Disclaimer: It's not mine. I don't own it.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Insanity Chapter 24: How NOT to Throw a Christmas Party
For the actors who worked at the Warner Bros. studio, Christmas parties had become something of a tradition. Typically, it was hosted by Bugs Bunny, the living legend of throwing parties. It was more than just a gathering where people ate food, exchanged gifts, played games, and sang. It was an experience. People often said that just going to ONE of his parties would change your entire life. So when there was an announcement that Bugs would be unable to host the party this year, disappointment spread like the plague.
Of course, there were other options. Daffy Duck was also throwing a party, but his idea of 'fun' was forcing the guests to listen to him sing for three hours.
The DC Superheroes were also throwing a party of their own, but just like every other year, it was destined to be sabotaged by the Marvel Superheroes (and vice versa. The DC and Marvel heroes could go pretty far with their rivalry sometimes).
And of course, the Scooby-Doo cast were also throwing a party, but their parties were always crashed by monsters for some unknown reason.
Fortunately for the Warner Bros. actors, Jerry Mouse made the announcement that the Tom and Jerry Crew would be having a Christmas party at the Tom and Jerry Mansion, and not all of the aforementioned crew was happy about it.
"You. Did. What?" Tom said slowly as he gave Jerry an increasingly intense death glare that would have scared the daylights out of him… if he hadn't already seen it a thousand times.
Jerry just grinned.
"You heard me. We're throwing a Christmas party for everyone."
"Why should we?" Butch asked, raising an eyebrow.
Jerry shrugged.
"Well, it's the least we can do for everyone since they have to put up with us when we burn down the studio, have incredibly destructive fights, throw bombs everywhere, and stuff like that. Plus, there was that one time we accidentally opened a hole into another dimension and trapped everyone there for 10 days." Jerry said, counting down the list with his fingers.
Butch twitched, a grimace appearing on his face.
"Um. Yeah. Tyke's fault for most of it. I'm not making nice to everyone just because Spike sucks at disciplining his kid." he said.
Spike's face turned red.
"Hey, YOU don't have kids, so shut up!" he said.
Tom turned his glare on Spike.
"Don't you dare tell my brother to shut up." Tom snarled.
Butch gave a smile.
"Thanks, bro." he said.
Tom then turned on Butch with a glare.
"Though, do in fact, shut up. Keep that atrocity of a mouth closed for the rest of the day." He turned to point at Jerry. "And you! If you don't cancel this party, then so help me, I will-"
Tyke's head poked in the doorway.
"Party?"
Suddenly, he started running around the room screaming.
"PARTY! PARTY! PARTY! PARTY PARTY! PARTY!"
Tom clamped his ears shut.
"Gah! Shouldn't that brat be in school?!" he snarled.
"It's Christmas holiday, sibling. Don't get senile on me, now." Butch said with a smirk.
Tom pulled on his ears in irritation.
"Well, whoever invented school holidays is an imbecile. And didn't I just tell you to shut up?"
"Guys!" Jerry said, raising his hands. "We're throwing the party, and that's final!"
Tom glared.
"Now you listen-"
"I SAID THAT'S FINAL!" Jerry suddenly screamed.
No one complained about the party after that, though Tom muttered some unpleasant things under his breath.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
6 Days Before the Party
"I WANNA DECORATE!" Tyke shrieked.
Everyone cringed. Tom looked like he was about to fall down and die the moment 'decoration' was mentioned. Butch just gave a disgusted look. Spike sighed.
"Decorating? Bad idea. It's a waste of money. The decorations will only be on our house until Christmas and then will get put away for about a year until next Christmas… assuming they last that long in a household where guns and bombs are frequently used."
Tyke looked like he was about to cry.
"But… I WANNA DECORATE!"
Jerry scratched his chin.
"I guess decorating wouldn't be so bad, so long as you only use materials that you find inside the house." he said.
With a whoop, Tyke ran up the stairs to find the nearest materials. They probably shouldn't have been surprised when Tyke came back down the stairs, carrying a gun in his mouth. The little pup ran outside, energetic and joyful.
Jerry raised an eyebrow.
"Um, what is he doing?"
Everyone flinched when they heard gunshots.
"What in the world?!" Butch wondered aloud as they all ran outside.
They looked around and everything seemed normal. They turned to the outside wall of the house and they saw that Tyke had inscribed the words 'MERRY CHRISTMAS' into the wall with bullets.
XXXXXXXXXX
5 Days Before the Party
Jerry was sitting on the back of his pet bear, trying to put a Christmas sweater over it. Sadly, the creature was many times larger than Jerry (oh, the joy of being a mouse), so the little rodent had to try to squeeze the sweater onto the bear. Butch walked past, eating a candy cane. He stopped and stared at the sight in front of him.
"I'm not sure I wanna know, but what the heck are you doing?" Butch asked curiously.
Jerry fell off the bear and landed on his face. He pouted.
"I'm trying to get Bear-Bert here into a Christmas sweater." Jerry said.
"Okaaay. What for?" Butch asked, watching as the bear scratched at the sweater.
Jerry sat up and crossed his arms.
"Well, it's tradition to decorate your pets for Christmas." He said, turning back to the bear. Climbing its leg, and moving up to its neck, Jerry doubled his efforts.
Butch laughed.
"Wow. That is the most incredibly stupid thing I've ever heard! What a total-" he stopped for a minute, and pondered. "On the other hand, it might not be such a bad idea after all. Could I borrow one of your Christmas sweaters?"
Jerry gave him a frown.
"Um, I don't think your pet turtle can fit in a Christmas sweater." he said slowly.
"I'll make it fit." Butch said with a smirk.
Jerry shrugged and pointed upstairs.
"They're in my closet." Jerry said.
Butch nodded and dashed upstairs. Moments later, he reappeared at the top of the stairs.
"You don't mind if I borrow some ribbons and Christmas lights, do you?" Butch asked.
When Jerry shook his head, Butch grinned and dashed off.
25 minutes later, Jerry finally managed to get Bearbert into a Christmas sweater, and he jumped off the bear and examined his now festive-looking pet, dressed in a green Christmas themed sweater. He grinned.
"Bearbert, you look awesome! I'd like to see Butch top that!"
At that moment, Butch came down, holding his pet turtle, Stewie. He placed the turtle in his box, and set him down. Jerry peeked inside to see what the turtle was wearing. He frowned and turned to Butch.
"I don't see anything on Stewie. I thought you said you were going to decorate him."
Butch gave a devilish grin.
"Oh, it's not Stewie I decorated."
Moments later, a sleepy looking Tom Cat yawned as he walked downstairs, oblivious to the fact that he was wearing a Christmas sweater, his head was covered in a Christmas hat as well as an uncountable number of pink ribbons, and there were Christmas lights wrapped around his waist and around his tail.
He stretched for a minute before entering the bathroom.
Silence.
Then….
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Tom's shriek could be heard for miles.
Butch couldn't stop laughing for the rest of the day… until Tom started chasing him around with a katana.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
4 Days Before the Party
"Jerry, why are we watching this?" Spike asked, sulking in his seat.
"Because it's the perfect movie to watch during the Christmas season!" Jerry said
Butch groaned, leaning back and closing his eyes.
"This movie is too freaking long!" he complained.
"It's only been playing for five minutes!" Jerry exclaimed.
"It was too long the moment it started!" Butch said.
Jerry crossed his arms.
"You're being ridiculous. Tom likes the movie. Don't you, Tom?"
Jerry turned to the cat in question who was fast asleep. Jerry frowned and punched Tom's side. The gray cat startled awake.
"AH! I will annihilate all of you!" He looked around, bleary and confused. "Wha? Where am I?"
His eyes focused on the screen and his frown deepened. "Oh yeah. The so-called Christmas flick."
Tom got up and started walking away. Jerry looked after him.
"Hey, where are you going? The movie just started!" he said.
Tom didn't even turn back as he responded.
"There's nothing you can say or do to me to get me to watch 120 minutes of that cheesy piece of stupidity-inducing garbage." he said.
Jerry's pet bear was at the base of the stairs and he growled and showed his fangs as Tom approached.
Considering his options, Tom turned back around and sat back down on the couch, crossing his arms.
"Stupid bear" he muttered under his breath.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
3 Days Before the Party
Butch and Spike were in the living room playing a board game, while Tom sulked on the couch, drinking some hot chocolate. Things had been relatively peaceful until Jerry walked in, holding a piece of paper in his hand. He turned his head to face the group.
"Just in case anyone needs any, I've got some extra wrapping paper." Jerry said.
All at once, all heads turned to Jerry with confused expressions.
"Wrapping paper?" Spike muttered.
"Why the heck would we need wrapping paper?" Butch asked.
Jerry spoke slowly, his eyes half-lidded.
"Um, for the presents?"
More blank stares.
"Presents?" Tom asked.
Jerry slowly nodded, a sinking feeling growing in the pit of his stomach.
"Yeaaah. The presents you got for each other and for all of our friends." he said.
Everyone slowly paled. Jerry face-palmed.
"You DID remember to buy presents, didn't you?!" Jerry asked.
Butch crossed his arms.
"Well, the thing is, I was GOING to buy presents, but then I got robbed." he said.
Jerry narrowed his eyes.
"That's ridiculous! Robbed by who?!" the mouse asked.
"Uh… the government?" Butch replied with a sheepish grin.
Moments later, Jerry kicked everyone out the door (a remarkable show of strength for a mouse).
"And don't come back without bags full of gifts!" He said before slamming the door shut and locking it from the inside.
Tom, Butch, and Spike exhanged glances.
"Guess we gotta get people some presents now." Butch said.
Tom rolled his eyes before turning to Spike.
"Spike, where can we find the nearest store? Speak!" he demanded.
Spike pointed in a direction.
"Well, there's a thrift store around the corner…"
"Perfect. Let's go and get this over with." Butch said as they walked off.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
2 Days Before the Party
"Spike. We're leaving now! Stop dragging your feet and move!" Tom said, at the door.
Spike sighed as he put on a scarf. Why couldn't he just stay home and enjoy the peace and quiet? Why did they have to go out to the forest and chop down a tree? They could've just bought a fake tree from the store!
He sighed as he got in the back seat of the car. He wound up sitting in between Tyke and Tom, the last two people he wanted to sit next to when they were in the car. He knew this day wouldn't end well.
"Why couldn't we just buy a fake tree from the store again?" he asked.
Jerry crossed his arms, sitting in the passenger seat (he was on a booster seat).
"Because we waited until the very last minute to buy a tree, so they're all out of stock." he said.
"I actually prefer it this way. I like cutting trees down." Butch said, smirking.
"I wanna name it!" Tyke shouted.
"Brat," Tom said, "It's a freaking tree. It doesn't need a name."
Tyke sniffled, beginning to cry.
"BUT I WANNA NAME IT 'BOB'!" he shouted.
"You'll do no such thing." Tom said, narrowing his eyes.
"I WANNA NAME IT 'BOB'!" Tyke shouted again.
"Shut up! You're giving me a migraine!" Tom shouted back.
"I WANNA NAME IT 'BOB'!"
"Cease your infernal prattling at once!"
"I WANNA NAME IT BOB!"
"Brat, I kid you not, I will drown you in acid if you keep this up!"
"I WANNA NAME IT BOB!"
… This is why Spike hated sitting between these two on road trips.
XXXXXXXXX
1 Day Before the Party
Toodles was reading a book in her house when suddenly, her phone rang. Putting the book down, she leaned towards the phone and picked it up.
"Hello?" Toodles asked.
"Toodles?" Spike's voice was on the other line, "Oh, I'm so glad you're home. You were the only number on our emergency contacts list."
Toodles began to feel a sense of alarm.
"Emergency? Is everything okay?" Toodles asked.
She could hear Spike coughing before he continued.
"No, everything is not okay! Something terrible's happening! We may need to call 911!" Spike said.
Toodles stood up immediately, dreading to find out what made Spike Bulldog sound so terrified.
"What's happening?!" she asked.
Spike coughed again before answering.
"Tom, Jerry, and Butch are trying to cook Christmas dinner." he said seriously.
The kitchen of the Tom and Jerry Mansion was filled with smoke. The oven had burst into flames and Jerry was running in circles, his tail on fire.
"I'M ON FIRE! I'M ON FIRE!" Jerry said, running around like a headless chicken.
Butch had opened the refrigerator.
"Where's the rest of the food?! We can't be out already!" he turned to Tyke, "Tyke, check the cabinets for food!"
Tyke ran off, and immediately came back, dragging Butch's pet turtle.
"FOOD!" He cried.
Butch snatched Stewie away.
"My pet turtle is not food!"
Jerry sighed to himself as he put his tail in the sink, extinguishing the flames. Then he turned to see Tom hitting the cooked turkey with a baseball bat.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Jerry cried out in alarm.
"I'm tenderizing this sucker!" Tom said, continuing to smack the food with a bat, until the bat shattered. Jerry watched the broken pieces of the bat fall into the meat.
"Great. Now there's splinters in our meat. And can someone check on the food I put in the microwave?!"
Butch turned to the microwave just as it exploded. He coughed as he took out the remains of whatever was in there.
"I think it's a bit overcooked." Butch said.
He then ran to grab the toast he made. The toast was completely black.
"Hm. Not a good sign." Butch picked up the toast and knocked on it. It was harder than brick. "Well, the toast is toasted, but hey; they make great frisbees."
Tossing the toast in the air, the toast smacked Tom in the face, making him drop the knife he was holding. The knife landed in front of Jerry, who stumbled back, only to bump into Tyke, who bumped into the table, which toppled over, spilling all of the food ingredients on the floor. Tom growled as he picked up a burnt piece of bread and smacked Butch in the face with it.
That was the start of a food fight of massive proportions.
By the time Toodles arrived and Spike showed her to the kitchen, the oven and the microwave were the victims of explosions, the walls were covered in bullets and wasted food, and broken weapons were on the floor. Tom, Jerry, and Butch were growing tired, and were weakly bopping each other with pieces of bread, while Tyke was eating the spilled ingredients on the ground.
Toodles sighed.
"I think it's time you guys hired a personal chef." she said.
XXXXXXXXXXX
THE DAY OF THE PARTY
The day of the Christmas party had finally arrived! It was a surprisingly large turnout. Everyone from the Flintstones to Mickey Mouse showed up. Jerry, dressed in a tuxedo, opened the door, smiling as everyone started to flood in.
They all were gathered in the living room, and Jerry smiled as he took in the scene.
"Look at all of these people! I can't believe they actually came!" he said.
Butch stepped next to him.
"That's awesome! But, uh, now that the guests are here, what do we do now?" he asked.
Jerry frowned and started to think.
"Well, I guess we do what other people do at parties." Jerry said.
"Well, what do other people do at parties?" Butch asked.
Jerry shrugged.
"I don't know. I've never been to a party before." he said.
"You never-" Butch took that in for a moment. He face-palmed, "WHY THE HECK DID YOU DECIDE TO THROW A PARTY THEN?!"
"Seemed like a good idea at the time." Jerry said, shrugging.
Butch turned red and started sputtering and mumbling. Jerry slowly walked backwards, away from Butch.
Before they could figure out what to do, the front door was blasted off of its hinges. Everyone turned to the door as the worst enemies of the Tom and Jerry Crew stepped in.
"TOM AND JERRY! THE RECKONING OF YOU AND YOUR FOLLOWERS IS AT HAND!" Scrappy-Doo said, followed by Dick, Larry, Amy Moriarty, X-5, and Santa Claus.
"Is this the entertainment?" Yogi Bear asked.
That was before the party descended into total chaos.
The villains had sent an army of robots after everyone. The next couple of hours were filled with the sounds of guns shooting, swords clashing, and pies being thrown.
XXXXXXXXXX
LATER THAT NIGHT
Jerry stared at the remains of the mansion. It was a total wreck after the villain attack. Luckily, the villains had been defeated and sent to jail, but the party was ruined.
The mouse fell on his knees, shaking.
"Ruined. After all of that, the party was ruined. The guys were right. This was a stupid idea."
Jerry punched the ground with his fist, angry at the way things had turned out.
Everyone winced that night as Jerry, having not said a word after the guests left, slammed his door, and went to bed early.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
CHRISTMAS DAY
It was finally Christmas Day. It was supposed to be a cheerful day, but Jerry had been in a dark mood all day. All he did was stay in bed. Tyke tried to get him to come out so they could open presents, but Jerry turned him away.
Spike brought Jerry breakfast in his room, hoping that would cheer the mouse up. But Jerry didn't even touch the food, and eventually Bearbert claimed it for himself.
Butch didn't know how to deal with a depressed Jerry, so he avoided Jerry's room all day.
Surprisingly, it was Tom who finally got through to the mouse. Barging into Jerry's room, he walked to the bed and glared.
"Alright, mouse. Get up." He said.
Jerry groaned and buried himself deeper in the covers.
"Leave me alone." Jerry said.
"So you can wallow in your pathetic self pity? I don't think so." Tom said, yanking the covers off.
Jerry glared at him.
"Give it back." He said.
Tom tossed it in the closet before turning to Jerry.
"No. I demand your presence downstairs. You've sulked in here for too long now." Tom said.
Jerry crossed his arms.
"Well, excuse me for being sad about Christmas being ruined!" Jerry said.
Tom widened his eyes. Then he cackled loudly. Jerry gave him an annoyed look. He was still giving him that look after Tom quieted down.
"That was the most hilariously childish thing I've ever heard." He said.
Jerry narrowed his eyes.
"Go away, Tom. I can't deal with you today."
Tom narrowed his eyes before sighing.
"Listen, mouse. Christmas was never ruined. The party was ruined. But Christmas isn't about parties. It's about spending time with your family and celebrating Jesus' birth." Tom said seriously.
Jerry thought about it for a moment. When it looked as if Jerry wouldn't respond, he sighed and left the room.
Jerry stayed in bed for a moment. Then he made a decision. He got out of bed and went downstairs, watching Tyke running around while Butch and Spike had a conversation. Tom was staring out the window silently. Butch was the first to notice Jerry. He smirked.
"Well, look who finally woke up." He said.
Jerry smiled.
"Hey, guys. Did you open the presents yet?"
Everyone shook their heads.
"We were waiting on you." Spike said.
Jerry smiled, and joined them as they got ready to open presents.
XXXXXXXXX
MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!