a/n: Merry Christmas!

Chapter 13: What I Need

The clock ticked silently, and I was the only person drowning in my own thoughts. I was curled up in bed in silence. Kristoff was in the kitchen at the moment, making hot tea for me… as if that would make me relax in any way.

It was the next day after I was at Hans' home, and I'd come back… to be screaming again at Kristoff. At Ariel. It wasn't their fault, but there I was… letting my anger out on the two people I trusted the most. I really shouldn't have. What was the point of doing that? Oh, if only it would change what happened.

I hid my head against my knees.

What did Elsa say? That I'd… be hurt? That I should've stayed away-even while she pursued me? Was I wrong to be with her? Maybe.

But I loved her with all my heart… or I thought I did.

My body trembled at the thought that I really had been regretting the time I was with her. And I knew, I was wrong… I was wrong to be with her-to love her. The closer I was to that thought, the more this feeling of regret had been tugging me to the darkest pit of my thoughts.

For once… I realized, loving her was a lie.

"Hey."

My head crept up from the darkness. Kristoff stood by the hall, a tray of food in his hands. Surprisingly, he looked more calm than usual. He smiled as he walked up to me, and sat on my bed. "I realized you didn't eat, so I got you some PB and J, green tea… chocolate." He chuckled. "And whatever else you need." He placed the hot mug under my nose. Mm… delicious.

I gazed at him with my reddened eyes. There was no sign of pity in his eyes-knowing that I didn't need it. I just… needed a hug and someone to listen. Just this once. Kristoff was giving more than enough. I took the mug with careful two hands and took a sip.

He sighed. "Are you… Are you sure that's her?"

My heart sank. "Yeah."

The silence looming over us was heavy, but I didn't care. Elsa hadn't called me every since… and I wondered if her heart was in the right place. She was a control freak who abused her power on me… and perhaps, this was what she called 'love'. I couldn't bear this feeling anymore. Knowing that I was only kidding myself. Knowing that she didn't care for me like she said she would.

I bit my lips. Maybe I'm just a bit paranoid. Shit. "You… really didn't know. About this…? About her being-"

"No, Anna." Though he was calm, his words weren't. "I… When I told you to interview her, I didn't know you were her… her little friend. Neither did I know she had a girlfriend!"

I twitched. "Did you know she was in an accident?"

"Yes!" He groaned. "Yes, I did but… it only talked about her, and after so many years, nobody mentioned that anymore. She just… hid in the shadows! Anna…" He shifted closer to me. I could already feel my throat tightening with another cry coming up. But I had enough. I frantically wiped my tears away, disregarding the red face I had.

I had to be strong for Elsa… if not, for myself. I stiffened a silent sob, as all that had happened came crashing down to me again. "Anna, please… I'm sorry… I didn't know it'd be this way. And God damn it, if I'd known, I wouldn't let you go! And you… you wouldn't have been this heartbroken." Silence. "And after a while… I'd realized you weren't enjoying this relationship. You looked so happy but every time you come here… there's this feeling that you've been questioning it. Now I know."

Oh, what did I do to deserve this?

He lent me his shoulder, letting me cry against him for a few minutes. Never had I felt this weak before.

When I was feeling much better, he let me be by myself for a bit. Though he was sitting beside me with a book, we were quiet. Thinking about everything else.

I knew it. I knew Belle was someone Elsa couldn't get over with. It was heartbreaking and exhausting to think-to see that Elsa always had a heart for her.

I shifted in bed, my eyes gazing cautiously at Kristoff. There was no use of thinking about her. Not right now.

"I've decided."

He turned to me. "Hm?"

How should I tell him without shocking him? I pondered around what I wanted to say. There was no other way other than to tell him straight up. "Where's Ariel?"

"Oh, she went shopping for groceries. What's up?" He closed his book, gazing at me intently. Curiously.

"I'm going to go back to New York. With Hans."

"What?!" He got up from bed. "W-Wait, I don't understand. I thought you wanted to live here. With us! O-Or Elsa-"

I looked away. "After what happened, I thought it'd be best to go back. I… It's not like I don't like being with you guys. I just…" I didn't have any words. But it seemed like he got it.

"What about Ariel? What are you going to tell her?"

"I think she'll understand."

"And Elsa? You're not even going to talk this out with her? Without hearing from her side?"

"What good will that do?" I replied weakly. "I already know where her heart lies." Perhaps, I was just so blinded from what I saw. I couldn't talk to her. For god's sake, I couldn't even imagine what would happen if we meet again.

The thought of seeing her holding hands with Belle… kissing her… smiling at her, and only at her. I despised it.

He was quiet for a few moments. "But do you know where Hans' heart lie?"

I glared at him. "What?"

"Is he true to you?" Oh, goodness, there was this voice in him that sounded to genuine. But he didn't have a say on what Hans was to me. I wrung my fingers together in contemplation.

"Yes." I couldn't figure out if I was just saying it or being genuine. I knew Kristoff didn't have much trust in him. They had met once but never had I seen Kristoff seem so irritated with him. But at the moment… did he have to worry about me so much that he would question my very best friend? A person who'd been with me since a child? How ironic.

And perhaps, he'd lost all the trust he had for me. He looked at me with pity. And I knew, I had given up everything. Everything to be with Elsa and never getting much back that I had to resort fleeing back to the ones that actually cared.

Kristoff sighed in disbelief. "I can't control what you do but… if you think that's what's good for you, I'll be happy to help."

You have a conference meeting in two hours-Miss Snow?"

I blinked. "Yes?"

Olaf gazed at me silently and allowed his iPad to be placed on my desk. He cleared his throat. "Perhaps, we should take a break? Lunch?"

Ah. I was spacing out. Letting out a big sigh, I pinched the bridge of my nose. I shouldn't have stayed up so late yesterday. "I'm sorry, Olaf. I… thought I could get through today."

His eyebrows furrowed in worry. "Is… something wrong?"

Ah, what could really be going on that was so wrong? Really nothing. Well, of course, for the exception of those occasional nightmares I'd still get.

I leaned my head against the headrest, eyes up to the ceiling. "No." I was happy, living with my wife… with my child. At the same time, work needed my attention too.

I chuckled to myself. Twenty-seven years old and I'm acting like my grandmother.

My eyes turned to him. "I'm surprised you don't seem tired."

His eyes brightened with glee. "Really? Well, perhaps, it's because I don't have a little three-year-old bugging me day and night."

"Christian would be happy to see you." I chuckled, checking my phone. Ah, a text from Anna. Rarely would she text me now. I frowned.

"I'll be there in a few minutes. See you soon, sweetheart." -Anna, Thursday, 12:36 PM

I quirked my eyebrows up. Sweetheart? Dear God, when had she called me that? I smirked to myself. I knew what she was up to… what she wanted. Oh, I'd spoil her, alright.

"Would he? He just seems like he loves everyone." A pause. "Looks exactly like you, with Anna's perky personality." I looked up from the screen to him curiously. Perky huh? I don't think so.

Oh, but it was something I adored the most. There wasn't much to hate about her, anyway. Anna could get quite… amusing sometimes.

I cleared my throat and stood up. Gazing out the window, I'd realized how busy the street was despite how quiet it seemed up here. I put my hands in my pocket, blue eyes roaming afar. The sky was clear from any clouds, the sun glowing brightly above us. I gazed up to the endless mass of blue sky. Today was a nice, warm day. "Anna should be here soon."

"Then, I should go down now." He turned the iPad to me. "Please review your schedule-"

"When I first met Anna… " I turned to him. "When you first met her, did you know?"

"Miss… Snow?"

My eyes glowed darkly, expression stern and impossibly cold. I had always thought about this, but never had the chance to say anything. I could almost feel sick with how innocent he looked. I'd always had suspicions but Olaf was not the kind of guy to hide anything from me. "I ask you again, did you know she would come here?"

He shook his head. "No, ma'am. If I did… I would've let you know firsthand. This was three years ago, why ask now?"

I didn't know why either. Curiosity and suspiciousness got the best of me. My head swam sickly at how I'd question the people I trusted the most right here, right now. From the corner of my eyes, he looked worried. Naturally, he would be. Perhaps, I was too much in denial to believe that our meeting was merely just a coincidence.

I muttered to myself in disapproval. "It's… it's nothing, Olaf." A pause. "I've not been sleeping well."

He cocked his eyebrows up. "Ma'am, I thought those dreams were-"

"They are gone. Well, not completely. You don't have to worry."

"Really? Because I've heard Anna-"

Click.

"Momma!" I gazed up… or down, to see a little blond boy running up to me. I couldn't help but feel my heart soaring up to the sky. Nobody could mistake that soft voice from anyone-those bright blue eyes, and light hair… "Momma, momma, look what mommy got me!"

I bent down and opened my arms to catch him in it. I chuckled as I lifted him up with my left arm. I tilted my head. "No hello to Momma?"

He giggled. "Hi, Momma…" Oh, how adorable. "I got something."

"Oh? What did mommy get you?" I couldn't get enough of that bright smile. I gazed right into his blue eyes, and I knew… I was staring right back at the reflection of myself. How young and pure I looked-how far I was from all the darkness that had been following me.

"A firetwuck!" He raised his little red toy in the air.

I laughed. "Firetruck. Are you ready to become a firefighter?"

He gazed at me with confusion. "What's a firefighter?" Right. A three-year-old who doesn't know what a firefighter is. I was surprised Anna would actually buy him a toy. Not that I should be complaining anyway. Anna had always been the flexible mother, but I, on the other hand…

I was afraid. Afraid of what I could do-who I'd turn to with him by my side.

"A superhero," I told him. "Where's mommy, Christian?"

"Right here, honey." Oh? Honey talk now? What was she up to? I gazed at the redhead who was striding up to me. Black heels, tight skirt, and all. Never had I seen her this… sexy before. Very seductive. Oh, she wanted something from me, I knew. My eyes roved over her body, and I swore, Olaf seemed a bit speechless too. Perhaps, I was spoiling her a bit too much. I turned to Christian, running my fingers down his light, long hair.

"Hi, Olaf. Did you eat lunch?"

He grinned, as my wife placed a plastic bag filled with food on my desk. "No, ma'am. I… was about to go down and get some."

"No, no! Stay here. I got Italian." She started taking out the boxes out. I'd never let anyone eat lunch here, but… she was an exception. Always had been. "Jesus, it took forever to get lunch with this little guy dragging me around. Where's Marshall?"

My eyes widened at the sight of his cheeks blushing. I'd never seen him so shy before-yes, there were times, but… suddenly getting so quiet? It was almost laughable. I turned away to the window as they talked. "Look, Christian. Momma works so high up in the sky."

"Whaa…" He gazed down, eyes sparkling with admiration. I'd always wonder if he'd become a smart kid when he grows up.

"Marshall is… uh… he's working right now. Teaching."

"Ahh…" A pause. "So… when are you going to get married?"

I turned abruptly in shock. Dear god, Anna could be so recklessly bold sometimes. I wouldn't be surprised if she was pregnant again. All those sweet talking and now this… I can't complain.

Olaf and Marshall had been together for about two years now. There wasn't a thing that would separate them-well, except for me, of course. After all, I needed him to be here in the office if I the wasn't.

Although I was in utter shock Anna would ask that… I was quite curious as well. I stayed silent, as I cooed the little boy in my arms.

"W-Well, uh… as of right now, we don't plan on…"

"What?" Anna chuckled. "But you two have been together for so long. For like, two and a half years now?"

I shouldn't have to say this. I placed Christian on my seat. "Anna, perhaps, we should leave the man alone. We've been together a bit longer than that."

Seeing how nervous Olaf seemed to be, I had to favor him this time. "Y-Yes, Anna. We've thought about it… and, at the moment… it's just not the time."

Could this get more embarrassing? "Well, alright." Anna pouted. Ah, she was acting like my mother right now. Well, she is a mother.

"Perhaps, you two would like some time alone? I doubt you'd want me here."

"Oh! Right. Here, take your lunch. Christian, would you like to go down to Uncle Olaf?"

Never had I seen my son beam so brightly and ran so quickly with his tiny feet to him. I crossed my arms, smiling gently at the adorable interaction between them. I turned to Anna. "Did he eat?" I asked warily.

Anna nodded. "Yeah, he ate." She brushed the little strand of hair back once he strode up to them. He seemed ecstatic. A bit too much. "Alright, you can play with Uncle Olaf okay?"

He giggled gleefully and raised his toy truck to Olaf. "I got a toy!"

The man laughed. "Alright, yes, yes, you have a toy. Come now, let's not bother your mommies." Taking his small hand, Olaf exited silently. All that was left was the two of us.

I gazed at her in silence.

"Come on, eat up, or it'll get cold." The smell of food waved under my nose, but all that appetite was gone. All I could see was her. I leaned against the glass wall, letting my eyes wandered up and down her body. She was dressed way too beautiful. Too seductive. I couldn't hold myself back, and it was just the two of us in here.

I tilted my head in curiosity. The silence here was overwhelming, and I wouldn't take that. How she managed to look like this without a fail, was a wonder to me. "Come here," I demanded. Her eyes perked up to me, and all she was doing had stopped.

"W-What?"

"Don't make me repeat it again." I gazed at her sternly, coldly… and I knew, she loved it too much. Meekly, she came closer. Her heels clicked loudly on the marbled floor, her hair glowed brightly as she came into the sunlight. She was biting her lips… so nervously… tenderly. And she was nervous now.

"W-What?"

I took her chin in my fingers, thumb brushing her bottom lip. "You're biting your lips," I whispered, and we were basking ourselves in such bliss. I grabbed her wrist and forced her closer to me. Her gasp left me nubbing… and I'd realized, our roles had not stopped. Never had stopped. How could I ever deny her… from the joy of being so desired?

She breathed ever so softly and quietly. Her body trembled on me with desire… I could almost feel it burning against me.

"Don't do that," I whispered. Slowly, our fingers entwined, her warmth contrasting with my cold in such a wondrous, electrifying way. Her eyes darkened, and the only carefree part of her had been restrained by my own chains. I marveled at the beautiful expression… basked in total lust. Perhaps, she also didn't realize it.

"Tell me…" I leaned in, our nose brushing together. I looked at her lips, and back into her eyes. "'Sweetheart? Honey?'" I almost laughed.

She moaned. Oh?

I smirked at her. "What is your intention, Misses Snow?"

There was no question about it. How she looked at me… as if she was trying to hold herself back from ever trying to make a move. The thought was so unnerving-to know that she wanted me to do something to her-to make her mine. I growled lowly, and ever so pleasantly.

She pressed a hand on my abdomen, wringing her fingers around my tie. I gazed down curiously.

"I thought…" she whispered. "I… I thought we could have some alone time."

My eyebrows quirked up. "Alone time? We've had enough at home, don't you think?" I replied, feeling her fingers riding up my stomach. I shivered with desire, finding every little touch ever so pleasant. Her scent was intoxicating… and nothing could make me feel so intense.

Her eyes gazed at my lips and I could feel her fingers trying to unbutton my clothes. Oh, how bold.

"Yes, but-"

"But?"

She gulped. "I… I want you."

Oh, I could play this little game. "I know you do."

I leaned in, placing a chaste kiss on her lips. Oh, I wanted nothing more than her to give in to me… to let me have her. I led my arm around her back, bring her close to me… her middle arching against mine. Her fingers ran through my hair, and I knew… if we were to continue, there was no stopping it.

I was feeling hotter than usual, and she was the only source. The only person who would make me desire so much… who made me so needful. I pulled away immediately. A smile crept up my cheeks. Oh, her expression was priceless.

"Perhaps, we should head home early today."
Her cheeks were flushed, eyes glazed with nothing but lust. "Y-Yeah…"

Oh, how beautiful. "I've never seen you like this. I wonder what would Christian say after seeing mommy like this…" I whispered, leaning close to her ear. "Her face flushed, hair growing wild… bites all over her skin…"

She shuddered with bliss, head tilted up at the thought. Or perhaps… she really wanted me to mark her. I wouldn't be surprised. We hadn't done this for a while now. This was getting quite ridiculous… though, I couldn't complain.

"Please…" she whispered. "Please, I would… I'd love that…" Oh?

But I didn't let that shock me. Whenever she'd plead me like this, there was no way I could deny her from anything. Oh, how soft-hearted I'd become for her. "It's a date."