Chapter 5

"Right, can we have the beaters over here by me, seekers over there and chasers with Fred and Roxy." There was a sudden mass movement, as all the prospective players moved to where they needed to be. "I need three players today, so I want everyone to be at their very best because I will take nothing less," I shouted across the noise of everyone talking. They all turned to look over at me suddenly looking worried. I tried to offer what I hoped was an encouraging smile but most of them still looked terrified. "Okay Beaters and Chasers you're up first, seekers if you don't mind taking a seat and we will be with you shortly,"

Saturday saw the arrival of Quidditch try-outs. Thanks to Professor Longbottom being an absolute star, we managed to book in the first slot on the Quidditch pitch on Saturday morning meaning we would have longer to train prospective players. Thankfully, the time I had put into organising try-outs had made for a wanted distraction and I was able to avoid both Rose and James all week without too many questions being asked. Luckily for me, Rose and I were on the same page; neither of us seeking out the other to sort out the mess we had gotten ourselves into. I knew that she was aware something was going on but didn't bother to dwell on it, knowing it was just going to worry me more. We had had disputes in the past but after the first night in the kitchen I felt a shit in our relationship; I wasn't in the mood to stand for her controlling me anymore hence why I was staying out of her way. This obviously made life difficult for Albus and Scorpius, whilst me and Rose were being civil to each other, there were too many instances, when it was just the four of us, where there would be an awkward silence or one of us would make a sniping jab at the other. I could almost see the two of them holding their breaths waiting for one of us to blow.

As for James, after my conversation with Al, I had decided to keep a wide berth. I know that we had agreed to form some kind of friendship and I didn't enjoy going back on my word, but the way Al laid it all on the table did not sit right with me. I didn't like being made to feel like a fool at the best of times, let alone when I had allowed someone to see such a vulnerable part of my otherwise somewhat hostile exterior. Not that he was giving up easily; he had cornered me three times over the week to ask me what was wrong and every time I just blew him off with some excuse or another. How do you say to someone: sorry I just don't want to be another one of your easy targets?

Fred, James, Roxy and I had headed down to the pitch early that morning to for the try-outs. Fred had been helping me on and off all week so he was able to take James off my hands whilst Roxy and I worked in the office. Just like Will Shannon, my first captain had put me through the ropes when I tried out; I was planning on doing the same. We made the potential new players go through an intense work out session beforehand, getting rid of any dead weight that couldn't pass the intense fitness level. James was thankfully keeping his distance even on the pitch, which allowed me to focus on the task at hand.

Fred and Roxy took the chasers into the air and started testing them out against James, who was the probably the best Gryffindor goalkeeper since Oliver Wood. It was looking hopeless; the most anyone had gotten past him so far was four out of ten. I was beginning to lose hope when a second-year girl took to the year and managed to get eight in. I looked to the rest of the team who all mirrored my surprise.

"Remind me of your name?" I asked her when she landed.

"Darcy Frank," She said quietly, blushing when the four of us surrounded her.

"Honestly, you were amazing and I'm only slightly annoyed that you managed to score that many passed me," James said honestly. It was the first time he had said anything all day, I glanced over and caught his eye, and he smiled at me waiting for me to say something. I faltered slightly before turning back to Darcy.

"You were great," I smiled. "We will need to practise your flying but you were by far the best," I added, writing down her name in my formation. She squealed and gave me a big hug and before I could say anything ran over to an attractive looking boy in the year above.

"DANNY!" She yelled running the distance of the pitch. "I GOT IN! I GOT IN!" The boy gave her a big hug and spun her around.

"Danny Frank, he's trying out for beater." A voice said to the left of me. I turned and saw James standing nearby watching me with interest, Fred and Roxy having wandered off to speak to some of the seekers.

"Yes, well." I stuttered, closing my folder and turning away from him. I saw James frown slightly.

"He's a bit of an idiot though," He said glancing back over to Danny who was talking still talking to his sister animatedly.

"So are you, didn't stop Will having you on the team," I scorned shooting him a look.

"Touché," He laughed. He faltered when he realised I wasn't joking, I turned on my heel to walk away. "Have I upset you?" He asked sadly, touching my elbow to stop me moving away. I looked down at his hand and pulled my arm away. I sighed loudly and felt somewhat guilty.

"No, not really," I said honestly, "I just realised a few things that's all," I gave him another look before walking towards the potential beaters.

"Okay then." I clapped, putting the barriers back up and smiling brightly at all of them. "So I need a new beater and this one is probably the most important position as you'll be playing with me," A few of them looked worried, "So we'll take it in turns and see how you get on," I took them up one by one and tested their flying and hitting capabilities a few of them nearly sent the bludgers at their own team and a second-year hit me in the face with the bat.

"Fuck," I said holding my eye. The girl in question flew straight over when she realised, bursting into tears as she saw the blood dripping down my face.

"Hannah…I'm…so…sorry," She sobbed trying to wipe the blood away with her sleeve.

"It's okay," I said trying to move away from her to deal with the blood, "Nothing I'm not used to," She still tried to help me before I somewhat forcefully told her to go and compose herself somewhat and head back up to the castle. She flew back to the ground crying her eyes out, thankfully I saw Roxy give her a sympathetic pat on the back and take her to the changing rooms. If we hadn't just got Darcy on the team I would have seriously considered telling McGonagall to higher the age limit on the teams.

"Do you want me to take a look at it?" A voice said to the left of me. I looked around to see Danny, flying next to me looking concerned.

"It's alright," I replied pulling my wand out and clearing the blood, "not the first time I've got a bat to the face, fortunately her swing wasn't as strong as mine so I don't think anything is broken," I said smiling and casting a soothing spell to ease the pain. "I'll probably have a wicked black eye though."

"Just tell them the other person got off worse," Danny replied with a wink. I laughed and put my wand away. "Thanks for giving my sister the Chaser spot. It's all she's talked about all summer; I wasn't looking forward to the fall out if it hadn't happened." He said kindly.

"Well, she deserved it so you don't need to thank me," I returned, "Okay then, let's see how you get on."

He was brilliant. Better flyer than his sister and the way he hit the bludger made me giddy, he knew exactly what I was going to be before I did it, which made playing with him even better. When we flew back to the ground I almost jumped on him for how excited I was.

"There's no doubt you are the best," I grinned, "I was worried that after Dom left there wouldn't be anyone who could match us but honestly you made it feel like we had been playing together for years,"

"Does that mean I've got in the team?" He asked, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Of course, now go and tell your sister the good news. See you in training."

"Thanks," He smiled and walked towards his sister who ran half way to meet him.

"Did you have to choose him," James groaned walking over to me. I rolled my eyes and started walking towards the seekers.

"Yes,"

"Why?" I shot him a look.

"Because he was the best," I said simply.

"But he's a bloody idiot," James started.

"I'm captain and I thought he was the best," I retorted, trying to keep my patience; my anger seemed to be on a knife-edge nowadays. James was clever enough not to push further and walked off to join Fred and Roxy. I turned to the group of seekers.

"Okay then thank you for waiting," I smiled. "Easy enough, I'm going to set off five snitches the first one to catch the most wins," I pulled the golden snitches out of my pocket as the potential seekers, including the youngest Potter, took to the sky. "Ready, 3, 2, 1" The small balls flurried out of my hands and disappeared into the sky. I watched all of the candidates carefully, writing off over half based on flying alone, after about half an hour Lily Potter landed in front of me and very smugly handed me all five.

"I don't think anyone's ever caught all of them before," I said impressed taking them from her and adding her name to the formation.

"No way," James shouted running over to the two of us. "There is no way she is allowed on this team." We both turned to stare at him, Lilly's face like thunder mirroring mine own, so much so he took a step back.

"You have no say in this," She said confidently, "I got on the team fair and square,"

"No fucking way, it is too dangerous. Not happening, choose someone else." James snapped at me. I rolled my eyes not bothering to waste my breath and turned to Lilly placing my hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry Lils, he's just jealous. You are a much better flier than he is," I said loud enough for him to here. Before he could say anything else, I blew my whistle and rounded the team into the changing rooms.

I decided to wait for them all to leave before heading to the showers. I busied myself in the office trying to work through what tactics would work with our new players, really I was just trying to prolong a very awkward common room knowing a fair few Gryffindor's would not be happy with my decisions. I stepped in the shower, relishing in the hot water and the peace and quiet taking my time before wrapping a towel around myself and stepping back into the changing room. I heard the door go behind me and spun round to see a smirking James Potter leaning up against the door frame.

"A bit of privacy would be nice," I said wrapping the towel around my body tighter, feeling extremely on edge as his gaze ran over my body. "James," I snapped pulling myself together and glaring at him.

"Oh right sorry," He said quickly, still smiling as he placed a hand over his eyes and tried to walk over to his section of the changing room blindly. I couldn't help but laugh as he walked into a post cursing loudly. "It's been too long since I've made you laugh," He said sadly, uncovering his eyes and trying to avoid looking in my direction. I tried not to get too flustered as I got changed discreetly, not replying to his comment.

"It's okay," I said after a moment, "I'm dressed you can look," I sat down on my bench, to brush my hair and watched him from across the room.

"You think you dressed is a good thing, I'd rather have you in that towel again," He said winking, sitting down opposite me. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"You can't make comments like that James," I said dejectedly, knowing it wasn't going to get me anywhere.

"Do you want me to apologise?" He asked with a smile, tipping his head slightly to the side watching me.

"Not really, no," I replied surprising myself. He grinned at me and we sat in silence for a moment.

"You were a bit of an arse out there today," I remarked. He looked taken aback for a moment before shrugging. "I just want to say now, for the record that if you try to interfere with my coaching decisions again there will be consequences," I said sternly. He glanced at me, a stupid smirk coming across his face.

"I find it really attractive when you get all annoyed," He smiled.

"James, I being serious," I groaned. "You were out of line with some of your comments today and you know it," He dropped his mask and frowned, looking slightly sheepish.

"I don't understand why you hand to choose Danny," He moaned, "He's a bloody fool,"

"Because he was the best and we worked really well together," I quipped, feeling my temping rising slightly. "I'm not getting into this James,"

"And why the hell did you pick Lilly? Are you trying to punish me or something?" He snapped, glaring at me. I couldn't believe how he was behaving. I shook my head furiously and started to pack my kit away wanting to get away from him as fast as I could.

"How can you even say that? She was the best and you know it. You can't protect her all the time you know," I growled. He stood up and snatched my bag off me forcing me to look at him.

"Tell me that you put Lilly on the team just because you want to hurt me, because of everything that's happened recently," He yelled back crowding over me.

"You're deluded." I scoffed trying to get my bag off him with no success. I finally snapped. "None of my decisions today has got anything to do with me and you, unlike some people I don't let my emotions affect my decisions," I shouted back, the anger I had been feeling the past couple of days spilling out of me.

"And what the fuck is that supposed me to mean?" He yelled back.

"You don't like Danny because you're jealous," I shouted laughing madly, almost shaking with rage. "You kissed me in the kitchen at your parents because you were jealous," He tried to talk over me but I continued getting louder and more hysterical. "You didn't like it when Al kissed me on the check because you were jealous and you didn't write to me all summer because you heard about Jake and you were jealous." He glared at me, both of us breathing heavily, my words echoing around the room.

"You are the deluded." He spat.

"No, you are!" I shouted, poking him in the chest. "You can't have me; I am not one of your easy sluts you can just fuck. I'm your brothers best friend, not yours his. Don't act like that's not why you're interested in me all of a sudden." I couldn't stop myself from voicing my fears from the past week; it was spilling out of me like word vomit. "I know exactly what you're like James Potter and I refuse to be another one of your easy targets," I yelled, glaring at him with so much anger and resentment it took everything not to burst into tears. I expected him to look just as angry, for him to shout back but instead he looked so hurt and so broken like everything I had said had stabbed him in the heart. He sighed and sat down in defeat, putting his head in his hands and breathing deeply.

"Is that really what you think of me?" He said quietly after a moment. I felt awful, all the anger seeping from me when I saw the pained expression on his face.

"What else am I supposed to think?" I said harsher than I meant to. He looked up at me and in a second he was standing over, his hands cupping my face so gently I wanted to melt into him.

"Hannah," He started. "I am fucking crazy about you," He whispered, so softly I barely heard it. "You are not just another girl for me. You are the girl." A sad smile crept across his face as he placed his forehead onto mine. I shook my head trying to pull myself away, not wanting to hear what he had to say because of the pain I knew I was letting myself in for.

"James, please don't," I said weakly, feeling my heart beating loudly in chest and tears fall slowly down my cheek.

"Hannah, you are all I think about." He started, smiling breathless looking absolutely gorgeous making my heart expand with every flutter of his eyelashes. "When I wake up and when I go to sleep. It is driving me insane that I can't be with you; kiss you every time I see, hold your hand, go on dates, be us. All I want is this and I can't and it is breaking me. I don't understand my feelings, I don't think I want to understand my feelings, but I know that I want to kiss you senseless and hold you. Does that sound like every either girl I've been with?" He asked placing his head on mine. I closed my eyes and didn't respond just being in the moment, taking in everything he said. I felt him move in closer, feeling his breath on my lips.

"James," I whispered softly, hoping my willpower would pull through. I opened my eyes to look into his, bringing my hands up to meet his that was still holding my face. I pulled back slightly, lowering his hands.

"Please Hannah," He said sadly. He looked so vulnerable, so broken, so pained. I just wanted to cry into his shoulder and hold him but I knew that one of us needed to be strong.

"Al," I whispered. The two letters were all we needed to pull us to our senses "We can't," I almost sobbed. This perfect boy had just poured his heart out to me, showing me every part of him and I was denying him, denying me what we both wanted. James took a deep breath and dropped his hands, taking a step back.

"Al," He said nodding slightly before walking out of the room without another word. I felt the tears come again as I saw him walk away and moved to the bench to sit down before I fell over. I held myself tightly and cried quietly into the empty tent.

"Erm…Hannah, are you okay?" A voice came from the door. I wiped my tears away and saw Danny peering at me apprehensively, giving me a questioning look.

"Yes, I'm fine," I lied pathetically, standing up and wiping my eyes. He didn't look convinced as he stepped further into the changing room. "Honestly," I said with a reassuring nod and trying my best to muster a smile which I'm pretty sure resembled a grimace, "Is there something I can help with you?" I asked a little harsher than I meant.

"No, no," Danny replied quickly, looking slightly taken aback. My emotions were so all over the place I didn't have any room left to feel guilty. I nodded in understanding and picked up my bag.

"Can I leave you to lock up?" I asked, moving past him to get to the door.

"Yeah sure," He said still looking at me with concern. He placed a hand on my arm as I walked past, "Is everything okay with you and James?" He asked, frowning down at me. I blanched, unsure for a moment how to respond.

"Everything is perfectly okay between me and Potter, why wouldn't it be?" I said, narrowing my eyes slightly and shaking off his hand. I knew I was being rude to my fellow beater but all I could think about was running straight up to the castle and wallowing in my tears for the rest of the day. My head was banging and my heart was broken, I didn't even want to think right now let alone still be in the room where it happened.

"I heard you arguing," He stated, the frown not leaving his face.

"No you must be mistaken," I replied coldly.

"Hannah," Danny started, his hand moving to the back of his neck awkwardly. "I came back to talk to you about practice and well…I heard you and James…and well you were quite loud…I didn't mean to listen but…" Danny couldn't even meet my eyes. My heart was banging in my chest; he knew.

"How much did you hear?" I asked quietly. He looked up and considered me for a moment.

"All of it," He said honestly. My mind was reeling. I took a deep breath and readjusted my bag on my shoulder.

"Well I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone," I said stiffly, not giving away any emotion. Danny's face creased in concern and he reached out again to touch my arm. I moved further away and didn't break eye contact. "Please, don't tell anyone," I repeated.

"I won't," He replied. I considered him for a moment before nodding shortly and handing him the keys to lock up. "Hannah," He said quietly, I turned around in the doorway trying to hide my annoyance. "If you need to talk to anyone-

"I won't need to talk to anyone," I retorted quickly.

"I know," He replied, "But if you did, you can talk to me." We looked at each other in silence for what felt like an age. I knew that talking to someone about everything that had happened would make it so much easier but at what risk. Losing Al? Losing Rose? Losing everything? I shook my head, mainly to myself.

"Remember to kill the lights," I said quietly, giving him one last look before leaving the changing room, the tears falling before I'd even stepped outside.

The past week had been awful. My mind was completely consumed by thoughts of James and no matter how hard I tried. The argument after practise on Saturday had wrecked me. I hid away the whole weekend lying to my friends that I wasn't feeling very well. The way he had bared his feelings for me had just made everything so much harder, I couldn't even bring myself to look at him during meal times and around school not trusting myself not to break down in front of him and tell him to forget Al and that I felt the same way.

My change in mood hadn't gone unnoticed. Rose had been keeping an eye on my all week and I would often interrupt Al and Rose in whispered conversation in the common room, shutting up hastily when I was around. Neither of them had approached me, however, something I was completely grateful for. Scorpius, on the other hand, had been keeping a wide berth. My distraction with try-outs the week before made it impossible for him to come and speak to me about what I told him. This week however, he had been actively avoiding me and as a result, I had barely seen him all week. When I asked Rose she gave me some excuse about him being busy with Quidditch and prefect duties, but I could tell that even she was confused as to why Scorpius was avoiding me. I tried not to let it bother me but in actual fact, it hurt more than I let on. Other than me and James he was the only one who knew something about what was going on and because of the way I had left things with James after try-outs I was so desperate to talk about it with someone; even if it was Al's best friend.

Danny had been watching me all week, sending me sympathetic looks whenever I caught his eye. It was driving me insane. I don't know why it bothered me so much, possibly due to the fact that I wasn't sure I could trust him, or because we were beating partners it was almost impossible to avoid him. It felt like everywhere I turned he was there trying to pull me to one side, making sure I was okay, reiterating yet again that I could come and talk to him. I hated knowing that someone knew my secret; it made me put up my barriers even more than I already was.

The following Saturday saw the first training session of the year and I made my way down to the changing room early to prep for what was going to be an extremely awkward session. It would be the first time in a week James and I would be in the same room and needing to talk to each other; I had been dreading it all week. Now, with the added pressure of Danny watching our every move, I was completely on edge. The team arrived one by one, all of them looking tired due to the early start. I froze up as I saw James walking in looking just as perfect as he did every day, even this early in the morning, averting my eyes from him when I saw Danny looking over at me with a strange expression.

The practise had been okay. I had thrown myself into training to distract myself from James who would barely even look at me the whole time, deciding to keep himself at the goal posts and only giving short answers whenever anyone asked him a question. I knew I could've let this bother me but I had to put the team first, so I decided to ignore him the best I could, trying to enjoy my first practise as captain. Once we had taken to the air, Danny and I had performed rather well and I was feeling somewhat better about appointing him. I called the end of practise and everyone took off to the showers, Fred landing by my side looking concerned.

"Capt, I need to talk to you," He said worriedly. I offered him a smile and nodded, starting to walk across the pitch waiting for him to start, "You need to talk to James," I knew this was coming. James had been in a foul mood the whole of practise, letting in stupid goals and making Darcy shout at him loudly for nearly knocking her off her broom. I knew the whole team were looking at me to get him to change his attitude but every part of me didn't want to go anywhere near him.

"I know," I sighed, trying to ignore the state my heart was in already knowing this conversation was going to make it all the much worse. Fred nodded and walked into the tent first giving me a minute to compose myself before I followed in behind him.

"Potter," I said loudly, interrupting everyone's conversations and looking over James who was keeping himself to himself. Everyone looked at me awkwardly and I tried my best to keep my composure, "A quick word," I said when the keeper finally looked up at me; his gaze burning into my soul. I moved into the office without another word sitting at the desk trying to ignore the pounding of my heart in my chest. James came in shutting the door behind him and standing up looking at me with an emotionless expression on his face, waiting for me.

"A few of the team haven't been happy with your performance today," I said stiffly.

"Okay," He retorted quickly.

"If we are going to work as a team, you need to change your attitude and work with us not against us," I continued, barely trusting myself to keep it all together.

"Okay," He repeated.

"We can't have another practise like that; we need you to be at your best." I frowned.

"Okay," He said again, "Is that everything?" I felt myself blush as his question, I suddenly felt like he was trying to undermine me and could feel my temper rising. I felt myself blush and look away from the boy in front of me.

"Yes," I whispered. He paused for a moment before moving to the door. "James," I said softly. He turned around with the same emotionless expression on his face. "Please don't let what has happened between me and you affect the team," I added against my better judgement. His expression didn't falter as he nodded stiffly.

"Trust me, what has happened between me and you will not be affecting anything in my life." He remarked. "Can I go now?" He added with a frown. I knew I couldn't even trust myself to say anything without breaking down in tears and so nodded, turning away from him as he left the room; silent tears falling down my face. Not long after he left I heard a knock at the door, knowing who it was before they even came in.

"Hannah?" Danny said pocking his head around the door, his face screwed up with concern when he saw me at the desk. I knew I must've looked pathetic, still in my kit, mud across my face after a nasty fall, tears streaming down my cheeks. I couldn't even bring myself to pull myself together as the beater walked in shutting the door behind him, wrapping his arms around me, letting me cry into his shoulder. He moved us over to the sofa in the corner, not pressuring me to say anything for a while, just letting me cry.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked once I had composed myself. He gave me a kind smile and patted my hand fondly.

"You are my beating partner; we've got to look out for each other." He smiled.

"I was awful to you the other day," I frowned. "I should've been so rude; it's not like me at all-

"Hannah," He interrupted, "It's fine, honestly. And besides, love makes people do the strangest things." I faltered slightly as his remark.

"Love?" I asked, giving him a confused look.

"You and James right?" I shook my head but his expression didn't change, "Does anyone else know?" He asked, changing the subject.

"My friend, Scorpius Malfoy knows something but not everything," I replied, feeling myself well up again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked simply. I bit my lip nervously, not sure what to say. I wanted more than anything to tell him everything. I know I needed to get everything off my chest before I exploded. I nodded and took a deep breath starting right at the beginning up to the conversation I had just had with James, telling Danny everything that had happened and all my feelings in between.

"Merlin, that's...a lot to process," Danny said once I was finished; I managed to keep the tears at bay while I was relaying everything to him.

"I know," I said dejectedly. He didn't say anything for a minute but took my hand comfortingly and offered me a soft smile.

"I really don't know what to say, other than you know what James is like." He said smiling sadly at me. I nodded and stood up.

"Well, I've known that from the beginning and I still managed to get myself into the mess. I don't know what I was thinking getting involved with him; it's not like me at all. Especially going against Al," I replied, leaning against the edge of the desk and turning to face Danny who was looking at me with a bemused expression on his face.

"Who said Al would be so against the idea?" Danny asked curiously. I gave him a look that said 'are you fucking kidding', "Oh right, so telling him is a no go."

"A big no go," I frowned, "I can't even explain what the fall out would be. Al would be heartbroken, never speak to me again; never speak to James. I could never do that to him," Danny nodded in understanding and walked over to me, standing in front of me.

"Are you okay?" I looked up at the seventh year that was looking at me with so much sincerity it made me want to start crying all over again. I nodded and gave him a small smile.

"I feel better now that I've told someone; sorry for putting it all on you but it did help. Is that really selfish?" I asked sheepishly.

"Not at all, I know what it's like being in love with someone and not being able to tell a soul. Lunch?" He asked, walking over to the door.

"I'm not in love with James," I said hurriedly, halting him in his tracks.

"Oh, sorry I must have misunderstood," He said quickly but offering me knowing smile. I rolled my eyes and laughed slightly in spite of myself.

"Who do you love anyway?" I asked curiously, trying to deflect the heat off me.

"Never you mind," Danny replied with a wink. "Come on, let's get some food." I rolled my eyes and locked up the changing rooms, following him up the path back to school feeling much better.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed that Chapter. I think writing Quidditch scenes is one of my favourite things to write, hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it.

Thanks for the follows and favourites, it means so much and I really hope you are enjoying the story so far.

Jadeannkneeky