Chapter 4

"Is there something going on between you and James?" Scorpius asked quietly. We were sat in the kitchens, the house elves accommodating us with food and drink in abundance. He led me here in silence as I struggled to regain my composure. I wasn't sure what I was going to tell him, I didn't want to lie to my friend but I knew that whatever I told him would inevitably make its way back to Rose; I couldn't let that happen.

"I can't tell you," I said quietly, not meeting his eyes.

"Hannah," He sounded so concerned it made my heart hurt, I couldn't face him. "You are my friend, one of my best friends," He reached across the table and took my hand, "You have just broken down in my arms about something James Potter has said or done, I need to know that you are okay,"

I looked up to meet his eyes that were so full of worry it made me want to cry all over again. Scorpius was the rock of the group. The two of us had never had an argument in the whole time we were friends. Unlike Rose and Albus who dominated the attention, Scorpius and I had a mutual understanding that two egos were enough for one group and so often stood to the side watching our best friends try to one-up each other, both of us happy to take a back seat. For me, I always found that I was the one who would give the best advice, the one the three would come to if they needed a shoulder to cry on and a long-term solution. Scorpius was the one to come to in a crisis and this was a crisis. But I couldn't bring myself into the fray; it would make it all too real.

"I can't Scorp," I pulled my hand back and dropped my gaze, focusing my attention on my hot chocolate, holding onto it for dear life.

"Hannah, please," He pleaded.

"If I told you, I would ask you to keep it a secret and I don't want you to have to keep secrets from Rose. I don't want to come between you two," I explained. He stared at me for a moment before nodding.

"Okay," He said simply, "But I am your friend as well, Rose knows this, and she knows that I am loyal. And although she will probably kill me for saying this, at this moment you take priority. You are my friend and you need me."

"Scorp, I really can't." I felt my eyes well up again, "You would think I was an awful person. I am an awful person. What I've done, what we've done it will destroy Al if he ever finds out and if I lose Al I lose all of you," I said voicing my fears out loud for the first time, tears falling once again down my cheeks.

"Hannah, you would never lose us," He said quietly reaching across the table to take my hand.

"You don't know that," I hiccupped. "I have hurt Al. Rose would take his side in a second because of how awful it is and you would go with Rose because you love her,"

"Tell me what's happened so I can help you, please Hannah," He said.

"But you will hate me,"

"I would never hate you," He said, "And besides you need to get this off your chest, don't think Rose and Al haven't noticed how different you've been acting." He said softly. I paused for a moment, he was right. I needed to tell someone what was happening; it was going to drive me insane keeping it in like I was.

"Okay," I took a deep breathe, as if ready to jump off a diving board. "How much did you hear?"

"Nothing really, I just saw him trying to hold you and then you walking away before bumping into me." He remarked. I bit my lip nervously and nodded, not really sure where to start and how much to tell him.

"Back in June," I closed my eyes; I didn't want to see his reaction. "Something happened between me and James,"

"What do you mean?" He asked. I opened my eyes and saw Scorpius' face covered in confusion.

"What do you think I mean Scorp?" I sighed.

"Oh," Whether consciously or not, he pulled his hand from mine and slowly withdrew it across the table. The movement alone said it all. I couldn't believe the position I'd put myself in. "Merlin, Hannah." He whispered his eyes widening in shock. Just then the door to the kitchen opened and Al and Rose walked in, house elves running over to them offering them all of the food they had available.

"What are you guys doing in here?" Al walked over to us, his mouth full of bread he'd taken from an elf.

"Merlin Al, you've only just had dinner," Rose moaned trying to wade through the sea of house elves that were putting all sorts of food in her hands. "No really, I'm okay thank you," She said kindly to a house elf who was trying to climb her leg to stuff cake in her mouth. The house elf dropped off her leg and looked as though she was going to burst into tears.

"Rose it's just easier if you take it," Albus smirked at his cousin who was now trying to console the house elf. She shot her cousin a look and stormed over to us.

"How did you find us?" Scorp asked as he moved down the bench to let them sit down.

"Dad's map," Al muffled now helping himself to some apple pie. "Don't suppose you have any custard?" He asked a house elf that looked delighted at the request and ran off to the other side of the kitchen to get some.

"For goodness sake Al," Rose said hitting him on the arm, she shook her head and turned to face me noticing my red eyes. "Hannah, have you been crying?" She asked softly.

"Yeah sorry I didn't say anything before, just missing Jake a bit that's all." The lie rolling off my tongue with ease.

"I thought Jake was a nobody," Al frowned actually putting his spoon down and turning on me.

"Al, don't be so bloody insensitive," Rose snapped, "You cried for a week when Lucy Walsh didn't write to you all summer," Al blanched and hid his face in his pudding. Rose turned back to me with a sympathetic smile, "I'm not surprised you poor thing, I don't know what I would do if I had to be away from Scorpius," She said touching him fondly on his back.

"It's just been strange getting used to not having him around," I lied again. I couldn't even bring myself to look at Scorpius; he knew I was lying through my teeth. This was it now, how it had to be. I had a secret from my friends; Scorpius knew it and I had now involved him lying to his girlfriend. The fallout was going to be awful.

"Are you going to tell me about this Jake guy or what?" Al asked grumpily into his pie. I glanced at Scorpius who had placed his best mask on for the situation, not giving away any of his emotions.

"I would prefer not to right this second, to be honest," I said softly, hoping he would not push the matter.

"What a surprise," Al said throwing his spoon down with a clatter.

"Al please, don't start," I said leaning my head against my hands. As much as the guilt wrecked through me, I was not in the mood to accommodate his immatureness. An awkward silence fell over us.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Al pushed, glaring at me. I couldn't help but glare back at him letting my temper get the better of me.

"I mean that I'm fed up of you acting jealous all the time," I sneered, "Give me a break. You flirt with anything that has a bloody pulse and you don't see me jumping down your throat everytime it happens," I was suddenly breathless, my voice echoing around the room. I hadn't realised how loud I was being until I caught sight of my three friends, all of them looking taken aback at my sudden outburst.

"Just forget it," I stood up and grabbed my cloak, "I'm going to bed. Nobody follow me this time," I shot a look at Scorpius who looked hurt.

"Hannah, that's enough," Rose said sternly frowning at me. I glared at her, be it I just called out her boyfriend but right now it was like red rag to a bull.

"You know what Rose," I glared at my friend, "That is enough. Just leave me the fuck alone," I turned on my heel and stormed out of the kitchen without another word. What a great bloody start to the year.

Rose had decided not to wait for me the next morning and I didn't blame her, I had been awful to the three of them the evening before. My head was so messed up that I was taking my frustration out on them instead of the person it was meant for. I needed more than ever to get some closure from whatever was going on between me and James, but part of me, the selfish part, didn't want it to be over. I was pathetic, but I enjoyed being with him, kissing him, despite the pain I knew it caused me and the anguish it would cause my best friend.

I woke up in a foul mood, not looking forward to the day ahead. I desperately wanted to apologise to my friends but a part of me was looking forward to the space today. I got ready and headed down to breakfast with half an hour to spare. There was no sign of Al and Rose in the common room so I knew that they were all at breakfast. I braced myself as I entered the hall, taking a glance up and down the Gryffindor table; there was no sign of my friends. I looked over to the Slytherins and saw that Rose and Al had joined Scorpius for breakfast this morning instead. I could feel all three of them staring at me as I sat by myself in the middle of the long table, my back to them. I could hear whispering from the people around me who had noticed the situation and ultimately decided it was probably best to ignore them.

I helped myself to some orange juice and toast and decided to read my book to avoid conversations with people I wasn't that close to. I heard someone sit down in front of me and lowered my book to see Fred Weasley grinning at me expectedly.

"Hi," I said haphazardly, putting my book down confused as to why the Chaser had joined me.

"Trouble in paradise?" He smirked nodding to the three of them behind me.

"You noticed," I said closing my book properly and sighing.

"You might as well have a target on your back with the daggers Rose is throwing you right now," He said grinning madly. I groaned in frustration, I had never been at the receiving end of Rose's wrath and knew a simple apology wasn't going to fix it. "What did you do? Snog Scorpius or something," He chuckled and grabbed some toast; I threw him a look.

"No, I was a bitch," I said matter of factly.

"But so is she, most of the time anyway," He said looking confused.

"She's your cousin," I reminded him.

"And…" He said gesturing me to get to my point.

"And…should you really say that," I asked.

"She's my cousin and that gives me special privileges, like getting to call her out when she is being a bitch. Which, as it happens, is most of the time," He said taking a bite of his toast.

"Well, regardless. I was a bitch to all of them, I think I may have inadvertently told them to fuck off," I said sourly.

"Oh dear," He responded looking concerned but also slightly bemused.

"Exactly," I sighed and put my book away. "Anyway, I need to try and find my timetable, see where I'm meant to be."

"Yes, I have it." He rummaged in his pocket pulling out a crumpled piece of parchment and handing it to me, "James asked me to pass it on, obviously trying to get out of head duties already," I took the timetable and frowned; James had got the message then. "What have you got first?"

"Double Ancient Runes," I said smiling for the first time since stepping back in the castle, my favorite subject. I was fortunate enough to achieve a mixture of E's and O's at OWL's which meant I was able to take the subjects that I wanted to for NEWT's

"Couldn't think of anything worse," Fred said shaking his head, "I don't know why James and Roxy love it so much." I felt my stomach drop, I forgot that I would be with the seventh years as well, which meant two hours of James.

"I should be going, see you later," I said to Fred standing up and starting to move away.

"Hannah," He said quickly, I turned around and saw him looking slightly concerned, "Are you okay?" He asked sweetly.

"Yes, of course. Don't worry about me; I'm sure it will pass." I said hoping my voice wouldn't break and my mask was strong enough for him not to notice.

"Okay, let me know when you want to arrange the first practise, I'll help out anyway I can," He said smiling. I nodded, not trusting myself to talk, and walked out of the hall not even sparing a glance at my friends.

Runes' was located near the kitchens, so I made my way there through the busy crowds trying to ignore everyone around me. I was happy with having Runes first thing as it meant I could avoid my friends for two hours; however, I was not looking forward to seeing James. I walked up the corridor and into the classroom just as the bell went for the first lesson, noticing ten students around desks that were placed in a circle. I recognised Niall Samson and Jude Forest from my year as well as another girl whose name I'm sure was Charlotte but couldn't be sure, the rest were 7th years. I knew Roxy who smiled at me as I walked in and recognised at least two from playing them at Quidditch, I think the Ravenclaw was called Rich and the blonde Hufflepuff was Sammy or Sarah. The others, all of them Ravenclaws, I had never seen in my life but all smiled at me kindly when I sat down. I noticed that James hadn't arrived yet.

"Hannah dear, good to see you," Professor Babbling said spotting me as she walked from her office. "Congratulations on your OWL dear, only four other students have ever got 100% before so you should be so proud," She said smiling at me. I blushed slightly as the others turned to look in my direction. Professor Babbling was my favourite teacher by far, she must have been pushing 70 now but she looked like a rock star. She was always so interesting to listen to and her stories never failed to blow my mind.

"Sorry I'm late," a voice said from behind me.

"Not at all Mr Potter, I was just congratulating Miss Marshall here on getting 100% in her OWL's an achievement you are also familiar with," I wanted the ground to swallow me whole.

"Brilliant, someone might actually be able to keep up with me now," James said arrogantly, I had not missed the ego he wore when he was at school. A few of the students in the circle rolled their eyes obviously use to this comment, the 6th years looked taken aback.

"Deflate your head arsehole and sit down," Roxy said smirking at her cousin.

"5 points from Gryffindor, I will not tolerate that kind of language Miss Weasley, however true it is," The class laughed, "Now Mr Potter if you would take a seat next to Miss Marshall I might be able to start my lesson." She said sweetly. I heard the chair scrape next to me and didn't dare look to my left. I felt myself tense up as his bag dropped near mine on the floor.

"Okay, if you could all get your books out and turn to page 394."

I had the biggest headache in the world. On top of a full day of extremely intense lessons, (double Runes, double History of Magic and Transfiguration) I also had my first meeting of Ancient History Clubs after the last lesson which meant I was later than normal to dinner. When they said NEWT's were nasty they meant it. The intensity had hit another level and all I wanted to do now was sleep. It didn't help that Rose was in all of my last lessons, with the boys joining us for Transfiguration. I was greeted with a stern glare and a cold shoulder for most of the afternoon, and having had enough of it during History of Magic, I decided to skip lunch and go and to the library enjoying the peace and quiet instead.

By the time I had finished my extra-curricular, my stomach was growling and I knew I was going to have to face my friends just to try and move past the situation. I was thankful that they had all decided to sit at the Gryffindor table instead and I made to approach them, noticing that their conversation stopped abruptly as I joined them.

"Hi," I said sheepishly, "Can I join you?" I asked quietly. None of them said anything for a minute both boys looking to Rose for approval. This alone made me want to run the other way and not bother. She considered me for a moment before nodding her head. "Thanks," I said, trying to remain calm as I felt my blood boiling at her rudeness.

"Okay," I started, "I am really sorry for lashing out on you all, I'm just…going through some stuff and it's messing with my head. I shouldn't have taken any of it out on you, it was a really shit thing to do." I rambled, hoping my apology sounded sincere.

"You were really out of line," Al said glaring at me.

"I know that Al, but sometimes you need to let me breathe a bit," I said honestly, feeling the need to make my position clear with him. "I know you feel protective over me, but seriously if we are going to be friends I need you to just give me a bit of space," He stared at me and I heard a tut come from Rose's direction, my eyes drifted towards her narrowing.

"Okay," He agreed after a minute, drawing my attention back to him, "I know that I am a bit like that sometimes but I have my reasons. In future I'll try and let you...breathe," He said, a smile coming across his face that didn't quite reach his eyes. I heard Rose tut again and sigh loudly. I tried to ignore it as best as I could.

"I'm sorry for having a go at you Scorp, it was really bad of me especially when you come to check on me," I said guiltily. After I had a go at him I realised that I wasn't really making a case for me not being an awful person.

"Don't be daft," He said reaching to grab my hand, I saw Rose's eyes dart down quickly. "I understand; I'm not angry at you. Just concerned, I don't like seeing you like this," I smiled at him and turned to Rose.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled not really quite meaning it. I didn't really understand where my annoyance with her was coming from but at this moment I couldn't stand being around her.

"Sure," She said flippantly. I nodded and grabbed a plate of food. "Scorp, I've got some homework to be getting on with, shall we go to the library?" I saw Scorpius face fall slightly before he sighed and moved without another word. "Al?" Rose asked, her tone said it all.

"Erm…no I'm going to stay with Hannah while she finishes her food," He said. I shook my head.

"Don't worry about me, I've eaten alone already today I'm sure I'll manage," Trying to make light of the situation. Unfortunately, I could tell by the expression on Rose's face that she didn't think it was funny, she glared at me.

"Well that was your choice Hannah, come on Al," She said flouncing off grabbing Scorpius' hand as she went. I sighed as I watched them leave.

"You should probably go; we don't need another fallout," I said dejectedly.

"You're probably right," He said looking at his cousin waiting for him at the doors, "I'm glad we are friends again," He said standing up and grabbing his bag.

"Me too," I said smiling. He made to walk off before turning around and giving me a sloppy kiss on the check. I laughed a wiped it away, moaning at him as he smiled and followed them out of the hall. Once again I found myself alone, however in a much better mood.

"Why does he do that so much?" A voice to my left asked. I knew who it was without even looking. James came and sat down in front of me waiting for my reply. When he didn't receive on he decided to press on. "I mean I have female friends and I don't go around kissing them on the cheek," I glared at him. "Hi," He said grinning, happy to have my attention. "Good day?" He asked.

"No, really shit." I said dryly. He grimaced.

"So I heard," He responded.

"So what is Fred your little spy now?" I asked sarcastically.

"Ha no, I had to go to a meeting this morning and knew that Fred would see you at breakfast, I asked him to do me a favour," He explained with a shrug.

"Bullshit," I called him out, "You just couldn't face me," He was quiet for a moment and looked away from me.

"Not the case. Never the case," He replied sadly. I was quiet for a moment watching him. He didn't look as good as he normally did, he looked tired and unkept. A part of me was hoping he was just as cut up about everything as I was.

"Sorry," I said sadly, "I think I probably overreacted a bit yesterday, you have every right to go around kissing your girlfriend. It was just a bit of an unwanted shock." I said quietly, making sure no one around us could hear. He considered me for a moment before rubbing his face with both hands sighing deeply.

"My head is all over the place," He said. He sounded so broken I wanted to reach across the table and wrap him in my arms.

"I think we need to be a bit more sensible about this," I was aware that I was making our feelings sound like a business transaction, but I needed to pull any emotion out of our situation. "It can never happen…it should never have happened in the first place. Let's just be friends and put Albus before ourselves, we can't be selfish anymore, we both care too much about him," I said quietly.

"I know your right," He said after a moment.

"Well, that's a given," I said smiling.

"But-

"James," I said softly. He looked so torn it was painful; I was glad my mask was staying put.

"I know," He nodded. I smiled again and carried on eating.

"So…" James started, I was glad he was changing topic and he wasn't walking away. If I wasn't able to show my true feelings for him, I would at least take his company. "Are you going to make up with Rose anytime soon?" He asked taking a chip from my plate.

"Oi," I tapped his hand away, "And not yet no, she's been getting on my last nerves recently."

"I get it, she's annoying at the best of times," He smirked. "Fancy doing some Runes homework tomorrow evening in common room?" He asked. I gave him a look. "What! It's a public place so I won't be allowed to have my way with you," My eyes opened in shock and I looked around to see if anyone heard, luckily dinner was finishing and most people had started to leave. James was laughing hysterically from across the table.

"Twat," I said throwing a chip at him. I was so glad to be back to normal, despite my heart skipping a beat every time he looked at me.

"James," We both turned to see Cressida storming down the table towards us, her face like thunder.

"Shit," He said quietly, standing up.

"We have rounds, you were meant to meet me two minutes ago," She scorned, glaring at him.

"Sorry, I got caught up." He said gesturing to me. Cressida turned around and looked at me for the first time, her eyes drawn and her mouth pursed.

"Nice to meet you," I said giving her a big smile. She threw me a dirty look and drew her attention back to James who was watching the interaction with amusement.

"And who the fuck is she," She asked nastily.

"She is the fucking cat's mother," I said loudly. James scoffed as she turned around again to face me.

"Dinner finished 5 minutes ago; you should be in common room now. 5 points from Gryffindor for being in the great hall and 5 for swearing," She smirked, crossing her arms.

"What a load of shit," I said standing up. "You just swore,"

"Another 5 for swearing again, and how about 10 for defiance," She said all but grinning at me now.

"Cressida, don't be daft," James interceded. She put her hand up to stop him, I looked to him with wide eyes and he shook his head.

"Ridiculous," I said grabbing my bag and storming out of the hall.

"Fucking bitch," I yelled down the empty corridor once I was out of earshot.

"Oh, I do say" An old lady sitting in a portrait said as I walked past.

"Shut it," I growled at her, she made a rude gesture at me before walking off into another painting.

I didn't understand what James saw in her. She was very smart and was actively involved in the school which made her a great head girl, but she was the biggest bitch in Hogwarts. The two of them didn't match up and the way she spoke to him made my blood boil. I made my way back to the common room hoping Rose wouldn't be around as I was already wound up and anything I would say to her would not go down well. Rose wasn't anywhere to be seen so I went over and joined Al and Hugo who were in the middle of a very intense game of Exploding Snap. I pulled out some parchment to start making a signup sheet for try-outs, which were on Saturday.

"I bloody hate Cressida," I said to Al who had now started to do some homework.

"Tell me about it, she was hanging off James all summer. Mum doesn't like her either," He agreed.

"She just docked me 20 points for no reason," I moaned, "Someone like her should not have the power she's got."

"Agreed, I think James is only with her because she was an easy target, and she puts out," Al reasoned. I felt my heart stop for a second, hoping my face hadn't given anything away. The idea of those two doing things made me want to throw up. Obviously, I was aware that James had been with his fair share of girls, but Al kept putting it into perspective. James was a player and I had completely fallen for his charms. He was enjoying me at the moment because it was forbidden and secret and, apparently, I was easy too.

"You really think that James is with her because she's an easy target?" I asked Al quietly, hoping he wouldn't read too much into my question. He scoffed and looked at me incredulously.

"Are you seriously asking that right now?" He said with a chuckle. "You know what James is like."

"Enlighten me," I said frowning slightly. Al rolled his eyes and put down his quill.

"James' biggest weakness, he likes attention. Specifically female attention," Al explained. "Trust me he is dating Cressida as a front and, well because she puts out, but I have no doubt he has some girl on the side he can have his fun with." Al shrugged. I felt my heart stop and prayed my face didn't give anything away. "My brother likes very much to have the cake and eat it too if you know what I mean." He laughed. "Why the hell do you think I was so against you being friends with him? I didn't want you anywhere near him; he is bad news when it comes to women." Al smiled and picked up his Quill. "Seriously he'll have dropped her in a few weeks and he'll be breaking some other girls heart soon enough."

I couldn't even bring myself to speak as Al carried on writing his essay, unaware of how much is words had struck a nerve. I was a stupid idiot. I knew exactly what James was like. I knew how he played girls yet still I made it easy for him to use me. I was the bit on the side, the other girl, the girl he was cheating with. No matter how much I tried to convince myself that he liked me and that he was genuine, I was stupid to believe him. I just needed to keep as far away from him as I could. I didn't want to be just another girl that fell for the charms of James Potter because if that was the case, then I'll have broken Al's trust for absolutely no reason and I couldn't let that be the case.

"I think I'm going to head up to bed," I said quietly, stuffing the posters back in my bag and packing my quill and ink away. Al looked confused at my sudden departure so I forced myself to give him a soft smile. "It's been a mad first day back,"

"You're telling me, I've already got a pile of homework for Care of Magical Creatures," He said gesturing to the stack of homework. I smiled and pulled my bag to my shoulder.

"Catch you later Al," I said leaning down to kiss him on the cheek. He beamed at me as I pulled away and reached out to hold my hand, squeezing it gently.

"Don't worry about Rose, I'll talk to her." He said reassuringly. I smiled and nodded in response as he dropped my hand. "Night Hannah," He called as I made my way up to my dormitory, my mind reeling and my heart breaking all over again.

A/N: Thanks again for reading, if you like the story so far don't forget to get alerts so I can bombard your emails with updates over the next few days as I upload the rest of this beast!

Hope you're enjoying it, if you have any questions about...well anything don't hesitate to review or message me. I've spent a long time on this story and would love to hear some feedback :)

Thanks again,

Jadeannkneeky