a/n: in the end of chapter 33, where elsa and anna broke up :)

I need to get outta here…

My cries were helpless, and I felt utterly hopeless, at this point. How could she do this…? I'd given myself all to her, and yet, all she'd ever given me back was pain. I was a fool to think she'd do some good for me… to think that I could continue giving her chances. I'd always doubted her… and this what my end result.

The streets were crowded with people and I was crying for help. My arms were wrapped together - gods, did I feel dirty as she'd done so many things to me… and last night, when I needed her touch… it was a dirty, dirty need…

I curled myself into a ball, my head against my knees. My phone had been ringing, and I knew, if it wasn't Hans, it was Elsa. I didn't need her back… but on the inside, I had so many trust in her. She wanted me back.

Sniffling, I took a glimpse at the screen with my blurred vision. Nobody could mistake those blue eyes for anything. She looked so happy in the picture, with her arms around me, her lips to my cheek. I didn't need this.

Now what are we…?

I remembered her… I remembered all that we'd done together. Yet, this wasn't the Elsa I knew.

People change… of course, Elsa wasn't the person I'd remember her to be. Perhaps, I was being a hypocrite… and I'd fallen so disgustingly in love with this woman. I felt damaged. Broken.

Used.

And somehow, I was smiling. Those were happy times, and I'd cherished the moments Elsa and I had experienced together. This was not the one. This was the part where I was regretting all I'd done with her.

This was the part where I should hate her.

"Anna!"

Elsa?

Seeing the redhead running towards me, I felt a pang of disappointment. I couldn't believe I still wished for her. Seeing his eyes looking frantic, my smile only lessened at the sight of Elsa turning into Hans.

He's all I need at this moment.

Hans held me tightly in his arms immediately. I didn't understand… people still cared for me? "Thank god, you're alright…" he whispered. "What the hell happened?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn't. All that had come out was a wet sob. I cried harder than ever, my hands gripping tightly to his shirt for dear life. I shook against him, nor did I care if I'd wet his shirt with my tears.

"Shh, you're alright… I'm here, I've got you."

Those were the type of words Elsa would say to me. Gods, did I love her...

"I don't think you should go to work today, Miss."

I didn't plan to. Staring at Olaf, and feeling his pitiful gaze watching me as I grabbed a bottle of whiskey, I knew at this point, I was a mess. I paused. Is this really who I am?

Turning away from his eyes, I let myself sit, my hand against my forehead.

"If you want to drink, I'd have to watch you."

"Anna's gone." I whispered. Was I so devoid from my feelings that I couldn't even cry? He sighed silently and went to the kitchen cabinet to grab a glass cup.

"What happened?" he asked, pouring me a glass. "As… a friend, I'd be glad if you come talk to me about these things."

I raised my eyebrow. As a friend? But I didn't bother questioning him. "I…" There wasn't a easy way to tell him this… how much I'd fucked up. I stared at the glass of amber liquid, fingers fiddling on the side. Perhaps, a few liquid courage would help me.

I took a large gulp. "Belle came up…"

He raised his eyebrows. "B-Belle?"

Hearing that voice, I knew he was suspecting something. And he knew this wasn't going to sound good… perhaps, not as good as he'd thought it'd be. I ran my fingers through my fringes, and hopefully, I'd be as calm as I could ever be. And being collected was all I ever needed right now.

Panicking wouldn't do… and that was what caused me to lose her.

Olaf slowly came next to me, sitting beside me. "What… happened, if I may ask?"

If he wasn't such a great friend… someone I didn't deserve, I wouldn't have said anything. But then again, he was the type of person that would figure anything out on his own. A great guy, he is…

"She remembered everything… and I just…" I looked down to my hands. The shame came slamming into me, and I had no courage. "I've… had her in my arms, Olaf…" I looked at him… barely could as my vision was blurred from his horrid expression.

He was silent, but I knew he had nothing to say.

How could he anyway?

Being someone like this… like me… I had no hope. He knew this.

"Elsa…"

I quickly got up when his hand came up to hold me. "Don't." My eyes were cold, strong… and I couldn't let his kindness waver me. He didn't need to touch someone like me. "I don't… need any-"

"I'll be here for you, Miss… if you need anything."

I swallowed. He was being too kind. Perhaps, I was being too hard on myself? No… I had to feel guilty… this was Anna-the woman I love, and the woman I'd done wrong. When was I ever going to learn, that all that we'd done together… what happened, was never my fault?

Again, I'd turned into that child that'd once given Anna special memories.

Tears accumulated on the corner of my eyes, but I couldn't feel the ache that was stabbing against my chest. Of course… numb, would be how I was feeling especially right now.

His hand was held towards me, and he offered me to hold it. I stared at it, blankly, and frankly… scared. I don't need this type of kindness.

"Please." One word.

I looked at him in the eyes, and a part of me knew I needed comfort… the other part telling me to stay strong. But without a word, I'd broken down… my arms holding myself tightly together, and I'd fallen to the ground on my knees. I cried, and covering my cries did nothing.

His arms held me tightly against his body. I felt raw… bare… vulnerable. But this wasn't so terrible.

"I've got you," he whispered. "You'll be okay."

I wondered.