A/N: Warnings: There may be scenes in this chapter that some people may find upsetting. Scenes of moderate violence and abuse as well as allusions to depression and quite a bit of swearing so please take caution.
Chapter 15
The week slowly got worse. As the days progressed, more and more people found out about the sixth year that had the Potter boys fighting over her. The whispering worsened, turning into sneers that turned into taunts. It was pretty much impossible to walk between lessons without someone calling me some kind of name. Breakfast time on Friday morning was the worst yet. The Daily Prophet caught wind of the gossip and had done a front page spread on my avid affair with both Potter's, making out like I was playing one against the other. If the whispers and taunts weren't bad enough, my face shining from every paper in the hall as people digested the lies, was the worst kind of hurt I could have ever imagined. Explicit details of the arguments on Monday and Tuesday were there for everyone to read; I couldn't escape.
Scorpius' had joined me every morning for breakfast, the conversation revolving around lessons and Quidditch as I had become accustomed to shutting down completely whenever the Potter's were mentioned. He had spotted the newspaper before I had and tried desperately to get me to leave with him but it was too late, I felt my heart sink as I realised what they were reading.
"Just ignore them," Scorpius said trying to sound casual, "If they believe the crap that's written in there then they aren't worth your time," He said with a sad smile, which wasn't returned. I stared down at my half-eaten breakfast, suddenly losing my appetite once again that week. I made my excuses and left to go to the bathroom to clear my head. Like clockwork, much like every day so far, Cressida walked in with a few less of her cronies. She took one look at me and pointed her wand at my stomach making me hunch over in pain once again. The feeling of being punched repeatedly was overwhelming and I could feel my head spinning. Just when I thought I was going to pass out, she stopped as I fell to the floor. She leant over me with a smirk and pulled out a copy of the Prophet.
"The Boys who fought," She read out loud with a spiteful chuckle, "Hannah the heartbreaker. Trust me, little girl, I don't think you've been breaking any hearts," She sneered throwing the paper down on the floor next to me. She left the bathroom, leaving me on the stone cold floor not daring to move. My own face was staring up at me from the front page, Al and James either side of me, all three of us smiling and laughing with our arms around each other. The photo was taken from a party last year, just after we had won the Quidditch Cup. The picture had been cropped to show just the three of us, whilst Rose and the rest of the team were cut out.
I stared at Al. His arm was wrapped around my shoulder and his face screwed up with laughter. He looked so happy standing there with me, so content. James stood the other side of me, cup in one hand the other leaning on my shoulder, smiling proudly and looking more relaxed than I had seen him in a long time. I caught sight of myself standing between the two brothers smiling widely. I was still in my Quidditch robes, my hair was all over the place and I had mud down one side of my face. My one arm was wrapped around my friend while my other was still holding my beater bat. I was laughing madly, like Al. I remember James saying something hilarious just as the photo was taken, making us all crack up with laughter.
I pulled myself up into a sitting position and cast a pain relief charm on my stomach, wincing as the charm spread across my sides and abdomen allowing me to feel some relief. I leaned against the stone wall and picked up the newspaper, staring at our happy faces. I wished more than anything to go back to that day when Al was my best friend and James was just my Captain. I would have both of them in my life and none of this would've happened, not to mention I wouldn't constantly be beaten up by a Slytherin hag who was going out of her way to back my life miserable. My stomach was black and blue from whatever spell she was using. I hid the pain as much as I could but people were starting to think that something was going on.
Later that evening, after the week's lessons were finished, I made my way down to dinner after hiding out in the library for a few hours. I sat in my usual place wincing in pain as my bag swung around and knocked my bruised stomach. I saw Danny frowning at me from further down the table.
"Hi," He said sitting down opposite me. "Good day?" He asked pouring himself some pumpkin juice.
"What do you think?" I asked frustratingly, throwing my bag under the table and getting some water.
"What's wrong with your stomach?" He asked bluntly, his eyebrows creased in concern, ignoring my sarcasm.
"Nothing is wrong with my stomach," I said too quickly, not meeting his gaze and helping myself to some dinner.
"Tell me what's going on?" He said sadly.
"What apart from the fact that my heart is broken and I'm currently Hogwarts number one slag," I said scathingly. Danny looked at me sadly.
"You aren't a slag Hannah, please don't say that," He said reaching across the table to grab my hand. I pulled back and shot him a dirty look. "Please talk to me Hannah," He pleaded. I sighed and shook my head.
"There's nothing to talk about, it's done now Danny," I said bitterly, putting my barriers up and refusing to talk about anything once again.
"Hi guys," Louis said, coming over and sitting down next to Danny. "You okay Hannah?" He asked kindly, grabbing a drink.
"Why do people keep asking me that?" I said my voice rising, "Of course I'm not okay," I glared at the two boys opposite me, knowing full well that I shouldn't be taking my anger out on either of them. They had both been amazing the past couple of days. Louis had kept to his word and sat with me every dinner time, talking about utter rubbish making me smile when I didn't think I would be able to. Danny had been there for me in the evening when I sat in his dormitory doing some work as to avoid the common room and another fiasco like the other night. He never forced me to talk if I didn't want to, just offering a comforting hug when I eventually broke down in tears after an awful day.
"Hannah, I know you're going through a lot but don't take it out on us," Danny said with a frown. I shook my head, the pain in my body causing me to be more irritated than normal; all I wanted was for them to leave me alone.
"Merlin, I'm not made of glass, I won't break you know," I scathed.
"Dom wants you to write to her," Louis said looking at me worriedly, "She said she hasn't heard from you at all,"
"Tell Dom to leave me the fuck alone, didn't she get the message after ignoring the eighth letter," I spat, wincing at the pain slowly got worse. My hand went down to my stomach automatically, I noticed both boys looking down with concern.
"What is wrong with your stomach?" Danny asked sternly.
"You look in pain Hannah, what's the matter?" Louis asked worriedly.
"Merlin nothing, please leave me alone," I all but shouted. A few people looked around at the three of us, sensing a commotion. "It's not fucking round three you can get back to your dinner's in peace, nothing exciting happening here folks," I shouted at the people who had turned around.
"Hannah, you need to calm down," Danny said softly, trying to catch my hand.
"How can I?" I said feeling my eyes welling up out of frustration and pain. I glanced to the doorway and say James Potter walking down the table with Fred, heading right towards us. They stopped just behind me and I closed my eyes wanting desperately to disappear.
"Hey guys," Fred said warmly to us all, "Can we join you for dinner?" He asked moving around the table to sit next to Danny. I heard James hesitate before sitting down next to me; I could see the three other boys looking between us with worried expressions. I shook my head at how unbelievable the situation was. I didn't want to be anywhere near James currently, so why the fuck had they sat down next to me. I stood up grabbing my bag, not daring to look at James.
"Where are you going?" Danny asked.
"I just want to be left alone, nobody follow me," I said looking at all of them. I turned around to see Cressida smiling at me from the Slytherin table. I saw her flick her wand and felt the familiar sensation hit my body. It was worse than I'd had before; it took me everything not to pass out right there and then. I gritted my teeth and practically ran through the hall, the feeling getting worse with every step. I knew everyone was looking at me but I didn't care, just needing to get as far away from Cressida, from everyone as I could. I turned the corner gasping for air, practically screaming as I ran down the corridor. The pain getting worse with every step; I could barely see where I was going. I saw a figure ahead of me and I knew it was too late to stop as I barrelled into them.
"Hannah," A voice called out from what felt like miles away. I turned away from the person and saw James' face clearly coming towards me looking worried. I tried to run the other way before I saw Al's face staring down at me. Then everything went black.
I sat up suddenly gasping for air, my heart beating widely in my chest, my head banging against my skull. I realised that I was in the hospital wing and not drowning in the black lake as I had dreamt. It was dark and I was very away of a server pain shooting through my stomach. I managed to get my breathing back to normal and looked around for some water realising that I wasn't alone. Albus Potter was currently sitting in the chair next to my bed fast asleep. His long legs were stretched out in front of him and his head was resting on his hand, threatening to be jolted awake at any moment. I smiled for a moment at the sight before seeing his harsh expression and realising that his eyes were red and his hair was more out of place than usual. Everything came flooding back to me at that moment; the awful week, Cressida, the heartache, the pain, the fainting. It made me just want to go to sleep again and never wake up. I quietly threw my legs over the bedside, trying and failing to stand up to get some water, crying out and falling in a heap on the floor.
"Hannah?" Al called out having been woken up. He was around the other side of the bed in a second and leaning down to help me up off the floor. His touch was almost electric on my skin as he helped me off the ground, I hadn't realised how much I missed Al's closeness as his body leaned over mine, surrounding me with his scent. It made me want to cry at how much I missed my friend but I was so confused as to why he was here I didn't want to spoil the moment with too much outward emotion. I let him guide me to the bed, wincing at the overexertion on my body.
"Healer Thompson said that if you woke up, you needed to have the flask of skeligrowth." He said sternly handing me the potion. I looked at the bottle in confusion, he sensed my hesitation and sighed, "You had three broken ribs Hannah," He said sadly, sitting back in his chair his face showing the obvious worry he was trying so desperately to hide.
"Surely it wasn't that bad?" I asked genuinely surprised at the revelation. I opened the flask and drank the contents screwing my face up at the awful taste, "Merlin that is fucking awful," I said looking at Al who had let his guard down enough to show me a sad smile.
"How have you got three broken ribs Hannah?" He asked seriously, leaning forward in his chair and staring at me with concern. I shrugged and took another swig as to avoid talking. "Don't give me that bullshit," He spat. "What's going on?"
"Why are you here?" I said quietly, trying to change the subject. He sighed and sat back again, running his hands over his face in frustration.
"You fainted practically in my arms Hannah," He said, his voice breaking slightly. "James was here too," He said after a moment. I felt my heart quicken and I looked at him surprised, wondering if he had had a change of heart. "Don't read too much into Hannah, I just thought you would like to know," I nodded showing my understanding, not wanting to push the issue further.
"I'm glad you're here," I said sincerely, smiling at my friend. It wasn't returned.
"I just wanted to make sure you were alright," Al said not meeting my eyes, "I should probably go," He added standing up.
"No Al, please," I begged, feeling myself getting upset at his sudden change, "Please don't go, please don't leave me," I said grabbing onto his arm. He looked down at me looking so helpless and sighed, sitting back down in his chair.
"Thank you," I said, calming down. He didn't respond, just stared at me, his eyes not giving away whatever emotion he was feeling. "Do you know how long I need to be in here for?" I asked trying to change the subject.
"Should be okay to go tomorrow," Al replied, "I think Neville is going to come and talk to you though, about where you've got the injuries from." He explained. "You need to tell him the truth Hannah," He finished.
"There's nothing to tell," I replied petulantly. We were both quiet for a moment; Al was staring at me so intensely I had to look away.
"We can't be friends anymore Hannah, you understand that," Al said finally. I looked at him, feeling my eyes welling up. "I can't watch you two…" He trailed off, unable to finish.
"We aren't together Al," I said quickly, desperately trying to get him to understand. "You are too important for us to act on our feelings Al, please understand that."
"You've broken my heart. I don't think I'll ever understand that." He said sadly, not meeting my eyes. I just stared at him, unable to string a sentence together without the fear of bursting into tears. He was so broken, so honest; I'd give anything for him to just be angry at me again. This was so much worse. "I just want to apologise for how aggressive and hurtful I have been towards you this week."
"I deserved it," I said quickly. He looked up at me with a frown but didn't argue.
"What Rose and Scorpius do is up to them I suppose, but I don't want to put any strain on their relationship," He said.
"I agree," I nodded.
"So perhaps you should just speak to them in lessons and then they won't have to try and split their sociable time between the two of us," He offered. I stared at him bewildered at the thought of him basically asking me not to friends with them, he didn't look like he was joking. I gulped and nodded again.
"If that's what you want," I replied trying to not let my emotions get the better of me.
"It's just easier that way," He answered, the frown not leaving his face. "You can understand. As for the rest of my family, this is a difficult time for everyone and we all need to sort this mess out together so it's probably best if you don't interfere," He finished.
"Okay," I didn't know what else to say. I just sat there listening to him pull away everyone that I was close to; making it very clear that I wasn't part of his family anymore, making it very clear that I wasn't to be in his life anymore. I just sat there and took it. I knew it was inevitably going to happen but this was so formal, so unlike Albus, it completely threw me.
"I hope you feel better soon," He said standing up. This time I didn't ask him to stay. "See you around." I thought he was going to say something else but instead he just sighed.
"I'm so sorry Al," I said quietly. He looked at me with a pained expression.
"It's done," He replied walking out of the hospital wing without a second look.
"So Miss Marshall, I just want to have a chat about your injuries and just make sure you're okay," Professor Longbottom said sitting on the bed opposite me. It was the next morning, I hadn't slept all night. Not only had the skeligrowth kept me awake, but the conversation with Al had been on constant replay in my mind. I practically begged the healers to let me go in the morning but they were insistent that I waited for Professor Longbottom to come and speak to me. He came just after breakfast; I was fully dressed in my Quidditch kit as I wanted to show my face at practise that morning. He smiled kindly when he saw me, making me feel at ease.
"There's nothing really to chat about, Professor." I said, plastering what I thought was a reassuring smile across my face, "I've just strained myself in practise over the holidays and overdone it this week," I lied, hoping he was buying it.
"That's not what some of your friends have told me, Miss Marshall," He replied with a frown.
"Sir, honestly you know how dramatic some people can be. I was training hard over the holidays and took a nasty fall. I tried to heal it myself but obviously didn't do a very good job, making it worse during training this week." He considered me for a moment.
"Okay, but please come and speak to me if there are any issues at all," He said. I nodded with a smile, knowing full well that I wasn't going to. "Now as for what's being said in the papers," I felt my face drop, feeling my mask slip away. "Do you want to talk about it Hannah?"
"No," I replied more sternly than I meant, "Sorry Professor, I'd just rather not talk about it at the moment, especially in the circumstances," I rambled.
"And what circumstances are they Miss Marshall?" He asked frowning slightly.
"Just how close you are with the Potter's Sir, I wouldn't want to put you in a difficult situation," I explained, hoping he understood.
"First and foremost Hannah, I am your teacher, just like I am Albus' and James'. Regardless of how well I know people outside of Hogwarts, I am your teacher equally. I don't have favourites and I don't tell anybody anything a student has told me in confidence." He explained. I nodded uncertainly. "Now are you sure you don't want to talk to me about anything Hannah?" He asked again.
"I'm sure Professor," I said quietly. He considered me for a moment before nodding.
"Okay, please come to me if you change your mind," He added. "Now take it easy at practise, no more injuries." He added with a smile.
"Of course Sir," I replied, plastering the fake smile back on my face. I stood up and left the hospital wing without another word, racing down to the Quidditch pitch.
"Sorry I'm late," I said rushing into the tent. Luckily for me, my ribs healed perfectly during the night and I was now only left with bruising. Healer Thompson gave me the okay to continue with Quidditch, however, I was not to overdo it. I dropped my kit bag on the floor and turned around to face everyone; no one looked happy, all of them looking at me with concern. I was all too aware of James busying himself with his bag, the only one not staring at me. I tried my best to ignore him.
"Are you sure you're okay to do practise today Capt?" Fred asked after a brief awkward silence. I frowned at him but noticed everyone else was matching his worried expression.
"Of course I'm okay to do today's practise," I said not trying to hide my irritation. "I know everyone is well aware of my private life, but I can assure you that I won't let it affect my dedication to this team," I said hoping to end the conversation there.
"But your private life did affect this team," Roxy pipped up. I looked around and saw every looking extremely awkward. "You cut James from the team, are you telling me that that had nothing to do with what has been going on?" She asked folding her arms almost daring me to argue back. I gapped at her for a moment, speechless.
"Roxy, leave it," James said glaring at his cousin. I whipped my head around to look at him properly for the first time since Monday. His eyes were narrowed on his cousin and he looked so angry, it was unbearable. I brought my attention back to Roxy who was still waiting for me to answer.
"Shall we just get on with practise?" Danny said standing up and wrapping an arm around my shoulder, trying to calm the situation down.
"No, I think we deserve some answers from our captain," Roxy said crossing her legs and leaning back to get more comfortable.
"She doesn't have to answer to anyone if she doesn't want to," Darcy pipped up, glaring at Roxy. I felt my heart warm instantly at the support the brother and sister were giving me. It felt nice to have someone on my side and I instantly felt guilty about having a go at Danny the day before.
"Yes she does, especially when it jeopardises the team," Roxy explained. I don't think she intended on being horrible to me but I couldn't help think it was a personal attack. She was a lot friendlier with Al than she was with James and I knew that that would've had an effect.
"I'm sorry if you felt like I put the team in jeopardy after cutting…James," I said, barely managing to say his name. This didn't go unnoticed; I saw most of the team shuffle uncomfortably in their seats. "But I made the call and I still stand by that, if that isn't a good enough explanation then what I can say,"
"That's no explanation," Roxy replied. "How can we be sure that you won't let your own issues affect the team again after all James is still on the team as is his sister and two of his cousins, how can we be sure that you won't cut us," She said frowning. I could see she was getting more and more wound up. I gaped at her, not sure what to say or how the situation was getting so out of easily out of hand.
"Roxy, don't you think you're being a little harsh," Lily said, looking wearingly between the two of us.
"Not at all, I think it's about time someone called her out for her actions, Fred agrees don't you Fred," She said turning to her twin who looked like a deer caught in headlights as everyone turned to state at him.
"Well…erm…no, not quite what I meant…I just…well…I," He said trailing off and looking down at the ground. Roxy rolled her eyes and faced me again, gunning for me.
"What exactly do you want me to say Roxy?" I said, feeling myself getting more irritated by the second.
"I think we should have a vote of no confidence," She said finally, standing up and looking around the rest of the team who looked back at her with shock.
"THAT'S ENOUGH," James shouted standing up and facing his cousin. "You're overstepping Roxy and you know it. You're accusing Hannah of letting her personal issues get in the way of her decisions but you are doing exactly the same. Your loyalty to Al is worthless here, so back off," He growled.
"At least I have loyalty to Al," She said glaring at James and Lily.
"Okay, okay enough," I called, finally finding my voice after watching the interaction. My anger was boiling over and I was trying so hard not to let my emotions get the better of me, but I knew there was only one way I could solve this issue. It wasn't something I wanted to do, but I knew I had to. "I'll make it easy," I said walking over to Roxy and handing her my captain badge. "I quit,"
"Hannah no," James said in shock, his expression mirrored by the rest of the team.
"Leave it Potter; I don't need you sticking up for me. Do you understand?" I spat, feeling my anger boil over finally. He looked at me taken aback for a moment shaking his head.
"No I won't leave it, this is ridiculous. You're the captain of this team," He looked around at the others who just stood there watching the two of us. Danny just stared at me speechless and with so much pity; it was painful to meet his eyes. Lily and Darcy were just glaring at Roxy who looked just as shocked as the rest of the team.
"Hannah, come on, don't you think that's a little…extreme," Fred reasoned walking over to me.
"No, it's what needs to be done," I said finally, picking up my bag and looking around the room again. "Roxy is right, I have a lot going on right now and I can't promise that it won't affect how I captain this team," I sighed and looked at Fred, "I'll let Longbottom know that I have resigned and that I've made you Captain. I'll give you a list of suitable beaters to fill the spot and all my notes and plays are in the office," Fred didn't reply, he just stood there looking at me as if I'd gone mad.
"Hannah, don't do this," James said walking over to me and grabbing my hand, filling my vision with his pained expression. I felt the electricity running through me as our hands joined. I missed feeling his touch, his closeness. It took everything in me not to break down in his arms and cry myself into oblivion, but I didn't get to do that anymore. He wasn't mine and I wasn't his, so I pulled my hand away and shook my head leaving the tent without another word.
It took me two weeks to complete cut Al's family from my life. Not daring to go back on my promise to Al, I wrote a letter to Dom the evening after quitting the Quidditch team telling her very rudely to stop writing to me and to get Louis to back off. I received a concerned reply and was met with a very worried Louis Weasley at dinner on Saturday evening. News that I had quit the Quidditch team hadn't quite made the rounds yet, however, to avoid conversations I locked myself away in my room for the rest of the day and only decided to go to dinner when I knew it would be quieter. Louis was already sitting at the Gryffindor table when I arrived, talking to Rose and Danny who were both awaiting my arrival. I decided not to walk down to any of them, choosing instead to sit near some first years that were in hysterics when they saw me.
"You quit Quidditch," Rose said loudly slamming her hands down on the table in front of me. "Are you mental?" I looked up at her and shrugged half-heartedly, helping myself to some food. Rose didn't say anything, just sighed and sat down opposite me staring at me like I had three heads.
"Dom messaged me," Louis frowned, joining his cousin. "She isn't happy about the letter you sent her and well neither am I to be honest." I decided to ignore them and continued to eat my food. They wouldn't understand, even if I explained what Al wanted me to do, they would say he was being ridiculous. They wouldn't agree that this is what I deserved.
"Hannah, please talk to us," Danny said sadly. "I know you are going through a lot, but you shouldn't be beating yourself up like this, you haven't done anything wrong." I turned to face him and shook my head.
"How can you say that?" I said incredulously, looking at my friend in bewilderment. "I have broken Al's heart; I have ripped two brothers apart. How can you say I've not done anything wrong?" I wiped a stray tear away and averted my eyes away from the three people in front of me.
"Hannah-
"No, nothing you are going to say is going to make this any better. It would be greatly appreciated if you would just leave me alone," I said hotly, glancing at Rose who was beside herself.
"I have to go to practise," Louis sighed standing up, "Hannah please write back to Dom and let me know if you need anything. You have people on your side you know,"
"It's not about sides, it's about right and wrong," I mumbled. He shook his head in defeat and walked away without another word. He was the first to go, as I knew he would be.
"What the hell is going on Hannah? Why are you punishing yourself like this? It's bloody ridiculous," Rose snapped at me.
"Where's Scorpius?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at her and changing the subject.
"With Al in the Library, what does that have to do with anything?" She asked dumbfounded.
"Apart from rounds, how much alone time have you actually had with your boyfriend this week?" I continued.
"What does that have to do with anything?" She said frowning; I knew I'd hit a nerve.
"It has everything to do with everything. You've both been splitting your time with me and Al so much so that you are taking a backseat on your relationship, I don't want that to happen," I said simply, shaking my head at her.
"Our friends need us," She implored.
"Al needs you, don't worry about me," I said offering her a soft smile that I knew she didn't buy. She shook her head at me and stood up.
"I can't talk to you when you are like this Hannah, you won't see sense. Stop trying to cut everyone out of your life because it isn't going to work," She walked off without another word and although I knew it wasn't the end of it, I had chipped at the surface of losing Rose as a friend, it was a start. Danny waited for me to finish my dinner and we walked back to the common room in silence, he didn't try and stop me when I walked straight through the common room back upstairs to bed.
The rest of the week followed suit. I kept my contact with Rose and Scorpius at the bare minimum during lessons, not allowing myself to be drawn into conversations that strayed away from the topic of the lesson. I could see they were getting increasingly frustrated but didn't dare push me on it, in fear that I would up and leave as I would always do. I stopped going to breakfast all together as to avoid time with Scorpius. When he questioned me, I just shrugged and told him that I wasn't going to be coming for breakfast again and left it there; he knew better than to push further. My free time was spent in the library surrounded by my work, avoiding anyone and everyone. I woke up whilst everyone was at breakfast and spent lunchtime in the library heading straight back there after lessons before heading to dinner when I knew it was quiet. It was amazing how quickly I had come accustom to my new routine and how easy it was to hide from people.
One person, however, who always managed to corner me, was Cressida. Monday morning, between lunch and lesson four she locked me in the bathroom on the seventh floor, her and her friends penning me in making an escape impossible. After nearly getting caught, due to my stint in the hospital wing, I thought she would back off; I should've known it would've just pissed her off even more.
"That was a close one, wasn't it little girl. We can't be getting caught now can we; I think a change is in order." Her eyes flashed dangerously and she laughed manically as she pointed her wand down my leg. The pain shot through me instantly. I felt like I was being cut open with a knife as I cried out and fell to the floor in front of her. She laughed louder and beckoned her friends to leave with her. I could feel the blood through my tights and hastily threw myself into a cubicle, pulling them off to see three scratch marks all the way down my leg, as if someone had clawed at me. I winced as I applied some tissue to stop the bleeding slightly, casting a soothing spell all the way down it hoping it would keep the pain at bay until I could find some Murtlap Essence later. Just like everything else, the scratches had become part of my normal routine.
The news that I had quit the team reached all of the Gryffindor's two weeks after the event. As you can imagine, disloyalty did not go down too well with the rest of the house. Most of them keeping their opinions to themselves, the others airing their thoughts when they knew I was in close proximity making me aware exactly what they thought of me; not that I cared anymore. The weeks that followed my leaving, all of the team, including Roxy, had come up to me and tried to persuade me to re-join which I politely declined. Darcy even went as far as to follow me around the school all of Sunday, saying she wouldn't leave until I had said yes, thankfully Danny realised what was happening and managed to get her to leave me alone. James was the last one who hadn't tried to change my mind, corning me on Friday afternoon as I made my way to the library.
"Hannah, wait," He said as he stepped out of lesson just as I walked past. People around us took a keen interest as soon as they saw what was happening, making me increase my step as to avoid another embarrassment. "Hannah," James said breathlessly stepping in front of me and not letting me past. I glared up at him, taking in his appearance. He looked so sad, his eyes had bags underneath them like he hadn't slept in weeks and his hair was more unruly than ever. It made me concerned about how I must look, not in a vain way, more worried that people would suspect things were worse than I was letting on.
I was well aware that I wasn't looking after myself but it was difficult to do so when I was trying to avoid people. I would skip breakfast and lunch, grabbing snacks from the kitchens whenever I was able, meaning I was in a constant state of hunger. I knew I was starting to lose weight and not healthily so either, especially now I wasn't getting the same exercise I normally got with Quidditch. I'd given up on my appearance, not bothering with makeup and only wearing my hair tied back as to make my morning routine easier. I was also aware of how tired I must've looked. I was barely getting any sleep, tossing and turning all night as my mind would relive the day's events and thoughts of Cressida would haunt my dreams. I also couldn't remember the last time I had properly smiled.
"What do you want James?" I asked, not bothering to hide my annoyance.
"Please don't quit," He said desperately. I could tell that he wanted to say more but knew better than to push further. I rolled my eyes and tried to walk past him, he gently placed a hand on my arm to stop me. "Fred is putting the team sheet up this evening, it's not too late."
"It's done," I said, trying to hide my emotions.
"Hannah, this isn't fair," He let go of my arm and ran his hands through his hair, "Everything is so messed up, I don't understand how it's got this way," The corridor was empty now, everyone already heading to lunch.
"It's this way because we lied and deceived someone we cared about, end of," I said simply, desperately not wanting to have this conversation with James.
"I know, I know what we did to Al was wrong," He said walking over to me and grabbing my hands holding them between our bodies. It was the closest I had been to anyone in weeks and I allowed myself to enjoy the moment of closeness, relishing in James' touch, missing it so desperately. "But what happened to fighting for us," He said placing his forehead against mine.
"We were kidding ourselves," I whispered, closing my eyes not daring to see James' beautiful blue ones staring into my soul.
"I love you Hannah." He said breathlessly. I could hear the smile in his voice and tried to ignore how hearing those words made my heart soar; made me feel happier than I had in weeks. "Are we not allowed to be happy?" He whispered pulling me back to reality; we couldn't be happy, not anymore. I sighed and reluctantly pulled my hands from his and took a step back looking into his eyes.
"I don't love you James," I said, praying my voice wouldn't break. He looked at me for a moment before shaking his head.
"I don't believe you," He said, his eyes shining with tears. "Why are you doing this?"
"Because it's true," I said more confidently. He shook his head again and stared at me. In a second he had walked over to me taking my face in his hands and lowering his lips down onto mine. I was so taken aback for a second that instinct took over and I allowed him to kiss me, enjoying his lips caressing mine, allowing my hands to find their way into his hair. It was like an ice bucket had hit me when I realised what was happening. I used as much strength as I could muster to push him away from me, tears falling freely down my face.
"No," I said shaking my head, "No, I don't love you," I said loudly. "I never have and I never will, so leave me alone," I said glaring at him. He looked distraught, tears of his own falling down his face. I saw him look behind me and followed his gaze. Albus, Rose and Scorpius were standing looking at us in disbelief. The noise that came out of me took me by surprise let alone anyone else. I stormed over to Al, sobbing freely. He started down at me, his expression as cold as ever.
"IT'S DONE," I yelled, "They're all yours. I'm sorry that all of this happened, I'm sorry that I broke your heart, I'm sorry I fucked your brother, I'm just so fucking sorry," I cried, pushing him with every word. He just stood there and took it, looking down at me with the same coldness I was always met with nowadays. "I'm done," I whispered. I cried openly and looked at my old friend hoping he would wrap me in his arms like he used to; telling me he forgave me, telling me it would be okay. He didn't, he shrugged and walked past me breaking my heart again in the process. I looked around at Rose who was also crying and Scorpius who looked in distraught before I took one look at James. He was hunched over, silent tears coming down his face, staring at me with such a broken expression it made me want to scream.
"James," Al's voice called from down the hallway, "We should probably talk," He said looking at his brother. James' head whipped round to look at me again before he sighed and followed his brother.
"Hannah, are you okay?" Rose said sadly, wiping her tears away.
"No, but a least they will be," I replied, wiping my tears and watching the two of them walk out of sight. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, feeling somewhat calmer, knowing that they were going to be sorting it out. I glanced at my friends who looked completely speechless and offered them a sad smile before walking away.
A/N: Phew, glad that one's over. So much angst and drama, I hope you're enjoying it!
Thanks again for reading and for your continued support! I can't believe only 6 more chapters left now but still so much to come, so strap yourselves in!
See you in the next chapter,
Jadeannkneeky