Wedding Dress

That winter day, snow slowly drifted down from the sky and the church bell rang. It was a beautiful day and the cold was bearable.

She looked beautiful in that dress, cheerful when my niece was sprinkling white petals all over the place. She was such a bother. At least, Anna was laughing.

I was sitting behind the piano when she said those three words, 'yes, I do.' She had that expression when she turned to me - a mixture of plead and happiness as if she was telling me through her eyes, 'I'm getting married, Elsa.' I couldn't forcing out a grin. She turned around to her groom, hands squeezing each other. Her giggles were sweet, but no matter how sweet it sounded, it was awful to my ears. I wanted to be the one making her laugh this way. I looked down to my keyboard.

Don't cry.

You're not that woman anymore.

My heart punched me in the guts, but I felt happy for her. For years, she'd been struggling to find her own place where she really belonged. And when she did, all I ever wanted was to see her smile like this.

Everyone cheered when they kissed, the groom picking her up in her arms and she screamed with joy. I had to turn away and close my eyes, my body shaking in fear. Was it selfish of me for wanting to be taking over his place, scoop her in my arms?

But no matter how much I dreamed of taking her in my arms, we couldn't.

Anna and I… We'd hurt each other, torn each other into bits and pieces until we were incapable of mending each other back. So we parted. Because we cared so much… too much for each other, we silently went our own ways.

It was the only way that would not… break us.

Everyone was talking to one another, but I kept my eyes only on her. I noticed Olaf and my brother staring at me from afar, but I didn't care. Soon, I caught eyes with Anna.

"Elsa!" She walked over to me and I closed the lid of the piano, immediately smiling to her. She showed me her ring. "Elsa, look, I'm married!" And I had to give out a chuckle as she jumped up and down.

"Stop, you'll ruin your dress," I smiled and immediately, she stopped.

"But aren't you happy though?" she asked, tilting her head.

"I'm very happy. Congratulations, Miss Smith… Or should I call you, Mrs. Westergard?" I put my hands in my pockets, watching her eyes glow and widen.

"Oh wow… I have no idea why but it sounds so strange coming your mouth." Why, because we had feelings for each other once?

She sighed and smiled, looking at me as if she was trying to find some hidden expression behind my smile. Her fingers came up, caressing my cheek, but I had to resist from her touch. It'd been forever since she was this gentle with me. I grabbed her wrist and held her tightly.

I clenched my jaw, boring my blue eyes into hers. She frowned slightly, looking at my hand then back to me. Her expression softened.

"Hey…" she whispered. "What are you thinking?"

You.

"Nothing."

She rolled her eyes. "You such a bad liar." Ironic.

Somehow, I managed a real laugh because of the irony. It slowly faded, the longer I stared into her teal eyes. "Do you regret it?" I asked. She looked confused and slipped her hand back to her side.

"W-What?"

I let my eyes fall to the floor, ashamed to look at her. "Do you regret what we had for each other?"

Her eyes sparkled and she turned away from me. I regret asking her this. One question and if we were not careful, even this little friendship—this small spark of light would disappear. My hands clenched on the edge of the piano. Soon, I was sweating.

We were awfully silent and even though there were so many people talking from her groom's' family, her family and my family, we only had our attention for each other.

"Yes," she answered. My fingers twitched and I suppressed an ugly cry.

She smiled with bitterness. "Sometimes… I just wonder if we really were worth being with each other. With the time, we'd been together… We were only hurting each other without noticing." She looked up to me. How was she this strong? How was it that I suddenly became the opposite? "And I keep thinking… Was it really worth getting hurt over and over again just to be with the girl I once loved? Was it really worth all the pain and tears? Elsa…" She took a step towards me and I had to back away. I feared her and her words. It hurt.

"Elsa… You've hurt me for… Countless of times and I had to endure so much. I broke down, I couldn't take anymore of the pain you called comfort, so I needed to leave the monster you were—the liar you were in order for me to stay sane. I regret it Elsa, I really do."

Just listening her spit out poisonous words was suffering. But I endured. Those words could not be compared to the pain I had caused her.

"I'm sorry." The only thing I could ever say.

But I knew, all that I had done couldn't be fixed with the millions of sorry I managed to say to her. She was beyond annoyed by now. My eyes sparkled when I picked it to look into her beautiful teal ones. "But just know that… I really did care about you—I still do, Anna."

She grinned, mouthing to me, "I know."

Anna took my hand, rubbing her thumb against the back of my palm. "I know you'll always be there for me. And for me… Likewise."

We stayed quiet, enjoying each other's presence. Just looking at her, she'd always had that expression of tenderness. I looked behind herald noticed the groom talking to her father, staring at us.

I glared. I tugged Anna's and nodded to her groom. She looked at me, confused. "Just so you know, if he ever makes you cry, I'll make sure that in the next few hours, he's dead."

She laughed. This was the first time I had ever heard such a cheerful laugh. My heart raced and I had the most wonderful grin. "Don't worry, he won't do anything, I'll make sure of it. I have you, after all." She turned around to see her groom, waving for her to come over. "Well… I guess, my husband wants me to go. You coming?"

For a bit, I stared at her, amused. "In a minute."

"Alright, I'll go first."

And when she was gone to talk to her husband, I sighed in relaxation. I put my hands in my pocket, watching her talk. I felt a little box and pulled it out. In there, was a diamond ring and I grinned, admiring at the shine of the jewelry. And with the realization that I couldn't give it to anyone… My expression tightened.

I was a coward, a liar, a monster… Whatever Anna used to call me. I earned it and I did not deserve the love she had for me.

I looked at the ring in coldness, in regret and I wanted to get rid of it. Even until the very end, even until Anna was married to another person, I was still hurting myself. Why? What did I do to deserve this pain?

With the necklace I had under my suit, I pulled it off my neck. I stared at the violin and bow for a second. I could never forget how it all started, how all this suffering started and it was all because of me and this instrument. I was too selfish, too innocent at that time, I thought I was going to go crazy.

Slowly, I put the metal string through the ring until it dropped to the middle. If I didn't have to guts to throw it, keeping it near me, to my heart should suffice. I had to keep the three most important things close to me. The violin, the ring and her.

"Elsa!" She waved. I smiled, raising a hand and walked towards the group.

"I'm coming… love."

I love her.