Chapter 5: ignore the feelings

Hey guyyyys! I have been feeling a little down lately, and been struggling with some things so I don't think I will be able to update every day. Buuuut I will post chapters that are at least 1k words of more often! Hope you enjoy!

Credit to The Night Ninja for helping me out with some lines! She's been really helpful with my story and I hope you go check out some of her work too! Anyways I really appreciate the help!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the outsiders (you can tell because Johnny and dally will always be alive in my stories)

.

.

.

OoOoOo

(Pony's POV)

I woke up very confused. I didn't remember going back to my room. Didn't I go out of here to get food? I don't know. Probably just dreamed it.

I then sat up and looked around, still pretty dazed on what happened. I spotted a sandwich in my desk, which was odd. I wasn't allowed to eat in my room. "Probably too tired to eat it." I thought. Might as well eat it now, before it gets bad.

I took a bite and instantly knew something was off. This was a grilled cheese sandwich, I don't know how to make that.

Suddenly memories of what happened before rushed to my mind. Memories of Dallas and Twobit glaring at me, telling me Johnny was dead, yelling.

"ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"Maybe you should of thought about that before you tripped!"

"Murderer."

Johnny's dead.

Johnny's dead.

Johnny's dead.

HE CANT BE DEAD!

I JUST SAW HIM!

This was way too overwhelming. I can't believe it, Johnny was actually dead and it was my fault. How could I have done this to him. He trusted me, he was my best friend! I can't believe it. I can't believe it.

I CANT HANDLE THESE EMOTIONS.

THIS IS TOO MUCH.

TOO MUCH.

I CANT TAKE IT!

I then screamed at the top of us lungs in anger, frustration, stress, sadness, despair, grief, and confusion.

This scream sounded like nothing I've ever heard before. As tears streamed down my face, I didn't know what to think. I was so mixed up in my emotions I couldn't think. I didn't know what to do. I wanted comfort. But who would comfort a murderer.

I wanted Soda's warm embrace. I wanted Darry's protection. I wanted the gang. I wanted someone. I NEEDED someone. Anyone. I don't care who, I needed someone, desperately. These emotions were getting to much for me to handle, and it's destroying me from the inside out.

I don't know how much longer I can take this.

I need you Mom.

I need you Dad.

Why did you have to leave.

Eventually, I cried myself to sleep.

OoOoOo

(Soda's POV)

It was 5 PM when I got home. Dally and Twobit came back to the house after visiting Johnny and 15 minutes after I had. They told me everything that had happened during the day with Pony. I honestly felt awful. I couldn't stand seeing Ponyboy like this much longer, I will break.

The thing is, I couldn't help ponyboy. When we were walking home from the hospital the day this all started, we told each other that we would make him learn his lesson. At the time we all thought it was the right thing to do, but now I'm not so sure. After the first day, the gang was about ready to lay off of him, they heard him scream from his nightmare and their hearts just about shattered. Even dally's.

But now what we are doing is getting so bad that Ponyboy is fainting. I don't think he can handle much more of this, neither can I.

Suddenly we all here a loud scream come from Ponyboy's room, followed by loud sobs. We all walk up to the door to see what's happening but it was closed. Dally Two it and I then listen to what's happening inside, just out of curiosity.

We heard Ponyboy sob and break things. He also started yelling "I CANT FUCKING TAKE IT!" Over and over again. My heart just about shattered into a million pieces at him screaming. I just wanted to run in and give him a big hug right then. He needed me and I wasn't there. I needed to help him before it was too late.

Dally, Twobit and I sat in silence in the living room after that. We didn't really know what to say. Ponyboy was breaking, physically, mentally, and emotionally. And it was all our faults. It's only been a day and a half and we've driven him so far that he's already having a break down.

"Guys we need to stop doing this. It's breaking him and it's tearing me apart." I said to them. They only looked up and nodded. We agreed to talk it over with the gang tomorrow to talk about if we should stop this.

But I was afraid. The damage had already been done. I don't think pony will ever want to see me or talk to me again after what I did to him.

Wait doesn't he still think Johnny's dead..?

SHIT!

Gosh dang it Twobit!

What am I going to do!?

OoOoOo

(2 hours later, 3rd person POV)

Darry got home around 7. He had went to go and visit Johnny after work. Everyone got a feeling he was in a good mood, because he seemed more laid back than usual. Which was perfect in their case because that means they could discuss the pony situation earlier. All they were missing was Steve, which wouldn't be a huge issue because whatever the final decision was is what he will do.

They all came to an agreement to tell ponyboy the truth at the end of the week. None of them truly knew what they have done to pony. All they thought was that he has fallen into a temporary depression, nothing too serious. They were absolutely clueless to what was going on through his mind.

A little time later Steve arrived, and they told him everything. He didn't seem to have a problem with it.

"Alright guys Imma head off to bed." Soda said, raising his arms above his head as he yawned.

"Night little buddy." Darry smiled at soda, soda nodded and went off to bed.

"I'm ganna stay here tonight Dar." Steve said. "Alright." Darry replied. They usually slept over at the Curtis's anyways, nothing new.

"Night everyone. Darry said. "Night Dar." Twobit and Steve replied as he walked to his room.

That night was a strange night for all of them, as they all went to sleep they all were seeing very disturbing images. They saw a silhouette of a small boy hanging from a rope by his neck. He looked around 12 or 13, though they couldn't see the face. They all saw it, but everyone just thought it was a nightmare. They didn't even know they all had the same nightmare, just different times in the night. It scared them. But that's what nightmares do, scare you.

OoOoOo

(Pony's POV)

I woke up and I was in a dark ally way. It was night time, and the only thing I could hear was the wind howling down the street. It was very strange. I must've been jumped to be lying in an ally, specially this time of night. I decided to try to get up, but I couldn't move. I also realized it felt like I wasn't breathing.

I started to panic, I tried to inhale and exhale but nothing happened. "Shit!" I thought. Suddenly, a dark figure appeared.

"You don't care about me, I'm dead now and it ALL YOUR FAULT" shouted the figure before cackling and circling Pony. Five switch blades appeared out of nowhere followed by a gun from the first shadow.

I was absolutely terrified. I couldn't scream or cry, I could do nothing. I was frozen. The only thing I could do was think.

. Five switch blades, without a warning entered my chest piercing my heart. The gun was to my head and Johnny's face appeared,

"You killed me pony, now it's time I return the favor" cackled Johnny. I couldn't say anything, my heart was shattered, I was bleeding badly, every bone in my body felt broke. The gun went off and I woke up. I screamed so loudly the whole neighborhood could probably hear me. I can't even express how scared I was. I felt alone, depressed, and guilty. I now know for a fact nobody wants to help me. I will never again receive the comfort from my brothers or the love from the gang. I will also never again feel happiness.

But how can I complain?

It's what I deserve.

"They don't love you pony" a voice said.

I wasn't scared of the voices anymore. They were right. They always were.

"Soon, very soon. You will join me pony…"

I guess it's only a matter of time.

OoOoOo

(3rd person POV)

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The scream echoed throughout the house. It was haunting and it was something that could never be forgotten. It echoed in the gangs ears.

You could hear the heartbreak in it. You could hear the hurt and loneliness. It sounded as if it were a cry for help. But what's the point of crying out when there's nobody to save the day?

What's the point of happiness when there's nothing to be happy about?

What's the point of living when there's nobody who cares for you?

Thoughts…

Everyone has thoughts.

Not everyone thinks the same.

Not everyone can take the pain.

Thoughts…

Was thinking really a good thing?

Thoughts can hide your emotions real well…

Emotions…

Emotions, they are real sweet.

Love.

Joy.

Happiness….

But also…

Sadness..

Loneliness…

Guilt…

They can also destroy you from the Inside, out.

Until you can't take anymore….

Until sweet, sweet release.

"Oh how great that would be…" ponyboy thought.

.

.

.

Wow that was dark. Anyways hope u guys enjoyed! Well now I'm ganna go eat some more diabetes in a can so have a nice day!

OK LET ME JUST SAY, I WANTED TO ITALISIZE THE DREAM BUT THIS FRICKEN WEBSITE WONT LET ME WOTHOUT GLITCHING. SO ALL I CAN SO IS CAPS. SO FRICKEN ANNOYING! Have a great day!