Disclaimer: I don't own Tom and Jerry.
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Insanity Chapter 22: The Game's Afoot
It was going to be a long week. Spike could tell. He could tell the moment he learned that he would have to spend the rest of this week in a hotel that didn't even have electricity or running water.
RING! RING! RING! RING! Came the sound of Spike ringing the bell at the receptionist's desk. Scrappy-Doo zoomed up to the desk.
"Yes?" he asked with a sickly smile.
"Where's the bathroom in this joint?" Spike cut to the chase, twisting his legs and shaking with the need to urinate. "I've been searching every inch of this hotel for... (checks watch) two hours, and haven't found it yet."
Scrappy smiled.
"It's a good thing you came to me. You see, installing bathrooms cost a lot of money. Money which I don't have. So I decided not to install any bathrooms." Scrappy stated with a cheerful smile.
"Then how the heck is anyone supposed to use the bathroom if there aren't any bathrooms? Or shower for that matter?!" Spike yelled.
"There are a few empty bowls in the kitchen you can borrow if you really need to go. As for the showering thing, I don't know. You may have to get creative with that one. Or you could just do what I do and not shower at all." Scrappy said, still grinning.
Yes. It was going to be a long week indeed.
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"Wow. 221B Baker Street." Jerry said as he gazed at the famed building. After several hours of drifting around, Jerry finally gave in and asked for directions, and they were led straight to it.
Tom, still sore over the fact that he had been needlessly walking all over London for several hours, snarled at his rodent friend.
"You really think someone as senile as Sherlock can hear your pitiful little knocks?" Tom asked.
"Well then, why don't YOU knock?!" Jerry snarled back.
"Hmph. Mice." Tom said under his breath as he rolled his eyes. He raised his fist and knocked on the door several times.
There was no answer. Tom's frown deepened and he continued to knock. The knocks got louder with each pound.
"Guess he still can't hear us." Jerry said, somewhat sarcastically.
Tom glared at the door as if it was his arch-enemy responsible for all of his troubles.
"He'll hear this." Tom said as he took out a gun and shot the door several times.
Jerry covered his ears and glared at the cat.
"Are you insane?!" He yelled over the gunfire.
Tom didn't respond. As he ran out of bullets, he waited. There was still no sound. The wind picked up and the door opened a bit.
"Hey! The door was unlocked the whole time!" Jerry said as he walked inside.
Tom followed Jerry inside.
"You do realize you're tresspassing." Tom said matter-of-factly.
"This coming from the guy who just shot someone else's property just a few moments ago?" Jerry fired back. Then he stopped as he realized that there was someone who's voice he hadn't heard in a while.
"Hey, wait a minute. Where's Tuffy?" Jerry asked, suddenly noticing his absense.
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"Wow. Another amazing plot twist!" Tuffy said.
The young mouse was currently walking around London, consumed with his book. As far as he was concerned, he was still following Tom and Jerry. He wasn't even aware that he had lost the cat and mouse several blocks ago.
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"I think we lost Tuffy." Jerry said, looking back.
"So?" Tom said, shrugging in indifference. "Getting himself lost will do the little brat some good. It will teach him to be more aware of his surroundings."
Jerry frowned.
"But Nibbles has never been in London before." he pointed out.
"All the better. It will be an educational experience for him." Tom said.
"But if he's lost-"
"CAN I HELP YOU TWO?"
Tom and Jerry jumped at the robotic voice that had just addressed them. The robot was feminine in shape and was dressed like a maid.
Tom and Jerry, who had recently had a VERY bad experience with a female robot maid, treated this robot as a threat. Jerry raised his fists and Tom took his gun out again (forgetting that he had already used all his bullets on the door). The robot looked from Tom, to Jerry, and back to Tom, and then back to Jerry.
"A WALKING AND TALKING CAT AND MOUSE? AH, YOU MUST BE ONE OF SHERLOCK'S EXPERIMENTS. HOW'D YOU GET OUT YOUR CAGES? BACK IN YOUR CAGES YOU GO."
With strength that seemed incredible for a robotic old lady, she picked up Tom and Jerry by their necks. Both of them struggled.
"Unhand me, you chrome-plated freak!" Tom yelled.
"We're not experiments! Who are you, anyway?" Jerry said as he struggled.
"I AM MRS. HUDSON 2.0. MY DUTIES ARE TO TAKE OVER FOR THE ORIGINAL AND DECEASED MRS. HUDSON. THAT INCLUDES CLEANING THE HOUSE, COOKING DINNER, AND TENDING TO SOME OF SHERLOCK'S LIVING EXPERIMENTS." she said.
Tom and Jerry struggled harder as Mrs. Hudson dragged them to a room.
"You're mistaken, lady! We're not experiments!" Jerry cried out.
"YOU'RE NOT? OH, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY. THAT CHANGES THINGS."
With that, Mrs. Hudson set Tom and Jerry down on the floor.
"MY APOLOGIES, YOU TWO." Mrs. Hudson said.
Tom dusted himself off.
"Finally, a robot with some sense." he muttered under his breath.
"BUT IF YOU ARE NOT EXPERIMENTS, THEN YOU CAN ONLY BE INTRUDERS. WHICH MEANS I MUST ACTIVATE MY INTRUDER PROTOCOL. OBJECTIVE: ELIMINATE."
"Wait, what?" Both Tom and Jerry said at the same time.
Suddenly, Mrs. Hudson's legs extended as she grew several feet taller. Her arms extended and she placed them on the ground so that she was on all fours. Her shoulders morphed into cannons. Her eyes turned into heat seeking lasers. Out of her ears popped two cannons which aimed straight at Tom and Jerry.
"TARGETS ACQUIRED! OPENING FIRE IN THREE, TWO, ON-"
Suddenly a flying hatchet sliced through the air and took the robot's head off. The robot sizzed and sparkled before shutting down, falling flat on her stomach. Tom raised an eyebrow at Jerry, who had thrown the hatchet.
"Since when did you start carrying hatchets around?" Tom asked.
"Since I realized that I needed life insurance whenever I hang out with you." Jerry said. "Now come on! The house is clearly empty. Let's explore!"
Tom grumbled as he reluctantly followed his little rodent friend.
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It was going to be a long week.
Butch knew it the moment he saw what the bedroom looked like. It was small and cramped, with cracks all over the walls. If this was what the suite looked like, he was glad he wasn't staying in any of the normal bedrooms.
Still, Butch decided to make the most of it.
At the moment, he was laying sideways on his cot (er... bed) jamming out to music on his little CD player. With there being no electricity or any recreations at the hotel, it was all Butch could do to amuse himself during this unfortunate one-week stay.
His body was jamming to the music that was blaring loudly (probably more loudly than was healthy) into his ears. Had he known how unstable his cot was, he probably wouldn't have been moving at all.
As it was, the cot decided to rebel against the cat by de-attaching itself from the wall and crashing to the floor, Butch with it.
The cat groaned for a minute.
"Oh, what's a guy gotta do to get a decent bed in this joint?" he muttered to himself as he got up. He reached for his CD player, only to discover that it had not survived the fall.
"No!" he said as he gathered up the remaining pieces of his beloved.
Butch groaned.
It was going to be a long week, indeed.
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"Check it out, Tom! I'm Sherlock!" Jerry said, wearing one of Sherlock's jackets and cap, "I can't believe Sherlock has clothes in his closet that are in my size. Especially considering how tall he is."
Tom rolled his eyes and glared at his little companion.
"It's a miracle. Now can we go?" he said, arms crossed as he leaned against the wall. "I have absolutely no desire to spend the rest of my day in this trash-hole."
For once, Tom was not exaggerating. Sherlock's bedroom pretty much WAS a trash-hole. Objects were scattered along the floor in such a big pile that Tom had a hard time figuring out where the bed was. Tom didn't think it was possible, but the room had to be even messier than Butch's room.
And the smell. It smelled like this room had been home to WAY too many toxic fumes. How this man lived to be over 150 years old in such conditions was beyond him.
"Nope." Jerry said. "We still have to check out Watson's room."
Tom groaned. This was going to be a long week.
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Unbeknownst to Tom and Jerry, they were about to discover that this week was going to be even longer than they anticipated, for there was danger lurking over their heads.
A danger from the future.
In the 22nd and a half century, a screwdriver had finally finished turning a bolt.
"Finally." came a voice, "I have made my latest modifications to my time machine. Now to head back in time, and get Sherlock Holmes."
The voice laughed insanely.
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"Jerry, you never cease to make me sick." Tom said as he looked at the outfit Jerry was holding out.
They were now in Watson's room, which thankfully was much tidier.
"Come on, Tom. Just try it. You're going to wear an outfit similar to this while we're filming anyway."
"And I wish to prolong my agony for as long as I can, thank you very much."
Jerry was currently holding out one of Watson's uniforms for Tom to wear. Needless to say, Tom was not thrilled.
"Come on. Just for a few minutes? I can't be Sherlock without a Watson." he said. "And after you put it on, I'll be willing to leave."
Tom looked at the outfit. And then back at Jerry. And then back at the outfit. He snarled.
"Fine. Hand the stupid suit over." he said.
Moments later, Tom was dressed up in Dr. Watson's outfit, snarling. Jerry on the other hand was smiling.
"Awesome! Let me get my camera so I can take a picture." Jerry said as he took out a camera that somehow managed to fit in his pocket.
Tom glared and turned around, heading for the door.
"That's it. I've indulged your childish whims for long enough. We're leaving. Now."
Tom was about to take off the suit he was wearing, when suddenly a flash of light shined in the room. The next thing Tom or Jerry knew, they were being zapped into unconsciousness.
Above them, an evil figure laughed.
"Gotcha."
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Butch was walking down the hallway. He was on his way to the stairs so that he can go down to the front desk and complain to the manager. However, before he could even make it to the stairs, the floor gave way underneath him.
Butch screamed as he fell 3 stories, with each floor he landed on also giving way. Meanwhile, Spike was on his way to the stairs so he could head up to his room.
He stopped at the sound of a scream that came from above him, and it seemed to be getting closer...
Suddenly, Butch burst through the ceiling and landed on him. The two of them groaned as they lay on the ground. Finally, they both sat up.
"That's it! Call the other actors for an emergency meeting. None of us can take much more of this." Butch said, snarling.
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Tom and Jerry woke up lying on their backs. Groaning, they both got up only to discover that they were in an extravagantly large room, filled with sculptures and paintings, many of which happened to depict Professor James Moriarty. A screen appeared on the wall, and it turned on to reveal a shadowy silhouette. Tom looked around to see guards by the doors and windows. He groaned in irritation.
"Should have known we'd get kidnapped considering how bad the day's been already." he grumbled under his breath.
"Who are you?" Jerry asked cautiously.
A low gravelly voice responded.
"Heh he he... I am your greatest nemesis, your intellectual superior, your most dangerous adversary, your worst nightmare. I am your destruction. I am your-."
"Enough. I've had a bad day and I really don't need you to make it worse. How about we pay you whatever you want so you can let us get back to our lives and you can back to yours?" Tom said, glaring.
"Oh, this is not about money." the voice said.
"Then what is this about?" Jerry asked.
"Revenge. You two have brought disgrace on my family name. You have shamed my ancestor Professor Moriarty, and our family line has been under your hateful shadow ever since. But now, I will turn the tables! I have invented a time machine that allowed me to go back in time and kidnap the two of you. I have taken you with me to the 22nd and a half century and I plan to prove that you aren't the great detectives everyone claims you are, Sherlock Holmes and John Watson!"
Silence for a moment. Then...
"WE'RE NOT SHERLOCK AND WATSON, YOU DUNG-BRAINED IMBECILE!" Tom shouted.
"Nice try. But I not only found you inside of 221B, the famed residence of Sherlock and Watson, but the two of you were dressed in the same clothes that Sherlock and Watson wear in the history books," Tom gave Jerry a sharp glare at hearing this while Moriarty continued, "Therefore, the only logical conclusion is that you two are Sherlock and John."
Jerry clasped his hands together in a pleading look.
"Look, it's a misunderstanding. We're just two actors who broke into Sherlock's house, destroyed his security robot, and dressed up in his clothes. That's all. Just let us go, and we'll find the REAL Sherlock and Watson for you." Jerry said.
The figure laughed.
"You must think me dense if you believe I'm going to fall for your tale." the figure stated.
"Alright, smarty-pants." Tom said, "Sherlock and Watson were humans, and we're not. How do you explain that?"
"History books say that Sherlock Holmes was a master of disguise. Obviously, you two were in the middle of testing out a new disguise before I kidnapped the both of you."
Jerry raised his finger.
"But that's not-"
"Shut up!" snapped the shadowy figure. "If you two are really such great detectives, then you should get out of this alive. But if you fail to solve the mystery I have set up for you, then it will be the end of the legendary Sherlock Holmes" A few moments passed, during which the mystery figure seemed to be waiting for something.
"I said-" Moriarty snarled. "It will be the end of the legendary Sherlock Holmes." There was a loud lightning sound effect and the room was lit. "That's better."
"What mystery?" Jerry asked.
A picture appeared on the screen.
"This girl's name is Amy. She has disappeared without a trace, and no one can figure out what happened to her. I will give you three clues and nothing else. I will also allow you to have free reign of the mansion as you try to solve the mystery. However... the guards posted by the windows and doors won't appreciate it if you try to leave, and they just might get... trigger-happy... if you catch my drift." The figure paused, "You have an hour to figure out what happened to Amy. Get to it, Sherlock."
The screen turned to each other. Tom and Jerry looked at each other.
"Alright, Tom... I mean, Watson. I guess the game's afoot." Jerry said with a slight smile.
"... why the heck am I Watson and not Sherlock?" Tom huffed.
"Come now. You're the one dressed as Watson. Now, come along. We have a case to solve." Jerry said.
Tom rolled his eyes and followed his rodent companion.
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Butch and Spike were sick and tired of this stupid hotel. There was no electricity, no running water, you had to relieve yourself in the same bowls that are used to cook food, no showers. Butch and Spike had gathered Droopy, the other Butch, Miss Red, and all the other cast members for an emergency meeting.
"What are we going to do about this?" the other Butch asked. "We can't eat, we can't use the bathroom, we can't even entertain ourselves unless counting the amount of cockroaches in our rooms counts as 'entertainment'."
"I don't care if this movie earns billions of dollars. If I have to stay in this hotel any longer, I'll quit." another actor said.
"Yeah, same here!" Another one said.
Soon the whole room began to fill with loud chattering. Butch silenced them.
"Relax, people! I have a plan!" he said.
Everyone quieted down as they listened to Butch.
"Okay. Here's the plan. First, we need matches and lighters. When we have all the necessary equipment, we set fire to this hotel and burn it down to the ground. After that, we'll let the police arrest us for arson. Then, they'll let us stay in nice, cozy, jail cells. When it's time to head back home, we'll let the Director pay our bail (since he got us into this mess), and we can go back to our everyday lives. Sound good?" Butch asked.
"First, that's the dumbest plan I ever heard. And second, what makes you think the Director would do such a thing? On what world do you live in where you think our cheap penny pinching Director would do such a thing for us?" Butch the dog asked.
"Well, do you have a better plan?" Spike asked.
"I do." Droopy said, holding his cell-phone. "I just checked us into a five-star hotel for the week."
Everyone cheered.
Droopy stretched out his pockets, letting a few flies fly out.
"That someone else will have to pay for." he finished.
Everyone groaned. Butch sighed.
"Well, it'll be worth it. Perhaps we can con Tom and Jerry into paying." he said.
"Speaking of Tom and Jerry, I wonder why they're not back yet with Tuffy." Miss Red said, scratching her head.
"And I wonder where my son is." Spike said, looking around.
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The crowd had gotten large. In fact, it was now so large that some people had to climb up to the rooftops. But it was worth it to watch the strange young puppy who was now on his 200th chili dog and showed no signs of slowing down.
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Unbeknownst to the actors, they were being watched by a small shadowy figure. That figure glared.
"They're planning to leave my hotel! But I've still got to get a part in their movie."
With an evil scheme forming in his seedy little mind, Scrappy-Doo chuckled as he backed out of the room.
- end of chapter -
Saucely Kazzy Carton: So, Tom and Jerry are in the 22nd and a half century matching wits with a descendant of Professor Moriarty who has mistaken them for Sherlock and Watson, while Tuffy roams through London reading a book, Tyke eats like a pig, and the other actors are planning a jailbreak (uh... hotelbreak). Sounds like a good place to end the chapter.
Jerry: Will the next chapter conclude this story arc?
Saucely Kazzy Carton: Maybe it will and maybe it won't. We'll have to see.
Tom: Will it take forever to post next chapter like it did to post this chapter?
Saucely Kazzy Carton: Hey, criticize my timing all you want. At least I didn't take over a year to update and that's a plus in my book.
Butch: But you'll probably update faster if you get more reviews, right?
Saucely Kazzy Carton: Oh yes, definitely.
Jerry: You heard him. Take the time to review and you just might get your next chapter sooner.