike across the Batmobile.

"OW! What was that for?" Spike said.

"Shut up and listen. That wasn't your son!" Batman said.

"What are you talking about?" Spike said.

Batman pointed toward Tyke's remains.

Spike looked at the wires and fuses that were protruding from Tyke's belly.

Wait…wires and fuses!

"That wasn't Tyke! That was a robot imposter!" Spike yelled.

"Someone must've kidnapped your son and replaced him with this robotic doppelganger." Batman said.

"Ok, that explains why my son was acting weird. But who would kidnap him?" Spike said.

"Only one man I know would have the nerve to kidnap a stupid, young, canine child…" Batman started.

"Hey. Don't call him stupid! Only I can call him that! Well, and Tom too on occasion." Spike said.

"As I was saying, only one man could commit such a diabolical crime." Batman said.

"Diabolical?! What is this, the 60's? No one uses the word 'diabolical' anymore! Well, except Jerry but he's not normal so he doesn't count." Spike said.

"Anyway, only one man could…" Batman said.

"Come to think of it, I don't think anyone in my family can be considered 'normal'. There was one time when…"

Batman punched Spike in the face.

"Shut up! Anyway, the only one who could've kidnapped your son is…"

XXXXX

"Stop dragging your feet, snot-monkeys! The sooner we leave this place the better" Tom said as he and his two house mates left the hospital.

As you can see, Tom was in a nasty mood…as usual.

"Well, at least your doctor's appointment is over with. And it hasn't even been one hour yet. That wasn't so hard, right?" Jerry said.

"Wasn't so hard?! You obviously did not see the torture that that idiot dog inflicted on me!" Tom said.

"Speaking of dogs, where in the world is Spike and Tyke? Even I'm getting worried" Butch said

"Should we look for them?" Jerry asked.

"Bah. Let them be. They can walk themselves home!" Tom said.

"Boy, someone has a bigger bug than usual stuck up where the sun doesn't shine" Butch said.

"Shut it before I shove a bug down your throat!" Tom said.

"EW!" Jerry grossed out at the thought of that.

Butch just smirked.

"Is that your idea of a threat? Your comebacks are getting lamer sibling" he said.

Tom glared at him.

"Forget it. I'm not in the mood. It's ironic. Hospitals are supposed to make you feel better, but I feel worse coming out the hospital than I did coming in." he said.

"Maybe it's because you're a sadistic goth cat who likes misery and pain" Jerry suggested.

"Or maybe it's because their doctor is a crazy psychopath" Tom said.

"Now sibling, Droopy might have his…issues, but he's not a bad guy. And despite what you think, he's actually pretty sane" Butch said.

"What kind of a sane person gives someone mouth-to-mouth CPR when it's obvious that they're still breathing?!" Tom said.

"He was just trying to help" Jerry put in.

"Well he can help by staying far away from me!" Tom said.

"Can we change the subject?" Butch asked.

They made it to their car and got in. Jerry at the wheel.

Of course, Jerry had to sit on top of ten million books just to reach the steering wheel but who cares?

Butch looked at his watch.

It was only 12:00.

"Well, it's still pretty early. Where should we go next?" Butch said.

"Oh no, we are going straight home so I can go sit in my chair and drink my tea!" Tom said.

"I thought you drank coffee." Jerry said.

"That's only in the mornings, fool." Tom said.

"Well, I can't think of anywhere else to go so I guess we might as well go home." Butch said.

"Okay then" Jerry said.

Jerry pushed the pedal (don't ask how he can reach it), and the car drove off.

XXXXX

"The only one who could've kidnapped your son is…Santa Claus!" Batman said.

"Santa Claus?!" Spike said.

"Yeah, you probably thought I was gonna say the Joker, huh?" Batman asked.

"I don't get it. Santa isn't evil." Spike said.

"In real life, he is" Batman said.

"If that's the case, then we need to get to his hideout!" Spike said.

"Great. But…where is his hideout?" Batman asked.

"The North Pole, you fool!" Spike said.

"Alright then, to the SOUTH POLE WE GO!" Batman said.

"(sigh) I swear the Batman in the cartoons and comics is so much cooler than the one in real life" Spike said.

XXXXX

"Spike's not answering his cell phone" Jerry said.

They were now in the living room in the Tom and Jerry Mansion. Jerry had his phone in his hand.

"Spike doesn't have a cell phone" Tom said.

"Really? Then who was I calling?" Jerry asked.

"No idea" Tom said.

"Hey, you guys wanna play a video game while we wait for Spike and Tyke?" Butch asked.

"Sure!" Jerry said.

"Videogames are a waste of time. But since I have nothing better to do, I might as well" Tom said.

Butch brought out his Nintendo Game Cube (That's an older game system. This takes place in 2006, remember?).

"So, what game did you have in mind?" Jerry asked.

"How about Tom and Jerry: War of the Whiskers (That's an actual videogame. If you don't know about it, look it up on YouTube)." Butch replied.

"Cool" Jerry said.

Butch loaded the videogame into the GameCube.

Then, he grabbed a controller and gave the other two controllers to Tom and Jerry.

Then, the game started.

XXXXXX

The Batplane flew in the air over the North Pole.

Soon, Batman and Spike determined the location of Santa's hideout.

"I'm pretty sure Santa's hideout is right in that mountain" Spike said.

"How can you tell?" Batman asked.

"Because there's a sign that says 'This is Santa's hideout'" Spike said.

"Alright, let's get out and head out to that mountain" Batman said.

Then, Batman and Spike exited the Batplane, only for Spike to widen his eyes in terror.

"In hindsight, maybe exiting the Batplane while we were still miles up above the ground wasn't such a good idea." Batman said while falling to the ground.

"GEE, YOU THINK?!" Spike yelled.

Fortunately, Spike's yelling caused an avalanche in the mountain.

The snow that was on the mountain fell down to the ground.

Thanks to this snow, the impact was considerably lessened when Spike and Batman hit the ground.

They got up from the snow.

"I think I have snow in my tights" Batman said.

"Come on! We need to stop Santa Claus." Spike said.

He turned around…and saw that Batman was gone!

Sure enough, Santa Claus had kidnapped him.

XXXXX

Butch, Tom, and Jerry had their full concentration on the fighting game in front of them.

Tom was playing as himself, Jerry was playing as himself, and Butch was playing as himself.

Butch smiled as his character punched Jerry halfway across the screen.

"Hey, no fair!" Jerry said.

"If you think that's unfair, then watch this" Butch said as the videogame-Butch slammed a heavy object on videogame-Jerry's head.

Tom laughed at Jerry's misfortune, until Butch started beating up his character.

"Ha! I am the master of this game! No one can beat me" Butch said.

Videogame-Butch's face was hit with a frying pan, courtesy of Tom.

"Hey! You cheating skunk!" Butch said.

"You're the one who's cheating around here!" Jerry said as the videogame-Jerry threw a flower pot that was gracefully avoided by videogame-Butch.

"Ha, please. You call that a weapon? THIS is a weapon!" Butch said.

Videogame-Butch took out a machine gun.

"Hey, there are no guns in this game. Where'd you get that?" Jerry asked.

"I used a cheat code" Butch said.

"See?! You ARE cheating!" Jerry said.

"No I am not! I'm not a cheater. How dare you accuse me of being a cheater!" Butch said.

"Um, you ARE a cheater! The evidence in right in front of us!" Jerry said.

"So that's how you want it to go down. In that case…" Butch said.

Videogame-Butch fired the machine gun at videogame-Jerry.

Videogame-Jerry got hit with videogame-Butch's machine gun.

Just as Butch was about to celebrate his victory against Jerry, Tom shot his OWN machine gun at Butch.

"WHAT THE?!" Butch said.

"You're not the only one who knows how to use a decent cheat code" Tom said.

Videogame-Butch was knocked back by Tom, only for videogame-Tom to get hit by Butch's guns.

"HA! Says you. You're skills are dusty!" Butch said.

"I'll show you dusty!" Tom said.

And the videogame-Tom jumped at the videogame-Butch.

And the battle began.

XXXXXX

"Batman has been kidnapped by Santa Claus! That crazy fat psycho has kidnapped my son and now he has kidnapped my 13th favorite superhero! I can only do one thing in a situation like this!" Spike said.

Spike sat on the ground and took out a handheld videogame. He began to play Super Mario Bros. for about three hours.

After playing the game for several more hours, Spike got bored with it and he stood up from his position on the ground.

"Alright, now what was I doing? Oh yeah, Santa had kidnapped my son and Batman. Well, since I have nothing better to do, I might as well rescue them." Spike said.

Then, Spike went off to rescue the others.

Meanwhile, in Santa's lair.

"Bwa ha ha ha ha!" Santa laughed.

"Struggle all you want, you'll never get out of that cage." Santa said.

"But we're not in a cage" Batman said.

Santa pushed a button and Batman and Tyke were surrounded by a cage.

"Now I can continue my evil plan!" Santa said.

"But why Santa? Why become evil? Wouldn't it be easier to just deliver toys to the kids of the world?" Tyke asked.

"Quiet fool! That's the reason I became evil in the first place!" Santa said.

"I smell a flashback" Batman said.

"Actually, I think you're smelling my underwear. I haven't changed my boxers in 38 years. Wanna see them?" Santa said.

"I don't want to see your underwear. Just get to the part where you tell us why you became evil." Batman said.

"Anyway, for as long as I can remember, I've been delivering toys to the good kids of the world. It just got so tiresome. I mean, do you know how hard it is to travel to every home on the planet, climb down their chimney, and climb back up all in one night? Most of the time, I just get stuck in the chimney because of how fat I am. And I have to do the same thing every Christmas Eve." Santa complained.

"Go on" Batman said.

"You won't believe the things that I've suffered all so those blasted kids can have their toys! And then I thought, if the world never had kids then I wouldn't have to suffer! And so, I came up with my evil plot to destroy all the kids in the world!" Santa said.

"And how did this lead to kidnapping Tyke?" Batman asked.

"That's simple. I've found this orphanage with plenty of kids that live there. Using my persuading skills, I should be able to convince them to destroy all the kids in the world!" Santa said.

"What does Tyke have to do with that?" Batman asked.

"Um…I forgot. But it doesn't matter. Soon those kids will destroy all the other kids in the world!" Santa declared.

"Why would they want to destroy their own kind?" Batman asked.

"Because…they…will…um…wait a minute…" Santa stuttered.

"YOU FOOL!" Batman yelled.

Batman broke out of the cage.

"Hey, how did you get out of there?! You broke through those cage bars like they were paper" Santa said.

"That's because it IS made out of paper, you lazy bum!" Batman said.

Then, Batman jumped up and punched Santa into the wall.

"OW! That hurt!" Santa said.

"Then this will hurt even more!" Batman said, before charging at Santa.

"Oh boy" Santa said, bracing himself for some pain.

XXXXXX

Meanwhile, the rest of the Tom and Jerry Crew were playing their videogame on the GameCube.

Videogame-Jerry had just defeated Tom and Butch, then Jerry's character started it's victory cheer.

Butch started laughing.

"Dude, do you realize how stupid your character sounds?" Butch asked.

"You're calling my character's voice stupid! You should listen to Tom's voice in this game! It's worse" Jerry said.

"No it's not" Tom said defiantly.

"Actually, Jerry's right. Your character sounds like Mickey Mouse after smoking cigarettes for 2 hours." Butch said.

"Please, like your character sounds any better" Tom said.

"It does sound better! Compared to you wimps, my character's voice is perfect" Butch said.

"Perfect my furry white foot! Your character has the worst voice in the game" Tom said.

"Now you're being irrational. How can you not hear the stupid voices that your characters' have?! Are you deaf?!" Butch asked.

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S DEAF! AND WITH ALL THE TIMES YOU SPEND WITH YOUR IPOD'S EARPHONES PLUGGED IN YOUR EARS 24/7, YOU OUGHT TO BE THE ONE WITH HEARING PROBLEMS!" Tom yelled.

"DON'T YOU DARE BRING MY IPOD INTO THIS CONVERSATION!" Butch yelled.

"YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME! IF I WANT TO BRING YOUR STUPID IPOD INTO THIS CONVERSATION THEN I WILL. IT'S MY GOD-GIVEN RIGHT!" Tom yelled.

"DON'T CALL MY IPOD 'STUPID', YOU SADIST!" Butch yelled.

"OH, I'M A SADIST?! WHAT ABOUT YOU? YOU'RE JUST AS BAD AS ME!" Tom yelled.

Jerry slowly backed away from Butch and Tom, who were obviously getting into another fight.

"I'M NOTHING LIKE YOU, AND I NEVER WILL BE!" Butch yelled.

"YOU'RE JUST IN DENIAL!" Tom yelled.

Jerry grabbed his keys and slowly headed for the door.

"IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, I'LL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!" Butch screamed.

"SEE? YOU ARE LIKE ME!" Tom yelled.

"THAT'S IT!" Butch yelled.

Butch took a bowling ball and threw it at Tom, but he missed.

The bowling ball flew through the air and landed on Butch's iPod.

The iPod shattered.

"NO! My baby!" Butch said as he saw the iPod break.

Tom fell to the ground in laughter.

"Nice one, fool. You broke your own iPod." Tom said.

"Grr. You…are…DEAD!" Butch yelled.

Then, Butch jumped at Tom.

Soon, the sound of fighting filled the mansion. Then came the sound of gunshots. Followed by the sound of explosions.

XXXXX

Batman had Santa cornered.

Santa turned around and saw a wall, and in front of him was Batman. He gulped.

Batman's eyes narrowed as he walked toward Santa. At that instant, Santa realized that he was doomed.

Batman was going to kick the snot out of him.

"DON'T WORRY BATMAN, I'LL SAVE YOU!" Spike yelled.

Spike burst through the window and fell to the ground…on top of Batman.

Seeing his chance, Santa made his escape.

"HA HA HA! SEE YOU SUCKERS!" Santa said.

Spike and Batman got up.

"You fool! I ought to punch you for that!" Batman yelled.

"Um…sorry?" Spike yelled.

Batman gave Spike a hard punch to the jaw.

Santa ran to his flying reindeer.

"Hurry, you fools! We need to make our escape!" Santa yelled.

"They're getting away!" Spike yelled.

"Here's the plan. Spike, you and Tyke will go after Santa Claus. Meanwhile, I will make use of Santa's flat screen TV." Batman said.

"I don't like that plan. How about this? You will go after Santa, while Tyke and I watch the TV!" Spike said.

"That plan's no good either." Batman said.

"Well, what do you want to do then?!" Spike asked.

"I don't know." Batman said.

"How about we go after him together?" Spike asked.

"Oh fine. Just stay out of my way" Batman said.

"Great. Now we…wait, where's Tyke?" Spike asked.

They looked up and saw that Tyke was flying after Santa, literally.

"I didn't know your son could fly." Batman stated.

"I didn't either." Spike said.

Tyke flew in the air and he flew in front of Santa's reindeer.

"Stop, or I'll hurt you!" Tyke said.

Santa laughed.

"How can a weak little child like you possibly hurt me?" Santa asked.

Tyke grinned and pulled his fist back.

"Falcon . . ." Tyke waited until Santa was well within range. He then swung his fist forward as hard as he could. "PUNCH!"

Santa screeched in pain as he flew through the air. He slammed into a mountain and fell to the ground.

"Ouch…" Santa groaned.

Darn, that little pup packed quite a punch. Speaking of which…

Santa looked up to see Tyke rushing towards him.

This wasn't good.

XXXXXX

The Tom and Jerry Mansion was an utter wreck. There were signs of battle all over the place.

There were bullet holes in the walls, property that got damaged in explosions, and several places in the mansion were lit on fire.

Basically, the place looked like a war zone.

Inside the beaten down mansion, Tom and Butch were huffing as they finished their fight.

"I… despise… you…" panted Tom.

"I… despise… you… too…" Butch huffed back.

With several resounding pops and cracks protesting from his joints, Butch pushed himself off the floor.

"Man, we hadn't had a fight like that in ages. I can't say I enjoyed it, though" Butch said.

"Humph" Tom pouted as he staggered to his feet.

"What were we fighting about again?" Butch asked.

"I don't know. Something about iPods." Tom responded.

"Oh yeah, that's right! You broke my iPod!" Butch yelled.

"Don't blame me for your stupidities. We both know that you broke your own iPod!" Tom said.

"Oh yeah? Well, I wouldn't have if you had stood there and taken your punishment like a man." Butch said.

"What person in their right mind would stand there and let a flying bowling ball hit them in the face?!" Tom asked.

"Well, that's what you deserve!" Butch said.

"Oh please. Not this again" Tom said.

"Well, it's true!" Butch said.

"It's also true that you're a spineless nerd" Tom said.

"And you're a jerk!" Butch said.

"I know you are" Tom said.

"Grr. Are you trying to start another fight?" Butch asked.

"Maybe" Tom said.

"I don't know why I associate with you half the time" Butch said.

"I guess that's one of the many mysteries of life" Tom said.

"Will you shut it?! My social life has already been ruined because of you!" Butch said.

"You have a social life?!" Tom asked in disbelief.

"This coming from the guy who stays in his house and drinks tea all day?" Butch asked.

"Touché" Tom said.

XXXXXX

Tyke kicked Santa into the air. Santa fell down to the ground.

"Ow" Santa said.

Tyke charged at Santa.

But the crazed madman just laughed before jumping into a robot suit.

"Prepare to die!" Santa said.

Then, Santa shot a laser at Tyke.

Tyke picked up the Batmobile and used it as a shield.

The Batmobile got destroyed.

"Hey, my car! I paid 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 dollars for that!" Batman yelled.

"We need a plan!" Spike said.

Santa smashed Tyke into the wall.

"Oh no! TYKE!" Spike yelled.

Spike got mad upon seeing his son getting slammed into a wall.

Spike jumped in front of Santa.

"Now, Santa! Prepare to face your doom!" Spike said dramatically.

Santa stepped on Spike.

He removed his robotic foot to see Spike crushed in the ground.

Then, Batman jumped on top of the robot that Santa was in.

"Hah! You fool! There's nothing you can do to defeat me!" Santa said.

Batman pushed a button on top of the robot.

"Self-destruct sequence activated" said a mechanical voice.

"Oh drat" Santa said.

Santa's robot exploded.

The madman himself was knocked into the air by the explosion.

"Mark my words! I'll be back, and I will have vengeance!" Santa said before he disappeared beyond the clouds.

"That takes care of him! No one kidnaps my Tyke and gets away with it!" Spike said.

"What should we do now?" Tyke asked.

"Let's go to the movies!" Batman said dramatically.

"Okay" Tyke said.

"Fine with me" Spike said.

And so, Spike, Tyke, and Batman decided to go to the movies.

And that concludes another epic adventure in the wild and crazy Tom and Jerry Universe!

XXXXX

Jerry: Well, that's the end of another story arc.

Butch: Yes, I suppose it is.

Saucely Kazzy Carton: Since I can't think of anything else to say, I might as well thank the reviewers for reviewing. Because, unlike everyone else, THEY actually review the story!

Jerry: So, thank you reviewers!

Butch: So…what should we talk about?

Tom: The Idiocy of Humanity.

Butch: Hmm. Well, I can't think of anything better to discuss at the moment. Fire away.

Tom: I just don't get why everything revolves around humans. I mean, humans are ugly, brainless, slow, dim-witted, and stupid!

Saucely Kazzy Carton: You know, I'm offended by that. I'm a human, you know.

Tom: As I was saying, they're stupid, immoral, dumb, wretched…

Saucely Kazzy Carton: OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH!

Spike: Yeah…don't forget to tune in to the next chapter of Insanity! Now, get lost! I mean, review! No really, get lost!