Disclaimer: I don't own Tom and Jerry. I'm just a fan.
So, I got a new laptop for Christmas and the excitement over getting a new laptop must have temporarily killed my writer's block as I was able to come up with the ideas for two more chapters after this one. That means that Insanity will last for at least 17 chapters. I'm sure that I will be able to come up with some ideas for the chapters after 17 and if not, then surely you lovely readers will continue to inspire me by giving me more reviews!
Not that I'm being greedy or anything but you can never have too many reviews. Especially if your fanfic is one of the most reviewed fanfics in this archive which isn't saying much. (Man, the Tom and Jerry FanFiction archive is pitiful. Maybe if there weren't so many Yaois...)
Anyway, I've been reading the last few chapters of this story and I've noticed something very disturbing. What's disturbing is the fact that Jerry hasn't really been getting much screen time lately. For the past few chapters, the stories were either centered on Tom and Butch or Tyke and Spike. Jerry was almost always left out of the action and whenever he showed up, it was during the times when he took some massive abuse (i.e. Eaten by a monkey, Forced to wear a dress, chased by psychotic kittens, etc.)
That's why this chapter is going to be in Jerry's point of view for the most part. I feel like I owe it to him after everything I made him go through.
Jerry: You got that right, you no good piece of garbag-
Saucely Kazzy Carton: (Holds out a stuffed monkey)
Jerry: AAAAAAAH! MONKEY! (Hides in a mouse hole)
Saucely Kazzy Carton: Ha ha! If there's one good thing to come out of what happened, it's the fact that Jerry now has an acute fear of monkeys!
Jerry: Monkey go away. Monkey go away. Monkey go away!
PS: Sorry this chapter took so darn long to post. Writing in first person point of view isn't easy.
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Insanity Chapter 15: Holiday Horrors
It was that time of year again. Christmas time had arrived in Cartoon City. A peaceful blanket of snow had covered the ground, while people were putting up Christmas trees and bright colorful lights decorated the buildings and houses.
It would be two weeks before Christmas came, and everyone was getting ready to celebrate.
I opened my eyes as I had awakened from my dream. It was another nightmare, if you can even call it that. The dream didn't really get all that scary until the end, when a giant m-m-m-monkey appeared out of the ground and swallowed me (hey, you'd have nightmares too if you were ever eaten by a monkey).
Usually, I'd be hiding under the chair in the corner of my room, shivering and crying and trying to find my happy place. But not today.
Today is a special day and I'm not going to let anything ruin it.
Why is today so special, you might wonder.
Is it because it's two weeks before Christmas?
Yeah, that's part of the reason.
I love Christmas. Who doesn't? It's a time of peace and family bonding. A day of giving and being thankful for the many blessings from above.
But that's not the reason why today is special. The reason is marked right on my calendar.
Jerry's Calendar
December 7: Do some early Christmas shopping
December 8: Buy some new winter clothes
December 9: *BEGIN WORK ON TOM AND JERRY: A NUTCRACKER TALE*
Yep, you guessed it. Today is December 9 which means that today's the day that we're going to work on the new Tom and Jerry movie. This movie is special to me because it's based off of my favorite ballet: The Nutcracker.
Every year, I drag Nibbles with me to see the Nutcracker ballet at the theater. I never miss a single performance and yet the ballet never gets old. Heck, I even have a poster about it taped to my wall!
So you can see why I'm so excited to be making a parody of the ballet. Not only that, but I'm the main character too! Not that that matters because so long as I get to appear in the Nutcracker movie, I wouldn't have cared if they gave me the lamest part of the movie. But no, they gave me the biggest part of all.
Butch is also really excited because for once, he actually has a chance to appear in a feature-length Tom and Jerry movie! I hear he's even going to make a longer appearance this time. I just hope he doesn't get sick like he did during the production of Tom and Jerry: The Magic Ring.
You see, Butch had been really sick during that movie. He was so sick that his face was actually green. To be honest, he should have been staying home, but the Director forced him to come. However, Butch didn't want to be known as the Cat with the Green Face when the movie came out, so he used make-up to make his face look different.
He succeeded but instead of giving him the look he wanted, the make-up made it seem as if Butch had undergone plastic surgery! If you were to watch the movie (it's called Tom and Jerry: The Magic Ring), you would see that Butch actually doesn't really look like himself at all.
The only thing I don't like about this movie is how late we're starting it. The movie is supposed to be in theaters by December 22. It's December 9 and we haven't even started production yet! That gives us 13 days to act out scenes for an hour long movie, edit it, process it, and finish it.
13 freaking days!
Normally, that's how long it will take to film a normal cartoon but this is a Feature Film! You'll need at least 2 months to work on this! But the Director (despite how often he preaches about the importance of being on time) likes to start work at the last possible minute.
I promise you that we're the only movie making studio that starts this kind of work at the last minute. I knew I should have joined up with Disney instead of Warner Brothers. I'll bet Mickey Mouse never has these kinds of problems. That mouse has the best life ever, I swear!
I sighed and looked over at the digital clock that I had by my bed. It was 6:30 in the morning. It was time to get up. I crawled out of my "bed" and stretched. It wasn't always easy to sleep when you slept in an old sardine can.
Besides the fact that you will have to take a shower immediately after waking up if you don't want to smell like sardines for the rest of the day, it wasn't very comfortable either. And yet, it is the only bed I have. Well, there was the other bed, but it was pink, girly, and obviously meant for Barbie dolls (seriously? What's the point of making a bed for Barbie dolls in the first place? They aren't even alive!)
True, the Barbie bed was probably more comfortable than the sardine can but even I have my masculine pride and a man has to draw the line somewhere. Besides, my ego had been bruised enough when I was seen wearing a dress last month (Darn those 12-year-old brats. If they weren't 12 times my size, I'd show them a thing or two).
With a sigh, I left the room and headed for the shower. I didn't want to start my day smelling like sardines. I plopped into the bathroom and closed the door. Since the shower controls were way too high for me to reach (it sucks being a mouse), I had to use a ladder to turn the shower on. I scrubbed myself thoroughly and when I was done, I climbed back up the ladder and turned the shower off. After drying myself off and brushing my teeth, I left the bathroom.
At this point, it was about 7:10.
That meant that Tyke should be getting up in 5...
4...
3...
2...
1...
"WHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" came the voice of Tyke followed by several crashing and breaking sounds that made me wince.
Yep, Tyke was up. That meant that the others would be waking up any minute now.
With a yawn, I walked downstairs.
I entered the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door. I grabbed a cheese stick and began to munch on it. Drawn by who knew what impulse, I looked up at the ceiling and saw the eyes of Tom's giant mutant spider pet staring down at me. There was a time when I used to be afraid of the thing and I kept asking Tom why he kept such a hideous thing.
He never even told me where he got it.
Whenever I asked him, he would mumble something about laboratories, mutagen, and zombies. I decided that I didn't want to know after that. I eventually overcame my fear of the creature and now he's nothing more than an annoyance.
The spider crawled up to me and began to hiss. I stared at it with half-lidded eyes.
"What do you want?" I asked the thing.
The spider creature hissed again.
"Oh, I get it. You want food." I said, finally understanding what the spider/tarantula/creature wanted.
I searched the cabinets of the kitchen and looked for the creature's (Tom never bothered to name it) food. I couldn't find it.
Where did that cat keep that jar of spider-food anyway?
"TOM!" I screamed.
There was no response.
"TOM!" I screamed again.
The bathroom door opened and Tom looked out with a toothbrush dangling from his mouth.
"Wha' d' you want?" Tom asked.
"Where do you keep your spider's food?" I asked.
"Wha?"
"WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR SPIDER'S FOOD?!" I repeated.
"The top shelf, moron. Now lemme alone"
The bathroom door slammed close.
I checked the top shelf and there was a big jar of flies (where Tom gets these insects, I'll never know).
"Here you go." I said as I handed the spider it's food.
The spider looked at the jar and grabbed it. He jumped on the ceiling and began to crawl to some other area of the mansion. Probably to find a nice private spot to eat his flies.
With a sigh, I entered the living room and continued to eat my cheese stick in silence.
I checked the phone and I sighed when I saw that there were 943 voice messages on my phone. I listened to each message and I deleted the ones that were unimportant. 43 messages were deleted and it turns out that the other 900 messages was just one long message from the Director about what he would do to us if we showed up even one millisecond late.
Tom walked in the room and headed for the kitchen. Moments later, Tyke dashed into the room and began to run around like a mad-puppy.
"I want chili dogs!" Tyke screamed.
"You don't eat chili dogs for breakfast, Tyke." I said as I took another bite out of my cheese stick.
"What is for breakfast anyway?" Spike said as he walked into the room.
Tom walked into the room with a cup of coffee.
He took a moment to sip the cup and as the caffeine began to wake him up, Tom was able to take better notice of his surroundings. With a grunt, he sat at the table.
"I don't know," I said as I answered Spike's question, "We're out of oatmeal and I'm kind of sick of cereal."
"Chili dogs!" Tyke said.
"Well, is there anything else?" Spike asked.
"Chili dogs!"
"Well, there is some bacon and eggs, I guess. And I think I saw some pancake batter..." I said.
"Chili dogs!"
"Oy, that means one of us is going to have to cook. I hate cooking."
"Chili dogs!"
I turned to Tyke and growled through my teeth, "We're not... going to eat... chili dogs... for breakfast!"
Butch yawned as he entered the room.
"Hey guys. What's up?" Butch asked.
"We don't know what to eat for breakfast!" Spike said.
"Don't sweat it. I'll cook breakfast." Butch said.
Tom choked on his coffee. I spit my cheese stick out of my mouth. Spike and Tyke gasped. The birds immediately stopped chirping. The sun stopped rising. The old man next door immediately died on the spot. The Earth stopped rotating for several moments (which made night-time in China last 10 minutes longer than expected).
What was the cause of these horrible reactions?
Simple.
Butch couldn't cook to save his own life. His food was about as tasty and appetizing as radioactive waste. Butch was probably the worst cook in the universe as a matter of fact.
"I TAKE IT ALL BACK!" I said in a panic, "I don't mind eating cereal! I don't!"
"Yeah! There's no need to be hasty, Butch! I'm sure some cereal wouldn't be so bad!" Spike said.
"Take one step in the kitchen and you're a dead man, brother." Tom threatened with narrow eyes.
Tyke cried at the idea of being forced to eat Butch's cooking.
"What's the problem? I'm an amazing cook" Butch said.
"The last time you cooked breakfast, you had fixed pancakes. Your pancakes came to life and began to attack the city. The city was getting destroyed and the military had to come here. Unfortunately, neither the police nor the military could defeat your radioactive pancakes and in the end, the world's so-called greatest heroes, the Avengers, had to come here all the way from New York just to deal with your pancake mistake. So no, I don't think that you're an amazing cook, you piece of filth." Tom said with narrow eyes.
Butch growled.
"You're only saying that because you have no cooking ability" Butch said.
"Oh, and you do? Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't your cooking ability the reason why all of us had to go to the hospital for food poisoning once?" Tom asked.
I winced as I remembered that time.
Just so you know, Butch's food's level of inedibility had surpassed some types of poison even. Just one bite of his food will send you to the hospital, where you'll be feeling stomach pains for weeks. Not to mention all the vomiting involved.
No, I'm not exaggerating.
"That was 2 years ago! I've learned my lesson and I've taken cooking classes! I'm the number one student in my cooking class!" Butch said.
Tom narrowed his eyes.
"Okay, okay. I'm the ONLY student in the cooking class, but that doesn't mean that I'm not an amazing cook." Butch said.
"The other students probably died of food poisoning." Tom said.
"Stop it! I'm an amazing cook!" Butch said.
"The more you say that, the more I worry." Tom said.
"Shut it! Your cooking's probably worse than mine!" Butch said.
"What?!" Tom shouted incredulously, "You know I'm a better cook than you! Just look at that babbling freak that Spike calls his son! I've been fixing breakfast for him for the past year since Spike is too lazy to cook in the mornings, and yet he still lives! That in itself is testament to my cooking abilities."
"Pfft, please. The only reason Tyke is still alive is because he has the strongest digestive and immune system on the planet. He can drink the venom of the most poisonous snake on Earth and still live! Not to mention how often he can survive the most dangerous of situations. He can get eaten by a lion and still live! Come to think of it, he WAS eaten by a lion at some point during our road trip! If you were to give your food to someone else, they'd probably get poisoned too!" Butch said.
"You know, he's got a point." I said, but I gulped when Tom sent me a death glare.
"Guys, guys! Stop this arguing! We have to get to the studio soon or the Director will have our hides! We're just going to have to get fast food on the way to work!" Spike said.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" I asked.
Spike glared at me.
I sighed.
"I'll get the car keys." I said.
Since it was cold outside, we decided to wear jackets for the first time since last February. Spike had on a red jacket, and Butch had put on a purple shirt. Tom (unsurprisingly) wore nothing but black as he had on a black jacket and scarf. I just slipped on a yellow scarf. Tyke didn't put anything on but Tyke only gets cold when the weather's no higher than -80 degrees so he didn't need to put anything on.
I grabbed the car keys and handed him to Butch after leaving the house. We drove off and headed for the highway.
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The North Pole was a pretty quiet and empty place. The weather was always cold and there was never any sign of civilization (because no one in their right mind would want to live at the North Pole). Snow fell from the sky at a fast pace as a blizzard had hit the North Pole.
Out of every one in the world, there was only one person who lived at the North Pole, and his heart was just as cold as the weather always was.
That person was known and loved throughout the entire world and his name was Santa Claus.
However, despite the fact that he was always portrayed as a kind and loving man who sends toys to children on Christmas, in real life, he was nasty and vicious and he hated Christmas more than Ebenezer Scrooge.
It was two weeks before Christmas, and Santa had been a busy man as of late. He had been barking orders to his elf minions far more often than usual, which was pretty often.
All of Santa's henchmen feared him around Christmas time. Santa was always irritable during this time of year, and just one wrong move could get you in big trouble with the boss. Just last week, Santa had had one of his elves executed because he didn't put enough sugar in his coffee.
Eddie the Elf was busy putting the latest touches on his newest project. The big boss had wanted him to get this project done by Christmas time and Eddie shivered at the thought of what would happen if he didn't succeed.
The boss had never told him what the project was even for. When he asked, all Santa said was that 'Christmas would soon be no more'.
"EDDIE!" Santa said as he walked in the door.
"EEEEK!" Eddie said as he was suddenly startled by the entrance of his evil boss.
Santa walked up to his machine and looked at it with a calculative gaze, as if he was determining whether or not the machine would be useful or not.
"How goes our latest "project", Eddie?" Santa asked while he was scanning the device.
"It's doing great, your evilness. With this machine, we shall effectively get rid of Christmas forever. All I need to do is install the Satellite Targeting System and the Christmas Doomsday Device would be complete!" Eddie said.
"Good. I want everything related to Christmas destroyed and I want the blasted holiday to get wiped from the face of the earth! My desire for that to happen surpasses even my desire to kill those blasted dogs!" Santa growled.
Eddie said nothing, knowing that interrupting the master's sentences during Christmas time would be like digging his own grave.
"Speaking of which, how goes our favorite cartoon dog and his... miserable son?" Santa asked.
Eddie took out a snow globe and he pushed a button, revealing a satellite image of Spike riding in the car with the Tom and Jerry Crew.
"My sources say that Spike and Tyke are traveling to the Warner Brothers studio where they are going to film a Christmas movie." Eddie said.
"Filming a Christmas movie, huh? Interesting. Now, listen, Eddie! I don't want that dog or his son to get in my way again! If he discovers my plans, he'll find a way to stop me and then it'll all be over." Santa said.
"Are you sure you're not exaggerating? He doesn't look that threatening." Eddie said.
Santa shrugged.
"He's not the real threat. He's one of the biggest threats but he's not who I'm really worried about. It's his son, Tyke, that worries me." Santa said.
"The boy? He looks even less threatening than Spike!" Eddie exclaimed.
"Don't be deceived. That pup is no ordinary pup. He has been a thorn in my side for far too long. He was actually able to defeat me which is something that not even Batman has accomplished."
Santa shivered at the memory.
Flashback
Tyke pulled his fist back.
"Falcon..." Tyke waited until Santa was well within range. He then swung his fist forward as hard as he could, "PUNCH!"
Santa screeched in pain as he flew through the air. He slammed into a mountain and fell to the ground.
End Flashback
Santa shuddered.
"I don't care what you have to do! I want those dogs dead! Especially the young one! And if you can't kill them, then at least make it so that they can't interfere in my plans" Santa said.
Eddie shivered.
"Yes master." he said.
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Jerry's POV
We were driving to the nearest Burger King. Since we had already been to McDonalds the last time we got fast food, we decided that we would get Burger King this time.
"So," Butch said. "Today we begin the filming of our latest movie. However, the script called for Tuffy to be in this movie so we're going to go to his school and pick him up."
"Will they allow us to take Tuffy out of school?" I asked.
"Don't worry. Just ask the teacher to give him his school work for the day and besides, if we don't bring him, the Director is going to be ticked." Butch said.
"The Director is always ticked." I pointed out.
"True, but he'll be even more ticked if we don't bring Tuffy." Butch said.
I had to admit that he had a point.
And so, we traveled to Tyke's school, Cartoon Elementary, and Butch stopped the car in front of the school.
"Jerry, why don't you go inside and get Tuffy. Tyke, since you know your way around the place, why don't you follow him?" Butch asked.
"Fine" I said, "Let's go Tyke."
"N'kay." Tyke said as he hopped out the car's open window and hit the ground. I shook my head as I opened the door and stepped out.
We walked into the school. After checking in at the front office, I found out that Tuffy's classroom was room 4D. It was on the third floor.
We made our way there and I was immensely glad that all the students were in the classrooms and not in the hallways. Otherwise, I would have to make sure that I didn't get stepped on (being a mouse really does suck).
Tyke ran around in circles behind me, jumping into the air on occasion. He began to squeal like a pig, and I put my hands in front of my eyes.
We soon made it to Room 4D and me and Tyke went inside.
The teacher was in the middle of teaching a math assignment when she stopped and looked at us.
Tuffy immediately smiled and waved.
I pointed to him and motioned for him to pack his stuff. I turned toward the teacher and asked, "Is it alright if I take Tuffy out of the class? He's needed at the Studio."
"I suppose so. Is everything alright?" the teacher asked.
"Yeah, everything's fine. We're just filming a movie." I said.
"Very well then. He may go. But I expect him to get his assignments done." the teacher said.
"Don't worry. He will." I said.
Tuffy got his backpack and walked toward us. Tyke grabbed him and put him on his back. He began to give Tuffy a piggyback ride as he ran around and squealed.
Since Tyke wasn't going to be in school either, the teacher gave him his work to do and then we left.
Tuffy was still on Tyke's back.
"So what's been going on with you guys, Uncle Jerry?" he asked.
"Oh, you know, the usual. Chaos. Destruction. Butch almost cooked breakfast today but luckily we managed to convince him not to" I said.
"Anything interesting happen lately?" Tuffy asked.
"Well, Spike broke another of Butch's iPods two weeks ago, and Butch threw him out of a three story window. Luckily, he landed in a pond so no broken bones. And me and Tom also had to go over to Toodles' place and babysit her younger siblings. Those kids are about as bad as the Triplets I tell you. Tom had it when her siblings tried to light a firecracker in his face. When Toodles came home, the first thing she saw was Tom holding her siblings over a vat of acid. Needless to say, I don't think she's ever going to ask Tom to babysit her siblings again."
We made it outside and Tuffy got in the car with Tyke. The minute they were buckled in, they took out their Nintendo DS and began to play Tom and Jerry Tales: The Videogame. They began a competition to see who could get the fastest score in the Timed Race mode.
Butch started the car and we headed for Burger King so we could get breakfast. The car was silent except for the sounds of Tyke and Nibbles, both of whom were mashing buttons, trying to get a faster score than the other.
After getting breakfast, we headed straight for the Studio.
We walked inside and headed for our studio set. As usual, several other WB characters were running around the studio at this time.
Soon, Robin from the Batman/Teen Titans cast walked up to us.
"There you guys are. I think you better hurry up and get to your studio set. The Director is not in a good mood today." Robin said as he gave them the heads-up.
"Joy" Tom said darkly.
"Cheer up, sibling. I'm sure the Director will cheer up when he sees us." Butch said.
1 minute later...
"There you guys are! Why the heck do you always insist on taking your sweet time to get here?! You're LATE, LATE, LATE! I will not tolerate this lateness!" The Director screamed.
"Good morning, Director." the six said simultaneously, all too used to the Director's ways.
"According to this clock, you guys are about 15 seconds late! That's UNACCEPTABLE! This better not happen again! Now, everyone, get moving! We're going to be filming in another location today!" the Director said.
"Where are we headed?" Butch asked.
"We're heading downtown. We're going to be filming the first part of the movie in the Patterson Theater, which will be ours to use for the next 5 hours. Afterwards, we'll be heading back here where we will work on more scenes. You guys will be able to head home after that! Now, here is the script for the new movie. I want you guys to study your scripts, and by the time we're ready to film, you four better have your lines memorized!" The Director screamed.
"You couldn't have given us these scripts earlier so we have more time to memorize our lines?" Butch said.
"Don't start with me, you back-sassing fool! You're going to memorize your lines or else!" The Director said as he gave Tom and me a script.
"But Tom and I never talk in these movies! What lines are there for us to memorize?!" I asked.
"Shut up, mouse! I'm the Director and you're going to do what I say!" The Director said.
"But-!"
"Enough talk! We're wasting enough time as it is. The bus is outside and we're going to meet the rest of the cast at the Theater. Now hurry up and get ready! If your sorry behinds aren't at the bus in 15.7 seconds, there's going to be big trouble!" the Director said as he put his coat on and walked outside.
I sighed as I followed him and we walked to the bus.
We went inside the bus and the Director turned to us.
"Now listen up! The Pattersons have kindly decided to lend us their theater. I don't want them to regret doing that so everyone better be on their best behavior. That means: no fights, no arguing, no cursing, and no messing around. And PLEASE try to keep explosions to a minimum if you can't avoid it entirely. I don't want to blow up the Patterson Theater!" the Director said.
He might as well have been talking to the air as no one was listening. Tom was looking out the window, Butch had plugged in his earphones, Spike had fell asleep, Tyke and Nibbles were back to playing on their games, and I just zoned out entirely.
Soon, the bus started and we began to drive to our destination. I simply stared out the window, looking at the sky, noting with displeasure that the sky was getting darker. That meant that it was either going to rain or snow.
I sighed.
It was probably going to be a long day.
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Santa noted with pleasure that all of his devices were fully operational and they just needed to be turned on. There was just one more thing to build and the Christmas Doomsday Device would be complete.
Santa was walking out in the snow, gadgets in hand, as he put the finishing touches on his Doomsday Machine. One of his reindeer, Rudolf, walked up to him, and Santa petted the reindeer's head.
"This is indeed a turning point, Rudolf. In just a matter of days, my Doomsday Machine will be complete. And then, Christmas will be no more! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
The reindeer chuckled evilly as Santa began to finish the machine that will surely spell the end of Christmas for everyone all over the world...
- end of chapter -
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Saucely Kazzy Carton: So, another chapter done. That's, what, 15 chapters now?
Jerry: Don't be mad. Posting 15 chapters is a good accomplishment.
Butch: Yeah. Lots of FanFiction writers fail to post anything past chapter 2. But you have 15 chapters done and Insanity is still ongoing. There's no reason to be angry.
Saucely Kazzy Carton: Um, who said I was angry?
Spike: Seriously, calm down. It's not good for you to be so angry.
Saucely Kazzy Carton: What are you talking about? I'm NOT angry!
Butch: Dude, relax and take some chill pills. You need to calm down.
Saucely Kazzy Carton: I AM CALM!
Jerry: Run for it! He's going to blow!
Spike: He's like an angry killing machine! He's going to destroy everything!
Saucely Kazzy Carton: I AM NOT! What are you guys saying?!
Butch: Dude, if you want to take an anger management class, I can enroll you in one.
Saucely Kazzy Carton: Grr, now you guys really ARE making me angry.
Spike: All this anger is bad for you. Calm down now. We don't want you to hurt anyone.
Saucely Kazzy Carton: I'm not angry!
Butch: Just calm down and relax!
Tom: Take a deep breath and count to ten.
Saucely Kazzy Carton: I WILL NOT! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHY YOU KEEP IMPLYING THAT I'M AN ANGRY KILLING MACHINE BENT ON DESTRUCTION AND THAT I NEED TO CALM DOWN!
Jerry: RUN FOR IT!
(The Tom and Jerry Crew has run away)
Saucely Kazzy Carton: ... um ... review please?